Ann Coulter is a Very Mean Person

On Hannity and Colmes, she just said that Canada is lucky we let them exist on the same continent as us. How rude is that? I'm glad she doesn't live in my neighborhood. And does anyone wear green eyeshadow like that anymore?

Fox News is really funny to watch after you've spent the better part of the day reading real news sources. Fox is really full of something stinky and brown and mushy.

Op-Dray the apalm-Nay

Mr. Bush and his friends have sanctioned the use of Napalm in Iraq, according to the Sunday Mirror by way of No More Mister Nice Blog.

But instead of calling it Napalm, because that was banned by the UN in 1980, they call it Mark 77 Firebombs. And instead of using gasoline and benzene, they use a kind of kerosene jet-fuel.

Sneaky, aren't they?

Is Flordia a State that Executes Children?

Did you guys know that Florida is one of the few states that executes minors ? We are in a small group with mean countries like Iran and China and Saudia Arabia that do.

And just like Mean Mr. Hastert who doesn't want to vote on intelligence reform, the Republican-lead Flordia House of Representatives didn't bring a bill to a vote that would change this policy.

I don't think that's very nice.

Mr. Rumsfeld and Mr. Tenet Investigated for War Crimes??

Some people that are mad about how the U.S. treated them have filed a compaint with German Federal Prosecutor’s Office and because of this they might start investigating Mr. Rumsfeld and Mr. Tenet for war crimes .

I guess the German's have this German Code of Crimes against International Law where anyone suspected of war crimes can be investigated, even if they don't live in Germany or committed their crimes in Germany.

"The charges include violations of the German Code, “War Crimes against Persons,” which outlaws killing, torture, cruel and inhumane treatment, sexual coercion and forcible transfers. The Code makes criminally responsible those who carry out the above acts as well as those who induce, condone or order the acts. It also makes commanders liable, whether civilian or military, who fail to prevent their subordinates from committing such acts."

"The German Code of Crimes against International Law grants German Courts what is called Universal Jurisdiction for the above-described crimes. Article 1, Part 1, Section 1 states: "This Act shall apply to all criminal offenses against international law designated under this Act, to serious criminal offences designated therein even when the offence was committed abroad and bears no relation to Germany.” This means that those who commit such crimes can be prosecuted wherever found: they, like pirates of old, are considered enemies of all humankind."

Even if they end up not being investigated or found guilty or any of that, I hope this at least makes the new people like Mr. Gonzalez and Mr. Goss be a little bit nicer.

Jesus and the Ambiguous Case Triangles

I found this post on PatriotBoy and almost peed my pants, it was so funny.

"If you are given the length of two sides and the angle measure opposite one of those sides, you can use the law of sines to solve the triangle. However, this does not always determine a unique triangle. As a result, it is called the ambiguous case. Ambiguous means open to multiple interpretations. Some people say that you can interpret the Bible in any way that you want. However, there is no ambiguity in the Bible."

No ambiguity in the bible???? Come on now. People argue all the time about what the bible means. It was written two thousand years ago in Latin or Hebrew, or something, and lots of chapters were taken out because those chapters told stories that the people in charge didn't want other people to read.

Does God hate homosexuality, or does he welcome everyone with open arms? I guess the people who wrote that textbook forgot that this is just one hot topic today, as far as interpreting the bible goes.

To think that the Christian schools are trying to mix in a little bible-thumping with math is too funny. I think math is hard enough without having to learn a bunch of crap along with it.

Now, if some states start teaching Creationism in public schools, will kids like me have to use these kinds of textbooks in public schools? Will we start 'learning' that there is no ambiguity in the bible along with whatever Pi-R-Squared is supposed to be?

Mr. Ashcroft and Math

I think Mr. Ashcroft needs to go back to school and work on his math . Even I'm in third grade and we are already learning our multiplication tables and those are hard.

If these numbers constitute making America safer, then I'm a monkey's uncle. And I'm a girl, so I'll never be an uncle. Only boys can be uncles.

Governor Bush is Mean

Jeb Bush is trying to keep ex-felons from voting even when they should have their rights restored. Before 1991, they would automatically have them restored after a certain amount of time.

