It's Recess-time Somewhere

Proud Member of the Reality-Based Sandbox

June 01, 2006

Give Me Wild Turkey or Give Me Death

Wonkette has an interesting take on the Department of Homeland Security's seemingly bat shit crazy distribution of federal grants to fight the forces of darkness here at home, and I tend to agree with her.

Let's look on the bright side: We are relieved that DHS is clearly
so devoted to protecting the Midwest. That's where our nation's breweries
are, after all. In fact, with Kentucky and Tennessee - birthplaces of
America's best Whiskeys -— also winning a couple million more bucks,
we're beginning to think those DHS guys have their priorities lined up
pretty well with ours. We wouldn't miss a monument or two - but take
away our bourbon and cheap beer, and you'’re taking away what really
makes America so great.

Who really cares if there's another catastrophic terrorist attack if we're all drunk? In fact, if we drink enough, we won't even remember it the next day.

However, that one non-drinking friend of yours who never hesitates to remind you of just what article of clothing you took off and threw around the room or who licked off the Wild Turkey you spilled on your blouse might still be traumatized.

The moral of the story is just stay drunk, George Bush's presidency will be over in two short years and you won't remember a thing. There will be a new President and a bottle of aspirin awaiting you in 2008.