It's Recess-time Somewhere

Proud Member of the Reality-Based Sandbox

August 31, 2005

No Wingnut Ideologue Left Behind

As if Florida's public school system doesn't have enough problems, with trying to adhere to the ludricrous standards of No Child Left Behind, setting up for pre-kindergarten and the class size amendment.

But in order to piss off our teachers even more, drive even more qualified teachers out of the profession, and dumb down our children, we have Jeb! picking a loonie ideologue as the K-12 Education Chancellor.

Since they didn't want her in Minnesota, Jeb Bush, in a show of never-ending devotion to the 'No Wingnut Ideologue Left Behind Act,' has picked her up and wooshed her down to Florida to wreak havoc on my state.

Here's some of the doozies in which she was a participant in Minnesota before their state Senate rejected her confirmation.

A group of us in the University of Minnesota's Department of History
wrote a thirteen-page analysis focused on the history portions of the
draft standards, offering corrections and suggestions for improvement. We
called attention to serious omissions, such as the failure to consider
the impact of slavery as an institution on American society, the total
absence of mention of any rights movement of the twentieth century other
than the civil rights movement, and the almost complete omission of Latin
America from "world" history. We pointed out multiple examples of
misleading or unbalanced details in U.S. history, government, and
citizenship: for instance, the persistent conflation of the founding of
our nation in 1776 with the framing of our government in 1789, the
Mexican-American War as one optional example of westward expansion;
and attributing the fall of communism single-handedly to Ronald Reagan.
In a curriculum with strong emphasis on individual leaders only three
Native Americans were listed: Pocahontas, Squanto, and Sacagawea;
and of the twelve women mentioned by name throughout the proposed
standards, not one was principally known for her advocacy for women's
rights. Our letter, signed by thirty-two members of the department (out
of forty-four faculty, not all in residence at the time), went to the
commissioner and also to local newspapers where it immediately became
front-page news.

Rather than welcoming our expertise and accepting our offers to help,
however, Commissioner Yecke and her allies dismissed our commentary
and accused us of promoting a "hate-America agenda."


For example, in a discussion of the kindergarten Civics standard
describing the "virtues of good citizens," the subcommittee decided to
omit "sharing and cooperation" because these were too "socialist." At
another meeting, the subcommittee agreed that it would be inappropriate
to teach middle school students about the economics of slavery, because
the knowledge that human beings were bought and sold as merchandise
might "prejudice the students against a free market economy."


In perhaps the single most revealing example, a seventh grade
Government and Citizenship standard required students to "recognize
the significance of the Founders' four references to God in the
Declaration of Independence"; because, as one committee member
explained to the others, the Declaration's description of God as the
Supreme Judge, as the Creator of nature's laws, and the provider of
the protection of Divine Providence, outlined the Constitution's
separation of the federal government into the judicial, legislative,
and executive branches.

Yes, this exactly what we need in Florida! Rather than Kansas being the laughing stock of the country, Florida is ready to step up to the plate and take over those duties.

The Attack of the Six Week Fetuses

I was wondering last night who would be the first wingnut lunatic to blame the residents of the Gulf Shores for the devastation that hurricane Katrina brought, and how they would spin their lunacy. These things keep my awake at night, you know.

And today my question was answered!

Two days after 9/11, Jerry Falwell took to the airwaves to proclaim
that God had allowed the United States to be attacked because "the
pagans and the abortionists and the feminists and the gays and the
lesbians" had tried to transform America into a secular society. Just
this weekend, wingnuts from the Westboro Baptist Church turned out at
the funerals of two fallen soldiers to say that God is punishing the
United States in Iraq for its tolerance of homosexuality back home.

So when Hurricane Katrina hit land yesterday, we knew it was only a matter
of time before we'd be hearing from the lunatic fringe again. And now, here
it is. In an e-mail message we just received, a group calling itself
Columbia Christians for Life alerts us to the fact that a satellite image
of Hurricane Katrina as it hit the Gulf Coast Monday looks just like a
six-week-old fetus.

Here's an excerpt from their email message:

"The image of the hurricane ... with its eye already ashore at 12:32 p.m. Monday, August 29, looks like a fetus (unborn human baby) facing to the left (west) in the womb, in the early weeks of gestation (approx. 6 weeks)," the e-mail message says. "Even the orange color of the image is reminiscent of a commonly used pro-life picture of early prenatal development."

...or perhaps reminiscent of a radar image of heavy rainfall associated with a dBZ value between 45 and 50.

Check out Pandagon's nice list of suggestions for aspiring wingnuts of things to blame innocent people for.

Drinking Liberally - Tonight!

Tonight is the August meeting of Drinking Liberally here in the great city of Tampa!

New World Brewery, 1313 E. 8th Street in Ybor City, where parking in free and plentiful (on Wednesdays, anyway) and the beer flows freely. It starts at 8pm and goes for as long as folks want to stay.

Hope to see everyone there!

August 30, 2005

I Want My MTV

This really gets me in a tizzy.

Martin, a former White House aide to President Bush, has been meeting
privately with evangelical activists to assure them of his commitment to
change the television landscape. The government does not regulate shows
distributed over cable or satellite television for indecency. Similarly,
there are no indecency limits on the content of satellite radio, where
shock-jock Howard Stern sought refuge and will begin broadcasting next
year. But in one session this summer, Martin told activists that he is
privately reaching out to industry leaders to address racy content on basic
cable and satellite television, says Rick Schatz, the president of the
National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families, a
Christian ministry. "He said the free rein of cable and satellite and
satellite radio is not acceptable," says Schatz, who sat in on the meeting.
"He's committed to seeing something is done during his tenure."

Not because Kevin Martin is so stupid to think that the government should get to regulate private airwaves, or that there are already several options out there like the v-chip for folks that want to filter out the naughty stuff, or because people can chose whether they want to have the naughty channels and are required to pay a premium for them, or that they can similarly chose whether to allow their children to watch the naughty channels, or because if something offends them, they can just get up off their asses and change the channel or turn the TV off.

No, what's really fucked up about that is the Kevin Martin and Family Research Council legal director Patrick A. Trueman have the audacity to think they should decide what's right for me and everyone else in this country. For the love of god and all that's holy, if I want to watch midget anal hot tub orgies, I should be allowed to watch midget anal hot tub orgies.

Do we need a constitutional amendment for this? What the hell do we have to do, to keep these loonies out of our bedrooms?

How does this sound?

Article XXVIII

Congress shall make no law respecting the viewing of midget anal hot tub orgies, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of listening to potty mouth shock-jocks, or of naughty words in general; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble and watch midget anal hot tub orgies, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances if they infringe on our constitutional right to view midget anal hot tub orgies.

August 29, 2005

Isn't That Just Peachy

Pat Buchanan suggested today that George Bush should be impeached.

"What?" you say. Did Pat forget to drink his kool-aid today?

Oddly enough, the reason du jour for impeachment is not because of mishandling billions of taxpayer dollars, lying us into a war, turning a blind eye towards outing of a CIA agent or allowing no-bid contracts to greedy war profiteers, it's because of illegal immigration.

Some courageous Republican, to get the attention of this White House,
should drop into the hopper a bill of impeachment, charging Bush with a
conscious refusal to uphold his oath and defend the states of the Union against "invasion."

