Is Anal Sex as American as Apple Pie?

Guy Adams from Renew America, a card carrying loonie and wingnut extraordinaire who forgot to take his tolerance pills, asks this pertinent and timely question:

So let me ask you bluntly, if I might: What is so "American" about things like anal sex between two men?

Gosh, well let me answer bluntly.

The very fist sentence of the Constitution of the United States plainly states:

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect
Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the
common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings
of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish
this Constitution for the United States of America.

"Perfect Union" -- If the James Dobson-approved union of one man and one woman doesn't work for you then, by golly you should be free to find a "more perfect" one right?

"insure Domestic Tranquility" -- If your idea of "domestic tranquility" includes a pool boy with lisp, a tight asshole and sturdy knees you should have all the rights in he world to pursue such domestic tranquility.

"secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity" -- or "Posterior." I sure this was just a typo and I think we all want our posteriors to be equally blessed under the rule of law.

In conclusion, Mr. Adams, I'd like to add that anal sex between two men is as American as apple pie. So is a person's right to privacy and to do whatever he or she darned well pleases in the privacy of the bedroom.

Kudos to The Poor Man for leading me to this heaping pile of dung.

The Alternative Lifestyles SOTU Address Game

For those of you that tire of the same old boring drinking games, want to try something different, or simply can't stop drinking during George Bush's speeches long enough to tell someone else to drink, here's one for you. It comes highly recommended for fetishists, exhibitionists and bored college students.

So here's whatcha gotta do. Be the first person to shout "I'm moving to Canada!" when Bush says the following words or phrases, then do what it says:

Equality: Trade underpants with the person on your left
Freedom: Take off your clothes and run down the block and back
Torture: Pick someone to take their pants off, point and laugh at their genitals
Terror: Wiggle your naughty bits in the face of the person on your right
Medicare or Health Savings Plans: Find the oldest person in the room and take away his/her medication
Iraq: Find the brownest male person in the room, handcuff him and attach electrodes to his testicles, then smear menstrual blood on him
Surveillance: Log on to the host/hostesses computer and tell everyone what they've been looking at on the internets
Social Security Personal Accounts: Stick a 30 inch dildo up the orifice of the person on your left

And the bonus phrase:
Justice Alito: Provided you have a poo-eater or water sports aficionado in attendance, have him/her explain to everyone why he/she enjoys it so much

Given that you play this game during the State of the Union Address and drink Wild Turkey continuously, afterwards you won't give a hamster's patootie about the State of the Union.

The Real State of the Union Address Party Pack

One of my operatives sent me a link to this site, where the clueless can purchase pro-Chimpy party packs for their State of the Union Address watch parties.

However, upon further investigation, I found all they have available in their party packs in 'W' hats, stickers, stadium cups and yard signs.

Very 2005, if you ask me.

We didn't just elect president this year, we are apologizing for the failures of the one we elected last year.

Big difference.

So, what we really need is a party pack consisting of the following:

1. Electronic surveillance equipment (to spy on your neighbors)
2. Coat hangers (for do it yourself abortions)
3. Handy-Dandy "Return Your Abramoff-Tainted Campaign Donations" Kit
4. Deferment papers (To support the Iraq War, you needn't fight in it. Geez.)
5. Anal lube (only for those not in the top 1% income level)

Please let me know if I forgot anything. It is late in the afternoon and I haven't started drinking yet.

So Many Scandals and Injustices, So Little Time

It really is a crying shame that the whole filibustering Alito-thingy is probably not going to work. I have to agree with John and AmericaBlog that if the Democrats really wanted to keep this batshit loonie off the Supreme Court, they should have started the process weeks or even months ago.

But unfortunately, because of the incompetence, corruption and criminal activity that is so pervasive in the White House and with Congressional Republicans, it's just really hard to focus on just one scandal or just one injustice at a time.

Democrats have been so outraged because of the White House's domestic spying without warrants, their illegal wars, outing CIA agents for political gain, and they've been trying to make hay while the Abramoff-Sun shines, that they've neglected that little ol' Supreme Court vacancy thingy.

The Modern Republican Party really is trying to stuff all kinds of crap up the asses of the American people, and it's getting more and more difficult every day to defend the sanctity of said asses.

