It's Recess-time Somewhere

Proud Member of the Reality-Based Sandbox

November 30, 2005

Presidential Golden Showers

Chris Matthews of Hardball and Tom Defrank from the NY Daily News discuss why the hell the President is getting pissed on.

DEFRANK: It`s hard to know who, if anybody, at the moment, Chris.
One of the things in the story in the "Daily News" that you`re talking
about here is that he`s begin calling the paper -- reports that he`s
been calling outside friends and advisers saying...

MATTHEWS: Who to trust?

DEFRANK: ... who`s leaking on me? Who, in your opinion, should I trust
on my staff? Who, in your opinion, should I not trust on my staff? That is
never a good sign.

Is it all those watersports fans in the White House, or is he simply too drunk to realize he's pissing on himself?

Certainly gives us something to ponder this afternoon.

via Blondesense

Orrin Hatch and Freudian Theory

Senator Orrin Hatch (R-Utah) pulled out his Big Fuzzy Freudian slippers for a command performance on Faux News the other morning.

"The Democratic Party seems to be taken over by the Michael Moore
contingent in their attitude toward Vietnam, and they continually
call for a withdrawal of troops at a time when we haven't finished the
job," Hatch said on the network's morning show.

Evidently Senator Hatch must have misplaced his Official Republican Party Line Phrase Book, which clearly states that "Iraq is Not Vietnam."

November 29, 2005

Drinking Liberally in November

It's been a fun coupla months in politics, and we need to celebrate!!!

Cunningham is guilty, DeLay is under indictment, Frist is under
investigation, Ney may soon face bribery charges, Libby is under
indictment, the Bush White House is still the subject of a criminal
probe, and the Abramoff fiasco could ultimately net a half-dozen
lawmakers from both chambers.

So come on up to the upstairs section of Tampa Bay Brewing Company, 1812 North 15th Street in Ybor City, at 8pm tomorrow night (Wednesday, November 30th) and share a pint of beer with us.

Not only does Tampa Bay Brewing Company serve $2.00 pints on Wednesdays, but the first twenty folks to show up will receive a free official Drinking Liberally button! Your button should be proudly worn around your Republican and non-drinking friends and relatives throughout this holiday season.

To find us, go up the stairs in the back, then look for the Drinking Liberally logo on the tables.

BW + SH = True Love Forever

Wonkette found this hot and steamy conversation about Saddam Hussein between Barbara Walters and Larry King.

KING: More women than men?
WALTERS: I'd have to add them up, one, two, three, four, four out of
nine, no probably more men than women.


WALTERS: So, I mean it's a fairly broad list.
KING: Nobody infamous, so you won't do like "Time" magazine did Hitler
as man of the year once?
WALTERS: No, no.
KING: Someone who had a profound effect. You wouldn't do Saddam Hussein?
KING: But if he gave you the interview would you do him?
WALTERS: Oh, I would do him for hours and hours and hours.

But the question remains. Who is the one on top for hours and hours, or do they switch off? I mean Saddam is an evil dictator and all but Barbara is a pretty accomplished journalist, so they are both used to getting things their way. But then sometimes those in powerful positions during the day like to play the victim at night, if you know what I mean. You know, diapers, pacifiers, enemas and stuff.

It's a tough call.

Is Dick Cheney a Moron, an Idiot or a Nefarious Bastard?

A question I'm sure we've all pondered before, but it took a former aide to Colin Powell, Lawrence Wilkerson, to pose the question out loud and get it published by the Associated Press.

Wilkerson blamed Vice President Dick Cheney, Secretary of Defense
Donald Rumsfeld and like-minded aides. He said Cheney must have
sincerely believed that Iraq could be a spawning ground for new terror
assaults, because "otherwise I have to declare him a moron, an idiot or a
nefarious bastard."

Tiny and I are claiming the literary rights to the "mid 80's post punk"-ish song and the limerick nefarious bastard, but perhaps one of you more artsy types could design the t-shirt. I'm sure they will fly off the shelves this holiday season.

November 28, 2005

Bartender, I'll Take One Karl Rove Prison Bitch With a Lime, Please

I almost. Almost felt bad for Randy "Duke" Cunningham when I watched the video of him all misty-eyed and sniffling through his resignation speech. We've all made mistakes, even sweet little innocent me. Ours however did not involve taking million dollar bribes.

But now, wonder of wonders, we have the imminent likelihood of Karl Rove going down in flames!

Two things are clear, the sources said: either Rove will agree to enter
into a plea deal with Fitzgerald or he will be charged with a crime, but he
will not be exonerated for the role he played in the leak.

Only thing is, after seeing a weepy "Duke" Cunningham, us soft-hearted libruls start feeling sorry for these clowns. Empathy, sympathy, whatever it is, it's really anti-climactic to start feeling sorry for these criminals when the biggest, meanest, ugliest one of them all, just might topple his chubby-wubby ass over from his cushy post at the White House and get what's coming to him.

So try not to let Duke's tears get to you. Be happy! Celebrate! Order yourself a Dirty Turd Blossom-tini with pride! And have a Very Merry Fitzmas!

Talk Left has some interesting speculatin' on this.

Your Quiz For the Day

OK, guys here it is.

How long before Pat Robertson starts spouting off that the Supreme Court building is falling apart as a warning to anti-choice groups?

One entry per person. And please, don't all of you guess at once.

November 25, 2005

Friday Bart Blogging - November 25th Edition

November 23, 2005

John Bolton on One Night Stands

I generally don't take relationship advice from scary rabid United Nations "diplomats," but in this case, I feel I might be able to learn a thing or two from John Bolton.

Looking a questioning reporter straight in the eye, Mr. Bolton said "reform is not a one night stand, reform is forever".

This got me to thinking. If reform isn't a one night stand, can a one night stand still reform someone?

