It's Recess-time Somewhere

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July 18, 2005

When People Follow You Home

In the wee hours of Sunday morning, I rolled up into the driveway, after one of my all-night benders. A car, who had been following me for at least three miles, pulled in the driveway behind me.

It was still dark out, so I was a little concerned. I didn't recognize the car, and no one got out of the car. I rolled up the windows and locked myself and my dog in the car (Bart likes to go out drinking with me).

Still no one got out of the car. I picked up my cell phone and called my next door neighbor. We'll call him Jeff Spicoli for the purpose of this story. Spicoli comes out of his house immediately, and walks over to the driver's side door. He looks a little confused. Then I get out of the car, and walk over there too.

It's a woman. I nice looking 20-something woman. Spicoli starts yelling at her for following someone home and pulling in their driveway. Mind you, he's very likely still half asleep. He asked her where she lived and she said "a few blocks away around the corner." I asked her if she was alone, and she didn't respond, but I didn't see anyone else in the car. This girl was obviously confused or drunk, or something. She didn't say much. Spicoli continues to yell at her in true Spicoli fashion. "Dude, what are you doin'? You don't follow people home, dude."

This girl was weird as all hell, but didn't seem to pose any kind of threat. I told Spicoli to chill out, stop yelling at her, and that it seemed as if everything was OK.

I thanked him for helping me out, then I went inside my house, Spicoli went back to his house, and the girl drove away.

Later, I started thinking. Who the heck am I to call my neighbor and ask him to risk his life to help me? There could have been an armed murder-rapist in the car, for all I know. But being the delicate flower of a female, it just seems appropriate to ask for those kinds of things from men.

Spicoli has had a pretty hard life. He was stabbed and almost died a few years ago. His brother was shot and killed by his business partner about a year ago. How would his mother feel if she lost a second son? Am I so arrogant to think that my life is somehow more worthy than his?

From the beginning of time though, women have depended on the protection of men. As far as physical strength goes, men pretty much dominate. And then there's the fact that we have one egg a month, and men have bizzillions of sperm, that evolutionarily gives an argument as to why women should be protected by men. But still, did I do the right thing?

And then, should I have had more compassion for the girl in the car? She was obviously confused or drunk or something. Normally, folks don't follow people home and sit in their driveways. Should I have offered to help her? What if she was having an insulin reaction? But then what kind of diabetic is out driving around at 5:30am following people home?

Again, did I do the right thing? Did I behave like a selfish self-centered
arrogant bitch? Am I going to hell?


  • At July 18, 2005, Blogger dosali said…

    You're going to hell with the rest of us when we have to start paying back this insane national debt but not because you're a bad, thoughtless, self-centered person. You're not. What else could you have done? Call the cops next time.

  • At July 18, 2005, Anonymous ricky said…

    Cookie, you're not a bad person--but you are thoughtless.

    You're problem is: you're reactive instead of proactive.

    You're thinking prevention instead of pre-emption.

    Has the War On Terra taught you nuthin'?

    When someone follows you home, possibly intending to abduct you and keep you as a sex slave, and you have the opportunity to call for assistance so that you have now surprised and confused your stalker--what you don't want to do is confront that person.

    What you do want to do is: quickly use surprise and superior numbers to your advantage by capturing them and keeping them as a sex slave.

    It's good advice. It's keeps you safe and happy, and your home chocked full of sex slaves.

    Sure, sure--sometimes it goes awry, with the occassional misunderstanding and resultant hilarity ensuing.

    But, then, the world's full of postal workers, and census takers, and helpful motorist who just want to let you know you've got a flat tire.

    The world will get over it.

  • At July 18, 2005, Anonymous ricky said…

    Also, I'm just kidding.

    Don't send the FBI around again. Thanks.

  • At July 18, 2005, Blogger cookie christine said…

    You are so right, Ricky!

    Next time someone follows me home, I'm calling you for advice. And since my home doesn't contain any sex slaves currently, I need all the help I can get.

  • At July 19, 2005, Anonymous Matt said…

    Of course you didn't do the wrong thing, cookie -- you were scared, and you reacted in a sensible way.

    The only thing I would have urged you to do differently would be not to drive home, but to a police station if there was one close by.

    Granted, your own state of inebriation might have prevented you from wanting to do that, but that might have been the most effective way to throw this person off of your tail.


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