Our Moving/Falling Object-in-Chief

Remember last July when George Bush fell off his bicycle and ran into a police officer in Scotland during the G8 Summit? It was summertime, the sky was blue, the birds were chirping, the flowers were blooming and Michael Brown was still in charge of FEMA. Ah yes, those were good times!

Well, the police report for this unfortunate incident has just recently emerged. What took so long, you might ask? In this Brave New World, we are lucky to get any non-tampered-with news, so you just simmer down, read the rest of this post and save your questions until the end. And bear in mind that there are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

He may be the most powerful man in the world, but proof has emerged
that President George Bush cannot ride a bike, wave and speak at the
same time.

[...]

"[At] about 1800 hours the President approached the junction at speed
on the bicycle. The road was damp at the time. As the President passed
the junction at speed he raised his left arm from the handlebars to wave
to the police officers present while shouting 'thanks, you guys, for
coming'.

"As he did this he lost control of the cycle, falling to the ground,
causing both himself and his bicycle to strike [the officer] on the lower
legs. [The officer] fell to the ground, striking his head.

[...]

At hospital, a doctor examined the constable and diagnosed damage to
his ankle ligaments and issued him with crutches. The cause was officially
recorded as: "Hit by moving/falling object."

Yes, that's our President being referred to as a "moving/falling object."

I'm not sure I've ever been more proud to be an American.

Earlier this month, we had the Vice President mistaking his friend for a bird and shooting him in the face, and then we find out this week that our President caused a constable in Scotland to miss 14 weeks of work due to running him over with his bicycle at ramming speed.

The question of whether the President and Vice President were drunk, stupid or clumsy during the time of these incidents remains unanswered. But then so does the question of whether they both were drunk or stupid or clumsy during the follow-up to the war in Iraq, that has caused over 30,000 deaths, countless injuries, cost U.S. taxpayers over 200 billion dollars, and spiraled Iraq to the brink of civil war.