Bill Frist and Elmo Bury the Hatchet

After years of bilateral talks, over 100,000 dead, Elmo agreeing to democracy, Bill allowing Elmo to take away all of Rosita's rights to walk around in public, and Bill agreeing not to kill any more cats, they have finally restored diplomatic ties and have begun working on a project known as "Healthy Habits for Life,"

Last May:



Today:

The Dating Game - Finding a Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff

Given that former Defense Secretary, Robert McNamara was allowed to do all kinds of crazy things all willy nilly without much checking or balancing from the Joint Chiefs of Staff back in the good 'ol Vietnam days, military officials are hoping Bush chooses someone strong, manly and top-ish enough to stand up to current Defense Secretary, Donald Rumsfeld.

Behind Door #1 is we have Marine Gen. Peter Pace. Peter "has served as Myers's deputy since October 2001 and is the image of the solid, square-jawed Marine. His supporters say that after four years of dealing with the White House and Pentagon civilians, he has unique skills, especially in operating at the interface of political and military affairs. Pace's detractors argue that he has been co-opted by Rumsfeld. They complain that he will sometimes pull his punches in meetings with the secretary and avoid criticizing him face to face." He likes playing tiddly-winks and going out for ice cream.

Behind Door #2, we have Gen. James Jones. He is "currently the NATO commander. He's smart and sophisticated, with the polish of a corporate CEO. It's said he was considered for chairman last time around but signaled that he wasn't interested, and he was recently on the short list for director of national intelligence. Jones wouldn't be pushed around by anyone, but observers wonder whether he would have the right chemistry with Rumsfeld and Bush. He enjoys old Greta Garbo movies and roller-blading.

Behind Door #3, we have Army Gen. John Abizaid. John is "commander of Centcom. He's probably the strongest strategic thinker in the Army. It's said that Rumsfeld was ready to appoint him as Army chief of staff in 2003 but that Abizaid preferred to be in the field. He's tough, smart and outspoken, and is said to have challenged Rumsfeld, quietly but effectively, in the past." He loves backgammon and says he can be a little persnickety about food sometimes.

Now our audience members will vote on who they think is the best match for Mr. Rumsfeld. We'll be back in two and two and let you know who they chose!

Florida Wants Jurisdiction Over Your Uterus

There are two mean, nasty and ugly anti-women abortion-related measures working their way though the legislature in Florida.

One involves parental consent and the other involves trying to make abortion clinics 'safer.'

Parents would have to be told when their daughters under 18 seek an abortion under one of two abortion measures approved Wednesday by legislative committees. The other would spell out an array of regulations for abortion clinics, from rules for sterilizing equipment and training employees to requirements for having certain rooms and equipment.

Sponsors of that bill said it is aimed at making abortion clinics safe, noting they are not regulated as thoroughly as other health care facilities. But opponents said the bill singles out abortion clinics for extra regulation as a way to make it difficult for them to operate.

How can they possibly think that parental consent laws help people? A girl who is abused and raped by her father will have to ask said abusive father for an abortion? I just don't understand why anyone besides the poor girl that got knocked up should have any say over what she does with her uterus. It's her uterus. Not her father's. Not the government's. It hers!

"The bill proceeds under a false premise, that the government can mandate communication within a dysfunctional family," said Larry Spalding, a lobbyist for the American Civil Liberties Union.

Some girls will not want their parents to know they're getting an abortion. "For many of these women, they're going to try self-help. Some will be critically injured for life; some will die," Spalding said.

Maybe we should have similar laws for men. Something along the lines of "every sperm is sacred." No whacking off. No porn. No having sex for any reason besides procreation. Those hands should only be used for God's will. Not for naughty physical pleasure. And certainly no Viagra or Cialis. It's not your penis it's mine, and you can only use it how I say.

Abortion is one of the safest gynecological procedures performed on women in the United States. According to the Alan Guttmacher Institute, less than 1 percent of all abortion patients experience a major complication associated with the procedure. The three main factors that affect the safety of an abortion are: 1) the gestational age of the fetus; 2) the type of procedure used; and 3) the skill of the doctor. Most abortion-related deaths and complications occur as a result of the use of anesthesia and are not related to the procedure itself. Unnecessary regulations, such as mandatory ultrasound, superfluous record-keeping, and square-footage requirements, do not enhance the safety of an abortion in any way.

However, the bill in Florida states:

abortion is an invasive surgical procedure that can lead to numerous and serious medical complications, including, but not limited to, bleeding, hemorrhage, infection, uterine perforation, blood clots, cervical tears, incomplete abortion and retained tissue, failure to actually terminate the pregnancy, free fluid in the abdomen, missed ectopic pregnancies, cardiac arrest, sepsis, respiratory arrest, reactions to anesthesia, fertility problems, emotional problems, and even death...

This is simply an assult on women. How dare they pretend to care about the health of women and lie about wanting to make clinics 'safer,' when everyone knows what will really happen if abortions aren't safe and available. Women will die. Why do Republicans hate women?

Copy-cat Crucifixion

The Poor Man has a nice post with twenty-seven eight-by-ten color glossy photos with the pictures and arrows and a paragraph on the back each one about a staged crucifixion held in Phillipines.

Enaje’s face contorted in pain as the nails were driven to his palms and feet. He was made to hang in the cross for nearly 10 minutes before being pulled down as a throng of tourists gasped in disbelief.

He was later rushed to an ambulance.

Then he goes on to compare this to type of shinanigans to the affects Grand Theft Auto or Beavis and Butthead might have on the youth of today.

I think that's a valid point. There's lots of crazy things about christianity that one should certainly not try to emulate. For instance, that whole agreeing to sacrifice your son thing, I've always found a little disturbing. Though when I was younger, because of the way my big brother used to treat me, I didn't perceive it to be nearly as offensive.

In reality, you can take just about anything and make it "harmful to the children" depending on how you spin it.

The Cat in the Hat - They actually had 'fun' while their mommy was not home AND let a stranger in the house

Scooby Doo - Everyone knows that Shaggy was a stoner and both he and Scooby had very poor eating habits

Batman and Robin - Two single fellas wearing tights and capes? Come on now.

I think they key is to make sure kids know the difference between fantasy and fiction, and maybe teach some common sense too. But what do I know, I'm just a little girl.

But check out the Poor Man's post. It's neat-o.

Going to the Supermarket

This new fellow over at the Tattered Coat, named Rod, billed as the 'sleeves' of the tattered coat, has this fascinating as well as lengthy and ponderous essay on going to the supermarket.

Now, in reading the blogs that I usually read, there's generally healthy doses of the latest stunts by Tom DeLay or Rick Santorum, maybe how the BushCo is messing up the environment, the economy, and reproductive rights, and there's always the latest in Terri Schiavo ranting. I find myself reading the first few lines, then maybe skimming the rest, then moving on.

This post, oddly enough, held my attention to the very end.

It's very well written, funnily poignant, and just all around good reading. Check it out!

I'll get you, my pretty! And your little dog, too!

The Wicked He-Witch of the West Wing
finally makes good on the 'and your
little dog, too' threat.

How Not to Fight AIDS in Africa

Another fine example of George Bush's ignorance.

President Bush is focusing his program against AIDS in Africa on
sexual abstinence and marital fidelity, relegating condoms to a distant
third. It's the kind of well-meaning policy that bubbles up out of a
White House prayer meeting but that will mean a lot of unnecessary deaths
on the ground in Africa.

The stark reality is that what kills young women here is often not
promiscuity, but marriage. Indeed, just about the deadliest thing a woman
in southern Africa can do is get married.

You would think he would know this, and try to find programs that would
work in Africa. But No. Once again, I set my expectations too high for
the leader of the free world.

Take Kero Sibanda, a woman I met in a village in Zimbabwe. Mrs. Sibanda
is an educated woman and lovely English-speaker who married a man who
could find a job only in another city. She suspected that he had a
girlfriend there, but he would return to the village every couple of
months to visit her.

"I asked him to use a condom," she said, "but he refused. There was
nothing I could do."

He died two years ago, apparently of AIDS. Now Mrs. Sibanda worries that
she and her beautiful 2-year-old daughter, Amanda, have H.I.V. as well.

[...]

The fact is that condoms have played a crucial role in the campaigns
against AIDS that have been relatively successful, from Thailand's "100
percent condom program" to the efforts in Uganda, Cambodia and Senegal.
And condoms don't cause sex any more than umbrellas cause rain.

[...]

at present infection rates in Zimbabwe, 85 percent of today's
15-year-olds will die of AIDS.

Since this is the situation, it just seems very frightening to me that anyone with half a brain, and that might be pushing it for Georgy, would do anything BUT heavily advocate the use of condoms.

His policies are KILLING people! Lots of people that shouldn't be dying. In Iraq. In the U.S. And in Africa.

Some 'culture of life', huh?