So, I think the moral of the story is "watch your ass"... and your internet activity and your phone calls and don't get pregnant and get anyone pregnant, don't be black, latino or any other minority, and for heaven sakes, don't be gay or a woman.

Follow my advice and you'll do just fine in George Bush's America.

How a War Bill Becomes a War Law

For those of you who were fans of Schoolhouse Rock or didn't get drunk before high school Civics, and know how regular bills become laws, you'll appreciate Fafblog's attempt to educate us on how a War Bill becomes a War Law.

Q. How does a War Bill become a War Law?

A. It all begins with the president, who submits a bill to the president.
If a majority of both the president and the president approve the bill,
then it passes on to the president, who may veto it or sign it into law.
And even then the president can override himself with a two-thirds vote.

Any questions?

Friday Bart Blogging - January 26th, 2006

Bart found this rib bone on the ground the other day while we were walking around the lake. It's a good thing, as the economy is growing at such a small pace, my doggie chew toy fund keeps growing smaller and smaller.

What's Really on the Minds of Supreme Court Nominees

Supreme Court nominee and continually hungry Bush Adminstration fellator Samuel Alito, wonders what it's like to french kiss a Hall of Fame pitcher.

Drinking Liberally - January Edition

Tonight is the January meeting of Drinking Liberally. I expect all of you loyal Tampa-area readers to show up and buy me a beer. And lucky for you, pints are only $2.00 each at the Tampa Bay Brewing Company at 1812 N 15th St in Ybor City on Wednesdays after 8pm.

We'll be in the upstairs section at 8pm waiting for you with the Drinking Liberally logos on the table.

Sex Advice From the Pope

The Pope, who has taken a vow of chastity and most likely has never had sex, is giving sex advice. In fact he wrote 71 pages on the topic.

In the 71-page document "God is Love," Benedict explored the
relationship between the erotic love between man and woman, referred
to by the term "eros," and the Greek word for the unconditional,
self-giving love, "agape" (pronounced AH-gah-pay).

He said the two concepts are most unified in marriage between man and
woman, in which a covetous love grows into the self-giving love of the
other, as well as God's unconditional love for mankind.

So here's a question for all you married folks out there. Did you have better sex before you were married or now? Hot steamy passionate dirty sex with someone you're crazy about or boring old married-person sex with someone who won't do the dishes and insisted that you change you schedule to pick up the kids? Yup that's what I thought.

"Eros, reduced to pure 'sex' has become a commodity, a mere 'thing' to
be bought and sold, or rather, man himself has become a commodity."

Au contraire your holiness..... It's free, with the exception of birth control and the cost of those roofies that your cousin gave you. Yessiree, It's free, it feels good, it relieves stress, it can curl your toes and if you do it right, you just might see God.

Bush's Super-Secret Spy Program

Bush was traveling to the heavily secured site of the super-secret spy
agency in suburban Maryland Wednesday to give a speech behind closed
doors and meet with employees in advance of Senate hearings on the
much-criticized domestic surveillance.

His super-secret speech will involve distributing super-secret talking points, maybe a little super-secret brainwashing and super-secret threats to anyone dissenting.

Bush will also be sporting his super-secret decoder ring and one of the cool little super-secret gadgets that let you see super-secret things around super-secret corners.

Perhaps soon after Febuary 6th, when the hearings begin, the super-secret truth will come out and Congress will impeach his super-secret lyin' law-breakin' dumb ass.

Grippin' and Grinnin' at the White House

What, pray tell, is the White House trying to hide by not releasing photos of George Bush with disgraced lobbyist, Jack Abramoff?

I'm not sure I buy the suggestion that Bush just doesn't want his shiny happy non-corrupt image tarnished by any proximity to Abramoff. I think something even more sinister is afoot.

A vivid image of Bush shaking hands and smiling with Abramoff would
provide fuel for news coverage and commentary, even if such
"grip-and-grin" shots are commonplace for most politicians.

Grip-and-Grin? Commonplace?

Who knew?

I'm just not sure how the American public will react when they see Chimpy's "Oh face" during an Abramoff-induced reach around. Or do you think it's more of a circle jerk?

