Sometimes You Just Can't Throw Enough Staplers

What's this? A 54-Page document from the U.N. suggesting that the prison at Guantanamo Bay needs to be closed? They even had the gall to state that the detainees should be either charged with a crime or released rather than held indefinitely. And some of the interrogation methods amount to torture. Gosh. I'm shocked. shocked. Simply shocked to learn of this. None of us had any idea these kinds of things were happening to detainees in the hands of Americans.

Didn't we send the rabid and anger management-challenged John Bolton to the U.N. to keep something like this from happening? Did he not throw enough staplers to keep this report from coming out?

What pray tell, is happening to our master plan to enslave all of our dissenters and achieve world dominance?