Switching to Haloscan Comments

How would you guys feel if I switched to Haloscan comments? All your previous musings would be deleted. But I think Haloscan is more stable.

Let me know in the comments. Ha! Just kidding. The comments don't work. At least not at the momment. I'll do it late tonight unless someone sends me an email begging me not to, or to save some morsel of previously posted comment-brilliance.

Just How Wrong Is John Bolton for the UN Post?

Now, don't get all hung up on the title of Bob Harris's post. It's not meant to give you bad dreams or frightening visual images that you just can't shake.

John Bolton, Nude Descending A Staircase

It's a reference to one of Duchamp's works. And his post is meant to list and provide links to all the open letters criticizing George Bush's nominee for U.N. ambassador.

Now, if you can see a real live nude descending a staircase in this image, you must be smokin' something.

And if you can see an effective U.N. diplomat in John Bolton, then I'd like to meet your dealer. (To turn him in of course, because I don't do drugs....)

How The Sheep Industry Can Help You Pay For College

I found this post on MSNBC and thought of my friend, Ellen, who is trying to figure out how to pay for college and can also crochet a mean scarf.

Knit your way to a college education

Like many high school students, Megan Schier is stitching together money for college, but she's doing it literally, winning a $1,500 scholarship from the American Sheep Industry for knitting and sewing an outfit with wool.

I think there are other was to get 'in' with the American Sheep Industry, but it looks like knitting will get ya there, and it's a lot less messy and if your mom catches you, you won't get into trouble.

Now I don't know if Ricky or Jerry have designs on going back to school, but if they do, I think they'd have this one in the bag.

...if you and your date can turn duct tape into prom outfits, you could split $5,000.

Um, I mean not as each other's dates. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but with a date of their chosing. I'm pretty sure they are both straight.

The New Boy Scout Motto

On my honor I will do my best
To do my duty to the kiddie porn industry
and to obey the Porn Industry Overlords;
To snap photos of little boys;
To keep myself physically aroused by young boys,
mentally turned on by their pre-pubescent tushies, and morally twisted.

It looks like Douglas S. Smith Jr., the Director of Progams for the Boy Scouts has been a bad, bad boy.

The national director of programs for the Boy Scouts of America has been charged with receiving and distributing child pornography, the U.S. Attorney's office here told NBC News on Tuesday.

Douglas S. Smith Jr. was charged with one felony count of having photos that show "minors engaging in sexually explicit conduct."

Sources in the U.S. Attorney's office told NBC that Smith was expected to plead guilty.

The images were of young boys and the investigation started in Germany, the sources added.

First the priests, now this. My, my.

Morning Rumors

Far be it from me to spread unconfirmed rumors, but then they wouldn't be rumors if they weren't unconfirmed, now would they?

The Weekly World News, that bastion of journalistic integrity, has a nice article about Dick Cheney's previous job experience.

Most Americans are very familiar with Vice President Dick Cheney's distinguished career as a businessman and public servant -- but much less familiar with his work as a nude artist's model!

Before entering politics, Cheney put himself through college at the University of Wyoming by dropping his drawers for several local artists and sculptors.

And then, they go on about some other folks too.

Cheney is the latest among a string of Washington politicians with unusual backgrounds. According to reliable inside sources, California Senator Barbara Boxer earned extra cash jumping out of cakes at bachelor parties. Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy worked one summer as a male escort, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice was the cover girl three times for Black Booty magazine, and First Lady Laura Bush worked briefly as a "fluffer," -- a woman whose job it is to keep male adult film stars in a continual state of arousal.

Laura Bush, a fluffer??? I'm having a little trouble picturing that. But then again, maybe that's why Georgy liked her so much. Since he was on so many drugs back then, I can only guess his potency was adversely affected. Perhaps Laura had the magic touch or the right words or actions to get and keep the future leader of the free world's, uh, um, 'little soldier' standing at attention.

Republican Hypocrits and Their Frivolous Lawsuits

It looks like those crazy Republican tort-reformer fellas on the Hill have some dirty little secrets. No, not those kinds of dirty little secrets. Well, I guess they have those too, but that's not what this post is about.

When one of his twin daughters was involved in a fender bender (in which no one was hurt), then Governor Bush filed a lawsuit to recover property damage to the car. I do not know which driver was at fault, but I found it interesting that Bush sued Enterprise Rental-A-Car.

His theory was that the other driver did not have a valid driver’s license and, therefore, that Enterprise should not have rented him a car. I leave it to you to decide if that is an example of looking for a deep pocket with only a tangential relationship to the damage. Bush collected a $2,500 settlement from Enterprise.

[...]

A local Ohio car dealership used a tiny thumbnail photograph of Schwarzenegger in a full page advertisement in a local Ohio newspaper. Arnold sued the dealership and its ad agency claiming that used his photograph without his consent. He sought more than $37 million in damages.

Schwarzenegger filed the suit in California despite the fact that the ad ran only in Ohio and the car dealership had no connection to California. See, Republican politicians do not think that forum shopping (to say nothing of outrageous damage claims) is always bad, at least not when they are the shoppers.

[...]

...How, then, does Santorum explain why his wife sued a chiropractor for half a million dollars alleging back injuries from a badly done spinal manipulation? He says it is a private matter. Of course, Santorum believes that everyone else's claim for compensation is a public matter. Santorum does not think that "jackpot justice" is so bad when his wife is the winner.

Hmmmm... private matter? Shall I throw out the "man on dog" thingy, in perchance suggesting the real reason for the back injuries???? Rrrufff!

[...]

In 1990, the DeLays filed suit against Midcap Bearing Corp. of San Antonio and Lovejoy Inc. of Illinois, the distributor and maker of a coupling that the family said had failed and caused the tram to hurtle out of control.

The family's wrongful death lawsuit accused the companies of negligence and sought actual and punitive damages.

Tom DeLay was a named plaintiff in that suit. The case settled for something in the neighborhood of a quarter of a million dollars. Three years after his mother received the settlement:

DeLay cosponsored a bill specifically designed to override state laws on product liability such as the one cited in his family's lawsuit.

He thinks his family should be able to collect a whole bunch of money, but others shouldn't?? What a meanie. One more reason that Tom DeLay is going to hell.

Condi - A Woman of Many Talents

One of Secretary of State, Condoleeza Rice's little known
talents is being able to fart the tune of Hail to the Chief.

Here, she entertains Assistant Secretary of State Michael
Kozakas as she squeezes out the final toot.

If You Ain't Been Aground, You Ain't Been Around

I'm taking a day off from blogging. Maybe I'll get something new up this evening, but don't count on it. I didn't get to bed until 5am this morning, as I was sitting on a sailboat on a sandbar waiting for a tow until the wee hours of the morning.

Some of the highlights are as follows:
We were using a chart that was two years old, and the flashing green mark we were looking for was no longer there. It was after dark, and we didn't have a good spotlight to see the unlighted marks, just two wimpy flashlights.

We actually ran aground twice. The first time we got unstuck, we had no idea where we were on the chart, as the marks had been changed. Thus we did not know which way to go to get back on track and avoid running aground again and as luck would have it, ran aground a second time.

Our motor was not working, and to get through the skinny channel and inter-coastals, one must motor. The skipper dubbed the motor the "Throttleman's Delight."

The first time we ran aground, the skipper got out into the water in his tightie-whities to try to push the boat and stuff. Another 86 year-old gentleman on board also wanted to jump in, so he stripped down to his tightie-whities as well. The skipper told him in no uncertain terms was he to jump in the water. He never did, but it took him a good four hours to finally put his pants back on. Try to imagine in a good crotchety old man voice "Well, I'm not cold, why should I put my pants on?" Each time the skipper's girlfriend called to see how we were doing, he dutifully reported on the status of the 86 year-old's pants.

Said 86 year-old man was also having some lower GI issues, if you will, and the head on this boat isn't real heavy duty. And lets also say that said 86 year-old man's tightie-whities weren't all that white by the time we got to the dock, and the smell wasn't all the pleasant either.

After we got hooked up to the tow boat, we needed to bring the anchor back up. Said 86 year-old man and I were wenching it up at the same time that the skipper was trying to lift it up. However he couldn't get any slack on the anchor line, as we wenchers were keeping it tight as we wenched it in. So, in effect, we were unknowingly working against each other. The net result of this was the skipper choosing to cut the anchor line and sacrifice his anchor to the gods of Tampa Bay.

A tow like that costs roughly $965 dollars if you let your membership with Boat U.S. run out.

TGIF

I have the day off work today, and since it's much more fun to blog on company time than on my own time, I don't think I'll be putting any new posts up today.

But I'll leave you with this nice photo of Bart. I'm not sure if he's barking at the camera or at the Collapse book that I got from my big brother, and am enjoying, even though it's really long as has a lot of big words in it, but I bet it doesn't have any run-on sentences in it because Jared Diamond is a good author and I expect he knows better than to use run-on sentences, a lot better than me, anyway.

