It's Recess-time Somewhere

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July 27, 2005

How Iraq is Like Coitus Interruptus

All this talk about pulling out of Iraq has made me consider how the whole Iraq debacle is kind of like the coitus interruptus.

The most obvious, being effectiveness. Coitus interruptus has one of the highest failure rates of all birth control methods. Starting an un-provoked war in Iraq is really ineffectual and useless way to fight Al-Qaeda and WMDs. We all know that Iraq has no ties to Al-Qaeda and no WMDs, and the ineffectiveness of this war is being proven every day.

Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld and Preznit Bush have both declined to say exactly when the pullout will begin and more importantly, when it will be completed. Similarly, I think most of us ladies have heard "it's ok baby, I'll pull out." But we never know for sure when, and if it's going to be fully pulled out in time.

And lastly, if the withdrawl method is done improperly and at the wrong time of the month, well, you're screwed. You are pregnant. And dealing with that is so not what you signed up for. It's gonna cost you a lot of money and probably a lot of emotional trauma too, regardless of how you decide to deal with the situation. Of course the man, who was guilty of the dishonorable discharge can skate if he so desires. You are the one left holding the bag. Or the baby.

Likewise, if we mess up this Iraq thing, which is pretty darned likely, the American taxpayers are screwed. We're gonna be sinking billions into this mess for years to come. No abortions allowed here, we're stuck with this baby for at least eighteen years. Of course the rich lying bureaucrats that got us into this have also given themselves boatloads of tax cuts, so they won't be the ones paying for it. Nope-si-dopesi. It's me and you and our future generations that are gonna have to foot this bill.

So, next time your lover suggests you use the withdrawal method, just think of Iraq, George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld. Thinking of them will kill the mood lickety-split. And that's just about the most effective method of birth control available today.


  • At July 27, 2005, Blogger Peter said…

    Just a great article.

  • At July 27, 2005, Blogger sideshow bob said…

    Won't it be Iraq that's left holding the baby?
    I can just hear Bush, after being asked if he has "fathered" any international fiascoes: "None.....that I know of."
    Followed by a laugh disturbingly reminiscent of Roscoe Pecotrane (or is it Roscoe P. Coltraine?)

  • At July 27, 2005, Blogger cookie christine said…

    yes, like when you ask a frat boy if he has any children, and he and his buddies snicker as he says "none that I know of."

    Irresponsible men are just so adorable.


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