It may be the only way left to get his attention, before the border
vanishes and our beloved country dissolves into MexAmerica, what T.R.

(Teddy Roosevelt) called a "polyglot boarding house for the world."

And then there's this gem:

What are these Bush Republicans afraid of? Dirty looks from the help
at the country club?

Which would be quite funny if it weren't true. However the greater fear of course lies in pissing off the increasing population of legal Hispanic citizens that have the gall to cast ballots on election day.

I hate to get all Machiavellian on you, but hey, in this case, I'm thinkin' that the ends just might justify the means.

P. Diddy Does Condi

Is it just me, or does Condi look awfully, uh... um, manly here?

John G. Roberts, Striving to Make Everything Perfect in His Briefs

Evidently, Supreme Court nominee John G. Roberts is a stickler for grammatically perfect briefs.

"Judge Roberts always viewed it as a point of pride that we really
strived to make everything in our briefs perfect
," Mr. Leitch said.
"Not that we always achieved it. But he was a stickler for everything,
from spacing errors to the formation of quotation marks to grammar, and
to the actual construction of arguments. So it was definitely an intense process."
(empasis mine, in case you had any doubts)

In a memorandum the next year, responding to a letter from David T.
Willard, an elementary school superintendent in Illinois who opposed the administration's education policies, Mr. Roberts again concluded that no
legal issues needed to be addressed by the White House counsel. But he
took the opportunity to note, "The letter is very sarcastic, although
Willard inadvertently proves our point about the quality of public
education by incorrectly using 'affect' for 'effect.' "


Mr. Garrow added, "To my mind, the interesting combination here is that
we have this very exacting insistence upon precision coupled with what,
for a lawyer, is a remarkable sense of humor."

I wonder if he has any back-alley, coat hanger, mutilated or dead women jokes up his sleeve. Now that would be fucking hilarious!

August 28, 2005

Jobsite Rocks Again!

I've always been of the mindset that you shouldn't go searching for pets or art. Pets and art will find you when the time is right, if you open your mind and allow them to come to you.

I've lived in my house now for almost two years and have had this empty spot on my wall next to the front door. I've looked a little and certainly thought about it a lot, but the right piece just hadn't found me yet.

Well last night at a benefit for the Jobsite Theater, I purchased ten dollars in raffle tickets and won this.

It's a piece by Charlie Doan. He works at Fuma Bella, a tiny bar right across the street from New World Brewery and makes a mean slippery nipple. It was my friend Joey's birthday so we had to do a celebratory shot at midnight.

I had a really good time at the benefit. Joe Popp played some great tunes. I talked to some of the fellas from the Jobsite Theater. They are really great people who didn't even seem to mind that I could barely stand up and form coherent sentences.

An interesting series of car rides transpired on the way home, but I was able to not lose the painting or mess it up, and I made it home OK, eventually. Also the cab driver fell madly in love with me during the final leg of the extended journey home, as I'm really quite charming at 4am when I'm plastered.

August 26, 2005

What Happens at the Ranch, Stays at the Ranch

President Bush played host to the White House press corps Thursday
night for a private off-the-record dinner at his ranch.

The casual affair of fried catfish, potato salad, coleslaw, homemade
cheese and chocolate-chip cookies followed a tradition in which Bush
and his wife, Laura, have the press covering his annual August vacation
out to the their ranch in central Texas as a sort of thank-you.

The event was not held last year because of the busy campaign season.
The invitations to the reporters were issued on the condition that they
not discuss conversations at the event.

I'm guessing this is really a fetish party in disguise.

K, now everyone close your eyes and imagine Helen Thomas teaching Scottie McClellan the power of Freedom of the Press.

Who Needs CIA Death Squads When We Have Wingnut Preachers

Pat Robertson isn't the only man of the cloth suggesting that we take out leaders from other sovereign nations.

Everybody's favorite homo-hating batshit Kansan, The Reverend Fred Phelps has it out for the King of Sweden.

The minister and twenty members of his congregation from the Westboro
Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas, are planning to come to Sweden at the
beginning of September. They are bringing plenty of placards in order to
spread their message that Sweden is the cradle of all evil and that the
king rules a nation of sodomites.

King Carl Gustaf is their primary target.

"Your king represents your doomed country and we'll find him wherever he
may be."

I feel safer already knowing that Phelps and Company are protecting us. Don't you?

One More Reason to Go See the Buccaneers

Tens of thousands of Buccaneers fans pushing through the ticket
gates at the regular season opener Sept. 18 will find something new at
Raymond James Stadium.

A security guard waiting to pat them down.

Yay!!! And with the Bucs doing really poorly, not only can you get a good frisking, but the price of tickets purchased from scalpers are at an all time low. For the low, low price of maybe $30 or $40, you and a friend can see the game and get felt up!

All those plastered tailgaters are gonna love it too! "Honey, I don't know what yer lookin' fer, but I think it's a little to the left. Oooh, yeah. Right there! Now harder and faster, baby."

Discipline at the CIA

I'm all for discipline. As long as it's done lovingly, and all parties are aware of the safe word.

But this article from MSNBC has me a wee bit flustered.

Discipline Urged for CIA Officials over Sept. 11

The CIA’s independent watchdog has recommended disciplinary reviews
for current and former officials who were involved in failed intelligence
efforts before the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, the Associated Press has


Following a two-year review into what went wrong before the suicide
hijackings, people familiar with the report say Helgerson harshly
criticizes a number of the agency’s most senior officials. Among them
are former CIA Director George Tenet, former clandestine service chief
Jim Pavitt and former counterterrorism center head Cofer Black.

Weren't these boys just following orders from their Bush Administration overloards?

There's shitloads of documents and evidence out there supporting the fact that the Administration was "fixing the intelligence and facts around the policy." If their gonna go after Tenet and Black and Pavitt, why not go after the lying greed-monkeys that were calling their shots. Why stop there? George Bush, Donald Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney are the ones that have some 'splaining to do.

A member of the 36% that still support George Bush.

August 25, 2005

Can you find the draft dodging lying greedy SOB in this photo?

Wow. For a minute there, you almost... almost think
George Bush is right there in Iraq fighting the insurgency
with our brave service men and women instead of taking a
vacation from his five week vacation.


Hacking is So Sexy

Hackers probe and penetrate.

Whether the attacks constitute a coordinated Chinese government
campaign to penetrate U.S. networks and spy on government
databanks has divided U.S. analysts. Some in the Pentagon are said to be
convinced of official Chinese involvement; others see the electronic
as the work of other hackers simply using Chinese networks
to disguise the origins of the attacks.

U.S. officials lament over the scope and girth of said probe and penetration.

"The scope of this thing is surprisingly big," said one of four government officials...

and ponder the ease of access to tools.

...the tools are much simpler today. Anyone can download an attack tool...

It seems Amazon is even selling them now.

Does STD Stand For State Department?

I'm not sure what point Jim Hoagland is trying to make here, but what I gather, is that Condoleezza Rice's Foggy Bottom is suffering from clientits.

That's sounds itchy. Do they make pills for that?

Why Does the American Legion Hate America?

Evidently, the American Legion didn't get the memo that Iraq didn't have anything to do with 9/11.

Thomas Cadmus addressed the American Legion at their national convention in Hawaii.