Y'all have a good weekend!

The Real Reason For Rummy's Trip To Guatemala

Rummy explains cup sizes to Guatemalan president Oscar Berger

Rummy: How long it takes to find a bra? What's going on in there? You ask me to get a pair of underwear, I'm back in two seconds...you know about the cup sizes and all? They have different cups.

Oscar: I-I know about the cups.

Rummy: You got the A, B, C the D. That's the biggest.

Oscar: I know the D is the biggest. I've based my whole life on knowing that the D is the biggest.

Darn Those Leftist Totalitarian Dictator Professors

There's this goofy bill that passed the Florida House Choice and Innovation Committee that "aims to stamp out 'leftist totalitarianism' by 'dictator professors' in the classrooms of Florida’s universities."

According to a legislative staff analysis of the bill, the law would give students who think their beliefs are not being respected legal standing to sue professors and universities.

Students who believe their professor is singling them out for "public ridicule" – for instance, when professors use the Socratic method to force students to explain their theories in class – would also be given the right to sue.

I hope this trickles down to my third-grade class. Then, when the teacher makes a scene when I fall asleep in class I can sue her. Or if she gives me a bad grade in art because she doesn't like my drawings, I can sue her again. Yay!!! More Litigation!!

George Bush Hearts Recess-Time

Evidently, George Bush agrees that 'It's Recess-Time Somewhere,' at least when it comes to appointing controversial judicial nominees.

The Constitution allows presidents to make recess appointments, but the
question comes down to which recess, or more accurately, what kind of
recess, the Constitution was referring to.

Article II, Sec. 2, of the Constitution says, "The President shall have
power to fill up all vacancies that may happen during the recess of the
Senate, by granting Commissions which shall expire at the End of their
next Session." Notice that it says, "the recess," not "a recess."

When Bush appointed Pryor to the bench, the Senate was off for a 10-day
period. These mid-session breaks are routine throughout the legislative
session. When the Founding Fathers empowered presidents to make
recess appointments, was this what they were referring to? Almost
certainly not.

In the early days of the country, framers saw recesses that could last
months and wanted presidents to be able to fill key positions temporarily
in emergency situations without the Senate's "advice and consent." There's
a lengthy break following the final adjournment for the legislative session.
This is "the recess." The provision was not about giving presidents the
authority to evade the legislative process when the White House got
irritated with the Senate minority. This president disagrees, of course, and believes he can abuse the power to make appointments whenever he pleases.

One-Word Wonders

NPR has a nice piece about books that are "micro-histories, books that explore a specific -- sometimes absurdly so -- subject in depth."

Some of the fascinating ones already out there are:

Pencil: A History of Design and Circumstance, by Henry Petroski

Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers, by Mary Roach

I really like this idea, so I thought of some more that should be out there:

Barney - A History of Pooing on the White House Lawn

Jenna - An Expose of What Your Daughters Are Really Up To

Nu-ku-ler - A Syllogism of Waging War Against Proper Pronunciation

Home-erectus - A Summation of What it Takes to be a White House Reporter

If you guys can think of any others, please, feel free to add them in the comments!

Karl Rove, Closet Homo???

Far be it from me to spread unconfirmed rumors, but if they weren't unconfirmed, then they wouldn't be rumors, now would they?

So, here goes:

Walter Storch, editor of the Barnes Review News reported three weeks ago that "Karl Rove was seen by one of my people entering a private homosexual orgy at a five-star Washington hotel over the Mid-Atlantic Leather (MAL) weekend last year." [2004]

A Barnes reporter told Storch that "Karl greatly enjoyed the supervision of a certain hairy 350-lb. Leather Dominator who had won the Miss Virginia Daddy Bear title at the MAL festivities."

Storch wrote, "Karl used to hang out a JR’s, which is on 17th between P & S streets, before he became so well-known. This is a respectable gay bar for discreet people...," adding, "there is an expensive apartment...over near Dupont Circle that certain powerful senators take turns visiting with their pickups."

The Truth Seeker via WTF is it Now?

Rick 'Sergeant Schultz' Santorum

'I know Nothing!'

This is Rick Santorum denying any knowledge of the memo rumored to have come from his office about Terri Schiavo that states:

This is an important moral issue and the pro-life base will be excited that the Senate is debating this important issue.

and

This is a great political issue, because Senator Nelson of Florida - has already refused to become a cosponsor and this is a tough issue for Democrats.

Come on! Gimme a break. Even I know about it and I'm not a United States Senator. I'm just a little girl from Tampa.

Mooning for Peace

I'm all about peace and I've always been a big fan of appropriately-timed mooning. So I got all atwitter when I read about these kids who are going to moon Beijing on Friday to show their displeasure with the mean and nasty ways China is treating Taiwan.

Children Bearing their Butts for Peace via PSoTD

Over 700 infants and young children are set to take off their pants and moon Beijing this Friday, their bottoms plastered with anti-missile and peace slogans, to show the nation's displeasure with China's new anti-secession legislation.

And how appropriate, as Friday is the full moon!

Naughty, Naughty Boys

Some naughty, naughty boys in Iowa have been doing some naughty, naughty things to each other on the wrestling team.

According to authorities and parents, six freshmen on the wrestling squad were pinned down in the locker room by older team members, some of whom reportedly were naked. The older students are alleged to have then pushed their genitalia against the freshmen's faces and heads.

I'm surprised something so naughty as this would happen in a god-fearing red state such as Iowa. Don't their Republican anti-gay-marriage-amendment-lovin' parents teach them any better?

Now, I just have one question. Do they allow little girls on the wrestling teams in Iowa?

Helmet tip to Jesus' General commenter, Hawthorne Wingnut, for bringing this exciting prospect to my attention!

It's Not Me, I Swear

This Craigslist posting via Wonkette is NOT ME. I Swear. I'm not that tall, not that heavy, I don't live in Washington D.C., and I don't have a boyfriend.

About me:
5' 5". 130 lbs. Hardcore Democrat.

About you:
A Republican and able to show proof of such (email from a congressional office, work ID card, whatever). Over 5' 8".

What I want:
I want to meet you in public for drinks to make sure that you are who you say you are. If this is the case and I get turned on by you, we head back to my place. I'll get down on all fours on the living room carpet. You'll push my skirt up and spank me silly...

[...]

What do you have to do?
This has to be next weekend, since my boyfriend will be out of town. If you're interested, send me an email WITH A PICTURE. If you do not send a picture, it will be deleted, unread. Tell me how you can prove that you're a Republican and why you want to do this to a Democrat like me. Do not use words like 'holla' or confuse 'their' and 'there'. That turns me off to no end.

And anyone who thinks it might be me, well, you're just wrong.

Zombie Warriors

My big brother has a stellar idea on what to do with the new race of people that will be created once Tom Delay succeeds in keeping all the brain-dead alive on machines!

I for one look forward to the brave new world. With a little more advancement in medical science it may one day be possible to vanquish death entirely. When our brains quit working whatever cells are left in our bodies might be kept alive indefinitely hooked up to machines!

This is just the situation I need to unleash my horde of zombie warriors.

Oh Dear...

James Wolcott gives us all a very disturbing mental image.

"Closely involved with both men was Richard Perle, another notable hawk. As Seymour Hersh writes in his book, Chain of Command: 'There was a close personal bond between Chalabi, Wolfowitz and Perle going back many years.' Perle was a business associate of the disgraced Daily Telegraph owner Lord Black, who, like Mr Chalabi, also finds himself accused of fraud."

One pictures them in the sauna together, sweating oil.


Chalabi          Wolfowitz           Perle

Bill -n- Mel = True Love Forever

That awkward moment before the first kiss,
when Bill Frist looks longingly into Mel
Martinez's eyes, then quickly glances down
at his moist luscious lips in heated
anticipation

Do As I Say, Not As I Do

Mean Mr. Bush is at it again. Referring to the Terri Schivo thingy, he's saying these crazy things like "This is a complex case with serious issues, but in extraordinary circumstances like this, it is wisest to always err on the side of life."

But he only seems to "err on the side of life" when it is politically convenient for him.

Need I mention the 1500 and some U.S. soldiers that have died in the Iraqi War? Or the thousands of Iraqis that have died due to the "liberation?"

Or all those folks in Texas when he was Governor that were executed.
During Bush's six years as governor 150 men and two women were
executed in Texas, a record unmatched by any other governor in modern
American history.

Or how about that bill that Mr. Bush signed into law in Texas, where all those sick people got the plugs pulled on them because the money ran out, regardless of the families' wishes.

Yes, he's at it again. Spouting off a bunch of trash about a "culture of life," when his actions SO do not match his words.

Fascizing America, One Amendment at a Time

It looks like the Supreme Court has decided that Zacarias Moussaoui can be tried, and possibly get the death penalty, but he can't questions his three witnesses, which are alleged members of Al Queda and currently in U.S. custody.

