Subversive Toy Review - Mr. Clean 14 Piece Cleaning Playset
This is the second in a possibly ongoing series of reviews of subversive toys. I think it's apparent to all of us that the vast left-wing conspiracy has infiltrated Toyland and is plotting to make our boy children little pantywaist homos and our girl children shameless hussies.
While disguised as a wholesome toy designed to instill in our children values such as cleanliness and helpfulness, The Mr. Clean 14 Piece Cleaning Playset is obviously a premeditated attempt on the part of sympathizers of the homosexual agenda to plant those first seeds of gayness into young boys.
Exhibit A: Note the glaring "Mr" in the name of the toy. It seems they are trying to blur traditional gender roles by suggesting that men should share in the housework. And I think we all know where this leads. Today he's doing the dishes, tomorrow he's sucking on the neighbor boy's little willy behind the tool shed.
Exhibit B: Given the constant threat of terrorism and the dynamic and colorful Homeland Security Advisory System, boys today and ever aware of security checks, random pat downs and the ever present body cavity search. Seeing as how this toy includes rubber gloves, you can be sure that he'll be emulating his favorite airport security officer or Hollywood screen star and rummaging through his friend's colon, searching for Weapons of Mass Destruction.
Exhibit C: Is it just me, or does that red thing look like a purse? Before you know it, Johnny will be following in the footsteps of Tinky Winky and walking around on tip-toes with that thing over his shoulder mimicking his big sister. The next step, on this slippery slope I think we all know, is the desire to date the captain of the football team.
Exhibit D: Take a closer look at our Mr. Clean. You remember that little earring rhyme, "Right is right and Left is Wrong" that became popular in the 80's and helped us to root out homosexuality in high schools and college campuses? Well let's just say that Mr. Clean didn't get the memo on that one.
While disguised as a wholesome toy designed to instill in our children values such as cleanliness and helpfulness, The Mr. Clean 14 Piece Cleaning Playset is obviously a premeditated attempt on the part of sympathizers of the homosexual agenda to plant those first seeds of gayness into young boys.
Exhibit A: Note the glaring "Mr" in the name of the toy. It seems they are trying to blur traditional gender roles by suggesting that men should share in the housework. And I think we all know where this leads. Today he's doing the dishes, tomorrow he's sucking on the neighbor boy's little willy behind the tool shed.
Exhibit B: Given the constant threat of terrorism and the dynamic and colorful Homeland Security Advisory System, boys today and ever aware of security checks, random pat downs and the ever present body cavity search. Seeing as how this toy includes rubber gloves, you can be sure that he'll be emulating his favorite airport security officer or Hollywood screen star and rummaging through his friend's colon, searching for Weapons of Mass Destruction.
Exhibit C: Is it just me, or does that red thing look like a purse? Before you know it, Johnny will be following in the footsteps of Tinky Winky and walking around on tip-toes with that thing over his shoulder mimicking his big sister. The next step, on this slippery slope I think we all know, is the desire to date the captain of the football team.
Exhibit D: Take a closer look at our Mr. Clean. You remember that little earring rhyme, "Right is right and Left is Wrong" that became popular in the 80's and helped us to root out homosexuality in high schools and college campuses? Well let's just say that Mr. Clean didn't get the memo on that one.
posted by cookie christine @ 12/19/2005
8 Comments:
At December 19, 2005,
mikevotes said…
Not quite in the same vein, but I've got two creepy toy posts from the last year. Gonna link off my old posts because I'm too lazy to look up the sources.
There's the Playmobil Airport Security Set
And, this one really creeped me out for some reason, a computer game called Prison Tycoon.
I know these aren't exactly what you're doin', but these both unsettled me when I saw them.
Mike
At December 19, 2005,
Addison said…
I think it's supposed to be
"left is right and right is wrong." on the earring thing.
Anywho, shaved heads are in right now, even for straight guys....and gay men don't suck cock behind the shed unless there's a gloryhole cut in it.
At December 19, 2005,
Anonymous said…
i'm surprised you didn't mention the "boy-like" primary colors they used for that toy. Imagine anyone expecting a real boy to clean!
Thanks for the laugh. It's the first funny thing I've read in awhile.
At December 19, 2005,
Anonymous said…
By the way, I always got that earring thing mixed up.
At December 19, 2005,
cookie christine said…
shit addison, you mean i was dating a gay guy all through highschool?????
See, who says blogs aren't self correcting? It's just a shame high school romances aren't as well.
At December 19, 2005,
Anonymous said…
Omygod, does Dr. Dobson know about this. Probably has a little yellow sponge in the set too. Outrageous!
At December 20, 2005,
Sylvana said…
Oh! I twisted a rib laughing over this one!
I see it as the Big Industries securing a new generation of happy janitors. You know, get them used to the idea of being one while they are young. It's the same with those damn McDonalds playsets!
At August 04, 2008,
Anonymous said…
I think your nuts...playing w/ toys of any kind is not going to make you child gay. My goodness how narrow minded can you be!! My son is all boy and I would get this for him. He has girl cousins and plays w/ their "girl toys" and he still love his trucks and rough housing more. This just boggles my mind there are people like you out there!
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