However, irrespective of the quantity of simultaneous orgasms and number of participants, I have no doubt in my mind that the release of such photos can only offer aid and comfort to our enemies. Our enemies, of course being those that like to watch grown men beat each other off.

State of the Union Address - What to Expect

Yesterday, our Preznit gave us a sneaky-peak of the venom he plans to spew forth next Tuesday.

After carefully reading this, from USA Today, I have concluded that we should expect lies, bad jokes and an overwhelming sense of nausea.

"Failure to make tax relief permanent is a tax raise on the working
people and the small businesses in this country," Bush said.

Au contraire.... giving the richest 1% of Americans a break on taxes simply pisses of working people and ensures that they, their children and grandchildren will have to pay a higher share of Halliburton's contractor fees for years to come.

Speaking at a family-run moving and storage firm, Bush cracked jokes during a 74-minute presentation that included a question-and-answer session.

When a man complaining of traffic congestion said, "We don't get to
use helicopters," Bush replied, "I won't in three years, either."

Does anyone get that? If so, please explain it to me. And if it's that Bush rides in expensive jets rather than helicopters, that's not funny. It's a bit of a "let them eat cake"-ish kind of response.

Bush said he has not given up on the main topic of last year's State
of the Union: changes to Social Security that include individual
investment accounts. Congress balked, but Bush said something would
have to be done to ensure solvency of the two major entitlement
programs, Social Security and Medicare.

"No matter how hard it may seem for some, I'm going to keep talking
about it," he said.

If we have to endure another year of his loathsome Social Insecurity dog and pony shows, I'm afraid the makers of Pepto Bismol and Tums are going to get very, very rich.

And then we have the phrase, "more attractive, more portable, more individualized." However we're unsure if he's referring to health savings accounts or trading in his wife, who evidently doesn't like politics or politicians, for a new model.

Friday Bart Blogging - January 20th, 2006 Edition

Bart demonstrates the proper way to make a house guest feel at home.

Tent Lott - The Wanking Continues

Trent Lott, the Senator from Mississippi who's ever so famous for losing his leadership position in the Senate for pining on about what a great nation this would be if segregationist Strom Thurmond would have been president, has announced he's running for another term in 2006.

So there was Lott in Washington yesterday morning, zesty as ever
in a too-bright-for-Mississippi purple tie. He bounded into the Senate
TV and radio gallery at 10:30. It was the last of three media events --
the first two were held in Mississippi on Tuesday -- in which Lott would
announce his reelection bid for 2006 and who knows what else.

And now after 33 years of wanking it up on Captiol Hill, he just keeps on wanking.

Lott kept his left hand stuffed in his pants pocket. His pinstriped suit
was impeccable pressed, his hair immovable as ever. He was smiling and
looked like he could go all day.

It takes a terribly talented man to masturbate in all day in front of reporters and not muss up his hair.

Those Pervy Feds Are at it Again.

In an attempt to sniff out internet porn and revive a law that was proven unconstitutional by the Supreme Court, our Federal Government is trying to subpoena Google for information including 1 million random web addresses and records of Google searches for a one-week period, among other things.

Since I'm such a good citizen, and I love America soooooo much, I an providing a few searches that led some fine Google users here to my humble little blog.

preventing queefs and cat of nine tails vs 30 inch dildo

I hope this helps.

Fred Phelps is Coming to Town

Ya know, I thought when I left Kansas, I also left Fred Phelps and his band of loonies behind. But alas, they are following me. Fred and the gang from Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, KS are coming to Tampa this weekend.

Here's their picketing schedule:
1/22 8:30 - 9:00 AM, St. John's Episcopal Church, 902 S. Orleans
1/22 10:00 - 11:00 AM, Without Walls International Church, 2511 N. Grady
1/22 11:45 - 12:30 PM, Christ the King Catholic Church, 821 S. Dale Mabry
1/22 5:30 - 6:00 PM, Palma Ceia Presbyterian Church, 3501 San Jose
1/23 7:00 - 7:30 AM Newsome High School, 16550 Fishhawk Blvd
1/23 8:30 - 9:00 AM Hillsborough County Schools, 901 E. Kennedy Blvd.