He can only get "government-prepared summaries of the captives' statements." or statements "from unnamed, unsworn government agents purporting to report unsworn, incomplete non-verbatim accounts" as his lawyers so eloquently put it.

Now stop me if I'm wrong, but doesn't the 6th Amendment give us the right to confront witnesses?

In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the state and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the assistance of counsel for his defense.

Did the justices forget this part? I mean, I know some of them are old. But are they getting batty and senile and forgetting the amendments?

U.S. officials insist that questioning these three fellas would compromise national security.

But how, pray tell, could questioning these fellas in a courtroom setting compromise national security? I would think that if anything, we might find out some stuff that we previously didn't know and it would help national security. Or am I missing something? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

The Environmental 'Pooping on us' Agency

The naughty, naughty EPA officials decided to just ignore a study that the smart people at Harvard did that shows how bad mercury poison really is.

When the Environmental Protection Agency unveiled a rule last week to limit mercury emissions from U.S. power plants, officials emphasized that the controls could not be more aggressive because the cost to industry already far exceeded the public health payoff.

What they did not reveal is that a Harvard University study paid for by the EPA, co-authored by an EPA scientist and peer-reviewed by two other EPA scientists had reached the opposite conclusion.

That analysis estimated health benefits 100 times as great as the EPA did, but top agency officials ordered the finding stripped from public documents, said a staff member who helped develop the rule. Acknowledging the Harvard study would have forced the agency to consider more stringent controls, said environmentalists and the study's author.

And then, they lied about it.

Asked about the Harvard analysis, Al McGartland, director of the EPA's National Center for Environmental Economics, said it was submitted too late to be factored into the agency's calculations. He added that crucial elements of the analysis were flawed.

Interviews and documents, however, show that the EPA received the study results by the Jan. 3 deadline, and that officials had been briefed about its methodology as early as last August. EPA officials referred to some aspects of the Harvard study in a briefing for The Washington Post on Feb. 2.

The EPA is being really, really bad and needs a time out or a spanking, before more kids and pregnant women get hurt by mercury.

My two-cents on Terri

I've been reading a lot about the Terri Schiavo thingy today, and can't say as I have much to add.

I really liked Digbys post

By now most people who read liberal blogs are aware that George
W. Bush signed a law in Texas that expressly gave hospitals the right
to remove life support if the patient could not pay and there was no
hope of revival, regardless of the patient's family's wishes. It is
called the Texas Futile Care Law. Under this law, a baby was removed
from life support against his mother's wishes in Texas just this week.
A 68 year old man was given a temporary reprieve by the Texas courts
just yesterday.

and Ezra's post.

It's becoming cliche to point out this or that statement of Tom
DeLay's as enough to make you ill, but his latest on Schiavo is
really unconscionable:

"She talks and she laughs and she expresses likes and
discomforts," he said Sunday evening.

My God, you'd think her a three year old, giggling at Blue's
Clues and slapping away the mashed peas-bearing rocket ship when it
approaches her mouth. That she's really an inert woman whose
cerebral cortex has liquified and whose every twitch is being
interpreted as signs of higher consciousness makes DeLay's lie
all the sadder -- he's misrepresenting the brain damaged.

and the Carpetbagger's post:

But leave it to Republicans in Congress to push this
controversy to a new, almost unthinkable, low.

An unsigned one-page memo, distributed to Republican senators,
said the debate over Schiavo would appeal to the party's base,
or core, supporters. The memo singled out Sen. Bill Nelson
(D-Fla.), who is up for reelection next year and is potentially
vulnerable in a state President Bush won last year.

"This is an important moral issue and the pro-life base will be
excited that the Senate is debating this important issue," said
thememo, which was reported by ABC News and later given to The
Washington Post. "This is a great political issue, because
Senator Nelson of Florida has already refused to become a
cosponsor and this is a tough issue for Democrats."

And there's really not much I can add.

So I figured I'd go over to the right blogosphere, where progressives don't usually tread, armed with both a good grasp of the facts in the case and a bottle of Tums.

Here's some of the lunacy that I found.

This, from a Lesbien c'est moi, a Canadian Lesbian who speaks French(probably the ONLY french-speaking lesbian in Canada that supports the Bush agenda):

I would like to suggest an extension of our voices in opposition
to the crimes being committed against Terri. I say we make a strong
and symbolic stand. I think we should send food and water BY THE
BOXFULLS to the Hospice Center. Keep sending and encouraging people
to send until they decide to stop this murder and feed Terri.

How about if they send boxfulls of beer and pretzels over to my place instead and maybe a good movie and some Sudafed, because I'm sick of hearing about it on TV news shows. I was feeling a little under the weather today, so I stayed home from work. Boy did I pick a crappy day for that. Nothing but Terri on the teevee. I'm so very tired of hearing about this personal family matter. It shouldn't be a polital spectacle and a ploy to keep the evangelicals voting Republican. It should be a private family matter, and certainly, the federal government should not be involved. They need to let Terri die and end the family's suffering as well as mine.

Misleading Headline of the Day

Show Them Your Best 'Take Me Home' Face

No, the article is not about how to hook up at the end of a hard night of drinking at the local pub, it's about children. Foster children looking for a permanent home. And you - Stop being so self-centered and such a slut. Think of the children.

Death-Match Winner-Take-All Wrestling Meet

Since they are now allowing bloggers into White House press conferences, bloggers are also being allowed into this fine wrestling match, proposed by Jesus' General commenter, Anntichrist Coulter. As I responded late, all wrestling positions were already full, but I'm hoping to help the cause by being the water girl and providing refreshments to the participants. I also hope to learn some new wrestling moves from the others.

As soon as we can secure the proper venue and promotional
opportunities, the Women's Corps of the Jesus' General Militia will
be holding our very own Women's Corps Convention, wherein we plan to
offer many educational seminars and shop-class-style demonstrations.
During the course of the evening entertainment, several of the ladies
of the WC have volunteered to entertain the troops, as it were, in a
Death-Match Winner-Take-All Wrestling Meet. We will be inviting such
celebrities as Ann Coulter, Peggy Noonan, Karen Hughes, Michelle Malkin,
Laura Bush, and others of their ilk to participate in our Tag-Team
events.

...

Please let us know as soon as possible if you are available to
participate, as we would like to start having you measured for the
costume fittings as soon as we can. Also, please let us know if you
have any allergies to spandex, latex, processed leather, feathers,
formaldehyde, or any food-based allergies, such as to Jell-O, pudding,
whipped cream, or grits.

I am particulary anxious to see how Michelle Malkin's new hairdo stands up to the rigors of Jell-O, pudding, whipped cream, and grits.

Take Time to Smell the Flowers

After four straight days of rain, I find this growing in my backyard. Very inspirational.

George "Oedipus" Bush

Former First Lady and mom or MILF?
Only Georgy knows for sure.

Digby on Eugene Volokh and Captial Punishment

Digby has some similar views as I have on capital punishment, only he writes gooder than I do.

His post references Eugene Volokh's barbaric views on a serial killer in Iran that was brutally executed.

It’s not really all that surprising. We have been leaning this way for a while with our move away from the idea of dispassionate justice to revenge. Listening to the inescapable rundowns of the Peterson verdict yesterday, I was struck as I often am by the sarcastic angry tone of the victim’s family in front of the cameras just as I’ve often been struck by the spectacle of the families inside the courtroom when they get their chance to confront the perpetrator in the penalty phase. It’s not that I blame them for feeling such rage. But I find it very disconcerting that our justice system believes that this revenge and catharsis should be part of the judicial process itself. Justice is supposed to be blind. Or so I thought.

I don’t believe in the death penalty because I think that the only justification for killing is self defense and when someone is locked up forever that is protection enough from their depredations. But I’m beginning to wonder if accepting the death penalty as we have presents another problem. So much focus is placed on the feelings of the victim’s families these days that I think we may have lost sight of the fact that there can be no recompense for the loss of a loved one. Therefore, the death penalty can never really be enough to satisfy the need that we are trying to make it satisfy.

She-Blogger

Tild via Brutal Women

The Real Intent of Those Six-Party Talks

From the Washington Post:

The reclusive government's (Korea) media organs have waged an increasingly tough campaign against Rice....

And in one corner we have the U.S. Secretary of State, Condolezza Rice. In the other corner, we have uh, um, some organs. My money is on the organs.

Why I Need a Beer

I've been thinking lately about the physiological reactions I have to the news lately. Bill O'Reilly, if you can call that news, has made me so angry at times that my face gets red, my lips curl up, and I can't get to sleep because I'm so mad. When I read about Jimmy Ray Slaughter being executed in Oklahoma, I got light-headed and nauseous, kind of like when you're free-falling in an amusement park ride or when you don't weigh enough to give blood and you are about to pass out. Also, last night when I was watching the video taken from death row in San Quinten where Scott Peterson is now, I had a similar feeling, and was inclined to turn off the TV.

