It's Recess-time Somewhere

Proud Member of the Reality-Based Sandbox

August 04, 2005

GOP 12 Step Summer Program

Since it's recess-time in Washington this month, the Gee Oh Pee has come up with a list of things the House Republicans should do while on recess.

GOP leaders this week sent House Republicans home for the summer with
some political tips, helpfully laid out in 12 "Ideas for August Recess

This article really doesn't list all twelve things, so I'm here to help.

1. Nurture your inner deficit spender. Charge up those credit cards!
Congress has exceeded the allocations or assumptions in its budget
resolution four times -- and the year's legislative work is far from
complete. According to the nonpartisan Committee for a Responsible
Federal Budget, those budget violations have raised spending through
2010 by roughly $2.2 billion above Congress's limits and tacked $115
billion onto the federal budget deficit through the end of decade,
including $33 billion in 2006 alone.

2. Embrace the pork
...Republican lawmakers are now determined to claim full credit for the congressional spending. Far from shying away from their accomplishments,
lawmakers are embracing the pork...

3. Play pretend
"If you look at fiscal conservatism these days, it's in a sorry state,"
said Rep. Jeff Flake (R-Ariz.), one of only eight House members to vote
against the $286.5 billion transportation bill that was passed the day
before the recess. "Republicans don't even pretend anymore."

4. Round down when paying your mortgage this month
That $33 billion may be tantamount to a rounding error in a $2.6
trillion budget, but it is 10 percent of the $333 billion budget deficit
the White House has forecast for the fiscal year that ends Sept. 30.

5. Do as you want, not as you say
"There's a rising level of frustration with the disconnect between where the vast majority of conservatives are in this country and how Congress is behaving," said former representative Pat Toomey (R-Pa.)...

6. Call your congressman at 4am. Tell him/her how stupid it is to spend money that you don't have
...Pat Toomey (R-Pa.),whose Club for Growth political action committee finances the campaigns of conservative candidates. "There's going to be a wake-up call sooner or later."

7. Skirt your constraints. Then see how your spouse reacts.
For now, Congress and the White House are locked in a pattern of skirting
their own constraints...

8. Tell you kids you're going to raise their allowances, then take it back
The bill actually authorizes expenditures of $295 billion but assumes
that, on the last day of the bill's life, Congress will rescind $8.5
billion in unused funds.

9. Purchase a pretty tranparent gimmick. (Not one of those boring pink ones they sell at Vicky's House of Vulvular Vibrations)
"Nobody believes that's going to happen," Flake said. "It's frankly a
pretty transparent gimmick."

10. Start a chapter of 'The Church of Dennis Hastert' in your community
Even before the bill was signed, Kane County, Ill., leaders showed their faith in Speaker Hastert last week...

11. Spread harmful propoganda and rumors
This week, House GOP leaders sent their legislators 52 pages of
talking points

12. Unpocket your pocketbook
"With Congress unable to keep its pocketbook pocketed, it would be
nice if President Bush could be counted upon to cast his first vetoes on
bills so richly deserving of them," the editors of the conservative National
Review wrote yesterday.

With all these exciting things to do this month, we'll be so busy that we won't even notice that Congress isn't in session and that the Preznit is padding around his ranch in his bunny slippers all day long.

Be careful not to get stuck on that 'embrace the pork' step. Work through all twelve steps for a super fun August!