And I just love his reasoning for picketing Hillsborough County Schools.

The God haters that run this school district can most accurately be
described as the roster of the damned! The blood of EVERY SINGLE
student that passes through that district and lands in hell (which
will likely be ALL of their number, lacking NONE) will be required at
their hands by the Lord their God in the great and terrible Day of
Judgment that is shortly coming!

huh?

Steve Otto from the Tampa Tribune suggests that we should "turn the other cheek" and moon them. That is what Jesus taught us to do, right?

Ronda Storms Wants to Spread Her Hatred and Discrimination All Over Florida

Hillsborough County commissioner Ronda Storms has again announced her candidacy for the District 10 state Senate seat being vacated by Senate President Tom Lee. Storms made this announcement on WTBN-AM 570, which bills itself as Tampa Bay's Christian talk radio station, making a joke of how she's not doing a big-deal grand entry into the race. She previously announced her intentions Friday night on WTVT-Ch. 13.

Mark your calendars for November 7th, 2006. This will potentially be the last day that Hillsborough County's favorite diversity-training-challenged Commissioner will be on the Commission.

Storms will have to submit her resignation at least 10 days before the
start of qualifying, which runs from July 17-21. The letter would be
irrevocable, but she can make it effective the day she would take office as
senator, which is Election Day.

via Sticks of Fire

I wonder, does Tallahassee have lesbian motorcycle gangs?

When You Care Enough To Send Soldiers Into Battle With Defective Body Armor

In another astonishing display of concern for the health and well-being of U.S. soldiers, their commanders are insisting that they forsake the quality body armor that they or their families purchased, and instead wear defective body armor made by a big Republican campaign contributor, or else lose their life insurance benefits and face disciplinary action.

The company that makes the Interceptor OTV body armor is Point Blank Body Armor, a subsidiary of DHB Industries Inc. The CEO of DHB is David H. Brooks. DHB has given $130,000 to lobbying firms from 1998 - 2004, and Brooks has given $25,000 to the National Republican Senatorial Committee.

As it turns out, DHB has been the target of a host of class action suits stemming from a government recall of bullet-proof vests. Evidently, the bullet-proof vests don't really stop bullets. Mind you, these lawsuits have come since they signed a $100 million contract with the Defense Department.

Amazingly enough, shortly after these lawsuits started flooding in, David H. Brooks and other insiders sold off $200 million in stock of DHB. Go figure.

And then even more lawsuits charging purported fraud, misrepresentation, and breach of fiduciary duty came gushing in, as they failed to disclose the problems with the vests.

So I guess the big question is why, oh why, does the Defense Department care more about corporate Republican campaign contributors and the resultant stream o' cash into GOP warchests than the well-being of the men and women in our armed forces? Once they found out that the body armor was defective, they could have found another contractor. But no, they didn't. They must hate our soldiers.

Alternate Brain and YellaDog have all the details and the links.

In Case We Need Another Piece of Evidence of Bush Lying to Us

In another startling piece of evidence pointing to the Bush Administration cherry picking, lying and ignoring legitimate intelligence leading up to the Iraq War, we have this gem.

A high-level intelligence assessment by the Bush Administration
concluded in early 2002 that the sale of uranium from Niger to Iraq
was "unlikely" because of a host of economic, diplomatic and logistical
obstacles, according to a secret memo that was recently declassified by
the State Department.

Among other problems that made such a sale improbable, the
assessment by the State Department's intelligence analysts concluded,
was that it would have required Niger to send "25 hard-to-conceal
10-ton tractor-trailers" filled with uranium across 1,000 miles and at
least one international border.

Not even the collective volume of the brainless heads at the White House is vast enough to concel all that.

So, the Bush Administration concluded this in 2002. Yet Chimpy himself still spoke that infamous lie in the 2003 State of the Union speech, and still used the claim of Iraq's getting uranium from Niger as an excuse to march into Iraq and "liberate" them.

The dishonesty, manipulation, the total disregard humanity and the resulting havoc that's been wreaked around the world and the lives that have been lost or ruined by these guys is simply mind-boggling.