I strongly believe that waking up with a raging headache, an itch of indeterminate source and ambiguous stains on your skivvies, might prompt one to make some life changes -- or reform, if you will. However yelling and screaming and throwing staplers at your panties will not make the stains go away, will not make you a better person, and will not make you choosier in your late-night hookups.

No, that would require a some woolite, the gentle cycle, a little soul searching and a 12-step program.

Similarly, I afraid that John Bolton is not going to be able to yell and scream and throw things, at the Security Council to get them to do his bidding. That requires diplomacy -- which unfortunately is something he's never learned.

Rock Chalk Jayhawk - Go Evolution!!!!!

The Kansas Jayhawks may not be leading the pack in basketball this year, but they are certainly doing their part to dispel the infusion of mythology into science curriculum.

A course being offered next semester by the university religious
studies department is titled "Special Topics in Religion: Intelligent
Design, Creationism and other Religious Mythologies."

"The KU faculty has had enough," said Paul Mirecki, department
chairman. "Creationism is mythology. Intelligent design is mythology.
It's not science. They try to make it sound like science. It clearly
is not." […]

Mirecki said his course, limited to 120 students, would explore
intelligent design as a modern American mythology. Several faculty
members have volunteered to be guest lecturers, he said.

This certainly shines a wee sunny ray of light on my home state and alma mater, since both the performance of the KU basketball team and the wingnuttery of the Kansas Board of Education have been an embarrassement to us all.

Recall Ronda Storms

I was somewhat amazed that Hillsborough County Commissioner, Ronda Storms had the capacity to write, as I was under the impression that when she picks up a pencil, pen or keyboard, she uses these items to poke little kids eyes out or beat cute puppies over the head. However, upon reading her little ditty in the Tampa Trib (via Sticks of Fire), I can assure you that the pain I felt was just as acute as I imagine the suffering to be of those innocent puppies and children.

Sadly, she is attempting to justify her actions last week, and the ensuing harm they have caused a handful of children throughout the Tampa Bay area. But this time, not only does she insult us with her way-the-fuck-out-of-the-mainstream kooky politics and "morals," she offends our literary sensibilities and logical reasoning skills as well.

Scrape the flubber of your sneakers, Ronda cuz there's just no way the rest of us are going to make this leap.

I don't know the going price for the innocence of a child, but the Tribune would seem to sell it for the ridiculously low price of $500...

This photo was of a child model posing for a photo, fully clothed, smiling with a toothy grin promoting a children's charity event. Her innocence was not in the least bit compromised.

And when you use misplace your thesaurus and use the same terms over and over, at least come up with ones that don't sound both dirty and pious at the same time.

...their names appeared beside this sordid entity...
...the sordid entity had paid a paltry $500...
...who the sordid entity gives money to. far as possible from that sordid entity...
...with a peddler of female flesh...
...associated with either a peddler of female flesh...
...peddler of female flesh was arrested...
...the hard-core Internet pornographer and peddler of female flesh.

It gives the impression that you are a repressed lesbian porn-a-holic with a poo-eating fetish, and that can't be good for your future political career.

Given that Ronda is making a mockery of Tampa and Hillsborough County and her noxious fire-breathing rhetoric is now polluting the local newspaper, I think the only choice is to begin a recall. They did it for the governorship in California. I don't see why we can't do it here.

UPDATE: Commenter Sturm from Sticks of Fire seems to think that the only reason we could recall a county commissioner would be "for nefarious illegal acts." And that "Stupidity, bigotry, bad temperament, ill manners and the like are not legal enough reason," which would really be a bummer.

November 22, 2005

What's in a Name? That Which We Call a Horse any other name would be as well hung.

A South Dakota teenager has been charged with indecent exposure for
allegedly having sex with a mannequin.

A security guard found Michael James Plentyhorse, 18, sans pants on the
floor in the Washington High School Alumni Room in Sioux Falls, S.D.,
with a half-naked female mannequin, the Sioux Falls Argus Leader

"There was inappropriate activity between him and the mannequin," a
police spokesman told the newspaper. "That's the only way I know how
to put it."

You'd think with a name like Plentyhorse, this fella wouldn't have trouble getting a date.

November 21, 2005

When You Hate Enough To Send The Very Worst

Dear Nice Mr. Limbaugh,

When I saw your Adopt-a-Soldier program where you can buy $49.95 subscriptions to your website for our courageous soldiers, I got all atwitter! I think this is a great idea because our servicemen and women need to hear more of your show.

Our nice brave soldiers need to be encouraged to tell black and brown people to "take that bone" out their noses. They need to be reminded that women really want to be sexually harassed. And we don't ever want them to forget that the grief of Gold Star mothers is no more than "forged documents."

Only problem is, I don't have that much money. I'm just a little girl and my allowance isn't very much, but I want to help too. Do you have a mini-subscription pack or some such thing? Maybe you can partner with Bill O'Reilly and give the soldiers a gift pack of loofahs and OxyContin. I hear you know where you can get some.

Your littlest fan,

bonnet tip to TheMax

Bush's Apologists Apologize for Meeting Low Expectations

When President Bush was flying toward Asia a week ago, his national security adviser, Stephen J. Hadley, predicted to reporters in the back of the plane that the four-nation trip would yield no "headline breakthroughs."

With the exception of that video breakthrough that we've all been watching with mixed feelings of embarrassment, humiliation and slight giddiness and forwarding on to our friends and family all over the world, so they can share the moment.

On a wide variety of issues, from trade to security to human rights, Bush won no concrete agreements from any of his summit partners.

He did however successfully con the Chinese Olympic cycling team into letting him take the lead at least once for a photo op.

White House officials said that did not mean the trip was unsuccessful,
because they never expected to bring home any major agreements in the
first place. Such trips, they said, reflect a more mature diplomacy aimed
at building relationships and achieving steady progress that will produce
gains at some later date. Yet at the same time, it means that a
politically weakened Bush returns home without anything high-profile to
brag about when he could use some good news.

