It's Recess-time Somewhere

Proud Member of the Reality-Based Sandbox

March 20, 2006

Fear and Loathing in Longboat Key - On the Campaign Trail with Katherine Harris

If I didn't have a mortgage and a dog, I think I'd follow Katherine Harris around the campaign trail. Just like the Deadheads or the Phishheads, I'd go to all her speeches and fundraisers and see her work her adoring fans into a frenzy. I'd sell LSD to support my new hobby and sample it myself to make her tired old speeches more interesting. How often can you listen to things like "I'm staying. I'm in this race. I'm going to win," without getting bored. Now if you hear "I'm staying. I'm in this race. I'm going to win," while an angry-looking Ivana Trump with horns bursts forth from her forehead, you might keep coming back for more.

On Sunday she told a bunch of evangelicals that God wants her in public service, and I'm sorry I wasn't there to see it. But don't you think she might be misreading God's signals? I'm just sure that He doesn't want her to run for Senate, He wants her to pick up garbage and recycling or maybe cut the grass in public parks. Really, what kind of God would want Katherine Harris in the U.S. Senate? Maybe the vengeful one of the Old Testament. Were we naughty? Might this be punishment for our evil ways?

And then she went on to tell the crowd that she draws inspiration from the book A Christian Manifesto, that calls for "Christian activists to demand "biblical morality" in government affairs." As you can plainly see, she is hallucinating. She must be getting some of the best LSD this side of San Francisco to wholly disregard the First Amendment like that. And the folks in the audience must be pretty well dosed up too, cuz they gave her a standing ovation.

So let's go get us a VW Microbus, equip it with shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and head towards her next stop! Who's in?