But now, the ex-felons have to go to a three-minute hearing to try to get to vote again. And then they can be denied without anyone telling them why. I don't think that's very fair for the ex-felons. If they have done their time and paid for their crime, then they should get to vote again. And I think it's a waste of my mommy's tax dollars to pay people to hold these three-minute hearings. I bet that's a really boring job.

I think Jeb Bush is just being mean and tyring to keep minorities from voting. And a lot of ex-felons are minorities and a lot of them vote Democrat. He's a bad boy and needs to go to the principals office for a spanking.

The Corrupt Politician of the Day - Nov 29, 2004

Today's winner is Dennis Hastert (R-Ill)!!!!!

The intelligence reform bill, which overwhelmingly passed the Senate with a 96-2 vote, is supported by the president, is meant to put in place a lot of recommendations from the nice people from the 9-11 Commission, and would help us a lot, may never get passed because of Mr. Hastert.

It seems that a majority of Republicans in the House DO NOT support it. But a majority of ALL the members of the House DO support it. And I guess the nice people in the House of Representatives can't vote on it unless Mr. Hastert says they can. He's not being very nice and is putting little girls like me at risk of being hurt by terrorists. I think that's really mean.

The Patron Saint of Impossible Causes

Did you guys know there is a Patron Saint of Impossible Causes named Jude Thaddeus? And his diocese is right here in the Tampa Bay area.

I had to read this post about three times before I finally understood it. So I'll try to explain it as best I can:

The short explanation is that a Democrat running for Supreme Court in Ohio named Connally got 5347 more votes than Kerry in Butler County. And that doesn't make very much sense because a lot of people vote for President and few people vote for Court Justices.

In Butler county, which is very Republican, Kerry got 54,185 (34%) votes and Bush got 106,735 (66%). Connally got 59,532 (47.2%) votes and her opponent got 66,625 (52.8%) votes. Connally was expected to lose by a lot more because she didn't spend very much money, and Butler county is like WAY Republican. And a lot of the other counties in Ohio had similar results. The smart statistician people think there is something fishy going on. And I do too.

Polular Mechanics wrote a nice article called Hack the Vote that explains how bad people can mess up elections by changing the results and stuff. It's kind of long, so you don't have to read the whole thing if you don't want to.

So, back to Saint Jude Thaddeus.... I think even if we aren't Catholic, we should pray to the Patron Saint of Impossible Causes, and ask him to overturn the Ohio results.

Open hearts. Open minds. Open doors.

This nice lady in Pennsylvania who is a minister at a Methodist church told her congretation that she is a lesbian and has a committed relationship with a woman. Now, the Methodist church is being mean to her and might not let her be a minister any more.

I guess people at her church really like her a lot, and a lot of them already know about her being a lesbian. And her church is nice and friendly to gay people who want to come, too.

If they de-frock her (is that the right term?) that doesn't sound much like open hearts or open minds or open doors. I think they are Hippo-crits. I like to use the word Hippo-crits because both Hippos and hypocrites are big, fat, stinky and aren't potty trained.

Maybe the Methodists should change their slogan to "Hatred in our hearts. Closed Minds, especially about gay rights. Open doors only if you're straight even if you cheat on your spouse or rob banks or beat your kids."

Mr. Jackson and Election Standards

I heard on NPR this morning that Jesse Jackson is with the nice people in Ohio who want to do a recount and stuff. I guess he's not happy with the way they did the election there and wants to find some stuff out.

I found this article that explains most of what I heard on NPR, but NPR also reported that Mr. Jackson is going to push for a constitutional amendment to have nation-wide election standards.

I think that's a good idea, but is now a good time for that? When the executive and legislative branches have so many republicans in them? If they did an amendment like that, I bet they bad people in charge would just make those nation-wide standards something like "We will always win and you will always lose." And that wouldn't be fair.

A Primer on the Ukraine

I've been hearing a lot about how the Ukrainians are messing up their election. Even more, it seems, that we here in the US manage to do. But I didn't really understand it until I read this post. It explains most of the stuff pretty well.