I won't babble on about Bill O'Reilly because I'm guessing most sane people have similar reactions. Maybe not quite so physiological, but nonetheless, similar. We'll just say that I internalize it more than most.

But this whole death penalty stuff, state sponsored execution, is infinitely disturbing to me, even when I watch movies where there are hangings or be-headings or electrocutions. Even if there is no question of the condemned's guilt, it still disturbs me. I usually look away, walk out of the room, or change the channel until it passes. Friends with which I may be watching the movie might think I'm weird, but once I have that image in my head, I can't stop thinking about it. That anti-gravity, low blood-pressure, nauseous feeling persists.

Oddly enough, I can watch the gorriest Quentin Tarantino movie and love it. Seeing that fella in Reservoir Dogs get his ear cut off, then shot didn't affect me in the slightest. Great stuff!! Why, then does state-sponsored killing offend me and gangster killing not?

Even serial killers, and murders don't bother me that much. Sometimes the investigations can be quite interesting. Hearing the stories, seeing the evidence. All great fun! Now, I've never had anyone close to me be killed or tortured, and maybe if I did, I'd feel differently. I also have that "it can't happen to me mentality" as those things are fairly uncommon, generally drug or revenge or robbery related. I don't sell drugs, I'm usually nice to people so there's no reason to exact revenge upon me, and I don't have much stuff to steal. But if someone broke into my house, I'm sure my killer beagle would, uh, I don't know, probably want a belly rub or something.

I haven't followed the Scott Peterson trial at all, so I don't know anything about the trial or the evidence. I can't speak to whether I feel he is guilty or not. Our justice system says he is. But I don't believe that our justice system can be 100% accurate. No justice system can be, except for that of some higher power, if you believe that sort of thing. Certainly not here on Earth and here in the United States of Corrupt Power-Drunk Politicians.

Jimmy Ray Slaughter was claiming his innocence as they shot him up with the lethal injection. I don't know the facts on that case either, as I did not follow it. But how can the State of Oklahoma know 100% that he did commit the crime? Our justice system generally uses the "reasonable doubt" test but when you are putting people to death. I would think there should be "no doubt," as there is no way to change your mind if conflicting evidence arises after the person is already dead.

I just don't think us humans should have the power to decide such things. Our judgments can never be perfect or administered fairly. There's also the argument that the death penatly costs government more money than life in prison due the expensive appeals process, but I won't dwell on that.

And what's with people turning out to see executions? I would NEVER want to see something like that. Never. Never. Never. Not on TV, and certainly not in real life. What's the fascination with it? I could maybe understand if it was your family member that was murdered, and wanting to get revenge and somehow feeling better to see that justice was served. But nevertheless, you will never get your loved one back.

Any kind of death in one's family is a difficult thing, but harming another human being is not going to bring back the one you lost. So what purpose does the death penalty serve exactly?

So, back to the physiological reaction that I get from hearing about such things. Maybe I was executed in a previous life, and I'm reliving that experience through my subconscious? I just find the death penalty to be so incredibly reprehensible. A judicial system, appointed by our government that is so corrupt, and mainly focused on who gets to be in power and how to win the next election, making these life and death decisions, gets me right in the gut.

Alright, enough of that. Let's all lighten up, drink a little green beer, watch some basketball, and pinch someone who isn't wearing green tonight! I can assure you I won't be wearing anything green tonight.

Maureen Dowd Gets a Wink from Dubya, then Ponders Sex Change

The Gridiron Dinner in Washington must have been the place to be on Saturday. Maureen Dowd, NY Times Op-Ed Columnist, got a 'wink' from the president.

Suddenly, W. turned around, stopped and looked right at me. Then he flashed a wink, not a flirty wink but a mischievous Clark Gable "I've got your number and you think you've got mine but I win" wink.

Then Bush compares John McCain to a disobedient puppy:

Mr. Bush slyly joked that he had the "dangedest puppy" who would roll over on command - but only some of the time. "I renamed him 'John McCain.' "

And then Maureen Dowd ponders becoming a male escort:

I may have gotten a presidential wink, but I still don't have my regular White House pass back. (Maybe I'd get it back if I became a male escort?)

Maybe if they keep joking and keep us laughing we'll forget all this stuff:

The Bushies created their own reality to convince the country that Iraq was a threat to U.S. security. So even though the war has given birth to some of the very evils it was supposed to fix - like more recruits for Osama, and Saddam's formerly sealed weapons' falling into terrorists' hands - Bushies like the results of their war.

Now the White House has its own gulag: C.I.A. agents snatch suspects and fly them to places like Egypt and Syria to be strung up in chains and tortured. And The Times reported yesterday that at least 26 deaths of prisoners in American custody in Iraq and Afghanistan may be criminal homicides. So it also has its own Soviet-style propaganda campaign.

At his news conference yesterday, the president bristled a bit when a reporter reminded him that after it was revealed that his administration was paying columnists to shill for agency programs, Mr. Bush had ordered that such tactics cease.

But, as the reporter noted, the administration is still using government money to produce stories about the government that are broadcast with no disclosure that the government is producing them.

Somebody at the FCC Has Been Blog Surfing

It appears that an employee of the FCC has been blog surfing. What with all these desperate housewives showing their bare backs, nipples on pop stars just itching to be caught on camera, and the Parents Television Council lodging all those compaints, I wonder how this person finds the time to blog surf.



And then I read that Kevin Martin has been picked to replace Michael Powell as the new head of the FCC. He's kind of cute in a awkward-geeky-boy-next-door-kinda way. Maybe it was him. Now that he's the boss, he can get away with goofing off and blog surfing at work.

But whoever it was, I only hope they enjoyed their vist, and will come back and see me again sometime.

Rick Santorum, Lying Sack of Santorum

When Rick Santorum isn't fantasizing about man-on-dog action, he's lying to the press.

via Eschaton:
Three weeks ago, Sen. Rick Santorum, R-Pa., vowed to fight President Bush's "unacceptable" plan to eliminate funding for Amtrak.

He changed tracks yesterday, voting with the president and against an amendment to add $1.04 billion in government assistance for the system.

...

Appearing on "Meet the Press" on Feb. 27, Santorum said Bush's proposed cut was "not acceptable to me" and predicted it would not pass.

Toga! Toga! Toga!

Congressional Republicans watching Animal House for inspiration?

The lawmakers watched inspirational speeches by the characters Otter, the Delta House president, played by Tim Matheson, and Bluto, played by the legendary late [John] Belushi.

Otter: "I think in this case we need to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires something really futile and stupid to be done on someone's part."

Bluto: "We're just the guys to do it. LET'S DO IT!!!!"

This does explain a lot, doesn't it? When you think of a senseless gang of lunatics who knowingly embrace "futile and stupid" solutions to problems, isn't the Republican congressional caucus the first group to come to mind?

In fact, it only makes sense for the Republican Study Committee to pick this movie. After all, the similarities are striking. Members of the Delta House were drunk (on beer); congressional Republicans are drunk (on power). Members of the Delta House railed against regulations (governing fraternities); congressional Republicans rail against regulations (protecting clear air and water). Members of the Delta House made radical and dangerous friends (Hell's Angels); congressional Republicans make radical and dangerous friends (Grover Norquist, Pat Robertson, Fox News, et al). Members of the Delta House were unruly, brazen, and cared little about breaking the rules. Congressional Republicans? Well, that one's too easy.

And then I see that there was an actual toga party in Washington D.C. to celebrate the Ides of March.

And why was I not invited??? I look darn tootin' good in a toga.

I'll leave you with this disturbing thought tonight:
Dennis Hastert in a toga.

Have fun with that!

Wolfowitz - The World Bank's Density

George McFly from Back to the Future, Paul Wolfowitz has been nominated by Mr. Bush to be the head of the World Bank.



Wolfowitz: World Bank, my density has brought me to you.
World Bank: What?
Wolfowitz: Oh, what I meant to say was...
World Bank: Wait a minute, don't I know you from somewhere?
Wolfowitz: Yes. Yes. I'm Wolfowitz, Wolfowitz. I'm your density. I mean... your destiny.

As Ezra so eloquently puts it:
Bush is nominating Wolfowitz to head the World Bank. Wolfowitz. Sorry, just have to say that a few times to make it feel real. Wolfowitz. A guy who knows nothing about economics. Wolfowitz. A guy who's detested by Europeans as a main architect of our foreign policy. Wolfowitz. A guy who licks his comb.

The Daily DeLay

New and exciting ethics violations keep coming out about Tom DeLay, the House Majority Leader, just about every day anymore. And you can keep up on them at the Daily DeLay

Then I started thinking. What would the Oompa Loompas say about this?...

