Friday Bart Blogging - How Much is That Doggie in the Window Edition

Bart is in charge again this weekend.

Well... let him in already! Before he gets soaking wet
and starts singing "Let it rain, let it rain, let it rain..."

George Bush Tells Reporters That They Are #1

In case you all haven't seen the video of our Preznit flipping the bird to reporters, go watch it.

What he lacks in dignity, he makes up for in obscene finger gestures. All you can do is shake your head sometimes.

War on Pelvic Thrusts

While browsing around the American Family Association website (where the meek should not tread), I found this little doozy, and it really made me giggle.

This lady is waiting for her husband at the gym and she's watching a music video that displays, of all things, pelvic thrusts. She is horribly offended. It's funny. Go read it.

All around me, body parts are in motion. From the moment I push open
the giant glass doors, give my card for the greeters to slide through the
computer and head to the locker room, the signs of body action are
everywhere.

[...]

They lick their lips and shoot us sultry glances. She against him, him
against her ... and her ... and her. A chorus line of pelvic thrusts, and I
suddenly want this song to end.

[...]

Customer service needs to hear from us. We need to restore our sense
of propriety that has been dulled by years of pelvic thrusts set to music.
Reshaping the soul of a nation, like reshaping the body, comes from
attending to what matters ... every little thing.

This woman is seriously repressed.

Headaches - Not Just for Straight People Anymore

The American Family Association is going after Johnson and Johnson for advertising Tylenol PM to gays via the magazine The Advocate.

NGLCC co-founder Justin Nelson put the religious right on notice that
the recent uproar surrounding the marketing of Tylenol PM to the LGBT
community would backfire and that religious conservative interest groups
have reached a new level of ignorance and intolerance. "I didn't know
headaches were only a straight thing," Nelson said tongue-in-cheek about
the latest tirade from the American Family Association (AFA).

If anything, I think they should be going after Johnson and Johnson to change their name to Johnson and Bush or something else. Anything else. Goodness! That name alone offends my sense of moral decency. It conjures up images of two well-trimmed Johnsons happily prancing together holding hands. Certainly not the sort of imagery that the AFA would condone.

Pandering to Minorities

After realizing and enjoying the benefits of
hand-holding with with Saudi Crown
Prince Abdullah, Preznit Bush rushes to share
nuptials with a black man in order to shamelessly
pander to both gays and African Americans

How Iraq is Like Coitus Interruptus

All this talk about pulling out of Iraq has made me consider how the whole Iraq debacle is kind of like the coitus interruptus.

The most obvious, being effectiveness. Coitus interruptus has one of the highest failure rates of all birth control methods. Starting an un-provoked war in Iraq is really ineffectual and useless way to fight Al-Qaeda and WMDs. We all know that Iraq has no ties to Al-Qaeda and no WMDs, and the ineffectiveness of this war is being proven every day.

Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld and Preznit Bush have both declined to say exactly when the pullout will begin and more importantly, when it will be completed. Similarly, I think most of us ladies have heard "it's ok baby, I'll pull out." But we never know for sure when, and if it's going to be fully pulled out in time.

And lastly, if the withdrawl method is done improperly and at the wrong time of the month, well, you're screwed. You are pregnant. And dealing with that is so not what you signed up for. It's gonna cost you a lot of money and probably a lot of emotional trauma too, regardless of how you decide to deal with the situation. Of course the man, who was guilty of the dishonorable discharge can skate if he so desires. You are the one left holding the bag. Or the baby.

Likewise, if we mess up this Iraq thing, which is pretty darned likely, the American taxpayers are screwed. We're gonna be sinking billions into this mess for years to come. No abortions allowed here, we're stuck with this baby for at least eighteen years. Of course the rich lying bureaucrats that got us into this have also given themselves boatloads of tax cuts, so they won't be the ones paying for it. Nope-si-dopesi. It's me and you and our future generations that are gonna have to foot this bill.

So, next time your lover suggests you use the withdrawal method, just think of Iraq, George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld. Thinking of them will kill the mood lickety-split. And that's just about the most effective method of birth control available today.

Nuns Against Religious Hypocrisy

Sister Liguori Rossner can spot a naughty blasphemer when she sees one.

As a teacher for the Diocese of Pittsburgh for 14 years, one important
lesson I learned was that no matter what I said to the child, whatever
the parents said superseded my message. What parents say and how they
live sends a message stronger than any teacher's voice no matter what the
issue.

Sen. Rick Santorum and his wife have taught their children a powerful
lesson on civic responsibility by refusing to pay any tuition money to
the Penn Hills School District for their children who attended the
Pennsylvania Cyber Charter School ("Penn Hills Loses Bid to Charge
Santorum," July 12). Released from that payment on a technicality shows
that even an upstanding, moral gentleman like Sen. Santorum teaches his
children the following lessons:

1) Take advantage of the system whenever you can.

2) The little guy pays while the rich and powerful guy gets away with it.

3) As a Catholic, you have no obligation to pay your share to the common
good in spite of Catholic social doctrine.

Finally, I am shocked that our religious leaders who see Sen. Santorum as
some sort of faith-and-morals hero have not spoken up on this issue at all.


SISTER LIGUORI ROSSNER
Sisters for Christian Community
Bloomfield

Thank you Sister, for stating what is so very obvious to so many of us!

Turd Blossom

One of my operatives alerted me to this article regarding how some of the more prudish newspapers have taken offense to Gary Trudeau's using of the term 'Turd Blossom' both today and yesterday in his strip.

About a dozen papers objected to Tuesday's and Wednesday's
"Doonesbury" comic strips, and some either pulled or edited them.

The strips refer to Rove, the White House deputy chief of staff, as "Turd Blossom."

I for one feel that 'Turd Blossom' should be shouted at the top of your lungs, from the tops of tall buildings and mountain tops! Scrawled on bathroom walls! Posted on every website! Written on every white board in every office and tattooed on butts and backs and ankles everywhere!

And friends they may thinks it's a movement. And that's what it is, the Doonesbury Anti-Turd-Blossom Movement, and all you got to do to join is sing it the next time it come's around on the guitar....


TURD BLOSSOM!!!!!

Drinking Liberally in July

Tomorrow night is the big night!

Get your game face one, limber up your drinkin' arm,
git yerself up to date on the issues, and git yer
ass over to New World Brewery, at 1313 8th Ave E.
in Ybor City. Wednesday, July 27th at 7:30.


And for those of you that go, you'll get to meet Bart the Beagle!
I told him all about you guys, and he's all excited about meeting
everyone. I promised him there would be no Rick "Man on Dog"
Santorum talk, and he does have some interesting views on the
Karl Rove thing that he'd like to share.

What Clear Channel and Veruca Salt Have in Common - The Sequel

Veruca Salt was a bad egg, and thus the egg-dicator indicated that she was a bad egg and off she went to the incinerator. Similarly, Judge Charlene Honeywell of the Hillsborough Circuit indicated yesterday that Clear Channel is a bad egg.

Hillsborough Circuit Judge Charlene Honeywell ruled that media giant
Clear Channel Entertainment, owner of the amphitheater at the state
fairgrounds, does not have immunity from local noise regulations.

[...]

Clear Channel, a San Antonio-based company that owns 41
amphitheaters and about 1,200 radio stations, had sought to attach
itself to the Fair Authority, which Honeywell had ruled enjoys sovereign
immunity as an arm of state government.

In her ruling, Honeywell cited the lease agreement Clear Channel signed
with the Fair Authority in 2003. Clear Channel and the Fair Authority
"have a landlord-tenant relationship," Honeywell said. "The Fair
Authority has little or no control over Clear Channel. They (Clear
Channel) are not an agent of the state."

Clear Channel should be thanking their lucky stars that they didn't come to the same end as Veruca, the bad egg.

The judge also pointedly urged both sides to stop wasting court time
and taxpayer money and come to a settlement.

[...]

As both parties returned to court-ordered mediation Monday, Honeywell
emphasized that the clock was ticking on what has become a lengthy and
costly legal battle.

"It's not a very difficult issue," she said. "The only people profiting
are the attorneys. The citizens are not winning, and as long as this
case keeps going on, they continue to lose."

Thanks so much, Clear Channel, for wasting my money.

The article in the St. Pete Times says that concerts will continue for now, but one of my operatives indicated that the Anger Management 3 Tour will be moved to a different venue.

How appropriate.

John Robert's Charisma Makes Dianne Feinstein Forget Whose Side She's On

I remember when I was in junior high at church camp, and I had a really, really big crush on this boy I met there. I gave him my candy, spent hours watching him play baseball and even cut arts and crafts class to hang out with him. Perhaps I went a little too far and should have played harder to get. But I couldn't help it. I would just turn to mush whenever he looked in my general direction.

