The Barlow Girls on Masturbation

I know all y'alls are wondering what the Barlow Girls (girls committed to purity of heart, mind, and body) have to say about masturbation.

Some confused little girl named cookie, posted this question:

I'm in highschool and I'm still a virgin, even though some of my friends are not. I try not to think about sex very much, but it's really hard, with all the stuff that's on TV and they stuff my friends talk about.

I really want to save myself for the man that I marry. Do you think masturbation will detract from the physical relationship that I will have with my future husband? I've been having some 'urges' lately, but I definitely don't want to have sex with a boy until I'm married. Do you think it's OK? What does the bible say about this?

Thanks so much for responding to this. I really don't have anyone else to talk to about this stuff.

So here's their answers.

UPDATE: Some of you are having trouble accessing this site, so I'll post responses here.

UPDATE:
Alright kiddies, I think I'm done with this one. I think we've all learned a tremendous amount. Sorry you perverts, no more posting replies.

To make this easier for you all, I've bolded the good parts.

#1 response
I have not yet seen any passages in the bible that talk about masturbation, so I don´t know that it is considered "wrong". I guess masturbation is better than going and sleeping around with whoever to satisfy your urges. no STDs spread, nobody gets pregnant, etc. I´m not a big fan of masturbation myself, as I don´t see any need for it, but, I think that masturbation is one of the things that everyone has to do as they are convicted, as there is no real prohibition or anything.

UPDATE #2: Wow, I got a lot of responses!

#2 response
hey cookie... this is a very important and yet touchy subject!
thanks for having the courage to bring it up.

I am 15 and have been raised in the purity lifestyle. My issues with
masturbation started when I was about 8 or 9 years old. I had NO IDEA
what I was doing really - I just knew that what I was doing probably
wasn't a "good" thing because I was so scared someone would catch me
doing it. All I knew was that for those few fleeting moments I felt safe
and secure. As I got older I suddently realized what I was doing and I felt
SO ashamed! I felt like I had made the BIGGEST MISTAKE ever!

I'm not sure if the Bible has any scriptures talking directly about
masturbation but I don't think that's the point. The Bible doesn't have
any scriputures about crack or pot either, you know? Personally I believe
that if you are masturbating then yes it is a sin because Jesus says that
if you lust after someone then it's like you've already committed adultery
with them. Masturbation usually starts out of lust (mine didn't start out of
it but it turned into that). Maybe you aren't thinking about someone but that doesn't mean it's not lust. As for taking away from your future husband...
how would you feel to find out that his way of staying physically pure from
another woman was to pleasure himself? So, to keep himself physically pure he sacrificed his mental puriness... do you get what I'm saying?

I feel horrible for the things I did, and I know that it is something I might
have to admit to my future husband. I STILL struggle with it. If you haven't
done it yet then I would encourage you DON'T DO IT!! Once you start it's
VERY, VERY hard to stop. I have no issues with guys but now I have to
deal with myself... and that's much harder to do I think. You can run from
guys and keep yourself away from them. It's kinda hard to hide from yourself.

I will be praying for you cookie that God will reveal to you the right choice.

#3 response
wow!!! i was just going to start this thread. i was thinking a lot
about it lately, but i had read somewhere that it keeps the vagina area in
better shape or something. anyway...then completely by accident my
grandmother sent me "every woman's battle" instead of "every young
woman's battle" and it has a chapter on masturbation. i truly believe God
wanted me to see it.

the way the author says it is that it trains your body to react a certain way
to the way you masturbate yourself. therefore, you receive orgasms from
the way you touch yourself. well, your future-husband isnt going to have
the same touch and its going to be harder for him.

sorry if that got too graphic, but i dont wanna take anything away from my
future husband or the intimacy that we're someday gonna share.

ive never done it, though ive been tempted, just because it felt "dirty" and
the way i see it, anything im not comfortable withs gotta be wrong!

#4 response
First of all id like to say that I think everyone deals with this
kind of thing in one way or another...

Getting sexual urges is completely normal because God created us to be
sexual beings. God created sex to be a beautiful thing and he created us
with the drive that we have. But lust is the thing in our lives that
threatens and destroys the beauty of our sexuality. I don't believe that
you can masturbate without lusting because you are using it to fullfill
what you cannot have. And though your're not loosing your virginity, purity
is so much more than that. Masturbation threatens our mental and spiritual
purity even though it may save our physical purity. God wants not even a
trace of sexual impurity or lust in our lives. Obviously that is impossible
and that is why we have to stop relying on our own strength. Jesus died so
that we don't have to accept the lies of the devil. I do deal with lust and masturbation but i am choosing to fight it because I know that God has
more planned for me than that. By Gods strength, I am learning to
embrace my sexuality and resist the lust that threatens to stain it.