"I urge all Americans to rally around our armed forces and remember our fellow Americans who were viciously murdered on Sept. 11, 2001."

Are these people just blind to what's going on? That Bush lied to them and to every American when he marched into Iraq? Do they not realize how badly Bush is treating servicemen and women by placing them in harm's way for no good reason?

The American Legion, which has 2.7 million members, has declared war on antiwar protestors, and the media could be next. Speaking at its national convention in Honolulu, the group's national commander called for an end to all “public protests” and “media events” against the war.

I guess we know who the real enemy of freedom is. It's middle-aged women in floppy hats.

Norbizness has some similar arguments.

"The delegates voted to use whatever means necessary to "ensure the united backing of the American people to support our troops and the global war on terrorism." In his speech, [Thomas] Cadmus declared: 'It would be tragic if the freedoms our veterans fought so valiantly to protect would be used against their successors today as they battle terrorists bent on our destruction.'"

Well, if I really wanted to fuck over our troops, wouldn't I incoherently
scream for open-ended occupation of countries way down on the list of
potential threats to America by carping about tens of thousands of tons
of chemical weapons and mushroom clouds? Wouldn't I then blindly
support a Pentagon that couldn't plan a tuna salad sandwich as it
repeatedly extends tours of duty, dicks around on body armor for two
years, and pushes reserves to the breaking point? Wouldn't I reflexively
screech down anybody of any political stripe who suggests that our
military resources could better be employed elsewhere? Wouldn't I call
returning Iraq War veterans who run for political office with a (D) behind
their name a "staff puke"? Wouldn't I carry water for a Republican
Congress that drastically underfunded new needs for the Veterans'
Administration, only to sheepishly add the money after a firestorm of
political protest from organizations like the American Legion?

August 24, 2005

Reinforcing Success

Let's say you're working on a project. You're making good progress, things are going along swimmingly. Everything is happy and rosy and you're darned proud of yourself for doing such a swell job. Do you call in 1,500 more people to help you?

I didn't think so.

The Pentagon has ordered 1,500 paratroopers to Iraq to provide security in advance of two upcoming national votes, the military announced Wednesday.


"This deployment is in support of continued progress," he (Lt. Col. Barry Venable) said. "We are reinforcing success."

I've got some yard work to do this weekend, and I'd like to reinforce my success and have about 1,500 people come over and help. It's not that the weeds are out of control and I have a chinch bug issue and there's pine needles all over and the grass hasn't been mowed in two weeks. But I swear, it's just to reinforce my success!

August 23, 2005

Gilding the Lily

I'm not sure which is a more appalling use of our fallen service men and women.


Families are supposed to have final approval over what goes on the
tombstones. That hasn't always happened.

Nadia and Robert McCaffrey, whose son Patrick was killed in Iraq in
June 2004, said "Operation Iraqi Freedom" ended up on his government-
supplied headstone in Oceanside, Calif., without family approval.

"I was a little taken aback," Robert McCaffrey said, describing his
reaction when he first saw the operation name on Patrick's tombstone.
"They certainly didn't ask my wife; they didn't ask me." He said
Patrick's widow told him she had not been asked either.

"In one way, I feel it's taking advantage to a small degree," McCaffrey
said. "Patrick did not want to be there, that is a definite fact."


Former Sen. Max Cleland, D-Ga., who lost both legs and an arm in
Vietnam and headed the Veterans Administration under President Carter,
called the practice "a little bit of glorified advertising."

"I think it's a little bit of gilding the lily," Cleland said, while
insisting that he's not criticizing families who want that information


The Pentagon in the late 1980s began selecting operation names with
themes that would help generate public support for conflicts.

Gregory C. Sieminski, an Army officer writing in a 1995 Army War
College publication, said the Pentagon decision to call the 1989 invasion
of Panama "Operation Just Cause" initiated a trend of naming operations
"with an eye toward shaping domestic and international perceptions about
the activities they describe."

or the repugnant babble that Chimpy excreted yesterday during the first leg of his propoganda tour in Salt Lake City.

"Each of these struggles for freedom required great sacrifice. From
the beaches of Normandy to the snows of Korea, courageous Americans
gave their lives so others could live in freedom. Since the morning of
September the 11th, we have known that the war on terror would require
great sacrifice, as well. We have lost 1,864 members of our Armed Forces
in Operation Iraqi Freedom, and 223 in Operation Enduring Freedom. Each
of these men and women left grieving families and loved ones back home.
Each of these heroes left a legacy that will allow generations of their
fellow Americans to enjoy the blessings of liberty. And each of these
Americans have brought the hope of freedom to millions who have not
known it. We owe them something. We will finish the task that they gave
their lives for. We will honor their sacrifice by staying on the offensive
against the terrorists, and building strong allies in Afghanistan and
Iraq that will help us win and fight -- fight and win the war on terror."

Both of them just make me sick to my stomach. I can only imagine how those families must feel that have lost someone because of all this idiocy.

He's Not on Vacation, He's Been Practicing His Show Tunes

Ignoring the fact that 73 Americans have given their lives
in Iraq since George Bush went on vacation earlier this
month, Bush belts out the theme song to Sound of Music
while Idaho Governer, Dirk Kempthorn looks on dumbfounded.

Who Would Jesus Assassinate?

While I commend Pat Robertson for taking a stand against Bush's illegal war in Iraq and the ungodly sum of money it has cost us, I question whether Jesus wants us to assasinate South American heads of state.

Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson suggested on-air that American
operatives assassinate Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez to stop his
country from becoming "a launching pad for communist infiltration and
Muslim extremism."

"We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that
we exercise that ability," Robertson said Monday on the Christian
Broadcast Network's "The 700 Club."

"We don't need another $200 billion war to get rid of one, you know,
strong-arm dictator," he continued. "It's a whole lot easier to have
some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with."

So much for that love your enemy as yourself thing. And that turn the other cheek thing. I'll never understand why we kill in the name of Jesus or Mohammed or any one else who taught peace and love.

Update: Norbizness has a nice top ten list of specs of brilliance from Pat Robertson.

August 22, 2005

Help! Mom! There's Wingnut Idealogues Writing Children's Books

Looking for a book that will teach your children that taxes are eee-vil and that liberals and broccoli are scarier than the ghosts under your bed?

Well look no further. Help! Mom! There Are Liberals Under My Bed is here to help!

The Amazon synopsis is as follows:

Written in simple text, readers can follow along with Tommy and Lou as
they open a lemonade stand to earn money for a swing set. But when
liberals start demanding that Tommy and Lou pay half their money in
taxes, take down their picture of Jesus, and serve broccoli with every
glass of lemonade, the young brothers experience the downside to living
in Liberaland.

Call me crazy, but when's the last time a liberal demanded that a private enterprise couldn't display a picture of Jesus or demanded that they sell something that they don't want to sell? And since when are taxes half of a business's revenue?

Shakespeare's Sister has some nice commentary as well.

President Botox

An astute commenter from Skippy the Bush Kangaroo suggests that perhaps Georgy has been holed up in his Crawford compound getting botox injections.

Note the before and after pics.

Before:                                           After:

Perhaps the reason that he won't talk to Cindy Sheehan is that he hasn't been able to show any facial expression of sympathy. Not that he's ever been particularly capable of showing sympathy for the families of fallen soldiers, but this would be a PR nightmare for Chimpy.

