Dirty Lizard Sex

In an attempt to make up for the lack of Bart Blogging this week, I give you this pic of dirty lizard sex.


Ah!..... springtime in Florida.... Here's to playing hooky on a beautiful Friday, being good and liquored up by noon and being coerced into taking cell phone snapshots of dirty lizard sex.

Who Knew Jesus Was So Hip to Local Politics?

Jesus has spoken and Jesus sez Charlie Crist is gonna be Florida's next governor.

A reverend who introduced Republican gubernatorial candidate Charlie
Crist during a breakfast with other pastors Monday said the Lord came to
him in a dream two years ago and told him Crist would be the state's next
governor.

The Rev. O'Neal Dozier, pastor of the Worldwide Christian Center
in Pompano Beach, said that before the dream he did not know Crist,
nor had Crist made known his plans to run for governor.

"The Lord Jesus spoke to me and he said 'There's something I want
you to know,"' Dozier said. "'Charlie Crist will be the next Governor
of the state of Florida."'

Since then, Dozier has spent time with Crist and talked with him at
length about policy. He told the group that Crist would be
uncompromising in his Christian faith.

"I introduce to you, as the Lord Jesus has said, the next governor of
the state of Florida, Charlie Crist," Dozier said.

How some of these "religious" organizations retain their tax exempt status is unequivocally mind-boggling and how their leaders stay out of they psych wards is truly a wonder.

Katherine Harris, Charlie Crist and Pegging

I know how much you guys hate it when I get on one of my Katherine Harris kicks, but I've been out to sea and carousing with drunken sailors for the past five days, and Katy is really just a breath of fresh air compared to all the rum, sodomy and lashes I've been exposed too lately.

So did you guys know that Florida gubernatorial candidate Charlie Crist dated Katherine Harris? Well, it was news to me.

Sure enough, the Republican front-runner for the Senate nomination
and the Republican front-runner for the gubernatorial nomination
acknowledged to the Buzz that they once dated.

"He's the nicest guy. I loooove his mom and dad," Harris said of the
attorney general from St. Petersburg.

"I thought she was charming and lovely. We had a nice couple of
dinners," Crist said by phone, pegging the time frame to more
than 10 years ago. "She has remained a dear friend and she is a great
public servant."

Notice the strategic placement of the word "pegging."

Just sayin'.

Katherine Harris - On Demand or In Demand?

When she's not committing the fashion no-no of wearing pinstripe pants with a striped shirt, Katherine Harris whiles away the time dining on lobbyists tabs and accepting questionable campaign contributions.

Yessiree, another fancy dinner with lobbyist, Mitchell Wade at Citronelle in Washington, D.C. has surfaced.


Now it turns out that wasn't her first fancy meal with corrupt
contractor Mitchell Wade. Harris had dined with Wade previously at
the same tony Washington restaurant and failed to pay her share as
required by congressional rules, her campaign acknowledged Friday.

My Katherine, nay Our Katherine, in usual form was quick to defend herself.

"Do I look like I ate $2,800 in one sitting?" the petite congresswoman
quipped on Political Connections. "I always get a couple of appetizers
and something to drink."

And for those of you locals that just can't get enough Katherine Harris and missed the original airing, you can see her Political Connections interview for free on Brighthouse Channel 340 - Tampa Bay on Demand.

Bart's Incharge Again

Everyone play nice now. I'll be back Sunday night.

Friday Bart Blogging - May 12th Edition

Bart nibbles on a stick without a care in the world, as he doesn't have phone service with Verizon, Bell South or AT&T.

Dubya: Making Babies Cry Since 2001

But I don't want to join the military and go overseas and kill people on your every whim. Mommmmm! Make him stop!!!!

Oh Katherine! My Katherine!

...our fearful trip is done;
The ship has weather'd every rack, the prize we sought is won;
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting....

Florida House Speaker, Allan Bense has decided that he won't run for Senate.

So keep checking back, as there will be more and more yummy-nummy Katherine Harris news, rumors, embarrassing photos and videos, as well as frequent idle speculation in the months to come.

My apologies to Walt Whitman.

It's Time for Another Round of Awards

Yes, it's time to wash the kids, tie up the animals, put on your dancing shoes and take an extra dose of Xanax!

In honor of their special parts in the fall the empire, we have Porter Goss and Dick Cheney receiving Congressional Distinguished Service Awards.

"The Congressional Distinguished Service Award was established to
honor former Members of the House who have performed their duties on
behalf of their constituents and the American people with such
extraordinary distinction and selfless dedication as to merit special
recognition," reads an invitation to the ceremony...

Now if by "extraordinary distinction and selfless dedication," they mean leading us into a ridiculously expensive and unnecessary war based on lies or helping cover up various and sundry intelligence failures before being very careful not to let the door hit you in the ass on the way out, all the while getting richy-rich-rich-rich from your Halliburton stock options or chillin' at poker parties with hookers and corrupt lobbyists, then by golly, these guys do deserve medals.

Katherine Harris Photo Caption Contest*

Ok, I don't really have a caption for this yet, and happy hour is looming... Anyone?

UPDATE: Ooh, ooh, I know!! "Don't you wish your Senator was hot like me?"

*Winner gets first pick of which kitty to take home. See just how cute and precious they are here.

The "Official White House Sponsored Enroll in Medicare Now You Lazy Old Bastards" Tour

During his whirlwind tour through God's Waiting Room in an attempt to get Medicare recipients to "get after it," George Bush might have just outdone himself in showing compassion for the sick, elderly and poor.

He walked around giving handshakes and hugs to those who rose for his
entrance, and greeted a man who remained sitting in a wheelchair with,
"You look mighty comfortable."

The nerve of that man. Not standing up to greet the Boy King.