But that was summer camp and I was twelve. It was not the Constitution, and I wasn't a grown up Senator.

Roberts, nominated by Bush last week to replace retiring Justice
Sandra Day O'Connor, was asked by a reporter about the discrepancy
during a morning get-acquainted meeting with Sen. Dianne Feinstein,
D-California.

He smiled but didn't reply.

"I don't think he wants to take any questions," Feinstein interjected
during the session with photographers and reporters that was part of the
meeting in her office with the Supreme Court nominee.

"No, no, no thanks," Roberts added.

Isn't that just the sweetest thing ever?

And I went and looked at Dianne's website and she has the cutest photo of the two of them. They look so adorable together! I wonder if she's twisted the apple stem 10 times before it fell off. You know that means you're going to marry someone whose name begins with a 'J.'

Or there's always this game to test true compatibility. Write each person's name, then AEIOU with 12345 underneath. Add up all the A's and put that number under the 1. Add up all the E's and put that number under the 2, etc. Then add the first row to the second row. The better poker hand you get at the bottom means you are more compatible.

Dianne Feinstein
John Roberts

AEIOU
12345
14320
26665

As you can see, Dianne and John have three of a kind. Not too shabby!

via Stream of Consciousness

Motherly Advice

Honey, I did the math, and your social security plan
doesn't add up. Not only that, but you and your
Adminstration are really in deep doo-doo with this
Plame outing thing. But remember that your father
and I still love you. Oh, and sweetie, your fly is open.

What Clear Channel and Veruca Salt Have in Common

A few years ago, Clear Channel leased some land from the Florida Fair Authority here in Hillsborough Country and built a big ol' amphitheatre on the Fair Grounds. And now they don't want to obey sound ordinances or pay their taxes.

This is no surpise coming for Clear Channel as they have a very sad and sordid history of being crappy corporate citzens.

As far as the noise goes, I've always been of the 'if it's too loud, then you're too old' faction. But some of the folks in the neighborhood probably are too old or simply don't want to be subject to the nauseating emanations flowing from a Toby Keith concert.

Clear Channel did not follow the original plans for the design of the roof or the speaker configuration that were approved by the Hillsborough County Environmental Protection Commission.

The roof is about 40 percent higher than the approved design, and the
speaker configuration is different, the Hillsborough County Environmental
Protection Commission says.

Those unapproved changes, the EPC says, are significant reasons why the
Ford Amphitheatre has repeatedly violated noise regulations, prompting
nearly 300 complaints from neighbors.

[...]

Although the commission doesn't typically regulate building construction,
Clear Channel was required by the terms of its June 2003 lease with the
Fair Authority to get EPC approval before going ahead with the
amphitheater.

What do you do if your corporate music industry conglomerate is a brat?

And now that they are being so bratty and pampered and spoiled like a Siamese cat, as to suggest that since they are on Flordia state land and they supposedly "advance the educational, physical, economic and cultural interests of the public," that they deserve "sovereign immunity" and shouldn't have to pay property taxes.

The St. Pete Times reports that today is the big day that the Hillsborough Circuit Court will make a decision on this. Tune in tomorrow for the titillating sequal to What Clear Channel and Veruca Salt Have in Common!

What's John Roberts Been Smokin'?

And so it seems that even though Roberts and the White House keep saying that the Supreme Court nominee, John Roberts, was not part of the Federalist Society, he is listed as a member of the steering committee in 1997-98.

Now, what disturbs me the most here isn't that the White House lied. That is all to common place these days, and quite expected. It's not the John G. Roberts actually is or was part of the Federalist Society either. It's not surprising at all that Bush would pick someone from the ultra-conservative wacko legal group to be his first Supreme Court nominee.

No, what disturbs me the most, is that John G. Roberts evidently forgot he was on the steering committee for the Federalist Society. And it was just a few short years ago. If his memory is so horrible, that he can't remember being on the leadership committee of the Federalist Society, is he going to forget what's in the Constitution too?

Lots of folks his age smoked spliff after spliff in their college days, and I'm guessing Roberts was no different. And if his memory is so bad now, that he can't remember being on the steering committee of the Federalist Society seven years ago, then I'm just not sure I want him interpreting the Constitution for me.

Bart's in Charge this Weekend

So, everyone be good and you'll get a treat when I get back.

A is for Apple, S is for Secret

I think the Bush Administration needs to work on their ABC's

A classified State Department memorandum central to a federal leak
investigation contained information about CIA officer Valerie Plame in a
paragraph marked "(S)" for secret, a clear indication that any Bush
administration official who read it should have been aware the information
was classified, according to current and former government officials.

[...]

The paragraph identifying her as the wife of former ambassador Joseph
C. Wilson IV was clearly marked to show that it contained classified
material at the "secret" level, two sources said. The CIA classifies as
"secret" the names of officers whose identities are covert, according to
former senior agency officials.

So now, we'll have no more of this "I didn't know she was undercover" hooey.

The Church of John G. Roberts

Senator Orrin G. Hatch (R-Utah) compares Supreme Court nominee John Roberts to Jesus Christ.

Throughout the day, Democrats stressed that Roberts, 50, could spend
30 or more years on the court and that it is essential to scrutinize his
record and philosophies. "A preliminary review of Judge Roberts's record
suggests areas of significant concern that need exploration," Sen. Patrick
J. Leahy (Vt.), the Judiciary Committee's top Democrat, said in a floor
speech. "We need to know what kind of Supreme Court justice John
Roberts would be. I hope the White House and the nominee will work with
us and cooperate so that all relevant matters can be constructively
explored."

Sen. Orrin G. Hatch (R-Utah) [responded] more colorfully. "It's a little
bit like biblical Pharisees, you know, who basically are always trying to
undermine Jesus Christ," he said on Fox News.

Blasphemy, I say!!!! Orrin Hatch in so going to hell. He and Karl 'liar, lair, pants on fire' Rove might just be cave mates in the underworld.

As the Carpetbagger puts it:

First, I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure comparing some Republican
lawyer to Jesus Christ is blasphemous under Hatch's belief system.

Second, Hatch may also want to check his history a little closer. The
Pharisees were self-righteousness hypocrites. If Hatch is looking for
politicians in Washington for whom this description applies, he may want
to take another look at his own party.

The State Department Gets Manhandled

Upon arriving in Sudan, Condoleezza Rice and her posse, didn't realize what was in store for them.

El-Bashir's guards elbowed Americans and tried to rip a tape away
from a U.S. reporter. At another point, Rice's interpreter and some other
aides accompanying her were blocked at a gate.

[...]

But there was yet another scuffle with security shortly after he
apologized when a U.S. television reporter tried to ask el-Bashir a
question about his involement with alleged atrocities.

Guards grabbed the diminutive reporter and muscled her toward the rear
of the room as State Department officials shouted at the guards to
leave her alone.

[...]

"Diplomacy 101 says you don't rough your guests up," Rice senior
adviser Jim Wilkinson had said earlier...

Now that all depends on what kind of a shindig you are throwing, doesn't it? And from what I understand, Mistress Condi doesn't mind when things get a little rough.

Stuff That's Going on While Everyone Yip Yaps About the Supreme Court

Look! Over there!! Bush Administration officials admit that the Supreme Court nomination was bumped up a week or so to get Karl Rove off the front pages.

Liar, Liar, Karl Rove's pants are on fire. He lied to the FBI.

Jonah Goldberg may be able to wait until his daughter is school-aged before he enlists in the military. The Depeartment of Defense asked Congress to raise the maximum age of military recruits to 42.

Girl Talk

Condi looks on enviously as she listens intently to a
light-hearted vignette on what it's like to play 'Mistress
of Anal Titillation and Torture' to the leader of the free
world when he stutters over the safe word.

My Two Cents on John Roberts

I got in late to work today. Went to the dentist this morning. No cavities, but I need to floss more. Whatever.

So I'm a little behind on this, but here goes.

Naral has a nice .pdf document on Robert's anti-choice history. Evidently he has a history of bringing Roe v. Wade into legal discussions that have nothing to do with Roe v. Wade, and those nutty legal-types with their delightful sense of humor offer up some gentle ribbing.

Overturning a woman’s right to choose was a cornerstone of the first
Bush Administration, as signaled by the fact that Solicitor General
Kenneth Starr himself argued reproductive rights cases before the
Supreme Court. The Court was so accustomed to the Solicitor General
and the Principal Deputy Solicitor General arguing for the overturn of
Roe that, during Mr. Roberts’ oral argument before the Supreme Court in
Bray, a Justice asked, “Mr. Roberts, in this case are you asking that
Roe v. Wade be overruled?” He responded, “No, your honor, the issue
doesn’t even come up.” To this, the Justice said, “Well that hasn’t
prevented the Solicitor General from taking that position in prior
cases.”