Just a theory.

Clear Channel Still Up the Monkey's Butt

In another startling display of just how far Clear Channel Communications is up Chimpy's butt, Clear Channel-owned Salt Lake City ABC affiliate KTVX has refused to air an anti-war ad featuring Cindy Sheehan coinciding with Bush's pro-war pep rally today at the Veterans of Foreign Wars national convention in Salt Lake City.

In an ad airing in Salt Lake City to coincide with Bush's visit, Sheehan
pleaded for a meeting with him and accused him of lying to the American
people about Iraq's development of weapons of mass destruction and its
connection to al-Qaida terrorists.

One station, ABC affiliate KTVX, refused to run the ad, saying it could
be offensive to the community.

Offensive to the community!!??

You know what's offensive is the lies and distortions that Bush is going to spew when he opens his pie hole to deliver the speech. You know what else is offensive? All the people that have died and have had their lives destroyed because of the those lies and distortions. But an anti-war ad featuring the grieving mother of a fallen soldier? How can that be offensive? Come on.

The Carpetbagger takes us on a brief walk down memory lane, reminding us that Clear Channel Communications is the same corporation that hosted pro-war rallies in 2003, donated heavily to the Bush campaign, and put up billboards showing George W. Bush's name and picture alongside the words "Our Leader."

Florida Developers Run Amok

Developers in Florida are historically a sleazy assortment. Many don't seem to care much about the environment or the folks that are already living in an area. They lobby the state government heavily for legislation that allows them to make the big bucks at the expense of gopher tortoises and locals folk that have lived in areas for generations.

But these days, there's not a whole lot of coastal land left to develop, and the interior of Florida is really hot and rife with critters, mosquitoes and rednecks. So what's a sleazy developer to do?

When I read this, I couldn't help but giggle. These developers are like crack addicts or zombie robots intent on building, building. "Must build. Must build."

The St. Joe Company, which owns 800,000 mostly inland acres here in
the scrubby pine forests of the Panhandle, is invoking Thoreau.


Recent sales of RiverCamps on Crooked Creek, the first project under
way, average $342,900 for the land alone.

Instead of connecting with neighbors, new ruralism promotes connecting
with the land - though these cabins in the woods come with wireless
Internet access and porches with screens that unfurl by remote control.

Thoreau must be rolling over and shitting in his grave at the thought of his name being associated with something so goofy.

Gulf County, where St. Joe owns 230,000 acres, has but 15,200 residents, and Liberty County, where it owns 112,000 acres, has 7,300. A lot of St. Joe land surrounds the swampy Apalachicola National Forest and Tate's Hell State Forest, where a farmer named Tate supposedly was lost for days and emerged snakebitten and delirious.


"A big, thick pine forest with a lot of undergrowth is a pretty forbidding place," Mr. Rummell said. "It scares a lot of people."


We honestly asked ourselves, 'Will people live in this environment?'
said Kevin Fox, the St. Joe executive overseeing RiverCamps. "We've got
critters, we've got heat, we've got humidity."

Evidently, they came up with the answer of "yes." All they have to do, is market it properly. Paint a rosy picture that doesn't include West Nile virus, poisonous snakes in the back yard, raccoons digging through your garbage, 90% humidity and angry locals that don't want you there.

At developments called RiverCamps, where homes in a design proudly
called "Cracker Modern" will sit on lots of up to four acres lots near
marshes, creeks and conservation areas, "camp masters" will tutor
residents in bird watching and flats fishing and organize "owl prowls"
and "star parties." At WhiteFence Farms, on 5- to 20-acre lots near
fields and ponds, "farmhands" will gas up an owner's tractor and help
mow the meadow.


Brainstorming sessions at St. Joe's headquarters in Jacksonville
produced scraps of paper scrawled with phrases like "wind in the trees,"
"stars, no lights," and "slamming, squeaking screen doors." In June,
the company published a white paper quoting Thoreau ("I went to the
woods because I wished to live deliberately") and defining new
ruralism - a concept that developers elsewhere have also seized on - as
rising with the sun, fishing with the tides and resting with the moon.

And my favorite part:

At the first WhiteFence Farms site, southeast of Tallahassee, St. Joe
is preparing 373 acres of former watermelon and peanut fields for "people
who have always wanted to live on a farm but don't see themselves as
farmers," Mr. Fox said. They must also be willing to pay $20,000 to
$45,000 an acre for the land alone. The company is digging ponds and
smoothing pastures for buyers it imagines dabbling in horse riding,
beekeeping, wildflower growing and field plowing.

Dabbling in field plowing!!??? How does one dabble in field plowing. "I'm bored honey and there's nothing on any of the 500 channels of satellite TV. I think I'll go outside and dabble in some field plowing."

August 19, 2005

G'day Mate Sir!

Officials in Australia's parliament have been forced on Friday to rescind
a decision to bar the building's security guards from addressing visitors
as "mate" after the move sparked a nationwide uproar.

Prime Minister John Howard -- who has famously referred to US President
George W. Bush as "mate" -- called the directive handed down Thursday
barring use of the most quintessential of Australian colloquialisms
"absurd and ridiculous".

Also, when referring to animals procreating, the government-approved term will now be "doing it like they do on the Discovery Channel."

Shock and Awe

So, I've been thinking lately about the media and the culture of fear that it tends to inspire and how it's kind of a vicious circle in that people want to be shocked, so the media provides shocking stories because they want to make money. The media provides shocking stories, so that's what the people watch, and it whips them into a frenzy about these shocking things, and they like it and want to be shocked more.

Yesterday, Wonkette showed that CNN, Fox and MSNBC all had the sentencing of Dennis Rader(BTK) on at the same time. I don't even understand why that is news. The guy admitted he was guilty of brutally killing ten people in a state that didn't have the death penalty when the murders were committed. It seems most obvious to anyone vaguely familiar with the law and the case, that he's gonna spend the rest of his life in prison. So why do we care if he gets ten life sentences or just three or four? He's never getting out.

The folks I work with were re-hashing the whole case this afternoon. Now I can think of little else that affects these people less than the sentencing of serial killer in Kansas, but they were really passionate and opinionated about all these "crazies" out there. They're afraid to let their ten year old kids ride their bikes to the corner store for fear of pedophiles in Idaho. They're afraid to take a vacation to Aruba. Mind you, these are the same people that argue about who should get kicked off American Idol or The Apprentice. Again, things that aren't going to affect their lives in the slightest. But nonetheless, they get their panties in bunches over these things.

Same with sports. Sports fans are just about the most passionate lot, when it comes to their teams and who's gonna win the big game. While in today's world winning a national championship does bring significant revenue to a city, the fans generally aren't thinking about that when they are painting their faces and chests with their team's logo.

And I'm just as guilty. I like national politics. When I suppose if I really wanted to try to make a difference to things that will effect me personally and directly, I should focus on local politics or volunteering, or helping out my neighbors and others in my community. But I don't because the drama of what's going on in national politics is much more interesting than most of the local stuff. The shocking incompetence and corruption of the current Administration and the futility and long-term damaging nature of the war in Iraq pretty much trump anything that's going on here in Tampa.