The trickiest part for me is that I get Yanokovych and Yushchenko mixed up because their names kind of look alike. So, I came up with this thing to remember it:

Yushchenko.... rhymes with Bush-stinko. He's the one who is supported by the U.S. and the west.

Yanokovych .... rhymes with Russo-con-bitch. He's the one who has a criminal history and is supported by Putin and the Russians.

Keeping Hope Alive

I was out riding my shiny red bicycle yesterday and saw this at one of my neighbor's houses. It was so special that I started to cry.

It looks like these nice people have had their Gore/Lieberman sign out for the past four years and have no intentions of taking it down or taking the Kerry/Edwards sign down. The Gore/Lieberman sign looks like it's been through four years of Florida weather, two hurricanes and the really hot days in the summertime. It's this kind of dedication that the Democratic Party needs. It's these kind of people, even though they lost, they keep on hoping.

My friend Jimmy took the picture for me because I don't have a digital camera. Thanks Jimmy!

Things I'm Thankful For

My Grandma called today to wish my a happy Thanksgiving and told me to be thankful for things, so I thought I'd compile a list of the things I'm thankful for.

1. Being able to fast-forward during commercials that I don't want to see
2. Being able to keep my tax returns private.
3. The First Amendment
4. All the Progressive-minded people out there that speak out
5. My doggie, sunshine, friends, family, and the cute boy next door

Y'all have a great Thanksgiving. And read this post on how to deal with your "Fundi Relatives" during the holidays.

The No Shrimp Left Behind Act

I guess the big fancy spending bill that Congress passed is full of silly things like $1-million for the Wild American Shimp Initiative.

John McCain says: "I am hoping that the appropriators could explain to me why we need $1-million for this - are American shrimp unruly and lacking initiative? Why does the U.S. taxpayer need to fund this "no shrimp left behind' act?"

And lets not forget the $6.28-million going to to Oregon State University for wood utilization research. I wonder what they are going to use their wood for? I bet my mommy has some good ideas.

Creative Accounting

It looks like the Republicans in the Senate Budget Committee have been taking some lessons from Enron and WorldCom on how to cook the books.

They want to let younger people invest some of their social security money in private accounts. But the problem with this, is that their money won't be used to pay social security money to old people who need it now. Their money will be invested in corporations instead. So the government has to have 1.5 trillion more dollars over the next ten years to give to the old people. That's really expensive.

Now, if you remember Mr. Bush and his friends promised us way back before the election that he would cut the deficit in half by 2009. Now if he wants to do this, he has to magically come up with 1.5 trillion dollars. And since his magic pixie dust ran out on Nov 2nd, he and his friends are coming up with some goofy ways to account for paying these social security benefits.

My favorite is "they may take the costs 'off-budget,' meaning Social Security spending would not be included in the calculation of the annual budget deficit."

I think we should take a lot of things off the budget. Like the war in Iraq and free ice cream on Tuesdays for all third-graders.

The Corrupt Politician of the Day, Nov. 23rd

Florida's Republican Secretary of State, Glenda Hood is our winner today!!!

So here, in Florida, there was this list of people that couldn't vote because they were felons. It caused a lot of problems in the election in 2000. So, they hired a company, Accenture, to try to make it better.

But this silly boy named Clay Roberts, who used to work in the Elections Division decided that if the race and gender of the felon from the FDLE didn't match up with the race on gender on the voter registration they would be left off the list.

Now, the FDLE doesn't count Hispanic as a race, while the Voter Registration people do, so all the Hispanic people were left off the list. Accenture knew about this and warned the people in the Secretary of State's office.

Now, Hispanics usually vote Republican, so that would mean that a lot of Hispanic felons would get to vote, even though they shouldn't have been able to and they would mostly vote Republican. So when people found out about this, Ms. Glenda and her friends decided not to use the list. That was very nice of them. But even so, the nice people in Florida wanted to know how this happened.

So, Ms. Glenda, put an employee on the case who reports DIRECTLY to her. And of course he found no irregularities. What a scam. I don't think that's very fair.

I See London, I see France.....