Oompa Loompa doompadee doo
I've got a perfect puzzle for you
Oompa Loompa, doompadah dee
If you are wise youll listen me

What do you get when you accept donations
From all those greedy corporations
To push your unfair re-districting plan
For you and your crooked republican clan
you will be indicted

Oompa Loompa doompadee dah
If youre not greedy you will go far
You will live in happiness too
Like the Oompa Loompa doompadee DO
Doompadee doo

Yeah, This Big

Now if we privatize Social Security,
see, not only will we be safer from
terrorists and homos, but all the
ladies will have bigger boobies.

Strategies for Getting Out of Work to Watch the NCAA Tourney

Michael Venture has a nice article on MSNBC about how to get away with skipping work to watch basketball during the NCAA tournament.

Far be it from me to be at all deceptive, but my evil twin seems to think he's on to something.

Tuesday:
If you produce more work than usual in an effort to compensate for an expected lack of production later in the week, the boss or bosses may realize that you’ve been slacking off the whole time you’ve been with the company. That would be extremely dangerous, because it might impact your performance in next year’s NCAA tournament pool.

Wednesday:
On the way to work, stop off at the drug store and get a big bottle of Nyquil, a pain reliever like Aleve or Tylenol, a box of tissues, and a container of lozenges and keep them on your desk in plain view.

Thursday:
Call in sick. Obviously the preference is to leave a voice-mail message rather than speaking directly to a supervisor, but either way, make sure you have prepared a convincing "sick" voice. Ideally, it should be raspy and weak, with intermittent moans and whimpers.

Now that you are home for the day, it’s time to switch medications. Beer has been known to possess special healing properties. Ditto for pork rinds, buffalo wings, hot dogs and nachos.

I don't know about you guys, but I'm starting to feel a little under the weather.

The Brawny Man

Brawny paper towels has a website with some fun videos! Click on Innocent Escapes and pick one!

Here's some of my favorites:
Ten Little Toes... A foot massage where he seductively says "None of these little piggies are going to the market today"

Your Hair, It's Perfect... he wrote a nice poem about your haircut

Your hair, like an angels
Turning heads of strangers
Clinging like a river on your cheek

I don't have the last line yet,
but you see where this is going.

And then, he talks about how he saws wood to relax:
Sometimes when I'm having a hard day and need to do something to make me feel better, I saw wood.... Come, saw some wood with me.... That's it. Yeah... Better? I feel better too.

I'm never gonna look at anther roll of paper towels in the same way again.

via NPR

Karen Hughes, Street Walker

I was over at BottleOfBlog, and read this little doosey about Karen Hughes, the nominee for under secretary of state for public diplomacy.

Today she reminisced briefly about her White House days, when she traveled to many foreign capitals. "I always tried to slip away to walk the streets and get a flavor of life," she said.

So, being the ethical fact-checking blogger that I am, I did some research into her sordid past.



I cropped the photo, as not to offend. The non-cropped version is here.

The Bush Propaganda Machine

The NY Times has an eight page article about the government creating fake news segments designed to make Bush and his buddies look good and delivering this propaganda to news outlets.

I didn't read the whole eight pages, due to my short attention span and an irritating boss that thinks I should be working during the day. But the Carpetbagger sums it up pretty well.

It's truly breathtaking. The Bush gang creates fake news segments
that make the administration look great, package them neatly for news
outlets (including handy pre-written scripts for anchors), and viewers
are none the wiser. In all, the administration spent $254 million in its
first term on these public relations contracts.

[...]

But here's the funny part: the Bush administration has announced
that it doesn't care.

[O]n Friday, the Justice Department and the Office of Management and
Budget circulated a memorandum instructing all executive branch agencies
to ignore the G.A.O. findings. The memorandum said the G.A.O.
failed to distinguish between covert propaganda and "purely informational"
news segments made by the government. Such informational segments are
legal, the memorandum said, whether or not an agency's role in producing
them is disclosed to viewers. (emphasis added)

We Report and Decide. So You Don't Have To.

A study done by a Washington-based research group, The Project for Excellence in Journalism, found that 73% of Fox News stories included opinions of the journalists reporting. Compared with MSNBC (29%) and CNN (2%), that's pretty darned high.

Our good buddy Bill O'Reilly had a whopping 97% of his shows littered with his goofy-ass opinions.

And speaking of Bill O'Reilly, Air America has a fun contest! It's the Bill O'Reilly Alleged Phone Sex Scandel Impersonation Contest!!!

Although there was "no wrongdoing in the case whatsoever by anyone," the "alleged" Bill O'Reilly phone sex scandal captured America's imagination like nothing since the O'Reilly's sex-drenched thriller Those Who Trespass. But because of the multimillion dollar settlement between O'Reilly and his former producer, America will never get to hear the actual tapes of Mr. O'Reilly's indiscretions--if such tapes do, in fact, exist.

That's why we need your help.

Al wants to hear your impression of Bill O'Reilly's shower monologue. Follow the instructions at the bottom of this page to submit your recording.

Yay!!

George "Funny Guy" Bush

(Mark)Leibovich writes: "Like many politicians, Bush has always used humor as an icebreaker or all-purpose tool of endearment. But he has recently been unleashing (or inflicting) his inner-laugh-riot to a point where he is resembling a Texas auctioneer pitching private accounts on the Borscht Belt. . . .

"One benefit of being the commander-in-chief is that people are usually inclined to laugh at your jokes -- especially, in Bush's case, when your events tend to be presidential amen sessions restricted to ticketed believers. . . .

Evidently George Bush fancies himself a funny guy. I admit there is a lot to laugh at. And if you don't laugh, you'll surely cry.

Wasn't that a hoot when we found out that Iraq didn't have any WMDs?

And what about that crazy Iran-friendly anti-women government that's blossoming in Iraq? Boy, that had me rolling on the floor for days!

And his plan to dismantle social security? Ha! Milk. Spewing out my nose!

Please, quit your day job!

If You Can't Say Anything Nice.....

...you shouldn't say anything at all.

Especially if you are the chairman of the Florida Republican Party.

Jacksonville businessman Tom Slade built a reputation in the 1990s as one of the key architects of the Republican political dominance in Florida, and one of the most important political allies of Gov. Jeb Bush.

Slade, chairman of the state Republican Party from 1993 to 1999, said often that getting Bush elected governor was his overriding goal in politics, and he was one of many who speculated on Bush as a possible presidential candidate.

But Slade's view on that may have changed.

In an interview in January, Slade said Bush "does not have the maturity ... and wisdom" to be president, and that Bush's administration has been marked by a "dictatorial" style and reluctance to take advice. That, he said, could prove a problem for the Republican Party in the future.

He said Jeb Bush and his brother President Bush "are arrogant as hell."

oops...

Slade, 69, now working as a lobbyist in Tallahassee, said he didn't know that his often- blunt comments would be printed in a newspaper, and objected to the story.

Paulson "represented to me that he was fishing around to write a book down the road somewhere, and that was the basis on which I agreed to sit down and talk with him," Slade said.

"I was probably more open than I would have been had I had any idea that this was going to be subject to a newspaper review."

TBO via Interstate4Jamming

Maybe the Iranians Aren't So Bad After All

Washington "hallucinating?" Condi, the "queen of war and violence?"

I don't care what they say about Islamic theocracies enriching uranium. These, Iranians sound like they'd be a hoot to hang out with.

Can I Get That on Video?

From the Washington Post: Hughes's Return Is a Blow for Rove

It's like she's a beauty to Karl's beast.

Evidently Karen Hughes knows a thing or two about how to make it in politics.

Greenspan Worried about National Debt... I Think

Alan Greenspan uses a lot of big fancy words and hard sentences, so I'm going to translate for us common people.

"The resolution of our current account deficit and household debt burdens does not strike me as overly worrisome, but that is certainly not the case for our fiscal deficit."

Y'all out there at home, keep spending money. But y'all in Congress, stop it, already.

"Our fiscal prospects are, in my judgment, a significant obstacle to long-term stability because the budget deficit is not readily subject to correction by market forces that stabilize other imbalances."

We're gonna be screwed for awhile.

"We do however, seem to be undergoing what is likely, in the end, to be a one-time shift in the degree of globalization and innovation that has temporarily altered the specific calibrations of those criteria."

Seriously, we are probably permanently screwed.

"Should globalization continue unfettered and thereby create an ever-more flexible international financial system, history suggests that current account imbalances will be defused with modest risk of disruption," he said. "The greater the degree of ... flexibility, the less the risk of a crisis."

The trade balance isn't too bad, as long as those damn forigners keep buying our stuff.

"Households ... do not appear to be faced with significant financial strain."

Quit your bitching and go out and buy some stuff that you don't need. After all, it will help keep the terrorists away.

Hot Speedo Talk!

I don't know about you guys, but since I read this, I haven't been able to concentrate. There's this image that I just can't get out of my head! I'm sweating, my heart is beating faster. I need a cold shower!

