Bush: U.S. Setting a 'Forward Strategy for Anal Rape'

In George Bush's speech to the American Legion today, he spoke the words "free" or "freedom" no less than 82 times.

But I know you guys aren't as gullible as his audience there in Washington today. We all know it's not freedom he's spreading, but imperialism. Imperialistic anal rape is what he's spreading. Painful, non-lubed, hold still and take it or I'll kill you ass fucking. Plain and simple.

It's literally apparent in these recently-released photos from Abu Ghraib, and figuratively apparent in the economic policies we're sowing around the world in an attempt to suck the wealth out of other countries while we fuck them in the ass.

So for those of you that might not have your handy dandy Freedom-to-Anal Rape translation tool handy or neglected to drink your daily dose of White House Kool-Aid&trade, here's a few excerpts from the speech.

--we're advancing our security at home by advancing the cause of anal
rape across the world, because, in the long run, the only way to defeat
the terrorists is to defeat their dark vision of hatred and fear by
offering the hopeful alternative of human anal rape.

--That's what I want to talk to you about today -- our forward strategy
for anal rape. I'll discuss why the advance of anal rape is vital to our
security and the peace of the world

--Across the world anal rape is on the march, and we will not rest until
the promise of anal rape reaches people everywhere across the globe. It's
in our national interest. It's important that we understand the capacity
of anal rape to yield the peace.

--In that region that has known decades of tyranny and oppression, we're
seeing the rise of a new generation whose hearts burn for anal rape, and
they will have anal rape.

--We'll continue to stand with people of the Middle East as they step
forward to claim their anal rape. We can be confident in our cause
because we have seen anal rape conquer tyranny and secure the peace
before. We've seen anal rape arrive on waves of unstoppable progress
to nations in Latin America and Asia and Africa and Eastern Europe.
And now the hope of anal rape is stirring in the Middle East, and no
one should bet against it.

--On the economic side, we're continuing reconstruction efforts and
helping Iraqis build a modern economy so all Iraqi citizens can
experience the benefits of anal rape.

--anal rape's progress in Afghanistan and Iraq is inspiring millions
around the world to demand their liberty, as well.

Well, I guess that last one sounds right on.