Then there's acbonin from Daily Kos, who suggests that we don't know enough about Roberts to judge his stance on Roe v. Wade or anything else for that matter, but that he needs to answer some tough questions so we can get to know him. Also, we should use this as an opportunity to educate folks on just what kind of havoc conservative legal philosophy can wreak.

During the next few months, the point will not be whether Roberts
responds to the requests with documents and answers; it is that we are
asking these questions and keeping these issues before the public. The
point of our opposition is not, given what we know now, to block his
confirmation by any means necessary -- it is to reveal what conservative
legal philosophy is, so that the public will want to guard against it,
and vote against it, in the future. If we can use this as an educational
moment, we can take back the Senate and the White House.

And before you get your panties in a bunch about Roe v. Wade being overturned, remember that previous to O'Conner's retirement, the court was 6-3 in favor of Roe v. Wade. If the newest appointee is against it, that makes it 5-4. Then if Renquist retires and gets replaced by an anti-choice fascist, it's still 5-4. So, the balance on this one issue won't be tipped, at least for awhile.

The Washington Post has an interesting article on where we can expect Roberts to stand on abortion, the environment and other issues.

And Joel Achenbach suggests that he looks like the little man on the wedding cake and that he wants to overturn the Magna Carta.

What We Have to Look Forward to Tonight at 9pm

"And noose conference, and President is bellowing
and drooling, and his advisers say, he has
interesting new program, and CBS says, the
President drooled tonight, and we have five
analysts here to talk about his interesting new
program and also perhaps about is he drooling
less than last time? And New York Times prints
a transcript of noose conference, is all
drool drool bellow bellow, also one coherent
sentence, and on page one they print the one
coherent sentence!"

Exerpt from Jonathan Franzen's Strong Motion via All Spin Zone

Everything's Bigger in Texas Except for Brains

Just when you thought Texas couldn't get any stupider, we see this.

Boys cannot audition for soprano or alto roles in that state's
All-State Choir. Girls cannot audition for tenor or bass. No matter
where their talents lie.

As a result, 17-year-old Mikhael Rawls, who already has won awards for
his countertenor — the male parallel to soprano — can't try out in the
part where he excels.

That rule was made by the Texas Music Educators Assn. You would think
music teachers would know that countertenors such as Mikhael are a
widely respected part of classical music and tradition.

But then, Texas educators can be a touchy lot on gender issues. In its
eagerness to keep middle-schoolers from thinking gay marriage might be
OK, that state's Board of Education required textbooks to define marriage
as the "lifelong union between a husband and wife." Apparently, the close
to 50% of Texas marriages that end in divorce don't count.

Jesus' General suggests that Texans take it one step further and ban phallic-shaped wind instruments.

Tattoo You

This just doesn't seem right.

A pear is just a pear, except when it is also a laser-coded
information delivery system with advanced security clearance.

And that is what pears - not to mention organic apples, waxy cucumbers
and delicate peaches - are becoming in some supermarkets around the
country. A new technology being used by produce distributors employs
lasers to tattoo fruits and vegetables with their names, identifying
numbers, countries of origin and other information that helps speed
distribution. The marks are burned onto the outer layer of the skin and
are visible to discerning consumers and befuddled cashiers alike.

By creating another middle-man, a high-tech process like this, is sure to either make the price of food go up or take more money away from local farmers and growers. If grocery stores start requiring the tattoos on any produce that they purchase, the small farms are really in trouble. The set up cost for this equipment may be too expensive for some smaller operations and could drive them out of business.

I know what you're thinkin'. But think of the public and how awful it is to have to peel off those stickers.

"I was picking all the little stickers from the Piggly Wiggly off my
plums and my avocado pears and my peaches," said Ms. Lemeaux, 76.
"Then I had to make fruit salad out of the ones that got hurt when I
took the stickers off, and then I had to wash the glue off the other ones
before I put them in the fruit bowl."

"One time," she said, "I got up the next morning and looked in the mirror
and there were two of them up in my hair."

It's a small price to pay to feed the world, but we all need to do our part, Ms. Lemeaux.

And you never know what could happen next. It's that slippery slope of tattoo identification....

First they came for the cauliflower, and I did not speak out--
because I was not a cauliflower;
Then they came for the scallions, and I did not speak out--
because I was not a scallion;
Then they came for the vidalia onions, and I did not speak out--
because I was not a vidalia onion;
Then they came for the cherries, and I did not speak out--
because I was not a cherry;
Then they came for me--
and there was no one left to speak out for me.

And as a side note, check out these tomatos.

What's Running Through Chimpy's Head

Can I trust him? Should I share our nu-ku-ler
technology with him? Do you think he has a bigger
cock than me? Do you think he'll take our nu-ku-ler
technology and nuke us? Surely, his cock isn't
bigger than mine. Should I support him getting a
seat on the Security Council? No freakin' way
does he have a bigger cock than me!

Stuff You Should Read

Today I told my boss that I was ready for more stuff to do, and he replied that he'd get with me on that within the next few days, but until then I can goof off. Yay!!!

So here's the product of my goofing off. I found some neato posts that you guys might also find interesting.

The whole nanny blog thing is interesting. However not in the 'hot steamy nanny'-kind of way you might think. More in a 'why are people so fucked up', kind of way.

The Carpetbagger suggests that Bush wants to step it up a notch on nominating a Supreme Court Justice to replace O'Conner in order to get his turd-blossom buddy, Karl Rove off the front pages.

Rather than firing anyone in his Administration having anything to do with a C.I.A. leak, George Bush has moved the goal-posts and said he would fire anyone in his Administration who commits a crime.

One of the latest theories on the Plame outing is that Judith Miller heard it from John Bolton or Cheney, or someone on their staffs, then Miller spilled the beans to Rove, and Rove told Cooper and Novak. And that is why Miller is opting to go to jail rather than testify. She's really the leaker.

Bush Administration Tried to Manipulate Iraqi Elections

This is fascinating information.

The Bush Administration wanted to manipulate the Iraqi elections so that their boy, Iyad Allawi, would get more votes. So they went to Congress and asked for some money with which to engage in such shenanigans. Congress declined the opportunity to fund such chicanery. So guess what the Bush Administration did?

They went ahead and did it anyway and used funds 'off the record'.

A former senior intelligence official told me, “The election clock was
running down, and people were panicking. The polls showed that the
Shiites were going to run off with the store. The Administration had to
do something. How?”

By then, the men in charge of the C.I.A. were “dying to help out, and make
sure the election went the right way,” the recently retired C.I.A.
official recalled. It was known inside the intelligence community, he
added, that the Iranians and others were providing under-the-table
assistance to various factions. The concern, he said, was that “the bad
guys would win.”

Under federal law, a finding must be submitted to the House and
Senate intelligence committees or, in exceptional cases, only to the
intelligence committee chairs and ranking members and the
Republican and Democratic leaders of Congress. At least one
Democrat, Nancy Pelosi, the House Minority Leader, strongly protested
any interference in the Iraqi election. (An account of the dispute was
published in Time last October.) The recently retired C.I.A. official
recounted angrily, “She threatened to blow the whole thing up in the
press by going public. The White House folded to Pelosi.” And, for a
time, “she brought it to a halt.” Pelosi would not confirm or deny
this account, except, in an e-mail from her spokesman, to “vigorously”
deny that she had threatened to go public. She added, “I have never
threatened to make any classified information public. That’s against
the law.” (The White House did not respond to requests for comment.)

The essence of Pelosi’s objection, the recently retired high-level
C.I.A. official said, was: “Did we have eleven hundred Americans die”
—the number of U.S. combat deaths as of last September—“so they could
have a rigged election?”

Sometime after last November’s Presidential election, I was told by
past and present intelligence and military officials, the Bush
Administration decided to override Pelosi’s objections and covertly
intervene in the Iraqi election. A former national-security official
told me that he had learned of the effort from “people who worked the
beat”—those involved in the operation. It was necessary, he added,
“because they couldn’t afford to have a disaster.”

A Pentagon consultant who deals with the senior military leadership
acknowledged that the American authorities in Iraq “did an operation”
to try to influence the results of the election. “They had to,” he
said. “They were trying to make a case that Allawi was popular, and
he had no juice.” A government consultant with close ties to the
Pentagon’s civilian leaders said, “We didn’t want to take a chance.”

I was informed by several former military and intelligence officials
that the activities were kept, in part, “off the books”—they were
conducted by retired C.I.A. officers and other non-government
personnel, and used funds that were not necessarily appropriated by
Congress. Some in the White House and at the Pentagon believed that
keeping an operation off the books eliminated the need to give a
formal briefing to the relevant members of Congress and congressional
intelligence committees, whose jurisdiction islimited, in their view,
to officially sanctioned C.I.A. operations.