Here in the U.S.A, the standard of living is significantly higher than many other countries. Most of us don't have to worry about where our next meal is coming from. And even if we do, we have sports, missing brides and reality TV to take our minds off of it.

Even though we have the right to protest, vote and petition congress, folks here in the U.S. seem pretty disinterested in things that really matter, compared to other countries where young men are willing to strap bombs on their backs and blow themselves up for something they believe in. It just seems that if we could take the passion we feel for Penn State Football or Survivor and put that energy towards helping people and making the world a better place, we could all live happily ever after.

Now let's all hold hands and sing Kumbaya!

Cheney Still Unclear on the Concept

Let's all write on the blackboard 100 times "Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11 or al Qaida."

But the fact that our vice-president continues to try to link them is just embarrassing.

Two months after declaring that the Iraqi insurgency was in its "last
throes," Cheney painted a starker picture yesterday, acknowledging that
"there is still tough fighting" to come. Rather than promising quick
victory, he reminded Americans that after the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks
Bush warned that the broader struggle with terrorism would be "a
lengthy campaign."

John Robert's "Sense of Humor"

Supreme Court nominee John G. Roberts Jr. consistently opposed legal
and legislative attempts to strengthen women's rights during his years as
a legal adviser in the Reagan White House, disparaging what he called
"the purported gender gap" and, at one point, questioning "whether
encouraging homemakers to become lawyers contributes to the common good."

Woo hoo!! That's freakin' hilarious, isn't it? No? You mean it's not funny? How about this? Is this funny?

In internal memos, Roberts urged President Ronald Reagan to refrain
from embracing any form of the proposed Equal Rights Amendment
pending in Congress; he concluded that some state initiatives to curb
workplace discrimination against women relied on legal tools that were
"highly objectionable"; and he said that a controversial legal theory
then in vogue -- of directing employers to pay women the same as men
for jobs of "comparable worth" -- was "staggeringly pernicious" and

But the White House thinks it's funny.

For its part, the White House defended its nominee. "It's pretty clear
from the more than 60,000 pages of documents that have been released
that John Roberts has a great sense of humor," said Steve Schmidt, a
spokesman for Bush.

I'm sure that if Judge Roberts and the White House has their way, all us women-folk will be rolling on floor laughing and peeing ourselves for many years to come. However, we'll be home barefoot and pregnant, and from what I understand rolling on the floor laughing can be quite a challenge in your third trimester.

August 18, 2005

Bart U.S. Senate '06

After learning that the Gee Oh Pee is looking for another
candidate to replace Katherine Harris to run for Senate in
Florida against Democrat Bill Nelson, Bart kicked off his
campaign today.

He was born in Odessa, Florida, then moved to Tampa at four
months. He's known as "Mr. Personality" at the dog park
and loves to run and play and be chased. He enjoys watching
hockey, chasing lizards and playing with his new hamburger
squeaky toy. He has also been known to bark at images of both
Hitler and Bill O'Reilly on the teevee.

Bart will work tirelessly for the people of Florida and he would
appreciate your vote.

Special thanks to Alicia at Last Left Before Hooterville for the
fine PhotoShop work!

Also, Tattered Coat is having a Katherine Harris photo contest, and
Matt has said that a gallery should be up shortly for your voting pleasure.

August 17, 2005

Senate Election 2006 Follies

Crooks and Liars links to an AP article stating that two Florida businessmen that are active in the Gee Oh Pee are suggesting that Joe Scarborough run for U.S. Senate against Democrat Bill Nelson instead of Katherine Harris.

While Joe is ever so slightly better looking and no doubt does not wear blue eye shadow, I feel that the entertainment possibilities of a Katherine Harris run would far outweigh Joe's borderline pretty face.

However, if Joe were to run, perhaps there would be some more light shed on the marital infidelity/cute young congressional aide dies in Joe's office/divorce debacle. You know, it's been awhile since we've had a good sex scandal.

It will be fun to see either Katherine try to speak in public more often or Joe make new and exciting excuses regarding why a young lady died in his office. Really, I could go either way.

Gangsters and Thugs

Skippy the Bush Kangaroo links to this Salon article that poses the question of why no one is asking Chimpy McFlightsuit when he found out Valerie Plame was a CIA operative, then meanders into what a thug Chimpy has been his whole politcal career.

Most prominent is Bush's role as a powerful force in his father's
presidential campaigns. His principal duty was enforcing strict loyalty
to George H.W. Bush from everyone involved. Conservative strategist Mary
Matalin, who held senior positions in the 1988 and 1992 campaigns,
described Bush as "his father's trusted consigliere." George W., for his
part, embraced the role and made it clear that anyone who crossed his
father could expect retribution. In 1990, he told writer Ann Grimes,
"I was the enforcer when I thought things were going wrong. I had the
ability to go and lay down some behavioral modification."

(insert joke here about how Dubya seems more like the gimp-with-the-gag-ball type than the whip-wielding cross-dressing dominatrix type)

In 1986, veteran reporter Al Hunt predicted that Jack Kemp would receive
the 1988 Republican presidential nomination instead of George H.W. Bush.
When George W. saw Hunt dining with his wife and 4-year-old son at a
Mexican restaurant in Dallas, he went up to their table and said, "You
fucking son of bitch. I won't forget what you said and you're going to
pay a fucking price for it." Bush didn't apologize until 13 years later,
when the incident resurfaced in the context of his own presidential

Such language! And in front of the children to boot! A fine example of his family values in action.

After his father was elected president in 1988, Bush was placed in
charge of a group called the Silent Committee (aka the "scrub group"),
which was made up of "about fifteen blood-oath Bushies," according to the
Texas Monthly. The purpose of the group was "to 'scrub' potential
appointees for their loyalty and past service to Bush." The Washington
Post noted at the time that George W. had a "somewhat more developed
sense of political loyalty than even his father."


In November 1991, for example, then White House chief of staff John
Sununu told a reporter the president had "ad-libbed" an ill-advised line
during a speech about credit card interest rates. The younger Bush was
infuriated that Sununu didn't defend his father. George W. told another
White House staffer, "We have a saying in our family: If a grenade is
rolling by the Man, you dive on it first. The guy violated the cardinal

George W. was dispatched to Washington to deal with the Sununu
situation. He met with Sununu and told him he should resign. On Dec. 3,
1991, Sununu -- also facing criticism for his misuse of government
vehicles -- stepped down. Asked about the confrontation, George W.
would only say, "The conversations between me and Mr. Sununu are going
to be private. I talked to him, and then he and Dad reached an agreement."

If you had any doubt that the Bushistas are an organized crime family, all this should rest the case.

Tampa Bay's Finest, Players, and Whores

Fathers, lock up your daughters. You can let them free in 2010. Vinney Lecavalier signed a four year 27.5 million deal with the Tampa Bay Lightning. Boltsmag has the roster so far.

In other local news, two women, age 47 and 50, were arrested for solicitation of prostitution and massage without a license at a "spa" in Largo, FL. Luckily, Tampa Bay's finest, were able to crack this case wide open.

Detectives turned their attention to Kiwi Spa after receiving tips that
the business served only men and stayed open past midnight.


The spa was decorated more like an apartment than a massage parlor, with
private, furnished rooms and individual showers.

Now, if the detectives could only solve this big mystery of "where the women are coming from and how they end up in Largo."

