It's Recess-time Somewhere

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December 21, 2005

Subversive Toy Review - The UltimateTalking Casa Doll House Gift Set

This is the fourth in a possibly ongoing series of reviews of subversive toys. I think it's apparent to all of us that the vast left-wing conspiracy has infiltrated Toyland and is plotting to make our boy children little pantywaist homos and our girl children shameless hussies.

As I was trolling for sin and wickedness in Amazon's toy selection, I came across this aberration..

Exhibit A: Note the computer in the middle of the living room. All good Christians know that computers are good for two things and two things only -- watching porn and reading blogs. If little Susie is encouraged to have such a window to the real world, she will without a doubt grow up to be an adult film star or a member of the reality-based community. And you know as well as I do that both of them can give a girl a nasty case of the clap.

Exhibit B: In one of the promotional photos, you will see a tiger and an exotic mystery animal romping playfully on the bed. Not only does this suggest to your daughter that it's OK for members of different species or races to play together, but it might just awaken her interest in exotic things she can do in bed with her stuffed animals. While Paddington Bear might find this alluring, I can assure you that it will send your mother-in-law into cardiogenic shock.

Exhibit C: The little swing out by the slide is highly reminiscent of those Japanese sex chairs. I think you know all too well how this one will go. While the Hambuger Helper is simmering, you'll go to check on Susie and her friends, and everyone of them will be all splayed out in the Single Popasan doing lord only knows what.

Exhibit D: There is an add-on to this toy frighteningly referred to as the "Big Sister Nursery Addition." We know your older daughter can't keep her pants zipped long enough to put her sneakers on, but I don't think the younger one needs to be encouraged to start a family quite yet. There's plenty of time for that once she starts Middle School.


  • At December 21, 2005, Blogger Fixer said…

    I'm dying here. I love these toy reviews.

  • At December 21, 2005, Blogger Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said…

    Thank Jesus for this timely review!

    I fell for the liberal media's endorsement of all things the anti-Christian Dora represents, and purchased this very toy!

    As a freedom-loving American, I will of course now cast it into the fireplace, where the ashes of the secular "Happy Holiday" cards my so-called friends have sent we await their place in hell.

  • At December 21, 2005, Anonymous Ellen said…

    What a mind you have. You are dangerous!!

  • At December 21, 2005, Blogger Addison said…

    I have contacted Mr. Falwell, and he is pleased to offer you a position on his desk, wait, I mean staff effective immediately.

  • At December 22, 2005, Blogger Neil Shakespeare said…

    The computer is the giveaway. If you'll get out your magnifying glass you'll plainly see the "666" label where you might expect to find "HELL", excuse me, "DELL". Well, same thing I guess...


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