I see the President's underpants!!! Somebody needs to XYZ PDQ. Does anyone feel a Draft coming on (like maybe a military one)?

Thanks Atrios!

Congress Incompetence Overload

I was wanting to do one more post today, but I've found so much good material that I don't even know where to start. And I want to go home and play with my doggie, so I'll put three posts in one.

There's the anti-abortion legislation that the bad people put in a spending bill (Now, don't ask what anit-abortion legislation is doing in a spending bill, just accept it) that lets some hospitals decide not to let Medicaid pay for abortions. That's really mean because some people don't have very much money and can't travel a long ways to a different hospital sometimes.

And then there's the silly boys that can't seem to agree on what to do with the intelligence-reform bill . Everyone is blaming everyone else and nothing is getting done. They have to come back in December and figure this one out. I hope they do, because we, here in the U.S. need help with our intelligence.

And then there's quote I read by good 'ol Tommy Delay:
"At this particular time, our rules could be used against us and so they fixed the rules so that the Democrats cannot use our own rules against us." Doesn't that sound like a grade school thing to say?

Connress is starting to look and sound a lot more like a third grade class than Congress should. Maybe I should run for Congress.

Faith-based Geology

People seem to keep forgetting about that separation-church-and-state thingy and mix Christianity into Government. I heard that at the Grand Canyon, which is part of the National Park Service, they are selling books that suggest that the Canyon is only 4500 years old and was made by Noah's flood.

Now, I'm only eight years old, but even I know that's a bunch of hooey. But there are some people that might not know, and be confused. Maybe the second graders or evangelicals. And I would think that when people go the the Grand Canyon, if they are interested in learning about how it developed and stuff they would want to know the truth and not a bunch of lies. And my mommy and me don't want our tax dollars going to pay for spreading a bunch of silly lies about geology and stuff.

Real American Values

There's this school in Texas where they have a day where the boys dress up like girls and the girls dress up as boys that they call "TWIRP (The woman is requested to pay) Day." And one mommy complained that the day had "homosexual overtones." And now instead they are going to have "Como Day." Where boys and girls are encourgaged to wear comoflage pants and army boots and stuff.

Doesn't Camo Day have "killing-other-people" overtones now? I would hope more people would be offended by Camo Day than by TWIRP Day. At least when boys dress up like girls and girls dress up like boys, and girls ask boys to dances and stuff like than no one gets killed.

WWSBD (What Would SpongeBob Do?)

I've heard that a lot of people look to Mr. Bush for spiritual guidance. I don't think Mr. Bush is very nice, so I picked SpongeBob for my spiritual guidance. He has a movie coming out this weekend and in the movie he says "You can't fool me, I listen to National Public Radio."

I think we can all learn a lot from SpongeBob. He's smart and stays up on current events. If we don't listen and learn about the government, and try to speak up about things, then the bad people can get away with being corrupt and bad and hurting people with their bad and unfair policies.

So next time you are in your car surfing through the radio stations, ask yourself "What Would SpongeBob Do?"

The Power of Cheers

It looks like my cheer for Mr. Specter worked . He got all of his Rupublican friends on the Senate Judiciary Committee to support him for the the chairmanship. Now, hopefully he can just be effective at keeping bad people like John Ashcroft out of the Supreme Court.

Go Arlen!!

The Corrupt Politician of the Day

I told my friend yesterday that I was going start posting a "Corrupt Republican of the Day" section each day. But to be non-partisan, I figure I'll just go with "Politician" instead of "Republican."

Today's winner is Rick Santorum!!!!!
He's been a senator from Pennsylvania for a long time. But it looks like he doesn't really live there. He's a very bad, bad boy.

The real bad guys

I heard that there are some bad guys that might have some nuclear and biological weapons that might try to come into the U.S. or Mexico. I wonder where they got the weapons? I bet it wasn't in Iraq, because they don't have any of that stuff. But we keep spending our defense money in Iraq. I don't get it. These bad guys are really, really scary. I wish the government would fight the real bad guys who really want to hurt us instead of Iraq.