Avoidance Tactics We Can Look Forward to

Since Cindy Sheehan is moving Camp Casey to Fred Mattlage's land, right across from George Bush's church, does anyone else think this would be an appropriate time for George and Laura to show their support for their Jewish brothers and sisters by attending Temple this weekend, rather than their usual place of worship?

Urging Escalation or Pullout

Like this Ohio couple, I too have been known to urge escalation or pullout. If nothing is being accomplished, there's just no use lethargically pounding away if no one's goals are being met, so to speak. Best to either get it over with quickly, or admit to yourselves that it's not going to happen and resign yourselves to cuddling. You can always try again in the morning, right?

The day after burying their son, parents of a fallen Marine urged
President Bush to either send more reinforcements to Iraq or withdraw
U.S. troops altogether.

"We feel you either have to fight this war right or get out," said
Rosemary Palmer, mother of Lance Cpl. Edward Schroeder II.

But why our War President doesn't understand this concept is beyond me. Anything worth doing, is worth doing right. Floundering around aimlessly, whether in Iraq or in your dad's pickup doesn't do anyone any good.

CIA didn't invited Negroponte to Their Party

Eight former CIA directors had a little soiree yesterday, honoring the position that was eliminated.

CIA Director Porter J. Goss threw a wake yesterday.

With eight former intelligence chiefs at his side, including former president George H.W. Bush, Goss honored the influential and powerful position they have all held: director of central intelligence, a job that no longer exists.


John D. Negroponte, who took over the DCI's responsibilities of briefing
the president and coordinating the country's 15 intelligence agencies
under the newly created title of director of national intelligence, did
not attend the party at the CIA's headquarters in Langley. Goss's office
could not remember whether he had been invited. Negroponte's office said
he would not have made it anyway because he was traveling.

Not that anyone is bitter or feels left out or anything. But when you pee in the punch bowl and try to play Fernando by Abba over and over, you tend to not get invited back.

Like Father Like Son

In the NY Times today, Maureen Dowd gives us a little blast from the past.

"I just don't like taking questions on serious matters on my vacation,"
the usually good-natured Bush senior barked at reporters on the golf
course. "So I hope you'll understand if I, when I'm recreating, will

Mind you, this was three days after he started the Gulf War.

And today, as the death toll of American servicemen and women in Iraq climbs to 59, and at least 43 people were killed today in a string of car bombings in Baghdad, George W. Bush continues his vacation. The longest vacation a president has taken in the last 36 years. Never mind that we are at war.

So I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Dubya is a chip off the old block. Like father like son.

August 16, 2005

Lifestyles of the Disrespectful, Lazy and Ignorant

In a grandiosely unpatriotic display of hate towards our fallen soldiers and their families, a good 'ol boy ran over a bunch of crosses memorializing our fallen soldiers at Camp Casey in Crawford, TX.

Late Monday night, a man, described as being in his late forties or
early fifties, decided to run over the over crosses at Camp Casey that
serve as a memorial to the soldiers who have died in the war in Iraq.


People there said that as they were talking to a few members of the
press, a pick-up truck came down the road and stopped at the fork by the
edge of the tents. The driver then jumped out and attached a pipe to the undercarriage with a chain and began to "swerve into the line of crosses,"
said Tammara Rosenleaf from Montana. "Then we heard the pipe being
dragged over the gravemarkers and the pick-up's wheels crushing them."

Out of the 800 crosses, 500 were knocked down and 100 are irreperable.
However, the driver was arrested by the local authorities.

Also, the Crawford County Commission was going to meet to discuss closing off the road leading to Camp Casey and arrest any stragglers at the camp. But a nice property owner who lives right across from George and Laura's church has offered Cindy Sheehan the opportunity to move the camp to his property. Now they can hold more people and they are closer to the ranch!

And in other news from Crawford, while 55 service members have died in Iraq since August 1st, Bush spent the better part of yesterday working on his 'balanced life" and crisp decision-making skills by fishing, napping, reading, biking, watching baseball and lunching with Condi.

Bring 'em on

Infants have been stopped from boarding planes at airports throughout
the U.S. because their names are the same as or similar to those of possible terrorists on the government's "no-fly list."

It sounds like a joke, but it's not funny to parents who miss flights
while scrambling to have babies' passports and other documents faxed.


That can happen even if the person happens to be an infant like
Sanden's daughter. (Children under 2 don't need tickets but Sanden
purchased one for her daughter to ensure she had a seat.)

"It was bizarre," Sanden said. "I was hugely pregnant, and I was like,
'We look really threatening.'"


ACLU lawyer Tim Sparapani said the problem of babies stopped by the
no-fly list illustrates some of the reasons the lists don't work.

"There's no oversight over the names," Sparapani said. "We know names
are added hastily, and when you have a name-based system you don't
focus on solid intelligence leads. You focus on names that are similar
to those that might be suspicious."

Either you're with the babies or you're with us. Bring 'em on!!!

Washington Post Bows Out of Sponsoring Pentagon's Freedom Walk

The Washington Post has finally come to their senses and opted to withdraw their sponsorship from the Pentagon's upcoming "America Supports You Freedom Walk" on September 11th to "celebrate" the fourth anniversary of the attacks.

"As it appears that this event could become politicized, The Post has
decided to honor the Washington area victims of 9/11 by making a
contribution directly to the Pentagon Memorial Fund," said Eric Grant,
a Post spokesman.

It is a policy of the Washington Post not to get involved with partisan functions, as they do not want their objectivity to come under fire.

"Post news employees are subject to disciplinary action for
participating in political activities that may be perceived as revelatory
of personal opinions or bias," said a resolution passed earlier yesterday
by the leadership of The Post unit of the Washington-Baltimore Newspaper
Guild. "The Washington Post itself should be held to the same high
standard. . . . The Guild supports The Post's stated intention of honoring
the nation's veterans, including those who have served in Iraq. But the
Post undermines this goal by lending its support to a political event that
links the Sept. 11, 2001 attacks to the war in Iraq -- a link that The
Post, in its reporting, has shown to be false."

This event reeks of partisanship. Clint Black is going to perform, and most likely, will be crooning his "I Raq and Roll" tune that glaringly links Iraq to the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Also, to attend this event you must register with the Department of Defense and be "screened." I guess long-haired freaky people need not apply? Another event, similar to Bush's staged "town hall" meetings where only card-carrying Bush-fellators are allowed, maybe?

Kudos to the Washington Post for coming to their senses and not supporting this kind of garbage!

August 15, 2005

These Protesters are Making Me Grumpy


After taking the online Snow White Character
Personality Test that Condi forwarded to him,
George W. Bush realized that he really is Grumpy.

What Goes Up Must Come Down

From what I understand, once you fire a gun into the air, a bullet then falls back down to the earth and could possibly hit somebody in the head.

A man fired a shotgun into the air as about 60 anti-war protesters held a religious service on the road to President Bush’s ranch.

Sheriff’s deputies and Secret Service agents in the area of the
demonstration site Sunday rushed to the home of Larry Mattlage after the
shots were fired but did not arrest him.

“I ain’t threatening nobody, and I ain’t pointing a gun at nobody,”
Mattlage said. “This is Texas.”

Now how would he feel if we followed him and the missus to their Sunday worship service and fired guns into the air. Not to threaten anyone of course, just to show that we, after all, are in Texas.

