Friday Bart Blogging - July 28th, 2006 Edition

Bart ponders drafting new legislation that would grant doggies involved in the terrorism fight new protections against prosecution for past violations of the Anti-Sock Chewing Act of 2004.

Despite Her Prominent Adam's Apple, Ann Coulter Suggests Bill Clinton is Gay

When she's not reading make-up tips in Cosmo on how to cover up an adam's apple or accusing 9/11 widows of enjoying their husbands' deaths, Ann Coulter is busy yapping on teevee about ex-presidents being homosexuals.

Ms. COULTER: I think that sort of rampant promiscuity does show some
level of latent homosexuality.

DEUTSCH: OK, I think you need to say that again. That Bill Clinton, you
think on some level, has -— is a latent homosexual, is that what you'’re
saying?

Ms. COULTER: Yeah. I mean, not sort of just completely anonymous - I don'’t
know if you read the Starr report, the rest of us were glued to it, I have many passages memorized. No, there was more plot and dialogue in a porno movie.

[...]

Ms. COULTER: It's reminiscent of a bathhouse. It's just this obsession
with your own -— with your own essence.

DEUTSCH: But why is that homosexual? You could say narcissistic.

Ms. COULTER: Right.

DEUTSCH: You could say nymphomaniac.

Ms. COULTER: Well, there is something narcissistic about homosexuality.
Right? Because you're in love with someone who looks like you. I'm not
breaking new territory here, why are you looking at me like that?

Maybe he's looking at you like that because you are completely batshit insane? But that's just a guess.

Jeb! Has a Dream....

...only it's a wee bit different than the one Martin Luther King, Jr. had.

Folks, we don't have to wait until November. It appears that Jeb Bush is officially done doing any real Governor-ing. Instead he's gallivanting around Europe on a "trade mission," apologizing for his brother's saying naughty words, gleefully purchasing $71.38 of school supplies, and waxing philosophical about the good ol' days when he asked an aide to "kick their asses out," when those pesky reporters were getting on his nerves.

Now, I'm not 100% sure what a "trade mission" is or what might have been traded or whether it came in powder, pill or tab form, but it must have been something pretty strong for him to start daydreaming about Palm Beach County lobbing missiles at Deerfield Beach.

"Let's assume that Broward or Dade was a country and Palm Beach
lobbed a missile into Deerfield Beach or Hillsboro Beach. Or if we were
a small country and Canada attacked us in that way or Mexico did. Or,
worse yet, terrorist groups operating with impunity inside of another
country even though the United Nations had passed resolutions to get
them to disarm and had done nothing about it."

Jeb's just jealous of the Mid East leaders that get to deal with all the cool stuff like blood and guts and violence and war in their countries. But maybe if he gets to be the President some day he'll lead the US to being a net importer of violence rather than a net exporter. At the very least, it gives us something to aspire to.

Where There's a Will to Screw People Over, There's a Way

True to their malicious, spiteful, vindictive and evil ways, the Bush Administration has found a new crafty way to screw over average tax payers and line the pockets of the wealthy.

Since they haven't been able to ass-rape Congress into repealing the estate tax completely, they're just gonna stop enforcing it.

The federal government is moving to eliminate the jobs of nearly half
of the lawyers at the Internal Revenue Service who audit tax returns of
some of the wealthiest Americans, specifically those who are subject to
gift and estate taxes when they transfer parts of their fortunes to their
children and others.

The administration plans to cut the jobs of 157 of the agency'’s 345 estate
tax lawyers, plus 17 support personnel, in less than 70 days.

[...]

Estate tax lawyers are the most productive tax law enforcement
personnel at the I.R.S., according to Mr. Brown. For each hour they work,
they find an average of $2,200 of taxes that people owe the government.

[...]

"This is not a game the poor will win, but the rich will," said
John Hruska, another I.R.S. estate tax lawyer in New York who, like Ms.
Phillips, is active in the National Treasury Employees Union, which
represents I.R.S. workers.

Colleen M. Kelley, the national union president, said: "If these
lawyers are not there to audit the gift and estate tax returns, then a
lot of taxes that should be paid will go uncollected, and that impacts
every taxpayer who is paying their fair share."

Shouldn't the bastards that are getting rich off of our fucked-up policies and lack of oversight at the very least pay their taxes? They're like bizzaro Robin Hood - robbing from the poor and giving to the rich. I know it's overused phrase, but if you aren't outraged, you aren't paying attention.