It's Recess-time Somewhere

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December 09, 2005

Subversive Toy Review - The Easy Bake Oven

This is the first in a possibly ongoing series of reviews of subversive toys. I think it's apparent to all of us that the vast left-wing conspiracy has infiltrated Toyland and is plotting to make our boy children little pantywaist homos and our girl children shameless hussies.
While mascarading as an attempt to instill tradional homemaker skills and values into the young women of America, the Easy Bake Oven is obviously and attempt to huss-i-fy little girls.

Exhibit A: Note the extra large spatula. Anyone who's seen the movie Stripes or reads Jesus General knows what spatulas are for. Surely you don't want your little girl to be indoctrinated into the S&M culture at a young age.

Exhibit B: Is it just me, or does that purple thing look suspiciously like anal beads? As soon as little Emma takes them out of the box, you'll be in the emergency room getting them removed from her colon. Not a good way to start out Christmas Day, now is it?

Exibit C: While disguised as cookie-cutters, those things on the right are obviously metal diaphragms. Designed to teach little girls about birth-control options and the evils of reproductive rights and family planning.

Exhibit D: Now, if you click on the link above and read the little ditty that Hasbro has so eloquently written to coerce you into purchasing this wicked toy, you can see that in addition to the one "heating chamber," there are other "warming compartments" for snacks and toppings. I'm just not sure little girls need all these orfice options. Shouldn't one be enough?

Exhibit E: The Easy Bake Oven requires two "AA" batteries. I don't think any of us want our little girls growing accustomed to toys that take two "AA" batteries, now do we?

4 Comments:

  • At December 09, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I'm hoping this post is sarcastic, but in case it's not, I think you might want to get laid a little more often.

     
  • At December 09, 2005, Blogger cookie christine said…

    yes this is satire, but anonymous, you just might be on to something....

     
  • At December 10, 2005, Anonymous Gordon said…

    It doesn't look a bit like the Easy-Bake oven I got for Christmas as a kid.

    I didn't know you could have that much fun with one of those. All I ever made was mud cookies.

     
  • At December 10, 2005, Blogger Neil Shakespeare said…

    Shocking!! I think you missed the very worst thing, however, Christine, and that's the word "Easy" RIGHT IN THE TITLE OF THE PRODUCT!! Oh..My...Gosh!

     

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