So, let's recall the general chain of events here.

The Bush Administration lies to get us into a war. They tell us Saddam Hussein has WMDs and ties to al Qaeda, when in fact he doesn't and poses no threat to us. Then when he is overthrown and Iraq has elections, they wave purple fingers around all willy nilly, touting their successful elections and a nice happy sunny democratic and free Iraq. When, in fact, they manipulated the elections to be more pro-U.S.

And now, we find out that the heavily Shiite government of Iraq is signing agreements and stuff with Iran. Iran, who is one in the axis of evil, has nuclear weapons, and hates us.

Obviously the Bush Administration was afraid something like this would happen, or they wouldn't have attempted to manipulate the elections in the first place. And then when they go and attempt to manipulate the election results, it fails miserably, as you can see. Allawi and the pro-U.S. faction evidently did not get enough votes to do much about gaining closer ties with the U.S., and instead creates an environment where Iraq gets closer to Iran.

What a pack of idiotic, deceptive, incompetent losers! And the kicker here, of course, is that you and I are paying for this three ring circus.

When People Follow You Home

In the wee hours of Sunday morning, I rolled up into the driveway, after one of my all-night benders. A car, who had been following me for at least three miles, pulled in the driveway behind me.

It was still dark out, so I was a little concerned. I didn't recognize the car, and no one got out of the car. I rolled up the windows and locked myself and my dog in the car (Bart likes to go out drinking with me).

Still no one got out of the car. I picked up my cell phone and called my next door neighbor. We'll call him Jeff Spicoli for the purpose of this story. Spicoli comes out of his house immediately, and walks over to the driver's side door. He looks a little confused. Then I get out of the car, and walk over there too.

It's a woman. I nice looking 20-something woman. Spicoli starts yelling at her for following someone home and pulling in their driveway. Mind you, he's very likely still half asleep. He asked her where she lived and she said "a few blocks away around the corner." I asked her if she was alone, and she didn't respond, but I didn't see anyone else in the car. This girl was obviously confused or drunk, or something. She didn't say much. Spicoli continues to yell at her in true Spicoli fashion. "Dude, what are you doin'? You don't follow people home, dude."

This girl was weird as all hell, but didn't seem to pose any kind of threat. I told Spicoli to chill out, stop yelling at her, and that it seemed as if everything was OK.

I thanked him for helping me out, then I went inside my house, Spicoli went back to his house, and the girl drove away.

Later, I started thinking. Who the heck am I to call my neighbor and ask him to risk his life to help me? There could have been an armed murder-rapist in the car, for all I know. But being the delicate flower of a female, it just seems appropriate to ask for those kinds of things from men.

Spicoli has had a pretty hard life. He was stabbed and almost died a few years ago. His brother was shot and killed by his business partner about a year ago. How would his mother feel if she lost a second son? Am I so arrogant to think that my life is somehow more worthy than his?

From the beginning of time though, women have depended on the protection of men. As far as physical strength goes, men pretty much dominate. And then there's the fact that we have one egg a month, and men have bizzillions of sperm, that evolutionarily gives an argument as to why women should be protected by men. But still, did I do the right thing?

And then, should I have had more compassion for the girl in the car? She was obviously confused or drunk or something. Normally, folks don't follow people home and sit in their driveways. Should I have offered to help her? What if she was having an insulin reaction? But then what kind of diabetic is out driving around at 5:30am following people home?

Again, did I do the right thing? Did I behave like a selfish self-centered
arrogant bitch? Am I going to hell?

Screwing Up the War on Terror

As I posted last week, George Bush outed a double agent, Mohammed Naeem Noor Khan, who provided extremely valuable information about a terrorist cell in Britain. He did this during his campaign, evidently to look like a big, bad, tough and presidential. But in doing so, twelve of Kahn's cohorts were either arrested prematurely, before all the evidence was gathered, because the authorities expected them to scatter once their leader was outed as a double agent, or did infact scatter.

Well today ABC reports via The Poor Man:

ABC reports that names in Khan’s computer matched a suspected cell
of British citizens of Pakistani decent, many of who lived near the town
of Luton, England - Luton is the same town where, not coincidentally, last
week’s London bombing terrorists began their day. According to ABC,
authorities thought they had stopped the subway plot with the arrest of more
than a dozen people last year associated with Khan. Obviously, they hadn’t.

Why does George Bush hate America so much???

Raising Hell instead of Corn

I found this nifty story/interview this afternoon about Big Agriculture. This fellow, George Pyle, who Bob Dole dubbed "that liberal editor from Salina," who writes for the Salina Journal in Kansas, wrote this groovy book call Raising Less Corn, More Hell.

Now I got straight C's in economics in college, and as far as produce goes, I've only ever grown a few dozen tomatoes, five green peppers and one cucumber, so I am by far no expert on this stuff, but I still found it interesting.

Pyle's main premise is that people are starving in Africa, not because there isn't enough food, but because they don't have money to purchase food. We here in the U.S. are flooding the market with food, thus making our food cheaper in Africa than it is for them to grow it themselves, therefore putting all their farmers out of business and messin' with their economies.

We sell or give rice, cotton and corn on the world market for less than
it really costs to produce it -- and certainly for less than farmers in
Africa or Asia can afford to produce it -- so they go out of business or
become simple subsistence farmers.

They move to the cities. There aren't enough jobs for them, so you get
huge slums and disease, AIDS, prostitution, child slavery, ripe planting
grounds for distrust and terrorism, because they're not able to make the agricultural base of their economies work.

Pyle suggests that governments should phase out subsidies, and farmers need to get paid for both taking care of the land as well as for growing food. Farming should be decentralized to help ward off attacks from both terrorists, bugs and bacteria. And for those of us that aren't in the government and aren't farmers, it's important to buy locally and purchase organic food, and of course support elected officials that have these same goals.

And as a side note this made me giggle. Pyle is asked what he thinks about the book What's the Matter with Kansas and he replies:

A friend of mine [Dan Glickman] was a congressman from Wichita and
the only Democrat in the state delegation for quite a while. His crowning achievement was to get a law passed that made it less risky for the
aircraft industry, which is big in Wichita, to start making single-engine
planes again. They'd been worried about liability -- way down the road,
after the plane had been sold and sold and sold again.

Then somebody came along and ran against him who worked for one of
those aircraft companies. His main campaign was that a sitting
congressman was too far left on guns and abortion. And he beat him. I
remember a friend of mine, an editorial writer in Wichita, said, 'Well,
that just proves those people who work at Boeing are more worried about
losing their guns than losing their jobs.'"

I grew up in Wichita, and my folks are still there. The economy isn't doing real well as it's so very tied to the aircraft industry, which isn't doing so well. Home prices are going down instead of up, but by golly they've got their guns, and those darned gays aren't threatening their marriages.

Darn, that Liberal Media

All Spin Zone points to an NPR interview where ABC's Ann Compton professes how gawd awful blowjobs are compared to treason.

Renee Montagne: Do any of these grillings that you’ve covered over
three decades in the White House stand out to you?

Ann Compton: The most difficult moments are when we’re dealing not with
policy, but with human failings, and I think the darkest months that I
covered at the White House was at the beginning of the second term of Bill
Clinton. President Clinton was accused of engaging in...“behavior”...with
an intern, and how offensive many people found it, and the fact that it
later turned out the president lied to the country, and lied to federal
prosecutors, made that the darkest and most unhappy time I’ve ever
covered here.

In other reports of this type of glaring librul bias in the media, Ricky points to a CNN story that gives some alarming statistics that over a dozen republicans, including one former GOP leader and one GOP consultant outside Washington, D.C. support the White House. Shocking!!!

Friday Bart Blogging - The Day After Edition

After celebrating the return of hockey late into the night,
Bart was feeling a wee bit under the weather.

Young Whiney Republicans

Poor mistreated Nathan Taylor of the Nevada College Republicans got stuck with a $25,000 bill from the Young Republican Convention, and now he's asking Sen. John Ensign, Rep. Jim Gibbons and Rep. Jon Porter of Nevada to bail him out.

"I've got bills at the hotel I can't pay," said Taylor, a 29-year-old
political science senior at UNR who said he had to quit his food service
job and drop classes to plan the convention.

Taylor estimates that the convention, attended by about 600 people from
around the nation, is at least $10,000 -- and up to $25,000 -- in the red.

As the chairman, he said he'll personally have to cough up the cash.

"It's a really sad day when my congressmen and my senator, who are sitting
on millions, can't cut me a check for $25,000," Taylor said. "I don't think
I'm asking for much."