August 12, 2005

AMA Recommends Not Sticking Things in Your Ear

Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld
demonstrates the Bush Adminstration-approved
method of dealing with dissenters, such as
Cindy Sheehan.

"la-la-la, I can't hear you"

NLRB Declares War On Happy Hour

...a recent ruling by the National Labor Relations Board (NLRB)
allows employers to ban off-duty fraternizing among co-workers,
severely weakening the rights of free association and speech, and
violating basic standards of privacy for America's workers.


Security firm Guardsmark instituted a rule directing employees not to "fraternize on duty or off duty, date, or become overly friendly with
the client's employees or with co-employees." In September 2003, the
Service Employees International Union filed unfair labor practice charges
with the NLRB against Guardsmark, claiming that the company's work rules
inhibited its employees' Section 7 rights.

Section 7 of the National Labor Relations Act grants workers the right to
"self-organization, to form, join, or assist labor organizations…and to
engage in other concerted activities for the purpose of collective
bargaining or other mutual aid or protection..." While the law allows
employers to ban association among co-workers during work hours,
Guardsmark's rule was broader in that it applied to the off-duty
association of co-workers.

Nevermind the implications that employees can't organize and chit chat about labor unions, but... but what about Happy Hour!!??

I sense a revolution in the making.

via All Spin Zone

Wake Me Up When Bush's Presidency Ends

Y'all gotta check out the video to Green Day's Wake Me Up When September Ends.

They've given Crooks and Liars permission to host the video.

But beware, if you are at the office, and don't have tissues handy, you might wanna wait until you get home. Even for big tough girls like me that never take anything seriously.

August 11, 2005

I Raq and Roll

Have you guys heard Clint Black's little ditty "I Raq and Roll?" The
catchy little tune he plans on crooning at the "Dancing on Their Graves" Shindig planned in Washington to "commemorate" the fourth anniversary of September 11, 2001.

When I first saw the lyrics to this song, my intention was to pick it apart and poke fun about how ridiculous each line was, but I got hung up on this one.

You can wave your signs in protest
against america taking stands
the stands america's taken
are the reason that you can

There is so much wrong with this, that I couldn't decide on just one angle to take, and figured it deserved it's very own post. And as a matter of fact, this is an argument I frequently hear from the rabid Right, those who simply regurgitate talking points without having a clue what they are saying.

As you can plainly see, George Bush is fighting tooth and nail against speaking with Cindy Sheehan and allowing her to take a stand against an unjust war and the senseless killing of her son.

The Bush Administration has threatened to have her arrested on the grounds that she poses a national security risk. And how ironic is it, that in the same week as this story hit the papers, a CIA field commander admitted that they let Osama bin Laden slip away in the mountains of Tora Bora in 2001 and did not choose to use the necessary troops to catch him. Which one do you think poses more of a threat to national security, Sheehan or bin Laden?

As far as rights to protest, gay rights, civil rights, reproductive rights, religious rights and voting rights, this has got to be one of the most repressive regimes the U.S. has known. The Administration is fighting tirelessly to take these rights away from us. The way the Bush Administration is handling terrorism is detrimental to freedom and liberty here in the U.S. The Patriot Act takes away our freedom and liberty. It certainly doesn't defend freedom and liberty. And for Clint Black to allude to the fact that it does, shows his truly extraordinary stupidity.

The idea that they are somehow "defending freedom" in their silly war in Iraq is ludicrous! Their doing it not to just line their own pockets, but to stuff their pockets full of oil money. The war in Iraq has nothing to do with freedom or liberty or even with fighting the real bad guys. And a few of the consequences of this diversion from fighting terrorism, is that we are spreading Islamic fundamentalism, nurturing a breeding ground for bad guys, and taking away boatloads of freedoms from women in Iraq.

Not only that, the whole statement reeks of bizarre twisted circular logic that doesn't make any sense. You want to protest. Our military fought for your right to protest. Our government allows us to protest. But please be a dear and hush and kindly accept what the government is doing. You can't have it both ways.

As Thomas Jefferson said "Dissent is the highest form of patriotism."

Katie Does Hannity and Colmes

In case you haven't seen Katherine Harris on Hannity and Colmes shaking her 'talking points,' go see it over at Crooks and Liars.

She stutters! She stumbles over her words! She does the whole interview in profile!

Her handlers must think that since she can't speak intelligibly, that if everyone just stares at her tits, it won't matter what kind of mindless drivel spews from her pie hole.

She looks like she's auditoning for spokesmodel for the Grecian-Formula/Summer's-Eve/Unwanted-Body-Hair-Removal-System Gift Pack.

Do That Thing You Do With Interest Rates, Baby

Toulouse Lautrec had his Jane Avril, and now Erin Crowe has Alan Greenspan.

Some art majors embrace abstract impressionism. Others go for
post-modernism or neo-cubism. Erin Crowe opted for Alan

Fascinated by the Federal Reserve Board chairman's inscrutable
visage and towering reputation, the 24-year-old University of
Virginia graduate spent the better part of two years working on
unauthorized portraits of Greenspan. She wound up with 20 paintings
and sketches.

Looking to make a few bucks before heading to graduate school in
England this fall, Crowe decided to display the works over the
summer at a family friend's gallery in Sag Harbor, Long Island,
vacation home to many Greenspan-worshiping Wall Streeters.

From the moment the Greenspan images appeared, people began
wandering in off the street to gaze at the paintings, which capture
the Fed chairman's face in a variety of expressions ranging from
exasperation to perplexity to mirthful amusement. Titles of the
works include "If You Say So," "I Gotta Tell Ya" and "Humpf."


Greenspan worship is hardly a new phenomenon. Songs have been
written about the Fed chairman's stewardship of interest rates and
inflation and his oracular wisdom regarding all things economic.

Now, if she could just get him to pose for a nude.....

Mapping the Condi Genome

For those of you that are looking forward to a genetically enhanced Secretary of State, I give you.....

Rice Genome Fully Mapped

The Condoleezza Rice genome is a sequence of chemicals represented by symbols looking like IAMWITHSTUPID that go on for 389 million letters.

August 10, 2005

Poetry Battles With Grandma

After I linked to this bad poetry contest that the Jobsite Theater folks put on, to win tickets to see March of the Kitefliers, my grandma put in her two cents, and we've been sparing ever since.

I read your poem, darlin'
And it really made me cry.
It made me realize
Writing is not your forte to survive!

You're a darlin' daughter
And a computer whiz,
But, at writing poetry
You created a mahnificent Fizz.

Bart, he jumped on her lap
And then tried to kiss her, that chap
We are just friends
and that's where it ends
She said as he let out a yap

It's true Bart landed in my lap
And lemme tell ya', that was quite a flap.
He wanted to kiss
This 93 year old miss
Who warned "you'll set yourself up for a slap."

My grandma, she is an Okie
It really is no jokie
she loves the red dirt
and she loves to flirt
but the old men from OK are pokey

Grandma is old and getting grey
But who says she still can't play?
Home from Kansas, washed her clothes
Now off to Utah she goes!!

Leaving Thursday on the big, big bird
Stopover in Phoenix and then on again,
Salt Lake City at a quarter of five
If there's no bombing and we're still alive.