I'm not sure why the comments go from "This Republican government is waging a war against the American people." to "hot speedo talk," but mine is not to wonder why, mine is but to josh and pry.

Yeah, sure, but have I seen you in a speedo? Not that I, a straight,
macho, normal guy would want to see you in a speedo, but still, where is
it? Not that I want to see it. But the girls do.

So head on over to BottleOfBlog and let Ricky know you want to see him in a speedo.

I think Bart has Grown Weary of Friday Dog-blogging

IT'S ALIVE!!!!

Dr. Frist worked late at the lab-or-a-tree conjoining Laura and Condi per his master's request.

Gizoogle

I could like, play with this all day. MSNBC reports:

Gizoogle is the illegitimate, thugged-out cousin of Google that translates its search results into Snoop Dogg slang, or izzle-speak, a sort of nuevo pig Latin. Enter "Vice President Dick Cheney" in the search field and it turns up "Vizzy President Dizzle Cheney." Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is "Condoleezza Rizzle."

Plug in Jeff Gannon and the first link is to AMERICAblog: Coz A Bootylicious Nation Deserves Tha T-R-to-tha-izzuth

I couldn't agree more!

U.S. - Sore Losers

The State Department announced yesterday that the U.S. is withdrawing from the World Judicial Body.

"It's a sore-loser kind of move," Professor Spiro said. "If we can't win, we're not going to play."

After making the announcement, Condi was heard mumbling "...and my big brother is going to beat up your big brother."

Does Anyone See the Resemblance?

Far be it from me to make such comparisons, but my evil twin saw some similarities...

Iowa Senators Think it's OK to Harrass Gay Students

So, it seems that Republican lawmakers in Iowa think it's OK for gay kids to be harrassed in schools.

A group of Republican lawmakers is holding up legislation that would help curb bullying and harassment in Iowa schools because the bill would include protections for gay and lesbian students.

But there's at least one Republican this disagrees with the rest.

"I happen to be a lifelong, rabid Republican who has a gay daughter," said Ted Coppock, a Des Moines businessman.

"When she went to school at Saydel High School she was faced with these issues. There were many times when she came home from school crying because she had been harassed or bullied."

Fortunately for you, Ted Coppack, they have shots for rabies. But unfortunately for your daughter and other gay students, the gay-hating senators in Iowa will do everything in their power to prolong their suffering.

265Gay.com via Eschaton

The Heh-Heh Headline of the Day

Settlement Study Urges Criminal Probes

ouch!

Oh Happy Day!

On a purely personal note, I finally made the long and arduous trip to Radio Shack and purchased an extension-cord-thingy for my earphones, managed to remember to bring it in to work, with my earphone and a CD. Now I don't have to listen to the evil smacking noises and concluding belches emanating from a neighboring cubical during the lunch hour. Instead, I'll be listening to Jerry Garcia croon about his sunshine day dream. Tomorrow, maybe I'll be learning from Meatloaf whether you should, on a hot summer night, offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses.

Woo hoo!!

Tom DeLay Takes a Quiz

It looks they found some pretty incriminating documents showing that Tom DeLay, the House Republican Leader, was pretty darned involved in taking those crazy, and probably illegal, contributions from corporations in Texas. Shame, Shame.

Documents subpoenaed from an indicted fund-raiser for Tom DeLay, the House majority leader, suggest that Mr. DeLay was more actively involved than previously known in gathering corporate donations for a political committee that is the focus of a grand-jury investigation in Texas, his home state.

So, I found this quiz and since Mr. DeLay wasn't around to answer the questions, I figured I'd just fill them in as I figure good ol' boy Tommy would do.

1. Why do we have rules and laws?

to keep the Democrats in line. As the majority party, we are allowed to either legislate around them or break them at our whim.

2. Many of the laws under which we live in are in the _________________.

shitter. Especially that pesky one about not accepting contributions from corporations. That one needs to be flushed. Twice. No floaters should remain.

3. Americans believe that the people should rule themselves, and that each person is important and that no one should be denied his or her rights.

The government guarantees certain freedoms they are:

A. A Life of taking corporate donations

B. Liberty to not be held accountable for breaking the law

C. And the pursuit of re-districting

4. These freedoms and many more are freedoms that cannot be taken away by the government, nor can they ever be restricted, except to keep people from using these freedoms to violate the rights of ____________.

Me and the other Congressional Republicans.

5. Does freedom of speech and press mean we can tell lies and write false statements about another person?

Abso-toot-a-loot-ly! Look how successful those Switfies were. Yee-Haw!

Iron Blog

It's not quite mud wrestling, but it's about as close as you get here in the blogosphere.

The Iron Blog!

This week's constestants are Majikthise and Joel Caris. May the best blogger win!

A VP's Gotta Eat

Injured soldiers evacuated to the U.S. never arrive in the light of day -- and the Pentagon has yet to offer a satisfactory explanation why.

I thought everyone knew that Cheney only feeds after dark.

Read the whole article here (you have to watch an ad first). It's very disturbing.

World Domination is Fun Until Someone Gets an Eye Poked Out

from the Associated Press

More BushCo Lies, Part II

It's a busy week for lying in the Bush Administration. As I previously posted today, there's that pesky Government Accountablility Office catching the FDA lying about the murcury-pollution-from-power-plants-thingy.

And then I see this over at the Washington Monthly, pointing to an editorial in the Washington Post.

The administration claims that the evidence for the effectiveness of needle exchange is shaky. An official who requested anonymity directed us to a number of researchers who have allegedly cast doubt on the pro-exchange consensus.

One of them is Steffanie A. Strathdee of the University of California at San Diego; when we contacted her, she responded that her research "supports the expansion of needle exchange programs, not the opposite."

Another researcher cited by the administration is Martin T. Schechter of the University of British Columbia; he wrote us that "Our research here in Vancouver has been repeatedly used to cast doubt on needle exchange programs. I believe this is a clear misinterpretation of the facts."

Yet a third researcher cited by the administration is Julie Bruneau at the University of Montreal; she told us that "in the vast majority of cases needle exchange programs drive HIV incidence lower." We asked Dr. Bruneau whether she favored needle exchanges in countries such as Russia or Thailand. "Yes, sure," she responded.

So, the moral of the story is, if you don't have facts to back up your position, make shit up anonymously. Is this any way for the staff of the President to behave? Think of the children!

Art Imitates Life

I'm not sure if you can call Motley Crue art, but for the purpose of this post, we're gonna say it is. They played D.C. on Sunday, and felt right at home.

Tommy Lee, the reliably shirtless drummer for Motley Crue, was very
unhappy with the women of Washington on Sunday night....the endlessly
tattooed Lee aimed a video camera into the near-capacity MCI Center
crowd and demanded that female fans flash their support for the recently
reunited headbangers.

[...]

Bassist Nikki Sixx quickly tried to broker a deal: Maybe if Lee showed
his naughty bits first? "It's not like you haven't seen it before,"
Sixx chuckled to the audience.

Of course! Most of the women in D.C. are pretty classy, with the exception of some of those naughty interns. It's the men, that all the scandals usually revolve around. Like, I don't know.... Jeff Gannon, maybe?

For those expecting a more enriching level of discourse during the
two-hour-plus show: Wow, were you in the wrong building.

Like, the confirmation hearings for Gonzales?

Democrat: Do you condone torture
Gonzales: No
Democrat: Yes, you do
Gonzales: No, I don't
Democrat: Yes you do
etc.

Lee, Sixx, singer Vince Neil and guitarist Mick Mars -- who have
spent the past 24 years unapologetically upholding the principles of
sex, drugs and rock-and-roll.

Unapologetic? Yep. That's what the Bush Administration is all about. No apologies for taking the country to war for no good reason. No apologies for racking up the deficit to untold heights. No apologies. Period.

From the bombastic opener, "Shout at the Devil"...

Token bone thrown to thank the evangelical base for getting Bush elected.

The Sasquatchian Sixx, a former heroin addict who has cheated death
more times than Indiana Jones...

How many times has Dick Cheney cheated death? How much heart surgery has he had? Does he even have a heart? "Kick Start My Heart," indeed?

...the Crue proved it is unrivaled when it comes to creatively
utilizing the f-word and related vulgarities.

Kind of like when Dick Cheney, on the Senate floor, asked nice Mr. Leahy to go f*ck himself.

Yes, it's the "Same Ol' Situation" in D.C. Same ol' sticking it to the little guy in favor of rich guys. Same 'ol polluting up the environment so already rich corporations can make even more money. Same ol' Lies.

More BushCo. Lies.

Is it just me, or do the rest of you just get weary of the lies and distortions that come out of the Bush Administration?

The Environmental Protection Agency distorted the analysis of its controversial proposal to regulate mercury pollution from power plants, making it appear that the Bush administration's market-based approach was superior to a competing scheme supported by environmentalists, the nonpartisan Government Accountability Office said yesterday.