Isn't that just precious? A young republican looking for a hand out. Doesn't he know that if you just work hard and vote Republican, everyone can share in the American Dream??

Representatives of the congressional delegation remained mum on the
press conference, with Porter campaign consultant Mike Slanker simply
saying, "I wish him well in his future after politics."

Ouch!!

Over at Eschaton, Atrios makes the point that the military is offering nice signing bonuses.

So, hey I've got an idea! How about if we have a progressive blogger's all star speedo/t-back mud-wrestling convention in Las Vegas. I'll pay for everything up front, then I'll call up my legislators and ask them to pay for it after the fact.

Who's in??

Email Karl, and Tell Him You Support Him

There's this nice letter of support you can send to Karl Rove at whitehouse.org. And not only does it get sent to Karl, but several other major news organizations as well!

Dear Karl Rove: I just wanted to tell you that no matter how much
indisputable evidence those fact-obsessed intellectual reporters release
about you betraying America, I join the President in not caring diddly-squat
about so-called national security when the only war that matters is the one
we're waging against Democrats. So that makes you TOPS in my book!
Anyway, however it happened, that bimbo Valerie Plame got what she
deserved for marrying a moron who spouted crazy talk about Saddam bin
Laden not having all those Nukepox Laser Deathrays you made President
Bush promise we'd find. Heck, she should be happy that you only
assassinated his CHARACTER! Well, I would say don't let this 'Plame
Game' get you down, but I'm sure you're already orchestrating your
greatest-yet Machiavellian stratagem (replete with Clintonesque
legalistic parsings) to slither out of doing any prison time - especially
since you were polite enough not to use Mrs. Wilson's first name. So
good luck with the indictments and likely cover-up conspiracy
investigation, and next time you're whispering him sweet nothings, please
tell BobNovak I think his waxy tufts of silver ear hair are massively SEXY -
in a totally non-homosexual way, of course!

But once you send it, beware! You'll get a bunch of messages back about how happy all those news organizations are that you contacted them, but how they can't respond individually to all of their messages. Pity.

via Demagogue

It Takes an Idiot

For those of you who haven't followed the story about Rick 'man on dog' Santorum blaming the libruls in Boston for the Catholic Church sex abuse scandal, you should. It's another perfect example of how truly brain-dead and clueless the wingnut Republicans are.

The sex abuse scandal was very unfortunate, but it was also very widespread. It wasn't just Boston, infact, according to this article, Covington, Kentucky had the highest percentage of abusive priests. And yes, Mr. Santorum, Kentucky is a red state. A bastion of conservatism and, as we can see, also of child sexual abuse.

Based on statistics publicly reported by many of the country's 195
dioceses, the Boston-based lay activist group BishopAccountability.org
has calculated that the highest percentage of abusive priests from 1950 to
2003 was in the diocese of Covington, Ky.

But none of this has stopped Rick 'Fido-fellating' Santorum from saying things like this:

"Priests, like all of us, are affected by culture," Santorum wrote
in a July 12, 2002 article for the Web site Catholic Online. "When the
culture is sick, every element in it becomes infected. While it is no
excuse for this scandal, it is no surprise that Boston, a seat of
academic, political and cultural liberalism in America, lies at the center
of the storm."

And then, in defending himself, Rick 'Lassie-loving' Santorum says this:

Asked by the Boston Globe this week whether he stood by his remark,
Santorum said he did. "I was just saying that there's an attitude that
is very open to sexual freedom that is more predominant" in Boston, the
Globe quoted him as saying Tuesday.

[...]

Asked to explain the proper context for Santorum's comments, Traynham
said that "what the senator was talking about was the whole sexual
revolution in the 1960s and '70s, and how that unfortunately created a
culture where these unfortunate sex abuse scandals occurred."

Someone needs to tell Rick 'Benji-boffing' Santorum the difference between consensual sex and rape. Consensual sex is when the participants want to have sex. Rape is when someone doesn't want to have sex, but is forced to anyway. It's really a simple concept. I'm all for sexual freedom between consenting participants, and I don't remember anywhere in history, in the 60's, the 70's or even today on the teevee where the culture promotes sexually abusing children.

Someone also needs to remind Rick 'Spot-scrogging' Santorum that the state of Massachusetts has the lowest divorce rate in the U.S.

Giving Credit Where Credit is Due

Let's get this straight folks. Anything bad that happens is Michael Schiavo's fault and anything good that happens is a direct result of the Bush Administration's pure genius.

Back in June, South Korea was nice enough to offer to string powerline across the border and let the North Koreans have 2000 megawatts of electricity, in effect solving their energy crisis, as long as the North Koreans would be nice enough to abandon their nuclear ambitions. And at the same meeting back in June, North Korea agreed to rejoin the disarmament talks.

Wow! That's a great step forward!! Go South Korea!! They're steppin' up to the plate and sweetening the deal. A deal that could potentially avert a nuclear war! How cool is that! Those North Koreans are crazy people. Much, much better for the U.S. and our allies if they have electricity rather than nuclear warheads. South Korea rocks! Yay South Korea!

But wait...

We, here in the U.S. can't let other countries take credit for these kinds of diplomatic successes, can we? I mean we're the biggest, baddest, and most arrogant doggies on the block, right? And Condi, being the great diplomat that she is, I mean she has all those nice outfits and all, wants a feather in her cap, even if it doesn't match her outfit.

So how does Condi spin it?

Returning from a six-day trip to Asia, Secretary of State
Condoleezza Rice and her aides said Wednesday that North Korea's
decision to return to nuclear disarmament talks was a vindication of
the Bush administration's strategy and not solely the result of a South
Korean offer to provide the North with electricity.

And what was the Bush Administration's strategy, you ask?

In the last year, Washington has urged the other parties to the
six-nation disarmament talks - Russia, Japan and South Korea - to refrain
from offering further incentives to the North and instead to push the
Chinese to use their considerable leverage over its leaders to persuade
them to return to the talks.

But China refused...

Gosh, that doesn't sound very successful, does it??

But still, the Bush Administration has got to find a way to portray this as a grandiose success for themselves.

A senior administration official traveling with Ms. Rice indicated
that the Bush administration was startled, and pleasantly surprised,
when the South Koreans told of their "very generous" energy offer, as
this official put it.

Administration officials insisted that they did not know why North
Korea had suddenly decided to return to the talks, but seemed to go out
of their way to dismiss the South Korean offer.

"How do you know that the South Koreans made a difference?" Ms. Rice
asked, in response to a question. "Have you been talking to the North
Koreans about what made a difference? I think I can make the argument
that a number of diplomatic efforts here by the Chinese, by the South
Koreans, by the United States" were responsible. "The Japanese and the
Russians have been involved too," she said.

The senior administration official described a continuum of activity in
recent months that he said had helped convince the North Koreans to come
around. First, he said, North Korea demanded security assurances from
the United States. And while those assurances were already a part of the
American proposal given to the North Koreans during the talks a year ago,
"the United States made the decision to give the security assurances"
again, he said, "and we gave them."

Earlier this year, Mr. Bush and Ms. Rice made public statements assuring
North Korea that the United States would not attack it.

The official noted that the allies had also provided fuel oil as
requested, food aid, economic assistance and public acknowledgment that
the United States regarded North Korea as a sovereign state.

But none of that seemed to budge the North Koreans. In fact, their
statements grew ever more bellicose as the months passed - so much so,
the senior official said, that the United States asked China and South
Korea this spring to tell the North to tone it down its language.

As you can see, we didn't even to ask them to tone down their language ourselves. We asked China and South Korea to do it for us.

More Republican Bat-shittery

Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist and some other bat-shit republicans have drafted an 'alternative' stem-cell research bill.

With President Bush vowing to veto a bill to loosen restrictions on
federal financing for embryonic stem cell research, leading
Congressional Republicans, including Senator Bill Frist, the majority
leader, have drafted an alternative that promotes new, unproven
methods of obtaining stem cells without destroying embryos.
(emphasis mine)

Now, if this gets passed, it will likely be a huge waste of our taxes, as the methods are not yet proven. The research may not proceed successfully. Not only that, people suffering from diseases may not get the help they need. We don't know. The methods are 'unproven.'

But these 'culture of life' folks are willing to bet the bank and allow more people to suffer and die? And by people, I mean those consisting of more than eight cells.

So far, scientists know of no way to derive human embryonic stem cells
without destroying embryos, said James F. Battey, chairman of a stem cell
task force at the National Institutes of Health. The alternative bill
embraces various new concepts, including carving one or two cells from
microscopic eight-cell embryos to be used for research, while allowing the
embryos to continue to develop.

Mind you, these clumps of eight cells are left over at fertility clinics awaiting destruction. It's not like expectant mothers are going to be undergoing invasive surgery to extract a few cells from their developing babies.