Mommy says the good news is that if the Mexican border patrol is looking really hard for weapons and bad guys, they may stop looking for "other things" that frequently cross the border. I don't know what other things she is talking about, but she's been smiling and giggly and eating a lot more lately.

Hello..... Mastercard?

I think we can learn a lot about financial responsibility from the House of Representatives. When they run out of money, they raise the debt ceiling. Once Mr. Bush signs off on this and stuff, the debt will be 8.18 trillion. That's 70% of the entire US economy. That's a whole lot!

Just like when mommy spends too much money on new clothes and rum, she calls Mastercard and they raise her credit limit. That way she can keep buying things and getting drunk. But I don't think mommy or the House of Representatives know how they are going to pay the money back. I wish they'd give credit cards to little girls because I want to go to Disney World and buy some new toys and a new bike and some new clothes and shoes and maybe some new toys for my friends too and I want a bigger swingset.

Scary Dream

I had a scary dream last night. It was like my doggie was a big link to a really good website, or maybe a bunch of good websites, and if I just cuddled him long enough, I could find these really good websites and write a really neat post and be the first to do it. But I could never cuddle him enough to find the good websites and it was going really slowly.

There are lots of really nice people out there that write these blog-thingys. And a lot of them are a lot smarter than me and have been doing it a lot longer. Pandagon , Wonkette , and Rudepundit are some of my favorites. Rudepundit had a really funny post that I read yesterday and I'm still giggling about it. It's called Copulation of Powers . I don't think I'll ever be as funny as he is.

But mommy says that blogging should be like yoga. You shouldn't worry about how good you are at it. It's just going through the process that is good and makes you feel better.

Changing the Rules isn't Fair

I was playing Go Fish with my friend, Tommy today and I asked him if he had any fours. He said he didn't when he really did have some fours. Then he said that it was the rules that all boys named Tommy never have to give away their fours.

I don't think changing the rules after the games has started is fair. Especially a rule like that one that doesn't make any sense. Tommy is a bad, bad boy and needs to be sent to the principals office for at least two years and certainly lose any leadership position he might have in our 3rd grade class.

Faith-based Intelligence

This article is kind of scary. I guess Mr. Bush and his friends want to ignore scientists in thier political agenda.

They are pretending that global warming doesn't exist and trying to block federal funding of stem-cell research and they are missing the boat on investing in renewable energy sources. Three very important things that can save people's lives and save the earth.

My favorite part of this article is the new term for teaching creationism in public schools. It's now called "Intelligent design." Some silliness about how since we don't have all the answers to how the world was created, it had to be created by "God" and they should teach that in public schools which are funded by tax dollars from a country that was founded on the "separation-of-church-and-state" thingy and the "no-taxation-without-representation" thingy. I think they should call it "Non-intelligent science education designing"

One thing this article did not go into, is the health and reproductive education. Instead of teaching the real facts of life, how the body works, and nifty new ways to make sure you don't have babies unless you want them, Mr. Bush and his friends came up with the term "abstinence education" where they spend a lot of time taking about moral values instead of scientific facts and theories. They should change that to "My God says you shouldn't have sex" education.

They're gonna recount Ohio! They're gonna recount Ohio!

So, I guess the nice people in the Green and Libertarian Parties got a bunch of people to donate money to pay for a recount in Ohio. It should be fun to see what comes of it. But I guess they can't recount until the votes are certified and that won't happen until December 6th, maybe. And then, the electorial votes are not cast until December 13th. And the votes are not opened by Congress until Jan 6th.

They keep saying that this will probably not change the outcome of the election, but let's keep hope alive here on the internets!

What if they don't find out until Jan 6th and Bush doesn't get to be president again. I don't know about Washington D.C., but here in Tampa, when mommy and me got evicted from our apartment, they had to give us a month's notice. Will Bush just get 14 days notice? Is that enough time to rent the moving truck and get the electric and cable and water transfered?

Go Arlen Specter!!

I wrote this cheer for Mr. Specter because he has a big day today.

Arlen, Arlen, he's our star
He'll be going mighty far
The pro-choice voice it will be heard
when Arlen's in the neighborhood

Arlen, Arlen he's our man
Roe v. Wade, it will stand
Bring 'em on Bush is what he'll say
'Cuz he'll be going all the way

Go Arlen!!!!