Ah yes, the mature diplomacy of having your drunk-ass president stumble off the stage to the wrong doors after insulting reporters.

"I know that it's not like a deliverable or big breakthrough, but when breakthroughs are made you'll be able to point back" at the trip as paving
the way, White House counselor Dan Bartlett said. "Some of these things
aren't things that happen with the snap of a finger. What these summits do
provide is an opportunity to move forward."

Seeing him disgrace the whole country like that should, if nothing else, encourage Congress to move forward with the impeachment process, and embolden the rest of us to work on getting his loyal sycophants out of office in 2006.

Commissioner Ronda Storms Leads Gang Rape

In her mad quest for power and unquenched thirst for the un-tainted blood of reality-based, sane county commissioners, one of Satan's most loyal minions, Commissioner Ronda Storms led a gangland-style rape of Kathy Castor's positions of responsibility.

Commissioner Ronda Storms got things going by suggesting that
commissioners simply keep their assignments of the past year. If they
wanted another assignment, they could put their names forward. The
board would vote for either the current post holder or the commissioner
now seeking the same spot.

Then Storms put her name forward. For the Children's Board. For
chairmanship of the Environmental Protection Commission. For the
Executive Policy Group, the panel that deals with hurricane
preparedness and other emergency situations - all seats held by

Commissioner Mark Sharpe was also interested in the Executive Policy
Group. Storms withdrew her name for that one, leaving the choice
between Castor and Sharpe.

The votes went 5-2, 5-2, 5-2, with Castor's lone fellow Democrat,
Tom Scott, siding with her. And with that, Castor had lost three of her
most high-profile and coveted assignments. Then, for good measure, Ken
Hagan asked for a seat on the Metropolitan Planning Organization, a group
that deals with transportation and includes four commissioners.
Specifically, he wanted Castor's seat.


Attempts to reach Storms and Hagan after the meeting were unsuccessful.

... as they were attempting to clean up the DNA evidence.

So now Ronda is in charge of The Children's Board and the Environmental Protection Commission. So when your kids get fed to right-wing and corporate vampires, you'll know why. And when the toxic sludge and smog here in Tampa get thicker and gookier, while Ronda's campaign war chest gets fatter and fatter, it will be no surprise.

Chimpy Hears a Hu

During a press conference after his meeting with Chinese President Hu Jintao, a reporter noted that Bush seemed a little "off his game."

"Sir, in your statement this morning with President Hu, you seemed a
little off your game; you seemed to hurry through it. There was a lack
of enthusiasm. Was something bothering you?" he asked.

To which he so rudely snapped back:

"Have you ever heard of jetlag?" Bush responded. "Well, good. That
answers your question."

What do you think has gotten Chimpy's goat? Could it be those sagging approval ratings? Is he irritated that China virtually own us? Or maybe that the press and Congressman Murtha can't stop talking about how invading liberating Iraq was a bad idea and we need to bring the troops home, when he wants all the attention during his Asian soiree?

Or maybe he just drunk and is disoriented.

When the reporter asked for "a very quick follow-up", Bush cut him off
and strode towards the locked doors.

"I was trying to escape. Obviously, it didn't work," Bush quipped, facing
reporters again until an aide rescued him by pointing him towards the
correct door.

That's our boy. A colossal embarrassment.

UPDATE: And here's the video of the colossal emabarrassement. Thanks to Ricky for pointing it out.

November 18, 2005

Arnold's Neighborhood

I found this over at Poverty Barn.

Watch the whole thing. My favorite part is when the Cheney Monster eats the Constitution.

Friday Bart Blogging - November 18th Edition

This is Bart with his new girlfriend and my fuzzy Kansas Jayhawks blanket. He thinks if he humps it enough, the Jayhawks will make it back in the Top 25. And for the record, I'm keeping him away from my shed.

November 17, 2005

$442 Million Alaskan Bridge to Nowhere Morphs Into $442 Million to Nowhere

As some of you probably already know, Alaska was awarded $422 Million in Federal funds to build two bridges, one especially to a very sparsely populated area. Ketchikan has 8,000 residents and Gravina Island has 50 residents. Also the bridge they want to build is almost as long as the Golden Gate bridge and taller than the Brooklyn Bridge.

The Gravina Bridge would replace a 7-minute ferry ride from
Ketchikan to Ketchikan Airport on Gravina Island. Project proponents
tell the public that the bridge is a transportation necessity, though
the ferry system adequately handles passenger traffic between the
islands, including traffic to and from the airport. Some herald the
project as the savior of Ketchikan because it will open up land on
Pennock Island to residential development, despite the fact that
Ketchikan's population has been shrinking.

This silliness has become a symbol of the wanton fiscal irresponsibility of the Republican-controlled White House and Congress. In fact the transportation bill in question won the Best in Show prize for most pork in a bill ever. 6271 pork projects -- very impressive.

So, in a misguided attempt to right this wrong and stop the other kids from making fun on them, Congressional Republicans have decided instead, to give local Alaskan officials a blank $422 million check to spend as they see fit. They can still build the bridge if they like, or perhaps they'll spend it on dog-pulled rickshaws.

But as the Carpetbagger points out, if this is what passes for fiscal responsibility, were are all in deep doo-doo.

This is what passes for Republican fiscal restraint in 2005. A $286 billion transportation bill will still cost $286 billion, but now local officials will have more say over how .001% of the bill is spent. It's quite an accomplishment.

Our Reprehensible Vice President

Members of the Frontiers of Freedom Institute got an earful last night, then had trouble wading through the knee-deep bullshit on their way to the restrooms, where, if they were wise, they "purged" after "binging" on Dick Cheney's rancid rhetoric.

In the sharpest White House attack yet on critics of the Iraq war, Vice
President Dick Cheney said on Wednesday that accusations the Bush
administration manipulated intelligence to justify the war were a "dishonest
and reprehensible" political ploy.

Dishonest and Reprehensible? Are you fucking kidding me?