But Senator Tom Coburn (R-OK), the beslubbering beef-witted horn-beast who suggested that schoolgirls are getting converted to lesbianism in school bathrooms, thinks this bill is a super-swell idea.

"This is a good alternative," said Senator Tom Coburn, Republican of
Oklahoma and a family practice doctor, "and it may solve the ethical constraints."

If this bill doesn't get passed, well then Bill Frist and his flunkies just wasted a lot of time and money drafting this pointless bill when they should be begging and pleading with George Bush to sign the Specter-Harkin bill.

For the love of Ronald Reagan and all that's holy, let's go out there and find ways to cure diabetes, Alzheimer's and Parkinson's and save lives!!!

The Proximity-Factor of Karl Rove's Body

Far be it from the New York Times to take superficial stabs at Karl Rove's appearance.

It is impossible to know whether any closed-door conversations have begun
in the White House about whether to find a graceful way for Mr. Rove to exit partially, or as one former official said, to "get the benefit of the brain
without the proximity of the body."

But really, who needs an old, fat, bald guy milling around the White House anyway? I say, let Karl's son Andrew take over. Now there's some eye candy.

Bolton Counting Unhatched Chickens

Now, I like to play pretend as much as the next girl. Prince Charming will appear. He'll wisk me away in his economical hybrid car, then he'll settle down to the more mundane duties of house-husbandry. We'll while away the hours drinking Rolling Rock beer and watching hockey with our precious little puppy dog.

But the National Hockey League and the players still haven't come to an agreement and I haven't met Prince Charming. Therefore, I haven't begun clearing off the shelves for his Bruce Springsteen album collection.

Despite the fact that he hasn't been confirmed and there's some serious contention in the Senate regarding his confirmation, these kinds of trifles are not impeding John Bolton from planning for his stint as Ambassador to the United Nations.

Two months ago, while his confirmation was in trouble, Bolton began
efforts to double the office space reserved within the State Department
for the ambassador to the United Nations, according to three senior
department officials who were involved in handling the request.

Previous ambassadors have kept a small staff in Washington in a modest
suite.

[...]

But Bolton's efforts to obtain more space have encountered resistance.
Two colleagues said Bolton's request was inappropriate because he had not
been confirmed.

I can understand getting all atwitter in happy anticipation of things to come, but really. Is this necessary now?

Who Should Replace O'Connor

Laura Bush told her hubby-wubby that she'd like to see a woman replace Sandra Day O'Connor on the Supreme Court. Reuters deceptively suggests that Democrats want a Hispanic person on the Supreme Court.

While I think that there are most likely several qualified women and Hispanics out there that could fill her shoes, I couldn't give two corn-filled brown turds whether the nominee is a man, woman, Asian, Hispanic, dog or mule.

As long as the person doesn't bow to Tom DeLay and Bill Frist and their crazy-ass pack of James Dobson-fellating lunatics. And as long as he/she/it doesn't become Scalia and Thomas's bitch, I'm open to just about anyone who will defend the Constitution, abortion rights and separation of church and state. And they get bonus points if they've never written anything supporting torture, anti-sodomy laws or raping the environment.

Gender and ethnicity don't matter even the tiniest bit to me as far as a Supreme Court nominee goes, and it shouldn't matter to George Bush or anyone else either.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes in Homeland Security

Practicing their gerunds, The Washington Post reports that Secretary Michael Chertoff is planning on shakin' up the Department of Homeland Security. Identifying, Prioritizing, Planning, Reorganizing, Restructuring, Improving, Redirecting, Strengthening, Changing, Protecting.



Chertoff also wants to "fine-tune" the color-coded threat advisory system. I'm guessing he wants kinder gentler colors. Maybe pastels or more muted shades. Perhaps maybe something that looks less like the rainbow flag that those homos can't seem to stop waving, which by the way, is the real threat facing our nation.

Rumor has it, he'll be spending the better part of the weekend comparing paint swatches at his neighborhood Lowe's Home Improvement store.

Focusing on Renting Family Cars

So, I was wondering, is James Dobson getting into the car rental business?



Is relying "entirely on tax-deductible contributions from people like you" not bringing in enough dough? What gives?

So I decided to take a gander at his website. Mostly wondering if he still sells those gawd awful tapes that my mother made me listen to when I was fourteen.

And you know what I found? Gayness. Gayness everywhere!!!!!



These two fellas, Fly Zapper and Frog Bounce are undoubtedly queer as three-headed pennies! They have the arms around each other and Frog Bounce is conspicuously giving the thumbs-up sign, which we all know is the international sign for forced anal sex.

Then, he poses this question:
"Do you think I should tell my wife if another woman makes a pass at me?"

And responds that, yes, a good husband should tell his wife. However, this little ditty distinctly leaves out any mention of what to do if a man makes a pass at you, and whether you should tell your wife.

The insightful reader can only assume he feels that the honorable husband should keep such homosexual come-ons and the occasional roll in the hay with an alterboy or the all too frequent spanking sessions with your neighbor Fred completely under wraps.

So, in conclusion, since he's unmistakably pandering to gays, and we know how much money they spend, he's certainly not above bringing in money from a car rental business.

Presidential Hopefuls Behaving Like Eight-Year Olds

This is just too precious.

As first lady in the Clinton administration, Clinton wrote "It Takes a Village," arguing that a community is an important part of a child's development.

Recently, Santorum, a social conservative, authored "It Takes a Family," aimed at countering Clinton's message

[...]

Clinton has kept mum on Santorum's book, until Tuesday, when the two senators passed each other in the basement of the Capitol.

"It takes a village, Rick, don't forget that," Clinton called out.

"It takes a family," he countered.

"Of course, a family is part of a village!" she replied.

The two continued on in opposite directions.

Yes folks, these two both have designs on the Presidency in 2008.

Later Santorum could be heard down the hall mumbling "I know you are, but what am I."

However, a conflicting report states he could be heard blubbering "I'm rubber and you're glue, and whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you," then trailing off with the obligatory remarks on man on dog, all things frothy and a final "Oh huh."

Rove Recap of the Day

John Kerry thinks Karl Rove needs to be fired, and Hillary Clinton nodded her approval. "I'm nodding," she says.

Even some Republicans are jumping on the 'find out what's up with Rove' bandwagon.

On the Today Show, Tim Russert quipped "As one Republican said to me last night, if this was a Democratic White House we'd have congressional hearings in a second."

But then, I tend to think that this Administration is very crafty, very clever, very corrupt and they heart Karl Rove bunches and bunches. He's been a key player for a very, very long time and George Bush needs him. As Norbizness says "He's lost without Karl, like the petal of a delicate flower set adrift in the misty gales of a hurricane."

If they can find a way to get him off, they will.

And where the heck does RNC Chairman, Ken Mehlman get off throwing this out there as a talking point?

"It's disappointing that once again, so many Democrat leaders are
taking their political cues from the far-left, Moveon wing of the party.
The bottom line is Karl Rove was discouraging a reporter from writing a
false story based on a false premise and the Democrats are engaging in
blatant partisan political attacks." -RNC Chairman Ken Mehlman

Do the American people really care where Democratic leaders are 'taking their political cues from' or what context the revealing of the name of a CIA agent was in? Even if it was just a "I'm going to take a shit, but I hope Wilson is not in the john because his wife works for the CIA and she always wears old lady shoes on her trips to investigate WMDs and Wilson can't stop talking about how much he hates those shoes."

What we really care about is why the heck our national security was compromised, who the heck did it, how's that person gonna be punished, and what we can do so that it won't happen again, right?

Curious though, that Ken Mehlman would release such talking points before briefing Scott McClellan on those well-crafted lies. Poor Scottie looked like a dear in the headlights yesterday while the White House Press Corps feasted on his incoherent no commenting.

And let's not forget kiddies what our tough, manly President said back in September 2003:

"I want to know the truth. If anybody has got any information, inside
our administration or outside our administration, it would be helpful if
they came forward with the information so we can find out whether or not
these allegations are true and get on about the business."

Later in the month, Bush added, "[I]f there is a leak out of my
administration, I want to know who it is. And if the person has violated
the law, the person will be taken care of."

And then again in June 2004, we have this gem.

Mr. McClellan and Mr. Bush have both made clear that leaking Ms. Plame's
identity would be considered a firing offense by the White House. Mr. Bush
was asked about that position most recently a little over a year ago, when
he was asked whether he stood by his pledge to fire anyone found to have
leaked the officer's name. "Yes," he replied, on June 10, 2004.

However today, the cat has got the monkey's tongue.

President Bush was asked today if he planned to fire Karl Rove, a senior
aide at the center of an investigation over the unmasking of an undercover
C.I.A. officer, and he offered only a stony silence in reply.