But I don't want you to leave....

It really makes me sad to see Colin Powell go. He seems like such a nice man. And those nice men in the CIA, like Michael Scheuer are leaving too. I understand that they didn’t like their boss, but they still shouldn’t leave. My mommy used to work at Burger King, and she didn’t like her boss and she quit. But this is the U.S Government. It isn’t Burger King.

Since the bad people are in charge now, it’s really sad to see the good people leaving just because they are fed up with dealing with the bad people. This is our country, not just a fast food joint, and it makes me sad to see all the nice people quitting because of a few people that treat them mean. I’d think if Mr. Powell and Mr. Scheuer really care about our country they would stay and try to make things better, even if they have to deal with a mean boss.

We need the likes of Colin Powell and Michael Scheuer to keep our foreign policy and intelligence nice and smart and good. Mr. Bush and his goons are scaring off all the clever people and hiring drones that simply do his bidding. And that scares me because I want to see my country stay around a long time.

Today, I took my dog to the dog park, and this mean lady was yelling at my dog and I got really mad at her. But, instead of leaving, I stayed. It’s my dog park, and I can’t let the mean people take over. If I would have left, the mean people would have won. And I can’t let that happen.

Ode to Mr. Powell

Your leaving makes some of us cross
For those who aren't hawks, it's a loss
It Iraq we can't win
'Cuz our allies aren't 'In'
Because of your crappy-ass boss

New countries to invade and why

Wonkette gives us a nice list of countries to invade and the important reasons to invade them. I guess since Mr. Powell is not going to be around much longer, maybe Mr. Bush and his friends can get rid of the antiquated litmus test (being a legitimate threat to the US) as a reason to attack a new country.

Country -- Reason to Invade

Iran --- Part of the Axis of Evil.
Syria -- Harbors terrorists.
Kyrgyzstan -- Too much like Kazakhstan.
North Korea -- Not allowed when on Atkins diet.
Egypt -- The pyramid is speaking to me.
Canada -- Mmmm....bacon....
Ukraine -- Started that whole cellophane wrapping of CDs and we hate that.
Thailand -- Well, now that Ashcroft's stopped spending the weekends there...
The Fauklands -- Dirty-sounding name.
Lichtenstein -- President does not believe this country exists.
National Geographic Society -- On every map, no apparent sovereign.
California -- Why not?
Poland -- Don't forget Poland.

Como se dice "Fucking Homo"?

So, I ate lunch today with some old friends. And one boy who professes to be a *good* christian boy and who even prayed before he started eating his lunch used the term "Fucking Homo" during lunch. Do you think he was praying so that Jesus would protect his french fries from the fucking homos?

One thing I find insightful about the people that go to church and that hate gays, is that they think having gay sexual relations is "immoral." Immoral like robbing a bank, stealing money out of your mommy's purse, or sneaking into the playground after dark. These are things that people kind of *want* to do, and get some gratification from, right? Everyone wants more money and to have fun, but most people know it's not right to steal and tresspass.

But do these people *want* homosexual sex, but think it's not right? Are these gay-haters really closet cases who want gay sex? Are they just afraid if their wives catch them playing doctor with the lawn boy they'll tell their friends in the knitting club and it will get around and they will get kicked out of their gay-hating church and ostracized in their gay-hating neighborhoods? Is it all just a wide-spread ploy to silence that little tiny voice inside of them all that thinks it would be kind of fun to do nasty things with the pool boy?

Bart the Beagle

I heard that Fridays are for kitty-blogging. But since I don't have a kitty, I thought I put up a picture of my doggie, Bart. He's 1 1/2 years old and he's a beagle. I love him a lot.

Hope Springs Eternal

My big brother (who BTW refuses to come home for the holidays) brought this article to my attention. Maybe there is still hope? And if the girl who sits next to me would quit smacking when she eats, all would be well in the world.

