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March 14, 2006

Katherine Harris's - Florida's Woman of Mystery

I don't know about you guys, but I'm on the edge of my seat for this one. I'm all atwitter wondering what Katherine Harris's "Major Announcement" this week is going to be.

The Tampa Tribune says she might be leaving her congressional seat, or maybe donating a whole buncha money to her campaign. As those two things don't sound that "major" and even a little boring, and given that methinks the Tampa Tribune always falls painfully short on idle speculation, I have some other theories.

1. She's swearing off suntan panty hose forever in favor if fishnets.
2. She's going to admit to the public that her boobs really are fake.
3. She's changing her shade of eye shadow.
4. She's pregnant with Mitchell Wade's love child, and she's using the $32,000 in illegal campaign contributions to help raise the little nipper.
5. She's going to start wearing those new-fangled pointy shoes.
6. She made cake in celebration of clearing up her nasty case of chlamydia.
7. She's going to apologize for her role in helping Bush steal the election and throw herself on the mercy of the reality-based community for public flogging and humiliation.

Please let me know if you guys have any other theories.