Dick Cheney Stalks his Next Meal

Dick Cheney stalks his prey, Rep. Bob Ney (R-OH), who sits below unaware composing love letters to Jack Abramoff, while Dennis Hastert perches quietly alongside Cheney, hoping he won't meet the same fate.

Would you like Freedom Fries with that meal, Dick?

Big Budget Deficits Caused by Disaster Monkey, Not Natural Disaster

Far be it from me to suggest that the White House is making shit up, bold-faced lying or simply stretching the truth, but do you see anything glaringly wrong with this statement?

The White House said on Thursday deficit spending in the 2006 budget
would soar above $400 billion, well over a July forecast, and the election-
year jolt was blamed largely on Hurricane Katrina costs.

For this exercise, let's put aside the fact that the $400 billion projection is likely exaggerated.

Now hurricane Katrina was a big disaster, and the federal government has authorized spending $85 billion on the recovery. Irrespective of where you place the blame for all that damage, it's no small chunk of change.

But ya know what's a heckuva lot more expensive than the hurricane Katrina recovery? This is a tough question, so think it through before you answer.

I know it's Friday and you've probably already started drinking, so I'll give you a hint. So far the cost is upwards of 200 billion dollars, the majority of taxpayers and voters think it was a mistake, and there's evidence o'plenty flying around all willy-nilly indicating that the Administration tricked Congress Critters and the American public into supporting it.

Now don't everybody answer at once.

Friday Bart Blogging - January 13th Edition

Bart's carrying around the bone that Aunt Northern Pike gave him for Christmas. It's much smaller than the bone she gave him last year, but times are lean. We have two wars to support, and freedom isn't free.

Why George Bush Should be Impeached

In case you guys haven't read this, you really need to. And read the whole thing. It's long, so go pee or grab a drink before you get started.

In fact don't just read it, print out several copies. Send one to each of your relatives that you still speak to. Leave a few copies in the bathroom at work. Email it to your friends. Pass them out to your neighbors. Tack it up on your wall right next to the print out of the Constitution (you do have a copy of the Constitution on your wall, don't you?).

This was written by Elizabeth Holtzman who served four years in Congress and played a key role in Nixon's impeachment. She's smart.

Living and Dying by the Sword in Sugarland

Representative Tom DeLay is in the toughest re-election campaign of
his 11-term House career, a battle that might be decided not only by his
legal problems, but also by the Congressional redistricting plan he
spearheaded in 2003.

Since the Bugman was arrogant enough to assume he could handle an influx of Democrats in his district, he was generous enough to welcome them with open arms into his district, resulting in an increase of about 5% in the Democratic vote.

Now that our poor sad deposed House Republican Leader has been forced to give up his leadership position, and is being indicted for money laundering and such, the competition just got a bit stiffer. Provided he makes it through to November 2006 without resigning, he'll certainly have a tough race ahead of him.

I just hope he can still walk after all that shooting himself in the foot.

The New Dick Cheney

Maybe I've watched Dave and Moon Over Parador one too many times, but I think we might have a new Dick Cheney sitting at the right hand of Chimpy.

             

On the left, we have the old Dick Cheney we've all grown to love and respect, largely due to his starring role in the killing of thousands of Iraqis and U.S. Servicemen and women in an illegal war started on deliberately false pretenses, as well as his telling Patrick Leahy to "go f*ck yourself" on the Senate Floor.

And on the right, we have the new Dick Cheney that came home from the hospital the other night after foot-related shortness of breath, according to the Washington Post.

While they are both old bald men, I just don't think it's the same guy. Note the pointier nose on New Dick Cheney and how he looks almost grandfatherly and compassionate. Quite a difference from Old Dick Cheney.

Now remember, I'm just the messenger. I report, you decide.

Alito on Loftiness of the Law and Super-Duper Precedents

"No person in this country, no matter how high or powerful, is above the law," he said, "and no person in this country is beneath the law."

What's that all about?

Now if one can be neither above nor below the law, that must mean that everyone is on the same platitude as the law. Can we look the law straight in the eyes and say, "Hey bud, let's party?" Can we walk side my side with the law, holding hands and smooching, with neither of us ever taking the lead and neither of us ever falling behind. Can we live in harmony with the law, like yin and yang forever and ever?

