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June 28, 2005

The Last Throes of Dick Cheney's Heart

Is Vice President Dick Cheney's heart in it's "last throes?"

And by last throes, I mean of course, "a violent period, the throes of a revolution." But then if you ask Donald Rumsfeld, Cheney's heart could beat for twelve years or more.

But a well-connected Lowdown spy told me that Cheney - whose knees
were hurting from climbing stairs - received an EKG after medical
personnel noted that his breathing was labored.

"That's pretty common at this high altitude," said the spy, a Vail
resident, noting that the EKG was normal. "We're at 8,500 feet, and the
air is pretty thin, which is hard if you're not used to it."

The spy told me hospital records indicated that the veep, surrounded
by heavy security, was logged in as "Dr. Hoffman" (the name of his
physician in Washington) and stayed for 2 hours and 41 minutes.

I know, you're thinking "Huh??? What?? Dick Cheney doesn't have a heart." But rumor has it that he went in for a 'prophylactic EKG' in Vail, Colorado.

So, I looked up prophylactic in the dictionary because I always thought it was just a grown-up snooty word for a rubber, but I found it means 'preventative.' Are they trying to prevent Dick Cheney from having a heart?

If that's true, I don't think they have anything to worry about.