It's Recess-time Somewhere

Proud Member of the Reality-Based Sandbox

March 14, 2006

Channeling Hunter S. Thompson to Help With My Basketball Picks

I'm growing weary of the "UConn's gonna take the title" chorus. Did they not see their sad performance against Syracuse in the Big East tournament? Did they write those articles before that game and then get so drunk and stoned that they couldn't change them?

I used to know a guy from Connecticut. But I'm not one of those vindictive ex-girlfriends that hates you forever, slashes your tires or tells everyone about that funny rash you get on your pecker when you get stressed out, I simply root against your basketball team until the end of time.

The acrimony I feel for UConn spreads into the whole of the Big East. They get eight teams in the tournament while the ACC and the Big 12 get a paltry four apiece? ESPN is located in Connecticut, and I think we all can see that cronyism isn't just for Republicans anymore. Those bastards take over the airwaves. Public opinion as well as coaches and sports writers opinions are influenced, and before you have time to call your Senator and ask him to support Feingold's censure motion, those cocksuckers in the Big East stole another title.

And then there's this travesty of justice. Huskies coach Calhoun, allowed Marcus Williams to come back and play in December while suspending A.J. Price for the whole season when they were both equally naughty. But Williams is one of his favorites, and Price, well, he isn't. Marcus Williams is outside the law and George Bush is outside the law. Whether it's for spying on Americans without a court order or granting special favors to one of your boys and screwing the other one, karma will eventually rear her ugly head. In the Big Dance, a War Crimes Tribunal or in Hell. They will both get their just desserts.

So anyway, Hunter clued me into the first round upsets. He said there will be no 5/12 seed upsets this year, irritating sports writers everywhere for years to come, and not to put any money on W. Virginia, Arkansas, Indiana, Oklahoma, Cal and as much as he loves his Wildcats, his money is on UAB this year.