Here are a couple quotes from Joshua Harris' book about lust called "Not
Even a Hint". Im reading it right now and I really recommend it.

"We need to keep remining ourselves that our goal is to rescue our
sexuality from lust so we can experience it the way God intended."

"If you ever expect to find victory over lust, you must believe with your
whole heart that God is against your lust not because he is opposed to
pleasure, but because he is so commited to it."

#5 response
I would like to add that Joshua Harris' book was a great encouragement to me too! I highly recommend it to anyone but esp. if you are dealing with masturbation.

#6 response
I hadn´t thought really much about masturbation, as it is something that people don´t talk about much, and as meara said, there is no Bible verse that specifically talks about it. But, everything you just said sunshine, is pretty true. physically you may or may not be "impure", but mentally one probably is going somewhere they shouldn´t. I personally don´t think it is a sin or a perversion to have certain desires. it is just the way we work. but, yeah, usually if someone is masturbating, they´re not taking what thoughts they have and keeping them under control.

#7 response
call me dumb...but I'm not really sure what it is...

#8 response
you don't know what masterbation is??

#9 response
It's sexually exciting onesself to climax...

I've dealt with that, too. I started at a young age, before I even
realized what it was until I put two and two together and got... I
still face temptations and I'm not perfect. I don't struggle with it
nearly as much as I used to and every single time I'm struggling the
worst God puts something out there to let me know he understands.
It's really amazing....

#10 response
Please don't feel bad. For a long time, I had no clue. When I did
find out in health class, I thought it was something only guys did. I
actually didn't know that its an issue for women too.

Everyone is tempted in different ways. For me its basically my
thoughts. I want to wake up in the morning next to a guy. But the
problem is, God has set that off limits for me and has put me in a
season of waiting.

Someitmes durring this season, I have found out through reading every
young womans battle, that if a girl longs to be touched, she might do
that to herself. I am not really a physical person and didn't practice
that particual thing. But I goofed up big time in my thoughts which
really, there's not much diffence in imagining a guy touching you or
you actually touching yourself. I love to be creative in my thoughts,
so I think that is one area the Holy Spirit is constantly watching me in.

Like a lot of times I'll think: That guy is soo cool, and he would be so
awesome to hold and kiss and....
Then the Holy Spirit comes in and I get a feeling like Wow, slow down
there girl, He is your brother, don't do think these things about him,
his future wife, you, your future husband. THis is a whole lot bigger
than you, Rebecca. You need to take this thought and stop it and
dismiss it, and fill up on God. I praise God for His Holy Spirit
that leads us into all truth. If you struggle with the thought life, or
the phisical life, or maybe both, Please do not bury it. Ask a sister in
Christ, I mean a girl who is maybe a little older to hold you accountable.
Maybe meet with her a lot until this struggle passes. We all will need to
do this for some area at some point. It is better to conquer it now that
to let it grow and become a monster to handle. An added benefit is
that when you get help and healing for this, you learn more about how God
meets every need. Infact He placed this desire in you for a good purpose.
Its just that in our humaness, we run way far ahead of His timing, and
pupose in marriage (if it be his will that I marry).

Also you learn surrender, which, though uncomfortable, it serves you well
as one of my church leaders said. Surrender to God is like a blessing in
disguise. You will find that He is able to meet you with what you need
right where you are.
I still need a lot of prayer for my thought life. I am most vulnerable
durring idle time when my mind, if not engaged, tends to wander,
sometimes to places it shouldn't. Pray that I can sort of avoid idle time
as best I can, and I am faced, that I will recognize it as a temptaion
from the enemy and "bounce' my thoughts to God and run to His arms for
comfort and healing.

#11 response
I was just thinking about my last post. I don't want anyone to think
that I have somehow figured out how to avoid sexual sin. Or that
Temptation isn't near me. It is.
Like some people above have mentioned, most children discover at some
point what intersts them sexually. They just don't know its sexual.
(something I read in Christian books about sexuality and development)
I knew when I was a kid that people in love will often touch each other,
and that I would want to do that someday, but I didn't know this was
"sexual". But even as a little kid, I actually imagained myself doing
these things, which led to sin in the heart. So we are all born with sin,
and we will all stumble at some point sexually. Its good that we can
recognize now in our teenagehood and early twenties what are stumbling
blocks and how we can run to Christ for cover and restoration.

#12 response
Well said Michigan. It is all so true. What we deal with is very
personal for each of us but the important thing to remember is that God
is the God of it all and his arms are always open for us.

Yes, but does he come with batteries????