Rebuking the agency for a lack of "transparency," the report said the EPA had failed to fully document the toxic impact of mercury on brain development, learning, and neurological functioning.

[...]

Mercury is a toxic metal linked to a broad range of health problems, especially in children and pregnant women. Mercury contamination of fish has led health authorities to warn women of childbearing age to reduce consumption of certain types of fish, and to stop eating fish such as shark and swordfish.

Now, if they can just do something about that pesky Government Accountability Office, then this won't happen again.

John Bolton - Diplomat or Twisted Freak?

John Bolten, Bush's nominee for U.N Ambassador gets the U.N. Security Council mixed up with an S&M chamber.

The idea that somehow that just getting on the agenda of the security council is the equivilent to a form of punishment is really quite outlandish. We're talking about discussions in the Security Council chamber not the Star Chamber. We don't have whips and chains around the side of it. We don't have permanent representatives streched out on racks. We don't have thumbscrews for foreign ministers. We're talking about the Security Council.

Not only will the televised Security Council meetings be a little zippier and entertaining, but as Atrios points out, having this twisted fellow as Ambassador to the U.N. might make Bush's agenda a little harder come by, which is a good thing.

UPDATE: Here's a text-based article that has the same quote from the Washington Times

More Fun with Corporal Punishment

This school right outside of Chicago has the whole corporal-punishment-thingy wrong.

A 6-year-old boy who often talked too much in class was suspended from 1st grade at Schaumburg Christian School last week after his mother refused to spank him.

Chandler Scott Fallaw, a rambunctious boy, had been piling up disciplinary notes for talking, chewing gum, bringing toys to class and not finishing classwork, said his mother, Michelle Fallaw-Gabrielson. "By no means is my child perfect," she acknowledged.

But she never anticipated the ultimatum delivered at school Wednesday.

When she arrived to pick up Chandler, she said, assistant administrator Linda Moreau told her the school needed assurances that the boy would be disciplined. "She said, `Either he gets a spanking before he leaves today, or I'm suspending him,'" Fallaw-Gabrielson recalled.

Don't they understand?? It's so much more effective to be disciplined by the cute junior assistant principal than by your parents. Everyone knows that!

helmet tip to Jesus' General commenter, cinnamondog

Father Knows Best

TBogg has some fatherly advice, I think we all could use.

Me: (entering living-room and flopping across the loveseat like an extremely tired invertebrate)

Mrs. Tbogg: We have a dilemma.

Me: (groan) What do you mean by "we"?

15 year old daughter: Tuesday is (name of boyfriend)'s birthday and I don't know what to get him.

Me: Why don't you just give him a hickey and take us out of the loop.

Daughter: (Imagine a look merging all the best qualities of horror, shock and disgust)....

Mrs. Tbogg: I can safely say that no father has ever given that advice to his daughter in the history of mankind.

A Law Against Faking It???

The Chinese are looking into a law banning lip synching.

Ma Bomin, an official with Shanghai's municipal radio, film and television administration, likens the practice of performers pretending to sing to selling fake goods. She wants to pass a law making it a crime for a performer to do so without first notifying audience members.

Since Bush, Santorum and other Congressional Republicans, get off on legislating on such personal matters as abortion, birth control, and consensual sexual activities, I betcha they'll jump on board with the Chinese, as they did with human rights violations, and outlaw fake orgasms.

Unless, of course you first notify your partner. "Honey, I'm a little too drunk to feel anything tonight, so I'm going to fake it, OK?" Which, it seems to me, is the logical next step in their seizing control over womens' bodies.

Newsday via Rox Populi

The Drugs I Need

Here's a zippy little tune that will really get you hummin' and singin' the praises of the FACT Act. The FACT act will make drug companies tell us about the results of all their clinical trials, so we all can be aware of the potentially harmful side effects and stuff.

“You've got a headache, I've got some strange disease Don't worry about it,
this pill will set your mind at ease It's called Progenitorivox, It's made
by SquabbMerlCo It's a life-enhancing miracle, but there are some things
you should know… It may cause agitation, palpitations, excessive
salivation, Constipation, male lactation, rust-colored urination
Hallucinations, bad vibrations, mild electric shock sensations But it's
worth it for the drugs I need.”

from consumersunion.org via Bob Harris.

Be careful, though. This is one of those tunes that will go through your head all day.

Sen. George Allen (R-Va) Has a Potty Mouth

Somebody needs to wash Mr. Allen's mouth out with soap.

Sen. George Allen (R-Va) and Sen. Pat Roberts (R-Ks) were chit-chatting about community block grants and this is what Mr. Allen said.

As Allen and Roberts were walking toward the Senate subway, our
informant heard Allen say, "I don't give a shit about Community
Development Block Grants. Virginia doesn't see any of that money."

And here's what the Carpetbagger has to say about it.

Not that it matters, but Allen is not only cruel with his disregard
for low-income communities, but he's wrong on the facts: Southwest
Virginia gets plenty of money from these block grants, including, in
the words of one local newspaper, resources to "refurbish homes, install
sewer and water systems, provide social services and lift whole
neighborhoods out of blight."

What's more, Allen's office seems to think this is funny.

In fact, Allen's press secretary, David Snepp dismissed this with an
apparent joke that the senators were talking about football, not Community Development Block Grants.

"What Sen. Allen actually said was that 'I don't give a Dip about immunity
for those who chop block Darnerien McCants. Virginia doesn't think that's
very funny,'" Snepp deadpanned.

So, not only does Mr. Allen have a potty mouth, but he and his press secretary are both mean, nasty, rude men. That doesn't sound like good family values to me. I'm telling mommy.

Bait and Switch by the NY Times

When I saw this link on the NY Times front page, I got all excited! A graphic image from the NY Yankess locker room!! Might I catch a glimpse of Derek Jeter in his skivvies??



But alas, 'twas not meant to be. Just a layout of which players use which lockers. Bor-ing. But I did notice that the pitchers stay on one side and the catchers stay on the other side.

Late Night Bart-Blogging

Does Mr. Bush Have a Foot Fetish?

Mr. Bush has been talking a lot lately about "soul."

Karl Rove stressed the importance of Social Security reform on the President's domestic agenda. He said that the President felt in his soul that Social Security reform is vital for the future of the United States.

and regarding Vladmir Putin:

"I looked the man in the eye. I found him to be very straight forward and trustworthy and we had a very good dialogue...I was able to get a sense of his soul.

Ezra Klein ponders his connection to the spirit world.

Putin's behavior, of course, didn't quite comport with Bush's soul-reading. I have a feeling Social Security privatization would prove George's connection to the spirit world no more accurate.

Is this word "soul," one of the framed words that will make Americans think he's super-intuitive and should be followed blindly? Or perhaps a ploy to cosy up to African-American voters?

Perhaps. But I have a different take one it. Are the reporters sure he didn't mean "SOLE" instead of "SOUL?"

I'm thinkin' there's some closet foot lovin' going on in the White House. Our first fetishist President! Now, That is something to be proud of!

More Fun with Mike Celizic

Being a Jayhawk fan, and dealing with them being consistantly overlooked and underrated, I feel I can, with a clean conscious, bag on Mike Celizic from MSNBC again because he's determined that UNC is going to take the title this year. Funny how someone of his sports "knowledge" neglects that fact that Kansas has the #1 RPI and has, for the better part of the season consistantly had the #1 RPI...

So, here goes....

Like last year, the team with the best chance to win it all isn’t the team rated No. 1. It’s the team with the most talent, with size up front and a great point guard, the team built for a championship.

Yes, size up front is important, I have to agree. But make sure you buy Trojan XL Magnum to guard that point.

The guards — Dee Brown, Deron Williams and Luther Head — are as good as any trio of small men... few small teams have cut down the nets recently. The last that qualifies would be the 1997 Arizona squad that had capable big men.

Trio of small men, or squad of capable big men? I think it's more matter of preference than anything else.

if you’re 7-foot-4 and have a pulse you’re a first-round draft choice in the NBA: size matters.

I guess we know what your prefence is, eh Mike?

May(center from UNC) isn’t as athletic as Okafor (center from Uconn last year) was, but he knows how to play center and use his bulk.

Or is it more "it's not the size that matters, it's how you use it?"

Flanking May is a brace of 6-9 forwards who share the surname Williams — Jawad and Marvin.

Flanking May? Now that sounds more interesting than a silly ol' basketball game any time.

Also like Connecticut, the UNC has a good, quick point guard, Raymond Felton, and a shooting guard, Rashad McCants, who can fill it up.

"Fill it up?" Is he refering to the hoop or a heavenly body, such as Uranus?

They’ve got five NBA draft choices on the court.

Felton, McCants and May
Are off to the NBA
Leaving a team
that is less than a dream
Roy Williams will have a bad day.

Good luck next year Roy!

Not that I'm bitter, or anything.