It's Recess-time Somewhere

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December 20, 2005

Subversive Toy Review - Littlest Pet Shop, Little Lovin' Pet Playhouse

This is the third in a possibly ongoing series of reviews of subversive toys. I think it's apparent to all of us that the vast left-wing conspiracy has infiltrated Toyland and is plotting to make our boy children little pantywaist homos and our girl children shameless hussies.


Today, in order to assist you with your toy purchases this holiday season and help keep your little nippers free from the fires of hell, I am generously donating my time and expertise to educate you on the evil that lies within the Littlest Pet Shop, Little Lovin' Pet Playhouse.

Exhibit A: Though Hasbro was thoughtful enough to include a hamster, they have noticeably omitted a mule. Your son needs to learn about lovin' somewhere, and you certainly don't want to have to talk to him about it. Better for little Johnny to learn on his own with the family pet. And while hamsters certainly have their place in every young boy's heart, mules are much easier for beginners.

Exhibit B: I'm not sure what's up with the fish, but I know what you're thinking. Before you know it, little Johnny and his friends will be googling "fish sex" on the family computer and trying things that are simply messy as well as anatomically impossible and quite detrimental to your pet goldfish.

Exhibit C: The cute little spotted doggie appears to have a pink scarf on. And I don't think I have to tell you that the color pink leads to anal sex. Everyone knows that.

Exhibit D: Amazon's description says "Magnetic components trigger 'magical' action." Now don't take my word for it. Ask your local Baptist preacher about magic, and he will set you straight. Harry Potter is pure evil and anything even remotely related will land your precious little boy smack dab in the netherworld at the right hand of Satan, where he will be subsequently converted into a raging homo.

4 Comments:

  • At December 20, 2005, Anonymous Bitch | Lab said…

    yer slayin' me. when i get a chance, i'm sending these links to all the lists to which I subscribe.

     
  • At December 20, 2005, Blogger Mary said…

    I love this Toy series you're doing...it's hilarious...

     
  • At December 21, 2005, Anonymous mary said…

    I can see all the Baptist folk going down to the toys-for-tots drop off; pulling all these crazy homo toys and burning them at the foot of the cross.

     
  • At December 21, 2005, Blogger Neil Shakespeare said…

    Oh oh. Any kid who googles 'fish sex' will be directed straight to 'Cookie Christine'! And Harry's already a homo. I know, I know. We probably shouldn't tell the kids that. Especially the girls. Then again, if we did, they'd probably stop hating Herione so much. I mean, she can HAVE Ron! Ron?! Yeech!!!

     

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