Here's a fun game

The Penis Game

How to be a Good Widdle Girl

I just don't know if if Specter is a nice boy, or if he's now turned to the dark side. But rudepundit certainly puts a scary twist on it.

"God, how the sphincters of Republicans ache at the thought of the black-clad SS and their foot-long black dildos, how the alphabet streets of D.C. are filled nightly with the moans of would-be dissenters from the Bush agenda who are raped back into line with just a wave of Rove's corpulent hand. It took one night of abuse with the sandpapered rough phalluses before Specter put on the Shirley Temple dress and went on the gabfests to lick his giant lollipop about what good widdle girl he would be."

All I can say, is I'm staying out of D.C. for awhile. I'm going to try to be a good widdle girl right here in Tampa.

Promises, Promises

So, I've been reading a whole lot in the past week about why the Democrats lost and what the future holds, and it was looking a little bleak. But I read this by Mr. Yglesias and started thinking about happy things.

Maybe the Republicans really don't have much of a social and religious agenda, and they just pretend to in order to get people that go to church to vote for them. I like to play pretend sometimes, but not so much that it's lying. If those people would get smart and see that Mr. Bush and his friends are simply greedy and want more money, maybe they would vote for the Democratic Party, or the Sunday School Party , like I like to call it.

Ode to Mr. Ashcroft

Ashcroft is on his way out
you know we shouldn't pout
as nude statues disrobe
glee reigns around the globe
the end of civil liberties drought

I thought I'd write this nice poem for all my friends out there that are happy Ashcroft is resigning. But I'm still kind of scared that Mr. Bush will appoint somebody even worse to be the new Attorney General. And what if he wants to be a Supreme Court Justice. That would make me really sad. Will we have to put robes on all the statues everywhere? Will dead guys get elected to office in all 50 states?

UPDATE: I guess Mr. Bush's pick for AG is Mr. Gonzales. He sounds like a bad boy. Recommending torture and going against the Geneva Conventions are both really, bad things. Instead of being the new Attorney General, I think he needs to go straight to the principals office for a spanking.

Can they BE any more sick and twisted?

I guess some sicko Republicans from California thought they'd compile this icky video and sell it at the Shell gasoline station on E. Busch Blvd. here in Tampa. I think it's gross and icky and I don't know what kind of freak would want to watch this stuff, let alone produce it. I like watching happy things like SpongeBob and Brady Bunch reruns, not people getting their heads cut off.

Arafat and the Holy Grail

Whenever I read another article about Arafat, I can't help thinking (read with cockney accent):

"I'm not dead"
"Ere. He says he's not dead"
"Yes, he is"
"I'm not!"
"Well, he will be soon. He's very ill."
"I'm getting better"
"No, you're not. You'll be stone dead in a moment"

Does he have poopy pants?

It looks like Andrew Sullivan might have had poopy pants during his interview with Bill Maher.

The Very First Amendment

I just wanted to post the First Amendment to the Constitution in case anyone forgot about it. I know with all the crazy things that have been going on sometimes people forget things. Even I forgot my math homework today.

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."

Do these Garanimals make me look fat?

My friend got a letter sent home to her parents today, that was "folded for privacy" so we had to open it and see what it said. It said she was fat. Some of the other kids made fun of her and she started crying.

I think we should have more PE and Health to teach us how not to be fat instead of sending home these mean letters. Or at the very least investigate the new technologies of "stapling for privacy" or "putting in a sealed envelope for privacy."

It's all about literacy

Mommy went to the library today. She said that reading is very important . She's been gone an awfully long time. I hope she's OK.

Here a Job, There a Job, Everywhere a Job Job

E.I.E.I.O

I'm not very good at math, but is it good or bad when we have more jobs but the unemployment rate is still going up?

Why did they vote for Mr. Bush?

My mommy has been beating her head against the wall trying to figure out why people voted for Mr. Bush. Hopefully she'll get that hole in the wall fixed before the rats start coming in from the cold. But in the mean time, I found this article that kind of explains it.

I think I lot of these people need to study before they go to the polls next time, just like I need to study my spelling list before my spelling test. Somebody told me that 73% of people that voted for Bush thought Iraq had WMD. That's scary and is going to give me bad dreams tonight.