What is dishonest and reprehensible is manipulating intelligence (which BTW is proven, not just rumor) and lying to Congress and the American people about it, babbling incessantly about Iraq's non-existant WMD, ties to 9/11 and al Queada, making a 3000% profit on your Halliburton stock options, then when the press and the public demand an explanation, accusing them of re-writing history.

It's also reprehensible is that we allowed these idiots to get a second term. They are engaged in a big ol' propaganda campaign right now, and if we don't pay attention and educate ourselves, these greedy killers and their ilk will continue to wage war against all that is decent.

Pointing out the facts and demonstrating your displeasure with the current state of affairs is anything but dishonest and reprehensible. Even apple pie is not more American than speaking out against the government. Freedom to petition the government, freedom to speak your mind, and freedom of and from religion are what this country was built on. Perhaps Mr. Cheney needs go back and read the Constitution.

November 16, 2005

Is Scott McClellan On His Way Out?

Far be it from me to spread unconfirmed rumors, but they wouldn't be rumors if they weren't unconfirmed, now would they?

I can't find a legitimate link for this, so I'm just gonna make some shit up. Crooks and Liars is linking to First Draft, but First Draft's page won't display at the moment.

So, given that disclosure, the question remains -- Is White House Press Secretary and spokespuppy Scott McClellan on his way out?

I can only imagine what a shitty job being the White House's #1 apologist must be. The constantly having to lie and evade questions from scary octogenarian ladies, the likes of Helen Thomas. Especially now that Jeff Gannon is no longer in the crowd to "get his back," if you know what I mean, the stress must really be getting to poor little Scottie.

But lets say Scottie really does resign. Who will take his place? Harriet Miers? Jeff Gannon himself? Brownie? Barney the First Dog? The possibilities are simply endless, and I can't wait to see how this turns out.

But if Scottie does resign, I wish him the best, and that after all that required lying to the press is finally over, I hope he can sleep better at night.

UPDATE: Astute commenter Midori, from Crooks and Liars found us some nice links here and here on this topic that might be helpful and entertaining.

Bush's Bitches

After pouring over Insight Magazine, An offshoot of the Moonie Times, Matt Drudge is reporting that a bitter George Bush is feeling betrayed by many of his senior aides and advisors. He's getting more and more reclusive and restricting access to the oval office. The only people he has daily contact with are his mommy, his wifey, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, and Undersecretary of State, Karen Hughes. He doesn't even talk to his daddy anymore, except on family occasions.

Now how the heck is this man supposed to run the country and keep tabs on this war that he started, without speaking to the fellas running the war?

Doesn't it seem suspiciously like the whole leadership of our country is going to hell in a handbasket? The internets are rife with rumors of Chimpy drinking again. During his speech in Virginia for gubernatorial candidate Kilgore, he was holding on to the podium for deal life, and could barely stand up. His disapproval ratings are skyrocketing, and many sources are saying he and Vice President Dick Cheney aren't really speaking anymore.

I don't think Chimpy wants to play anymore. I think he wants to take his toys and go home. Only Cindy Sheehan will be there waiting for him when he gets there. Maybe if he stays drunk throughout his Thanksgiving holiday, he'll forget she's there.

Shakespeare's Sister has an interesting take on this. She's disturbed that rather than seeking advice from informed people, he's seeking solace from his biggest fans.

November 15, 2005

Kook Right Politics Trump Science Again

I admit I was a bit taken aback when I heard that Kansas can now teach intelligent design in public schools. As some of you know, I grew up in Kansas and I didn't let the Kook Right get to me, so don't y'all fret now about kids coming out of Kansas ignorant. As we all know, most of the kids that get out of Kansas are smart, and the ones that stay are ignorant. The very few exceptions I've seen are those frightened few, huddled together for emotional and intellectual support in Lawrence, KS and at Kirby's Beer Store in Wichita.

But today, I see another example of the Kook Right squashing science. Only this one is much more disturbing, as it has the potential to really harm some people rather than just contribute humorous talking points to bloggers and late-night comics. The Government Accountability Office (GAO) has just released a report showing that the FDA did not follow it's usual procedures in rejected an application to make the Plan B Contraceptive available over-the-counter.

The report outlines four areas that were inwhich the handling was "unusual."

-- The heads of the FDA offices that reviewed Barr's application --
Dr. Florence Houn, whose office deals with reproductive drugs, and Dr.
Jonca Bull, responsible for over-the-counter medicines -- refused to
sign the agency's decision because they disagreed with it. Dr. John
Jenkins, director of the Office of New Drugs, also disagreed and did
not sign the decision.

-- High-level management was more involved in the decision than is
usually the case for over-the-counter approvals, the GAO said.

-- Investigators cited the conflicting accounts among midlevel and
senior managers over whether the decision to reject the request was
made before scientific evaluations had been completed.

-- The rationale for shielding younger adolescents "was novel and did
not follow FDA's traditional practices," the report said. In the past,
the agency had not made such distinctions about age when it came to
contraceptive use.

Now, we already knew that, 67 medications were approved for sale without a prescription since 1994 and that Plan B was is the only drug rejected by the FDA when the advisory committee approved it.

The most telling part of this whole thing is of course, the timing of the tacit "rejection" and the completion of the study. It's a litte confusing, but pay attention and read what Think Progress says:

FDA officials, including the Director and Deputy Director of the
Office of New Drugs and the Directors of the Offices of Drug Evaluation
III and V, told us that they were told by high-level management that the
Plan B OTC switch application would be denied months before staff had
completed their reviews of the application. The Director and Deputy
Director of the Office of New Drugs told us that they were told by the
Acting Deputy Commissioner for Operations43 and the Acting Director of
CDER, after the Plan B public meeting in December 2003, that the
decision on the Plan B application would be not-approvable. They
informed us that they were also told that the direction for this
decision came from the Office of the Commissioner. Both office reviews
were not completed until April 2004.