It just seems too good to be true, what with Presidents wanting to spy on American citizens without a court order and such.

And then there's the case of the "super-duper precedents" and how they bring back fond memories of combing the supermarket aisles for the perfect laundry detergent.

"I personally would not get into categorizing precedents as super precedents or super-duper precedents," he said. "Any sort of categorization like that sort of reminds me of the size of the laundry detergent in the supermarket."

However, the size of laundry detergent that you purchase at the supermarket has really very little bearing on a woman's right to chose or the potential for the Supreme Court to overturn Roe v. Wade.

But, whatever. If we view these confirmation hearings as subtle comedy rather than as a step for our country in the Fascist direction, it really makes them more bearable. It's just a shame that Alito isn't as handsome and witty as John Roberts.

The Secret Lives of Ex-House Republican Leaders

Being always alert, ever on top of things and perpetually vigilant, I have been tipped off to a scandal in the making.

The lovely Ellen Sauerbrey, whom Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker speaks so highly of, is really Tom DeLay in disguise.



Seeing as how Tom DeLay is likely going to lose his leadership position in the House permanently, and might even have to resign, he's been spotted undercover trying to get a cushy job heading up the State Department'’s Bureau of Population, Refugees and Migration.

Please write your congressman and inform him/her of this travesty of justice.

When I'm Governor....

...and when I'm Governor of Kansas, there will none of that Intelligent Design nonsense taught in public schools.

Debbie and I were pages in Topeka, KS back in the 80's when the Democrats were in charge. I'm the one seated, with that gubernatorial look on my face dreaming of a more progressive Kansas.

Ministering to People is Hard Work

"Why are so late today? And you really look like crap," says the boss.

"I was out ministering to the heathens until the wee hours of the morning sir," says I.

Those darned heathens are so very, very naughty. One in particular needs so much savin' and learnin' that I brought him back to the house for some one-on-one redemption. In fact, near the end of our session, he was shouting praises to God and Jesus.

Yes, doing the lord's work can be challenging, but very rewarding.

Floridians' Faces Turn a Lighter Shade of Pink

After the constant ribbing and perpetually attempting to apologize for all the embarrassing things my state generally offers up to this great nation, finally there is something to be proud of.

The Florida Supreme Court threw out the state's voucher system that
allows some children to attend private schools at taxpayer expense, saying
it violates the state constitution's requirement of a uniform system of
free public schools.

[...]

"What we must do to is to stop hair-brained schemes of funding (private)
schools and focus on adequately funding the public schools," Smith said.
"That's what our constitution requires of us and our taxpayers expect of us."

After that whole 2000 election, electing Jeb Bush, the Terri Schiavo debacle and harboring rabid anti-choice activists like Terry Randall, this offers some redemption for us Floridians, albeit just a little.

How do you like your Supreme Court Nominees Cooked?

Evidently, John Roberts wasn't done enough. We should have sent him back to be cooked until all the pink in the middle was gone and the outside was crustier.

Alito Likely to Be Grilled More Than Roberts

But I'm guessing we won't have those problems with Alito. He's already good and crusty and there's not even a glimmer of pinkness anywere.

No Virginia, This Isn't a Bipartisan Scandal

On the off chance that you might be under the hynotic spell of the Republican National Congressional Committee, Fox "News" or general Republican talking points, and think that Abramoff gave money to Democrats as well as Republicans, read this.

He gave $172,933 to Republicans and $88,985 to special interest groups.

Not one shiny nickel to Democrats.

It's just too precious when you hear the sheep baa-ing about how Democrats are going to go down to. The money they received from Indian tribes or related groups appears to be completely above board and largely due to their genuine commitment to Native American causes, rather than the unadulterated greed that is so prevalent in the GOP.

TPM Cafe has a nice little run down on who is most likely to have to sit in the naughty chair, and suprisingly enough, none of them are Democrats.

The Naivete of the Limitations of Executive Power

In case you had any delusions that the President has to abide by the law, this might cure you of those childish hallucinations.

When President Bush last week signed the bill outlawing the torture of
detainees, he quietly reserved the right to bypass the law under his powers
as commander in chief.

