It's Recess-time Somewhere

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September 23, 2005

Our Alcoholic President

Far be it from me to spread unconfirmed rumors, but then they wouldn't be rumors if they weren't unconfirmed, now would they?

The National Enquirer is reporting that Chimpy has fallen off the wagon and is drinkin' again.

Family sources have told how the 59-year-old president was caught by
First Lady Laura downing a shot of booze at their family ranch in Crawford,
Texas, when he learned of the hurricane disaster.

His worried wife yelled at him: "Stop, George."

Following the shocking incident, disclosed here for the first time, Laura
privately warned her husband against "falling off the wagon" and vowed to
travel with him more often so that she can keep an eye on Dubya, the
sources add.

"When the levees broke in New Orleans, it apparently made him reach for
a shot," said one insider. "He poured himself a Texas-sized shot of
straight whiskey and tossed it back. The First Lady was shocked and
shouted: "Stop George!"


That Laura is such a stick-in-the-mud. If she'd just drink with him, then he could pretend that everything was OK. In fact, if the whole country would just drink more, we could all just pretend everything was hunky dory. (Cue What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong.)

Steve Gillard is pretty sure this is an accurate story.

...the National Enquirer has beaten more libel suits than most
major newspapers. Their stuff is vetted by libel lawyers before it hits
the stands. In fact, their accuracy is no worse than their MSM peers.
Up until the 1970's, they ran alien stories, but then switched to
celebrity coverage.

Why do I trust the NE? They pay their sources. So someone close to the WH
got a big fat check for this, over $10K. And if they deny this or lie, the
NE has a file on them. When dealing with gossip, this is quite effective.
Now they may wind up paying the wrong people, but this is what they were
told. Come on, if you ran the NE, would you risk a libel suit with your
reputation?


And if Steve believes it, then by golly, so do I. It's so much easier to just latch on to someone else's opinion than to formulate your own. Especially after doing a bunch of Jim Beam shooters.

7 Comments:

  • At September 23, 2005, Blogger sideshow bob said…

    See? SEE?!? I told you so!!!

     
  • At September 23, 2005, Blogger cookie christine said…

    wow. you are quite the oracle.

     
  • At September 23, 2005, Anonymous Ellen said…

    The other day you said I was naive or something like that.
    Now Cookie, this is the PRESEEDANT OF THEE UNAHTAD STATES! If you can't believe him, who can you believe. Really!

     
  • At September 23, 2005, Blogger cookie christine said…

    oh Ellen, I never said you were naive. Afterall, you're the one that turned me on to penisland.com. You are much more worldly and learned than I.

     
  • At September 24, 2005, Anonymous ellen said…

    I know you'll like this one!http://www.rossetta.com/970223b.htm

     
  • At September 25, 2005, Blogger cookie christine said…

    wow, ellen, you're the best! penisland, spankings from sister rosetta. You are just a wealth of information.

     
  • At September 26, 2005, Blogger Alicia said…

    I myself have been, and continue to be, an avid National Enquirer reader, along with the Globe, the Star, and of course my favorite, the Weekly World News.I consider it my Florida heritage. They are much more factual than the MSM any day. And wasn't it the Enquirer who broke the O.J. story about the Bruno Maglis? Real evildoers know this, which is why they anthraxed their headquarters, not the New York Times.

     

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