Plan B is a drug that prevents pregnancies after unprotected sex. It doesn't cause abortions. It is effective before fertilization and most effective within 24 hours after sex. So, as you can see, The Kook Right Overloads waved their Magic Kook Right Wands and now women who could have easily prevented their pregnancies now will have to deal with unwanted pregnancies.

November 14, 2005

Let's Hear it For Obstructionists!

During my Sunday morning hangover ritual of water, vitamins, aspirin and Meet the Press, Tim Russert posed this question to Howard Dean:

But there's no Democratic plan on Social Security. There's no
Democratic plan on the deficit problem. There's no specifics. They say,
"Well, we want a strong Social Security. We want to reduce the deficit.
We want health care for everyone," but there's no plan how to pay for it.

And Howard Dean responded:
Right now it's not our job to give out specifics. We have no control
in the House. We have no control in the Senate. It's our job is to stop
this administration, this corrupt and incompetent administration, from
doing more damage to America. And that's what we're going to do. We're
doing our best. Look at the trouble they're having putting together a
budget. Why is that? Because there's still a few moderate Republicans
left who don't think it's OK to cut school lunch programs, who don't
think it's OK to do some of the appalling things that they're doing in
their budget....

Dr. Dean did a fine job answering the question, but the way The Rude Pundit fields this question is much more effective, though probably not appropriate for Sunday morning talk shows.

The right loves to say any time the Democrats resist or block a
Republican bill or nominee or idea, "Well, Democrats, why don't you tell
us what you'd like to do? What's your plan?" That's like a rapist getting
kicked in the nuts by his potential victim and then asking her, "Well,
okay, since you don't want to be fucked, what would you like to do?"
The only proper response is not for the victim to suggest alternate
activities ("Well, rapist, we could play a lively game of whist"), but
to say, "I'd like you to be dead. No, no, even better, I'd like you to
be buried alive. In a small coffin. Filled with scorpions. And covered
in shit."

If the Democrats had a brilliant plan for universal healthcare, do you really think they would even be allowed to debate it on the Senate Floor? If the House Democrats had a comprehensive energy policy that would solve all the present energy problems rather than give handouts to corporate welfare queens like Exxon, do you really think Dennis Hastert would let them discuss it?

The most the Democrats can do until 2006, is hang tight and try to keep the Republicans from ruining our country even more than they already have. As the minority party, that's what our job is right now.

Kissing 800 Years of Legal Precedent Goodbye

About the time my drinking binge Thursday afternoon began, The U.S. Senate was busy adding an amendment to a Pentagon finance bill that strips just about all rights from War on Terror&trade detainees in Guantanamo and other similar detention facilities.

Habeas Corpus, the right to compel the government to justify itself when it imprisons people, has been around since 1215 A.D. It dates back to the Magna Carta. Yes, the United States Senate, with it's copious quantity of lawyers, is trying to reverse 800 years of legal precedent.

If this passes the House unchanged, the U.S. will grant itself the right to detain anyone they want, for as long as they wish, without having to utter the slightest peep as to why.

There's lots of good information about this out there. Talk Left is all over it. P. Sabin Willit wrote a heart wrenching article for the Washington Post. And the Guardian has a nice article too.

Ronda Storms Continues Her Assault on the Children of Hillsborough County

Yes, the wicked witch of East Hillsborough County is at it again.

This time stealing money from needy children.

IMAGO Magazine's fifth annual Auction for Angels is supposed to take place Nov. 19, but now it may not take place at all. This year, they expected to raise $30,000 for A Gift for Teaching of Tampa, which distributes school supplies to needy children and teachers, and Blooming Place for Kids, a Clearwater charity for neglected and abused children.

However, because of Ronda's extreme hatred of needy and abused children, she may have single-handedly squashed the event.

Ronda received an invitation in the mail for Auction for Angels and damned near shit herself right in her too-tight panty-hose when she saw that Joe Redner Enterprises was a sponsor for the event. Redner was generous enough to donate $500 to the event. For those of you that may not know, Joe Redner also owns a strip club along with a fitness club and lots of other real estate.

Storms said she called three other businesses shown as sponsors -
Wyndham Westshore, Decker Ross Interiors and the Tampa Bay
Lightning - to ask whether they knew that Redner also was a sponsor
and that they were being linked with the adult entertainment industry.
She was troubled by the invitation'’s use of a girl's picture near
Redner'’s logo.


"This girl is a very little girl," Storms said. "It looks to me in the
picture like she still has her baby teeth. Anytime it looks to me like a
child is being exploited, and in my opinion associating a child with the
adult entertainment industry looks like they're being exploited, then I'm
going to address that."

Yes Ronda, that child is being exploited. And all the other children that stand to lose from you crushing this event are being exploited too. But not by Joe Redner or by the adult entertainment industry. They are being exploited by you and your batshit agenda, for your political gain, plain and simple.

Thanks to Blogwood for getting up early Sunday morning to tell us about this!

November 11, 2005

Gulf Sunset

This was taken Saturday during a largely windless 65 mile sailboat race from Clearwater to Davis Islands. There's not a better way I can think of to spend eighteen hours, than on a 34 foot sailboat with five friends, two cases of beer, and some very tasty beef stew.

Kooky Pat Robertson's At It Again

I betcha the fine folks in Dover, Pennsylvania who voted out all eight of the half-witted pro-intelligent design school board members are shaking in their sneakers.

Pat Robertson has warned them.

"I'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover: if there is a disaster
in your area, don't turn to God, you just rejected Him from your city,"
Robertson said on his daily television show broadcast from Virginia, "The
700 Club."

"And don't wonder why He hasn't helped you when problems begin, if they
begin. I'm not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just
voted God out of your city. And if that's the case, don't ask for His help
because he might not be there," he said.

I don't know about you guys, but I don't live anywhere near Dover, Pennsylvania, and even I'm spooked.

Is Turd Blossom Prematurely Blossoming?