After approving the bill last Friday, Bush issued a ''signing statement" --
an official document in which a president lays out his interpretation of a
new law -- declaring that he will view the interrogation limits in the
context of his broader powers to protect national security. This means
Bush believes he can waive the restrictions, the White House and legal
specialists said.

So evidently this checks and balances thingy of the three-branch government doo-hicky in one of those Democracy dealy-bobs that we all learned about in Civics class is a bunch of hooey.

George really is the King and can do whatever he darned well pleases. I'm just a bit worried about David Brook's anus.

Abramoff Sure Has a Pretty Mouth

Is this just the prettiest mouth you've ever seen on a corrupt lobbyist, or is it just me?

Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman Scorned

Can one loose-lipped acrimonious jilted bride-to-be bring down a host of Republican Congressmen, the likes of Tom DeLay and Bob Ney?

Scanlon was implicated in the Abramoff scandal by his former
thirtysomething fiancee, Emily J. Miller, whom he met in the late 1990s
while working as communications director for former House Majority
Leader Tom DeLay (R-TX), three former associates who worked with
Scanlon at DeLay's office said. Colleagues say Miller went to the FBI
after Scanlon broke off their engagement and announced his intention to
marry another woman.

The way the dominos have fallen so far, is that the Miller ratted out Scanlon, then Scanlon ratted out jack Abramoff. And now Abramoff has agreed to rat out a whole mess of folks, mostly Gee Oh Pee Congress Critters.

Can all the goodies that come out of the Abramoff scandal result in the Democrats taking back the House and Senate in 2006? Will Chimpy get tied in there with Abramoff too? Will I get a pony?

But I have to agree with Tom DeLay's spokesperson here:

"Tom thinks Emily did a fine job for him."

And by golly, I do too!

Got to Get You Into My Life

I'm just not sure in what capacity Bill O'Reilly wants to "get into" the lives of Frank Rich and Bill Keller from the New York Times, but I really think the possibilities are endless.

Bill O'Reilly threatened to "get into" the "lives" of Bill Keller and Frank
Rich of The New York Times because they are "the two main culprits"
at the newspaper, which "routinely uses personal attacks to hurt people
with whom it disagrees."

Even for the unimaginative.

I'm thinking Falafel-wielding love slave. Or Loofah-bearing singing telegram boy, perhaps.

My only hope is to get an advance copy of the film.

St. Pete Times Hearts Katherine Harris

The St. Pete Times has gone and done it again. This impressive show of fair and balanced reporting may even persuade Bill O'Reilly to take them off of his list. In this nauseating ode to Katherine Harris and through their infallible investigative reporting, they have uncovered the secret to her 16 hour days of partisan hackery, baby eating, exhuberant make up application and exessive flirting with married Republican Congressmen from Arizona.

At a committee hearing that has deviated from the typical staged
discussion into a debate on border security, Harris passes the time
reading text messages on her phone and sipping her ever-present
Starbucks. Slipping between meetings, which are often scheduled at
the same time, a staffer sometimes greets her in the hall with a
replacement coffee - triple venti latte, no fat, no foam, two
Sweet'N Lows.

Yes, she drinks triple venti lattes all day long.

She voted to cut corporate taxes $137-billion over 10 years. She
supported amending the Constitution to prohibit same-sex marriage. She
voted for the Medicare prescription drug benefit and against the
importation of prescription drugs. She voted for a ban on partial-birth
abortion except to save a woman's life.

Now all Katherine needs, besides more money and a little support from other Republicans, a stapler to throw at her disgrutled staffers and a new campaign manager, is a nickname given to her by our Preznit. Then she needs to be told she's doing a heckuva job.

Former staffers complain about Harris' management style, describing
her as a politician who is friendly to everyone - lawmakers, constituents,
lobbyists - except her staff.

"She is bubbly to the outside world. But when it comes to her staff, she
saw us as her servants," said Kathy McCord , a Harris spokeswoman from
her days as Florida secretary of state.

But if she doesn't make the cut for U.S. Senate this year, there's always John Bolton's post at the U.N. Remember, he's just there temporarily because of a recess appointment.