Ronda Storms - Now Fucking With Families All Over the State of Florida

Ronda Storms, who wasn't just batshit crazy enough for Hillsborough County went and got herself elected to the Florida Senate last November. There, she continues the trend of batshit craziness.

Proposed legislation from Tampa's Sen. Ronda Storms would require
health care workers and abortion clinics to take DNA samples from
children younger than 16 who get pregnant.

[...]

If the bill passes, abortion clinics or doctors who don't comply with the law could face a two-year license suspension. So far Storms has no
co-sponsors. The bill has not been referred to a committee.

So let's say your daughter gets pregnant. You don't want to press charges against her irresponsible horny boyfriend and neither does she. You all just want to do whatever is best given the situation and move on in your lives. But no, there's no moving on! The Great State of Florida wants DNA samples.

Let say your daughter wants to have the child and the boyfriend wants to try to be a good daddy... but he can't because he's in jail. Let's say your daughter wants an abortion and just wants to put the whole thing behind her.... but she can't because she's wrapped up in a lawsuit she never wanted.

For someone who yaps (albeit sometimes incoherently) about being all family-friendly and whatnot, this putrid nonsense really has the potential to fuck with families when they are dealing with a serious crisis.

I think it might be time to for that lesbian motorcycle gang to ride up to Tallahassee and knock some sense into that woman.

I triple dog dare any of Florida's lawmakers to co-sponsor this rancid excuse for effective legislation.

Speaking of Ugly Cracks.....

In trying to get a visual on just how ugly it really was, I came across this - best viewed at home (it's not at all work-safe) with a friend, family member or perhaps a stoner neighbor who does cartoon voice impressions.

Hat tip to Michelle Malkin is an Idiot for the nice CNN screen capture. Hopefully she'll be reporting soon on where the media was, and if they still smell funny.

John Kerry Gets His Kink On

"I've had enough of 'nonbinding,' " said Sen. John F. Kerry (D-Mass.),
who is helping to draft the new Democratic proposal.

Bring out the ball-gags and the fur-lined handcuffs. John Kerry is done with
this nonbinding vanilla nonsense and the Senate Floor might just get a lot more interesting!

Senate Democratic leaders intend to unveil a plan next week to repeal
the 2002 resolution authorizing the war in Iraq in favor of narrower
authority that restricts the military's role and begins withdrawals of
combat troops.

[...]

In both chambers, Democratic lawmakers are eager to take up
binding legislation that would impose clear limits on U.S. involvement
in Iraq after nearly four years of war. But Democrats remain divided
over how to proceed.

I'm not saying Pelosi and the fine folks in the House are ho-hum or frigid, but their non-binding resolutions just don't cut the muster and quite frankly bore me. Enough of that kinder, gentler stuff. Nay, the American people, want something hard-core and binding. So bring out the shackles, the restraints and the blindfolds and lets see where this plan goes.

I only hope we can watch all the uncensored action on C-SPAN and Dick Cheney is absent that day.

Are Beans Good For Cheney's Heart?

... does the more he eat, the more he fart?

As much as I'd delight in seeing the whole lot of scoundrels involved in the Plame leak go down in a fiery crash of presidential pardons, I am of not of the school of counting my boogers before you sneeze. I am however, an apprentice in the school of making sophomoric pokes at the Vice President.
"There is a cloud over the vice president . . . And that cloud remains
because this defendant obstructed justice," Fitzgerald said.

"There is a cloud over the White House. Don't you think the FBI and the
grand jury and the American people are entitled to straight answers?"
Fitzgerald asked the jury.

Dan Froomkin may think Fitzgerald is alluding to going after Cheney or some of the other maggots in the Bush Administration, but it seems readily apparent to me that they were simply serving beans at the White House yesterday.

The Path to Freedom is Paved with Mixed Metaphors

Not unlike George Washington's heroic crossing of the Delaware and defeating the British in the bitter cold, George W. Bush ambled down the Potomac bundled up in his toasty black wool trench coat to pay homage to our first President by courageously laying some wreath thingy at his grave, and gallantly making some bold analogies.

Mr. Bush drew an analogy between the Revolution and what he called
“a new war to defend our liberty and our people and our way of life,”
wording that left unclear whether he meant the combat in Iraq or the
broader fight against terror.

“With the advantage of hindsight, it is easy to take George
Washington’s successes for granted,” Mr. Bush said after enumerating
Washington’s achievements as commander of the Continental Army and
later as president. But “America’s path to freedom was long and it was
hard,” he continued, “and the outcome was never really certain.”

As an honest American citizen paying taxes in 2007, I too sometimes get war confused with drunken anal sex. But you'd think that the President, our Commander in Chief, the Decider who sits on the front lines of his warm and comfortable oval office each day cogitating on his stellar approval ratings and how well things are going in Iraq might remember the difference.

With both the war in Iraq and drunken anal sex, you never really know for certain how long it's gonna last but you can feel in the pit of your bowels that it is most definitely long and hard.

Condi's First Three-Way

She thought it would be great fun. She thought she'd have another amusing anecdote to share at frat parties, baby showers and family reunions. But to all of our dismay, Condi, Ehud and Mahmoud had those first-time threesome jitters.


For the first time in her tenure, Rice sat down with Israeli Prime
Minister Ehud Olmert and Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud
Abbas. The three agreed only to keep talking.

Was it the jetlag? Was she gassy from the airplane food? Was she self-conscious about the three-day growth since her last bikini wax? Might a glass of wine have loosened her up a bit?

We can speculate and speculate until the donkeys come home to roost with the farm cats, but the sheepish threesome refused to even hold a joint press conference afterwards. We may never know what really went on during those two short furtive hours.

The one glimmer of hope that remains is the possibility of a future "meeting."

Israeli sources reported that Israel is now planning a bigger summit
that would include the U.S, Israel, Palestine, Egypt and Jordan.

I only pray that next time the TSA turns a blind eye to the decidedly more than three ounces of K-Y in her carry-on.

Friday Bart Blogging - Feb 9th, 2007 Edition

Now that Bart knows the Pentegon's intelligence leading up to the Iraq War was simply "wrong," "distorted," "inappropriate" and "highly disturbing," and not illegal, he can go back to nibbling peacefully on his bone instead of orchestrating impeachment hearings.

Bush Provides Aid and Comfort to Known Wife Beater

George Bush stops in Tampa, chats with the Bucs and wonders how hard he could beat his wife if he had biceps the size of Michael Pittman's.