The NY Times is reporting that Karl Rove (a.k.a Turd Blossom) is back to his old ornery and villainous self again after a brutal few months of hunkering down in fear of Patrick Fitzgerald's grand jury.

"I've noticed a big difference," said one Republican in regular
contact with Mr. Rove who declined to speak for attribution because the
White House did not authorize it. "There's a spring in his step, more
focus, more - something. Some sort of weight off his shoulders."

A senior administration official said Mr. Rove was back "in a good
mood," sending off rapid-fire e-mail, sticking his head into meetings
uninvited and acting in a familiar, mischievous manner.

But is it just an Indian summer for Bush's Brain? He dodged the bullet this time and was not indicted, yet he was not cleared either. Fitzgerald's investigation is still ongoing, and could likely bring some more White House shenanigans to light.

Don't count your chickens before they hatch Karl.

I Love the Sound of Democracy in the Morning

Condi paid a surprise visit to both the sheep and the leaders of Iraq yesterday.

Earlier, the secretary arrived at a military airport and rode by
helicopter to a U.S. base near Mosul, flying over sheep grazing next to
the roofless shells of bombed-out buildings and houses.

Baa-Baa Boom!

Rice met behind closed doors in Baghdad with several prominent Sunni
Arab leaders, including tribalist leader and Vice President Ghazi

It is still unclear as to whether the sheep were included in the "closed door meeting."

Trickle-Down Dishonesty

Most Americans say they aren't impressed by the ethics and honesty of
the Bush administration, already under scrutiny for its justifications
for an unpopular war in Iraq and its role in the leak of a covert
CIA officer's identity.

Almost six in 10 - 57 percent - said they do not think the Bush
administration has high ethical standards and the same portion says
President Bush is not honest, an AP-Ipsos poll found.

Gosh, I wonder what caused such a sentiment to permeate this great land.

Could it be Bush saying he'd fire anyone involved in the Plame leak and then not doing it? Or Perhaps his State of the Union address when he lied about Iraq getting Uranium from Niger? Or maybe the "We don't torture" comment he made on Monday? Or perhaps a whole host of other lies that Bush Watch has so generously compiled for us?

And then in his Administration and party we have the likes of Tom DeLay, being indicted for conspiracy and money laundering, and Scooter Libby being indicted on one count of obstruction of justice, two counts of perjury and two counts of making false statements, and let's not forget David Safavian, former White House aide, indicted on five counts of lying.

So, what is the White House doing about all this willy nilly fibbing?

Bush, who promised in the 2000 campaign to uphold "honor and integrity"
in the White House, last week ordered White House workers, from
presidential advisers to low-ranking aides, to attend ethics classes.


The mandatory White House lectures on ethics for its employees came
after the Libby indictment, and some people say they aren't impressed.

"It's like shutting the barn door after the horse escaped," said John
Morrison, a Democrat who lives near Scranton, Pa.

And I think the barn door has been left open for way too long.

Honesty is such a lovely word.

November 10, 2005

Your Shocking Statistic For The Day

President George W. Bush and the current administration have now
borrowed more money from foreign governments and banks than the
previous 42 U.S. presidents combined, which the Blue Dog Coalition
in the House of Representatives called “astounding.”

Throughout the first 224 years (1776-2000) of our nation’s history, 42
U.S. presidents borrowed a combined $1.01 trillion from foreign
governments and financial institutions according to the U.S. Treasury
Department. In the past four years alone (2001-2005), the Bush
Administration has borrowed a staggering $1.05 trillion.

Just like all those other businesses he ran into the ground, our Preznit is trying to do the same thing to our country. What happened to the GOP being the party of fiscal responsibility? Note to George Sr.: Next time your son asks to borrow the credit card, say "No."

via All Spin Zone

November 09, 2005

Frist, Santorum, Sheepdogs and Schadenfreude

My friend Rod, who should totally write more, emailed this shocking photo of Rick Santorum, Bill Frist and Trent Lott. After a thorough investigation, we were able to discover it's true meaning.

Rod: i like this picture for some reason i can't quite put my finger on...

Me: this is so obviously one of Bill's video diagnoses, only he's using hand puppets to do it. Rick is looking on, perplexingly sexually turned on by the whole sordid show.

Rod: i think rick is very intrigued by where bill's doctorly hands might have been and wishing they'd been there on his behalf. rick santorum is so getting caught in a gay lovenest with a personal assistant and a sheepdog, i just know it. now that's the kind of schadenfreude i can get behind.

Me: but the question remains. is ricky's love nest in virginia or pennsylvania? and is he unfairly discriminating against tax-paying sheepdogs of one of those states? trent lott just looks pissed. "one little racist comment, and they put these guys in charge, geez"

Rod: trent lott's also saying to himself, "faggot," as he looks at rick who's looking lovingly at the hand of frist. it's a veritable triangle of bad faith and bigotry.

What do you think? Are we right on, or is there something even more sinister afoot?

On The Topic of Torture, Helen Thomas Tortures Scottie McClellan Into Submission

The President says "we don't torture," yet the Vice President is trying to get an exemption from McCain's anti-torture bill for the CIA.

We all know that already and have been perplexingly going "hmmmmm" ever since we heard. But even so, go read this tortuous exchange between White House Correspondent Helen Thomas and White House Press Secretary Scottie McClellan regarding these two seemingly contrary positions of George Bush and Dick Cheney.

A truly fascinating read!

But make sure you read all the way to the end, even if you start looking for sharp objects with which to poke your eyes out on or around Scottie's tenth or eleventh non-answer.

At the end McClellan essentially passes the buck and says he has no idea what Cheney is doing or why he is doing it, and please refer your question to the Vice President's office, if you are so inclined.

MR. McCLELLAN: Again, you asked me -- you want to ask questions of the Vice President's office, feel free to do that. We've made our position very clear, and it's spelled out on our website for everybody to see.