"Are you going to fire him?" the president was asked twice in a brief Oval
Office appearance with Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong of Singapore. Both
times, the president ignored the questions.

Then a White House aide signaled that the session was over. "Out those
doors, please," the aide told journalists. "Thank you very much."

Nothin' to see here, move along now folks. But look! Over there! I think there's a white woman bailing on her wedding day!

Scottie's in the Hot Seat

Go over to Crooks and Liars and watch Scottie McClellan sweat bullets over White House reporters grilling him about Karl Rove's part in the Valerie Plame outing.

You don't think he's trying to hide anything, do you?

Jeb Still Not Done Blaming Michael Schiavo

And you thought this year's nasty hurricane season can be blamed on those toasty temperatures in the ocean, didn't you?

Silly.

It's Michael Schiavo's fault. Just like the shark attacks.

Florida Governor Jeb Bush has asked a state prosecutor to investigate
possible links between Hurricane Dennis and Michael Schiavo. Governor
Bush said that he connected Mr. Schiavo with the category 3 storm after
realizing that Dennis spelled backwards is actually 'sinned.'

And that burning and itching issue you've been having, your icky foot odor, and the fact that you can't quit smoking - those are Michael Schiavo's fault too.

Puppy Love in Scotland

After a lovers squabble where Nigerian President
Olusegun Obasanjo accused George Bush being
the stingiest world leader at the G8 conference,
they hold hands, make up and pose for the cameras.

Her Name is Judy, She is an Inmate

Judith Miller met a fellow Neil Diamond fan today at the pokey.

"There is a fellow Neil Diamond fan who is a corrections officer," she
told fellow New York Times reporter Lorne Manly. "We've already had a
serious discussion" about a concert she will have to miss.

[...]

Miller has to wear a green or brown jumpsuit with the word "prisoner" on
the back.

So, as you can plainly see, Music and Fashion were always the Passion at the Prison. Prison in Virginia.

Friday Bart Blogging - Caption this Photo Edition

Finally, Michael Schiavo Can Rest in Peace

After a fifteen year battle against the kook right, Michael Schiavo may finally get them to leave him the hell alone.

In what could be a final chapter in the legal saga of Terri Schiavo,
Pinellas-Pasco State Attorney Bernie McCabe says he could find no
evidence that Michael Schiavo caused his wife's collapse 15 years ago.

In a June 30 letter to Gov. Jeb Bush, McCabe suggested ending the state's
inquiry into the case.

Bush responded Thursday in a two-sentence letter to McCabe: "Based on your conclusions, I will follow your recommendation that the inquiry by the
state be closed."

What an embarrassment for the State of Florida. But now what? I wonder if there are any thirteen year old girls in state custody seeking abortions. What will Jeb's next assault on liberty and the constitution be?

1. Instead of offering traditional aid if you are effected by hurricanes this year, he'll have faith-healers come over and pray your roof back on.

2. Rather than educating women with unwanted pregnancies on their options, he'll have a government official yell 'Slut!' and 'Whore!' at the hussies until they decide to carry their babies to term and give them up for adoption to a nice white evangelical couple.

3. If you want emergency contraception, you must travel to Tallahassee and personally ask Jeb for it. Also, you must explain to him why you were having sex, who you were having sex with, what positions you were in and where you were at the time of the incident. Then, if you are under eighteen, you will be grounded for a month with no TV.

4. School children displaying any signs of homosexuality, such as boys on the swingset or girls being good at math, will be whipped mercilessly, then expelled.

5. Condoms will no longer be available in convenience stores, as condoms are not a convenience item. Also, you'll need a prescription and proof of marital counseling before you can purchase them.

Rove to be Indicted?

Far be it from me to spread unconfirmed rumors, but then they wouldn't be rumors if they weren't unconfirmed, now would they?

And I know we shouldn't count our chickens before they hatch, but still...

Occasionally I get e-mails from Washington folks who work on the Hill
claiming to possess juicy insider digs on our public servants and their
corporate paymasters. I usually delete said e-mails, as I don't want to be responsible for propagating dirty rumors or false information that can't be corroborated. I'd rather let Judith Miller and the New York Times do that. Nonetheless, in the past 24 hours I have been contacted by three separate congressional Democrats in Washington, and a Justice Department official,
first by e-mail and later phone, who all say the same thing: Karl Rove is
about to be indicted.

More about this from Alternate Brain and MyDD

Stuff You Should Read Today

Blogwood links to this in the Palm Beach Post about domestic terrorism here in Florida. Abortion clinics continue to be terrorized and the FBI refuses to classify such attacks as terrorism.

“Imagine if 23 percent of banks were being robbed,” Spillar said. “We would declare a state of emergency.”

But, she said, because the attacks are aimed at clinics that provide health care for women the ongoing violence isn’t taken seriously.

For years, she said, her organization has pushed for the FBI to classify the attacks as domestic terrorism.

“Too often law enforcement wants to portray it as an isolated incident,” Spillar said. “But this is terrorism. It’s targeted and it’s meant to terrorize. If you don’t go after the network that is recruiting, training and funding these extremists, you’ll never get to the bottom of it.”

And, via The Left Coaster, I found Juan Cole's post from August, 2004 that tells how George Bush outed a double agent who provided extremely valuable information about a terrorist cell in Britain.

The announcement of Khan's name forced the British to arrest 12 members
of an al-Qaeda cell prematurely, before they had finished gathering the
necessary evidence against them via Khan. Apparently they feared that the
cell members would scatter as soon as they saw that Khan had been
compromised. (They would have known he was a double agent, since they
got emails from him Sunday and Monday!) One of the twelve has already
had to be released for lack of evidence, a further fall-out of the Bush
SNAFU. It would be interesting to know if other cell members managed to
flee.

Why in the world would Bush administration officials out a double agent
working for Pakistan and the US against al-Qaeda? In a way, the motivation
does not matter. If the Reuters story is true, this slip is a major screw-up
that casts the gravest doubts on the competency of the administration to
fight a war on terror. Either the motive was political calculation, or it
was sheer stupidity. They don't deserve to be in power either way.

Fox 'News' thinks the attacks in London are a good thing, because they take the environment and AIDS off the front page and put terrorism back on the front page. Isn't that precious?

Bush's 'Condolence' Speech

When I first heard about this, this morning pulling out of my driveway, I felt sad. Sad for those that were hurt, or lost loved ones, and for the folks that were there in London during the chaos.

And then I started wondering how this might affect the war on terror and the madness that's happening around the world right now.

Is it going to turn the Brits against the war in Iraq? Against wanting to continue as allies with the U.S.? Or is Tony Blair gonna show up in a flight suit looking very well-endowed or say something like 'Bring it on' and inspire the British people to support any foolish military kerfluffle he might want to take part in.

And then of course it spirals down to the base thoughts of 'why can't we all just get along?' and 'when is mankind going to evolve to a level where we will stop killing each other all willy nilly?'

And then later, I read Bush's speech offering his condolences.

"We will find them, we will bring them to justice, and at the same time, we will spread an ideology of hope and compassion that will overwhelm their ideology of hate."

Well, we haven't found bin Laden and we didn't bring him to justice. We let him get away, and then attacked a country that had nothing to do with bin Laden and al Queda.

I'm not really sure what we're doing about bin Laden. After Bush said he wasn't too worried about him, then back-peddled on that, I got confused. And then, when we spent so much money and lives overthrowing Sadaam rather that going after the real bad guys, I got even more confused.

And 'spreading an ideology of hope and compassion'??? Give me freakin' break! George Bush, his Administration and his cronies spread an ideology of Fear and Hate, not hope and compassion. Without Fear and Hate they wouldn't have won the election. All those security moms wouldn't have voted for him without Fear and Hate. They thrive on Fear and Hate. They need Fear Hate.

And then Chimpy McFlightsuit says this:
"On the one hand, we have people here who are working to alleviate poverty, to help rid the world of the pandemic of AIDS, working on ways to have a clean environment."

What a poser! Unfortunately, he isn't one of those people working to 'alleviate poverty, to help rid the world of the pandemic of AIDS, working on ways to have a clean environment.' He's too busy lobbying Congress to spend more and more money on ill-fated wars in Iraq and Afghanistan under the guise of 'supporting the troops' to worry about AIDS or the environment.

He refused to accept the Kyoto Protocol, but now he wants to pretend that he did. He's not giving nearly as much aid to Africa as other countries, but he wants to make believe that he is.

Earlier, in Denmark, Prime Minister Rasmussen gently chided the United States and the other big industrial democracies for not doing more, saying Denmark was far more generous.

"In fact, if all G-8 countries matched our effort, Africa would get $90 billion a year, instead of only $25 billion," he said, glancing at Mr. Bush.

