When I grow up, I want to be a methodology consultant

One thing that really tickles me about being in IT, is the acronyms and buzzwords. People throw them around when they want to sound impressive and patronizing and overlord-ish.

When consultants use a new buzzword, they are trying to get us programmers to question our worth and knowledge. Well if I don't know what PLC stands for, then I really need this guy to tell me what to do.

I went to a meeting this morning on our new methodology, given by two long-winded consultants, and here's what I learned:

ORT stands for Operational Readiness Testing, whatever the hell that is.

LOE stands for Level of Effort, or the answer to "How hard would it be...."

The second stage in a software project is called Ideation.

Evidently the term 'spare time' doesn't poll well. Can you finish this up in your spare time? So the consultant-approved term is now 'spare cycle,' which of course leads me to thoughts of the occasional unruly menstrual cycle.

LOBs are not a datatype, like Oracle tells you, but 'Lines of Business,' which I believe means a person that wants you to add something to their software.

a RICA matrix shows you who has Responsibility, who needs to be Informed, who needs to be Consulted, and who is Accountable for the various stages of a project.

And my personal favorite is that Quality Assurance people are the "hammer wielding entities in Whack-a-Mole". Which, as pointed out by another programmer afterwards, makes us the moles.

I feel so much smarter now, and I'm sure I will do my job so much more efficiently now that I know this stuff.