Do I sense a little lack of cohesion in the White House? Does Scottie not speak for both the President and the Vice President anymore?

White House Officials Begin Stoking the Propaganda Machine Flames

After brutal defeats in the gubernatorial races last night, Bush and Cheney getting slammed in the polls, and a host of indictments and criminal investigations, the White House goons have decided to launch a "campaign-style" bold-faced lie-dissemination offensive in a mis-guided attempt to win back the public's esteem.

This time, their fabrication du jour is "that pre-war intelligence was faulty, it was not manipulated and everyone was working off the same intelligence."

What complete and utter bullshit!

So, when you hear Bill O'Reilly tonight on the Fox News Network spewing forth this whopper of a fish story, please remember the Downing Street Memo that explicitly states "the intelligence and facts were being fixed around the policy.

Remember the timeline of events leading up to the Iraq War and how legitimate intelligence was poo-pooed in favor of made-up crap.

Remember the recently disclosed memo that shows that even though the Bush Administration knew that Ibn al-Shaykh al-Libi, “was intentionally misleading the debriefers" in claiming that Iraq was supporting al-Qaeda, they continued to cite him as a credible source in promoting the war in Iraq.

So be on your toes the next few days. Arm yourselves with the facts, and don't let those rat-bastards get you down.

Fox News: Un-Fair and Un-Balanced or Just Top Heavy?

Fox News Vice President Joe Chillemi has quite the potty mouth and appears to have a rather vocal and colorful aversion to pregnant women's boobies.

In part of the complaint, it is said that Chillemi regularly made
"derogatory comments about pregnant women (such as regularly stating
hat a pregnant woman had "tits" that were "fucking huge" and like
"cannons" or "melons" and the on-air talent's breasts needed to be
"covered" or not shown when the pregnant woman was being filmed)."

He's being sued for sex-based discrimination for "telling women that they have put his 'cock' or 'dick' on a chopping block." And for saying things like "if it came down between a man and a woman, of course I'd pick the man. The woman would most likely get pregnant and leave."

Tsk, tsk, tsk. Naughty, naughty, naughty.

You can read all the juicy details here.

November 08, 2005

Republicans Keep Shooting Themselves in the Foot

"Ouch!" says The Foot, "Quit Shooting me!"

Astute reader, Mary alerted me to Trent Lott's comments that all the info the press was reporting about CIA prisons in Europe came from a Republicans only luncheon. So, it's likely that the guilty party is a Gee Oh Pee Senator.

Ed Henry from CNN:

Trent Lott at a Senate Republican luncheon, Republican senators only,
last tuesday the day before the story ran in the Washington Post. Lott
noted that Vice President Cheney was also in the room for that discussion
and Lott said point blank "a lot of it came out of that room last Tuesday,
pointing to the room where the lunch was held in the capitol." He added of
senators "we can't keep our mouths shut." He added about the vice
president, "He was up here last week and talked up here in that room right
there in a roomful of nothing but senators and every word that was said in
there went right to the newspaper." He said he believes when all is said and
done it may wind up as an ethics investigation of a Republican senator,
maybe a Republican staffer as well. Senator Frist's office not commenting
on this development. The Washington Post not commenting either.

I can imagine that Senator Frist's office might need to sleep on this one before commenting.

And of course the money quote from Trent:

"We can not remain silent. We have met the enemy, and it is us."

Really, they make it too easy for us.

Hastert and Frist Concerned about Drippy Faucet While Toilet Overflows

Let's say that your toilet has been overflowing for three years. All kinds of remarkably smelly things are regularly strewn across your bathroom floor. It keeps happening. You won't stop it. It's causing permanent damage to your bathroom fixtures. And not only is it pissing off your family, but the stench is begining to waft over to the neighbors' homes, and they are pissed too.

One evening, after an especially challenging toilet overflow clean-up job, you realize that the sink is dripping. You shout at your wife to call a plumber for the drippy faucet, but insist that the plumber do nothing about the commode that's been overflowing. For three years now.

Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist and House Speaker Dennis Hastert
are circulating a letter calling for a congressional leak investigation
into the disclosure of secret U.S. interrogation centers abroad.


House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi said Republican leaders should
also investigate possible manipulation of prewar intelligence on
Iraq and the disclosure of covert CIA officer Valerie Plame's

"If Speaker Hastert and Majority Leader Frist are finally ready to
join Democrats' demands for an investigation of possible abuses of
classified information, they must direct the House and Senate
Intelligence Committees to investigate all aspects of that issue,"
said Pelosi.

Yes, it seems that our government is run by a bevy of rotten angry dysfunctional incompetent halfwits.

"Asshole says what?"


Chimpy falls for the oldest trick in the book.

Republican Smut

In keeping with the all too common Republican themes of bestiality, pedophilia and corpse robbery, a novel written in 1996 by none other than Scooter Libby has re-surfaced.

An inscribed copy of "The Apprentice: A Novel," which Libby wrote in
1996 when he was a relative unknown outside Washington, was on sale on
online bookseller on Monday for $2,400. Unsigned hardcover
copies were going for $700.

Now out of print, the novel tells the story of an innkeeper apprentice
in a bizarre coming-of-age story set in Japan in 1903. It is littered
with edgy sexual material and strong language.

"Wow, who would have thought that clean living, family values man
Scooter Libby was capable of writing such filth," said one reviewer
on Amazon. Another Amazon reviewer noted its "lavish dollops of
voyeurism, bestiality, pedophilia and corpse robbery."

First of all, I'm not sure how you can call Scooter Libby a "clean living, family values man" when he so obviously played a role in outing a CIA agent and putting the whole country at risk as well as lied to Congress and the American people in a push towards and illegal war.

But putting that aside, this is another juicy tome to add to the Republican Smut section of your library. I'm putting my copy right between Sisters by Lynne Cheney and my printed copy of Andrea Mackris's sexual harassment complaint against Bill O'Reilly.