Yet he wants to be seen as if he's one of the cool kids that gives .7% of GDP.

And then, we have this clever line from his condolence speech:
"And the contrast couldn't be clearer between the intentions and the
hearts of those of us who care deeply about human rights and human
liberty, and those who kill -- those who have got such evil in their heart
that they will take the lives of innocent folks."

Once again, he's pretending to care about human rights and human liberty, when there are tons of folks being detained in Iraq and Guantanamo who haven't been charged with anything. And as it turns out, some of these detainees are believed to be American citizens held for months without charges being filed against them.

Kar's family members allege that he has been held without reason for
nearly two months and that the FBI has cleared him of wrongdoing after
searching his home and files and after he apparently passed a polygraph
test. But he remains behind bars in Iraq, without significant contact with
the outside world, and with no charges filed against him.

"We don't understand why they won't let him come home, especially since
the government said he hasn't done anything wrong," Shahrzad Folger,
Kar's first cousin, said in a statement released yesterday.

And I don't even want to wager a guess as to how many innocent people, even children, have died, how many have been maimed, how many have had their lives ruined due to George Bush's war in Iraq.

How anyone can believe a word that comes out of his putrid, deceitful, treacherous mouth is beyond me.

Instead of selflessly offering his heartfelt condolences for the people of London affected by this awful tragedy, he takes the opportunity to plug his ridiculous, pointless, unjust, expensive and deadly wars and pretend to be a caretaker of mandkind and our planet.

Our Clumsy President

George Bush, tooling around on his bike on wet roads, mowed down a police officer in Scotland outside the hotel hosting the G8 gathering yesterday.

The US president suffered scrapes on his hands and arms and was treated
by a White House doctor, his spokesman said.

The Scottish police officer, on security duty, was sent to hospital to be
treated for a minor ankle injury.

Was he not wearing his wearing his 'Live Strong' arm band. Did he think the officer had WMDs hiding in his pockets? Was he demonstrating the 'slippery slope' theory in the context of what could happen when Congress gives the President the right to declare war?

And in case we forgot, BBC News is nice enough to remind us of several of George's previous mishaps.

In May 2004, he was badly grazed after falling off his mountain bike during a ride at his Texas ranch and, in June 2003, he fell off his hi-tech Segway scooter.

In January 2002, he grazed his cheek after choking on a pretzel and fainting.
(this one looks a little suspicious to me, as there were no witnesses except for the dogs, and his bruises look suspiciously like he was the recipient of a right hook.)

And just for old times sake, here he is falling off his Segway in June, 2003.



And since this is so much fun, here's a old video of a drunk George Bush being interviewed, slurring his words, bumbling pathetically and not looking particularly presidential.

Jeb! Keeps Forgetting About that Separation of Church and State Thingy

I wish I had more time to comment on this, but they want me to work today.

Just before Father's Day, Gov. Jeb Bush announced that he wanted every
public school in Florida to host a Christian-based program designed to
increase fathers' participation in their children's lives.

The program, All Pro Dad, combines a biblical foundation with the draw of
popular professional athletes to promote the belief that "the father is
the head of the household" and that men should rely on God to help them
be better parents and keep their marriages intact. It also encourages
Bible reading.

[...]

"From vouchers, from faith-based initiatives, to the nation's first
faith-based prisons, this governor has a blind spot when it comes to
the constitutional requirement on separation of church and state. He's
completely uncritical. He doesn't believe that reading the Bible and
strengthening your relationship with God is a faith-based message."

Somebody get this man a clue!

Pandering to the First Daughter

I swear, my cock is this thick! And if you talk you dad into
signing the Kyoto Treaty, I'll even show it to you.

Please let it be me! Please let it be me!

With his fingers crossed behind him for good luck,
he goes off into his happy place and imagines:
"Chief. Justice. Alberto. Gonzales. Damn, I'm
gonna look hot in that black robe with the stripes!"

Yeah, This is Just Who Florida Needs in the US Senate

Not only did she use her mystical powers to crown George Bush as President, but now we find out that Katherine Harris spent state money to trying to magically cure citrus canker.

Four years ago, as the state labored to eradicate citrus canker by
destroying trees, officials rejected other disease-fighting techniques,
saying unproven methods would waste precious time and resources.

But for more than six months, the state, at the behest of then-Secretary
of State Katherine Harris, did pursue one alternative method -- a very
alternative method.

Researchers worked with a rabbi and a cardiologist to test "Celestial
Drops," promoted as a canker inhibitor because of its "improved fractal design," "infinite levels of order" and "high energy and low entropy."

But the cure proved useless against canker. That's because it was water --
possibly, mystically blessed water.

The "product is a hoax and not based on any credible known science," the
state's chief of entomology, nematology and plant pathology wrote to
agriculture officials and fellow scientists after testing Celestial Drops
in October 2001.

[...]

So why did Florida spend months discussing and developing test
protocols for Celestial Drops?

The initial push came from Harris, now a U.S. House representative and
candidate for U.S. Senate. Harris, the granddaughter of legendary citrus
baron Ben Hill Griffin Jr., said she was introduced to one of the
product's promoters, New York Rabbi Abe Hardoon, in 2000.

Maybe we should sprinkle some of that holy water over Iraq and Afghanistan. Since we've made such a mess of things over there, I don't see how it could hurt. And for that matter, how about flicking a few drops on Medicare and Social Security. But why stop there? Maybe these magical Celestial Drops can cure cancer, provide a good education for all children and stop hunger and AIDS worldwide!

via Crooks and Liars

A Chip Off the Ol' Block?

You got nothing on me! I know it, you know it.

Come on boy. Watch how your old man weasels
his way out of another one.

Note: Surely that hottie spawn of Bush's Brain
isn't as evil as his pappy???!!

A Day Late, And More Than 1700 Short

The Rude Pundit reminds us of a nice excerpt from Kurt Vonnegut's Cat's Cradle.

"We are gathered here, friends," he said, "to honor lo Hoon-year
Mora-toorz tut Zamoo-cratz-ya, children dead, all dead, all murdered in
war. It is customary on days like this to call such lost children men.
I am unable to call them men for this simple reason: that in the same war
in which lo Hoon-year Mora-toorz tut Zamoo-cratz-ya died, my own son died.

"My soul insists that I mourn not a man but a child.

"I do not say that children at war do not die like men, if they have to
die. To their everlasting honor and our everlasting shame, they do die
like men, thus making possible the manly jubilation of patriotic holidays.

"But they are murdered children all the same.

"And I propose to you that if we are to pay our sincere respects to the
hundred lost children of San Lorenzo, that we might best spend the day
despising what killed them; which is to say, the stupidity and viciousness
of all mankind.

"Perhaps, when we remember wars, we should take off our clothes and
paint ourselves blue and go on all fours all day long and grunt like
pigs. That would surely be more appropriate than noble oratory and shows
of flags and well-oiled guns.

"I do not mean to be ungrateful for the fine, martial show we are about to
see – and a thrilling show it really will be…"

He looked each of us in the eye, and then he commented very softly,
throwing it away, "And hooray I say for thrilling shows."

We had to strain our ears to hear what Minton said next.

"But if today is really in honor of a hundred children murdered in war," he said, "is today a day for a thrilling show?

"The answer is yes, on one condition: that we, the celebrants are working consciously and tirelessly to reduce the stupidity and viciousness of
ourselves and all mankind."

How to Boost Recruitment for the War

"With the deluge of negative news that we get daily, it's just amazing to
me that anybody would want to sign up," said Sen. Pat Roberts (news,
bio, voting record), a Kansas Republican.

Exactly! He is so right! We should make shit up instead.

Every time the media reports that a soldier died in Iraq or Afghanistan, let's pretend that it didn't happen. And that instead, one of the bad guys died.

Every time we hear a soldier has come back to Walter Reed severely wounded or missing a limb or something, let's pretend that instead he came back perfectly healthy with a million dollars and some really nice souvenirs for the wife and kids.

And every time we hear about how some vehicles aren't armored properly, or that our soldiers don't have enough body armor, we'll just pretend that they do. And not only that, they get cheesecake for dessert every night. Yeah, that's it!

And let's pretend that there's none of this back door draft stuff going on. What you sign up for is what you get, no more. And not only that, the army has conjugal visits, you can have your hoochie over for the weekend once a month. Even more if you're a good little slob.

And not only that, let's pretend that when you get out, the benefits are awesome! Not only do you get free medical care for you and the family, but you get free day care for the kids, a new car for you and your spouse and a parade in your honor on your birthday every year. A really nice, big parade, with cheesecake, of course!

With all those goodies, even Jenna and Barbara will run (not walk) down to their local recruiting office!