The Government Accountability Office said last week that
federal investigators posing as senior citizens found that Medicare's
operators routinely failed to give callers accurate and complete
information about the drug benefit.

According to GAO, the federal handbooks, Web site, and 1-800 Medicare
hotline also failed to provide information that was "consistently
clear, complete, accurate, and usable," CBS News correspondent Andrew
Wyatt reported.

[...]

Two women asked him about extending the deadline, including one who
said there were logjams in the rush for those who have waited until the
end to sign up.

But Bush refuses to move the deadline.

"Deadlines are important," Mr. Bush said. "Deadlines help people
understand there is finality and people have to get after it."

Only some deadlines are good. Not allowing seniors sufficient time to get enrolled in a cryptic program designed to line the pockets of the drug company executives and stockholders - GOOD. Withdrawing troops in a timely fashion from a war based on false pretenses - BAD.

Stay with us now, ok?

That Spunky Katherine Harris

I gotta hand it to Katherine Harris. After Jeb Bush said all those mean, nasty things about her to the press, not a single word of acrimony passed her lips. In fact, she said he's done an extraordinary job.

"With all due respect to the governor - because I think he's done an
extraordinary job - we know we can win and we have a strategy to do so," she said.

Such a dignified lady.

However, as she states in this video, that people don't want her to be "part of the club" and now she "can absolutely draw that line in the sand for always." Sounds like a veiled threat, if you ask me... Will she start her own club in her own treehouse and hang out the "No Jeb!s Allowed" sign? Will she besiege his ankles like rabid shi tzu if Jeb comes over to her corner of the sandbox?

I think she could give Florida House Speaker, Allan Bense a run for his money. Besides, she's got spunk.

"With all the bad publicity so far, many others would have thrown in
the towel," Jefferson County Commissioner Jerry Sutphin said. "But
Katherine's got spunk, and we need someone in Washington with a little
spunk."

And as we all know, spunk is slang for semen and Washington certainly needs more of that.

More Evidence That Republicans are Trying to Kill Us

When they aren't having oil companies help write our energy policies or attending poker and prostitute parties (liquor in the front, poker in the rear -- or is that the other around, I always get confused) our Congressional Republicans are letting the vaccine manufacturers and lobbyists write laws that allow them to be shielded from any liability in the event of a national heath emergency.

(Bill) Frist inserted the shield provision into an already-
completed conference report for the defense appropriations bill in the
dead of night, with the aid of House Majority Leader Dennis Hastert
(R-Ill.). Many of the members of the conference committee had never
seen the language, let alone approved it. Committee leaders explicitly
assured Democrats, made wary by rumors circulating in the preceding
days, that no attempt would be made to insert the liability measure
into the spending bill.

[...]

The pharmaceutical industry used legions of influence-peddlers to
push for the measure. The industry deployed at least 158 lobbyists to
influence policies relating to vaccines and pandemic preparedness in
2004 and 2005, including 84 who were previously employed by the federal
government. Of those, seven were former members of Congress, two were
former top health care aides to Frist and another was the son of the
speaker of the House.

[...]

...It extends to all companies, state officials, healthcare workers and
others involved in combating an actual or potential health emergency.

It even encompasses all aspects of drug, vaccine and medical device
production and delivery, including design, development, testing,
manufacture, labeling, distribution, formulation, packaging, marketing,
dispensing and prescribing. What's more, it shields pharmaceutical
companies from liability for long-used drugs, even those causing death
or injury due to a manufacturing error, so long as the drug is used to
treat a condition related to an officially declared health emergency.

Not that I'm at all paranoid.... but HOLY FLYING MONKEY SHIT!

The Bush Administration can scare this Bejeezus out of us and trick us into taking a vaccine for Avian flu in the interest of public health, then when it kills half of our family members, we have no recourse, and the drug companies get to keep all their dirty profits?

If they just start distributing this soon in neighborhoods that tend to vote Democrat, they might have quite a landslide come November.

How to Incorporate the "Success" in Iraq into Your Pickup Lines

The USDA is being asked to include in their speeches, White House pre-approved talking points about the peace, love, joy and the persistent rosiness we've created in Iraq.

The memo provided for them comes complete with a handy dandy guide to transitioning from the more mundane topics of "corn and soybean meal" to the "revitalization" that is underway in Iraq.

But why stop there? To really get the word out, we need to include these talking points in our pick up lines. Yes, that's right. All the lonely men out there looking to hook up should tow the party line. Now read closely and pay attention, because you'll be needing to send in a weekly staus report.

"Come here often?" could easily be modified to "Come here often? You know I do, but where I'd really like to go is Iraq. I hear it's really beautiful and afterall the insurgency really is in it's last throes."

"I didn't know angels could fly so low" might be a nice transition to how the U.S. has been so angelic in displacing thousands of Iraqis and tearing families apart, not to mention the righteous and divine interrogation methods used in Abu Ghraib and Gitmo.

"If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. Just like I'd put the Sunni's, Shi'ites and Kurds together as one big prosperous democratic free and happy nation."

Or you could just start out with the talking point, and if you haven't lost her interest, then go in for the kill.... "You know Iraq is part of the "fertile crescent" in Mesopotamia. How do you feel about fertility, planting seeds and casual sex?"

There really are a host of opportunities to throw in a little Iraq happy talk while still securing a late night hookup. Please send in a weekly email summarizing the event, date and location of each pickup line incorporating the attached language. Your responses will be included in a weekly account sent to the White House.

Thanks to mikevotes for the tip!

Friday Bart Blogging - Cinco de Mayo Edition

Since I've been slacking off on posting anything new lately, Bart offers to do some guest blogging in exchange for a Negro Modelo and a shot of Cuervo.