Hypocrisy Rears It's Ugly Head

In a startling display of hypocrisy that might just be followed by a speedy kharmic kick in the ass, Rep. John Hostettler (R-IN) has asked for federal aid for victims of the tornado in his district.

John Hostettler was one of the eleven republicans that voted against the relief bill for victims of hurricane Katrina.

Jay Howser, the campaign manager for Democrat Brad Ellsworth, who is
challenging Hostettler next year, said that the campaign had already
raised Hostettler's Katrina vote and that now is not the time to bring
the tornado, which killed 22, into the conversation.

"I just don't want to go there right now," Howser said. "We're less
than 24 hours from this happening."


The Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee (DCCC) declined
to comment on the race. But privately, Democrats voiced disbelief and
amusement with Hostettler, saying the fifth-term congressman would
rather help tsunami victims halfway around the world and rebuild Iraq
than aid poor Americans drenched by hurricanes.

One prominent Indiana Democratic source recalled: “It’s something that
we were talking about when he made the first vote. What happens if
something like this happens in our own back yard? And then it did.”

Did Johnny make an oopsie?

November 07, 2005

Wow, Our President is Stupid

Tiny Little Dots found a doozy of a quote today from our brilliant and perceptive Commander in Chief.

At one point, da Silva even exhibited a map of his country, which is
larger than the continental United States. "Wow! Brazil is big," Amorim
quoted the U.S. president as responding.

Next thing you know, he'll be figuring out that you can't really dig a hole straight through the earth to China.

What Ronda Has Built, Let No North Carolina Cheerleader Tear Down

In a startling blow to County Commissioner Ronda Storm's attempt to rid the city of Tampa of all things gay and lesbian, two North Carolina Panther's cheerleaders were charged with battery, then one was charged with giving a false name after a bathroom brawl. The fracas stemmed from the cheerleaders' rudely hogging the bathroom at Banana Joe's while they were engaged in "a sexual activity."

Perhaps the harm and pooch-screwing that Ronda has done to the local economy with her personal war on Gay Pride, will be nullified by out-of-state tourists flocking to "Tampa - The Home of Lesbian Sex and Girl Fights in Public Restrooms."

UPDATE: As a responsible blogger, I guess I should update this post with a disclaimer that now the cheerleaders are denying that they were engaged in sexual activity. So much for that increase in tourism.

And I'm a Monkey's Uncle

"We do not torture," George Bush arrogantly declares.

So, can anyone tell me why Vice President Dick Cheney is working tirelessly so that McCain's anti-torture bill won't affect the CIA?

And why is the federal government trying so gawd awfully hard to keep the
87 photos and four videotapes from Abu Ghraib from being released?

I don't see how anyone can believe a word that comes out of these guys' mouths anymore. If Chimpy declared today that the sky was blue, I'd have to poke my head outside and check, just to make sure.

Searching For Bush's Swagger

Did Dr. Evil use his Time Machine to travel back to 1969 and steal Chimpy's swagger?

From the Washington Post: Bush struggles to regain pre-hurricane swagger

White House aides want to reestablish Bush's swagger — the
projection of competence and confidence in the White House that has
carried the administration through tough times since the Sept. 11,
2001, attacks.

But if he really wants to recover from sagging approval ratings, he's gonna have to crawl before he walks. Unlike an Austin Powers movie, folks just don't stop being Evil overnight.

November 01, 2005

Bart's in Charge Again

I hate to do this again to you guys, but I'm going out of town this afternoon. Yes, a conference in Chicago is where I'll be. I'll be back in Tampa Friday afternoon, but can't be certain when posting will resume. I'll be bringing my laptop with me, but doubt I'll have much time for blogging.

Bart is in charge again, so please be nice to him. He had a rough Halloween night will all those spooky ghosts and goblins stopping by for candy last night.

In the meantime, please use this as an open thread to share your loosing your virginity story, or your getting caught masturbating story, your most embarrassing moment in junior high story, or really any good juicy story will do. Feel free to make one up or use a friend's, if you don't have a good one. After spending all day at a conference tomorrow and Thursday, I'll need some good reading material.

Going Down Swinging

After blogging for almost year now, I've learned a lot of mean nasty things about our government. The corruption, greed, hate and unadulterated evil is flowing copiously from the White House and the Legislative branch, and is threatening the Supreme Court as well. We've got three years of Chimpy left, and sometimes I think we all get Bush Fatigue. Bush Fatigue is when you see so much fucked up stuff that you simply can't believe this is happening to your country and you think maybe it's not worth the fight. Maybe we should all move to Canada or the Caribbean or Europe.

Have I mentioned lately how much I love The Poor Man? He's married and all now, so I'll have to worship him from afar, but that's the breaks, right? Nonetheless, he's got a fantastic post about the Alito nomination and how Democrats should fight back, even if resistance is futile.

What I can't understand is how a situation where you perpetually
give Republicans your lunch money is supposed to be better than the one
where you make them push you into a snowbank and take it from you.
From a lunch money perspective, there's no difference at all, and
while you may end up with a dirty mouthful of frozen slush, you might
get in a shot or two that would make them think twice about trying it


The nuclear option is Tom DeLay's version of Double Secret
Probation, and it needs to be dealt with in the same glorious fashion.
Perhaps Alito is Neidermeyer in this analogy, or perhaps he is someone
else, I don't really know. What I do know is that this situation
absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on
somebody's part. Here, I'll get you started: considering a range of
data from Alito to the rape of boys in Abu Ghraib to the seemingly
endless parade of conservative Republican child molesters, would it
be possible to identify any issue on which Republicans are more united
than on their God-given right to engage in private and government-
funded pedophilia? Off you go.

I know sometimes things just don't seem right. We are all truly amazed at how much wool Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld and the whole beastly lot of them can yank over the eyes of the unsuspecting American people. We wonder if we can ever recover from the damage they've done to our country. But hang in there guys. Keep fighting the good fight. It will be over soon. I promise.