Here doggie, doggie, doggie, doggie....

I guess a scary doggie is hanging around Washington D.C. "its long nose, upright pointed ears and bushy, black-tipped tail gave it away as....." Karl Rove, maybe?

Update: I did something really funny. I took this article, pasted it in Word and replaced "coyote" with "Republican". Then I read it and it was really, really funny. The funniest part was "Some people wonder whether their children or small pets are at risk."

Why come the Air National Guard is shooting at elementary schools?

My friend thinks there's a conspiracy to gun down all 3rd - 6th graders and they are starting in Little Egg Harbor, NJ. I'm glad I live in Tampa. It will take a long time before the bad guys get here.

I don't want mommy to have a baby

Mommy has enough trouble taking care of me and holding down a job and keeping her three boyfriends happy and I really like getting all her attention, at least when her three boyfriends aren't around and she isn't drinking or sleeping.

So, when I heard that Mr. Bush might try to make it so she might have to have a baby, even if she doesn't want to, I got kind of worried. But then I found out that the nice man who might run the Senate Judiciary Committee next year might help me and my mommy not to have another baby.

The funniest part of this article is this quote "It's a battle that could affect the future of religious freedom in this nation." Don't they mean "it's a battle to make everyone have the same religious beliefs as me"? They're silly.

I like slumber parties

I wish my class could have a slumber party in the library. After the teachers go to sleep we'd get crazy, and read those naughty Judy Blume books that the PTA wants to ban. Mommy said she wants to camp out in the bedroom until Mr. Edwards comes to visit to discuss her needs.

Mommy, what's a Man Date?

And I thought Mr. Bush and his friends got mad when boys go on dates with other boys. "Pressing Issues" sounds kind of naughty. I'm telling my mommy.

Abu Ghraib 'em while they're hot

Doesn't Mr. Powell look silly in paisley? This really made me giggle. tee-hee

The Sunday School Party

So some of my friends have been talking about why Mr. Kerry didn't get to be president and they keep mentioning "moral values" and how some people think that Mr. Kerry and his party don't have any and also how they need to market themselves better to people who go to church.

So, I was thinking about changing the name of the Democratic Party to the Sunday School Party. In Sunday School they teach us to be nice to everyone, even icky boys, old people even if they smell funny, and boys who like other boys. They teach us not to lie about anything, especially WMD, ties to Al-Qaeda, and Haliburton. And not to steal things, like money, especially from people who don't have very much. And to help people and try to make sick people feel better, whether it's through better healthcare, cheaper prescription drugs, or new medical treatments and procedures. And to take care of the earth and all of God's wonderful creatures. And not to kill thousands of people. And to say you're sorry when you do something bad or make a mistake.

Shouldn't we all try really, really, really hard to be nice to each other instead of mean? It would really make the world a nicer and sunnier place.

Mommy, What's The Selective Service?

My friend Linda called today and wanted to look at this article again. She wants to be a nurse when she grows up and she's afraid that the mean nasty people in charge might make her go away somewhere where she doesn't want to go to be a nurse there. Probably somewhere that's not very safe where she could get hurt. I don't think that's fair.

How not to keep your toys away from the bad guys

So, I'd be pretty mad if I got some new toys and I asked my friends to guard them from the bad guys, and they let the bad guys have them anyway. But then, maybe if I was nicer to the other kids and I had more friends, the bad guys wouldn't have gotten my toys. Now I'm scared the bad guys and going to start throwing my toys at me and my friends and hurting us.

My Friends Lou and Jim

I had lunch today with my friends Jim and Lou. They are both very nice boys, as far as boys go. Sometimes boys can be icky and have cooties.

Lou didn't vote on Tuesday. He's a bad boy and has cooties and should go to the principal's office for a spanking. Jim did vote. He's a good boy and doesn't have cooties.

Hot Like a Jalepeno

My mommy was feeling sad last night because she wanted a new president and she didn't get one. After she watched and listened to this, she started feeling a little better.

Or maybe it was the rum and those little white pills that made her smile again. But I'm just happy that mommy is happy again.