It must be nice to be free
All the places to see
but I have a job
and it makes my head throb
Can't wait til I'm ninety-three

August 09, 2005

Harris Throws in Her Hat and Reveals an Just How Deep the Ugliness Goes

Katherine "blue eye shadow" Harris kicked off her comedy tour today.

"What I really wanted to say is I only trail (incumbent Bill Nelson)
by an eyelash, but I know what you guys would do to me," joked Florida's
former secretary of state, whose makeup became fodder for late night
comics suggesting she overdid it.

Funny how an 8 to 16 percentage point lead is an eyelash in a Senate race, but a fraudulent supposed .004 percentage point lead in a presidential election is a mandate.

The Republican congresswoman from Sarasota recounted her childhood in
Bartow, "keeping in touch with my girlfriends, dreaming about the big
dance, and hoping we would be asked. And of course that was all back in
the time when blue eye shadow was quite fashionable."

Now who would you rather have as a Senator? Bill Nelson, who works tirelessly trying to keep the Bush Administration from destroying Florida's coastline or someone who spends all her time putting on blue eye shadow.

The Texas Version of The Hokey Pokey

you put your right hand in, you put your right hand out,
you take a long vacation during a war, and you
indoctrinate a Scout.

Another Masterpiece By Hate Master D

Norbizness has a fantastic post on James Dobson's masterpiece titled
Is Your Child a Homosexual.

Some of my favorite parts are:

Dobson: Evidences of gender confusion or doubt in boys ages 5 to 11
may include: 1. A strong feeling that they are “different” from other boys.

Norbizness: I know this sounds contrarian, but if the other boys want to
jump off a bridge, you should encourage your child to do so as well.

Dobson: 2. A tendency to cry easily, be less athletic, and dislike the
roughhousing that other boys enjoy.

Norbizness: Maybe it was all of the communal box-wine you drank during
pregnancy, but it's too late for regrets. However, you and your husband
can make up for Timmy's lack of athleticism by screaming incoherently at
him during Little League sporting events.

Dobson: 5. A susceptibility to be bullied by other boys, who may tease
them unmercifully and call them “queer,” “fag” and “gay.”

Norbizness: But, for heaven's sake, don't be concerned about the violence-
soaked homophobia that attends your bullying child, if you have one.
Teasing people unmercifully got Pastor Dobson his shamed, cowed flock,
after all.

Dobson: 7. A repeatedly stated desire to be — or insistence that he is —
a girl.

Norbizness: This is the DEFCON-4 of an assault on your Godly parenting.
Immediately take your child to an all-nude strip club for a $20 game of
"compare and contrast."

Go read the whole thing. It'll make you giggle uncontrollably, roll around in your cubicle and snort diet coke out your nose.

That's a Purty Mouth You Got There, Pete

Signing an energy bill that will make him
and his oil buddies really, really wealthy has
George Bush feeling a little amorous. Sen.
Pete Domenici (R-NM) looks a little frightened,
but he is all too familiar with the position Bush
wants him to assume.

Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Post Gay Personal Ads

In another fine example of our military shooting themselves in the foot, a frontline artillaryman who was serving two tours of duty in Iraq was ousted because of a gay personal ad he posted online. He set up the ad last year between deployments, and did not use or discuss it while on active duty.

Howe, 32, enlisted in the Army after the 9/11 terrorist attacks,
taking a leave of absence from his job in corporate marketing. He was
already open with family and friends about his sexuality, but his desire
to help his country exceeded his concern about the military's gay ban.

"Going back in the closet was a trade-off I could make briefly," Howe
said in an interview with the PlanetOut Network.

Seeing as how the military is having all kinds of problems recruiting fresh meat and retaining seasoned meat, you'd think they'd want to hold on to all the meat they can get their hands on, even if it's gay meat.

By the end of July, the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network (SLDN)
had assisted 10 people with similar circumstances, and the cases
represent 25 percent of the "outing" incidents monitored by SLDN this
year. The category refers to cases in which a service member's sexual
orientation is revealed by another individual to a supervisor without
the member's consent.

The individuals affected -- nine men and one woman -- include a Farsi
linguist, a doctor, an intelligence analyst and a communications operator.
At least three served in the Iraq war.

As a taxpayer, who is paying for these fine folks' training, I find it reprehesible that these highly qualified soldiers would be discharged from the military for something as irrelevant as their sexual orientation.

As Dan Savage, who is guest blogging at AndrewSullivan puts it:

Aren’t we having a manpower crisis? Don’t we need all the patriotic
soldiers—gay or not, closeted or not—that we can lay our hands on? (Er,
pardon the expression.) Howe will be fine; he can return to the job he
left in marketing now that he’s been kicked out of the Army. I worry,
however, about a nation that seems to hate its gay citizens so much more
than it values its own security. Pathetic.

August 08, 2005

The Thinkers on the Right

The Poorman's exceedingly worthy Honorable Mention for Wingnut of the week, is Wizbang.

This is what the brillint thinking man, Wizbang has to say:

But one thing I’ve noticed is that the right tends to dominate
the “thinkers” category. There’s the above-mentioned (and much missed)
Steven Den Beste, Wretchard, Austin Bay, Will Franklin, Bill Whittle,
and the non-blogging Victor Davis Hansen, just to name a few.

But where are the thinkers of the left? Where are the serious essayists,
the scholars, the contemplators who would provide balance to the sheer
intellectual power of the above? […]

I went looking through the big liberal blogs, and was left wanting.
Atrios? Nope. Eschaton? Nope. […]

Evidently he didn't put enough thought and research into this post to realize that Atrios and Eschaton are the same thing. Oh yeah, he's a thinker alight!

If you are looking for some serious scholarly blogging on the left, try Talking Points Memo, Matthew Yglesias or Ezra Klein. And those a host more out there. They aren't hard to find!

Sex-offenders not Allowed in Hurricane Shelters

In a startling move contrary to both the fifth and eight amendments, the state of Florida is forbidding former sex-offenders from going to public hurricane shelters. Instead, they are to report to prisons, to hunker down in the prison visitor areas or meeting rooms. Probably the ones with the most windows on the side of the building where the wind will be coming from.

Now to be fair, this rule only applies to those that are not supposed to be around children. But I'm thinkin' if they are that dangerous, shouldn't they still be in prison, and not out there on the streets?

And generally, hurricane shelters are small places, where you don't get much privacy and everyone kinds sleeps in the same room. I'm not sure there would be a whole lot of opportunity to abscond with a child at a hurricane shelter.

If an offender has paid their dues and served their time, they should be allowed to rebuild their life and have the same access to public hurricane shelters as anyone else.

And why does this just apply to sex offenders and not to murderers or wife beaters or others with a history of violence?

Pizza Anyone?

A decision is due to be made today whether a billboard labelling
President Bush an 'evil bastard' is appropriate.

The Hell Pizza billboards have been erected around Auckland and
Wellington. Half of the poster is taken up with a photo of the
president and the other half has the phrase 'Hell: Too Good For
Some Evil Bastards.'

I'll take mine with a fresh Administration, heaping environmental standards, hold the Patriot Act, the Iraq War and corruption with a side of affordable health care for everyone!

Wall Street Journal Defends Novak's Temper Tantrum

Being true to their Republican overlords, the Wall Street Journal's editorial staff has written a swell little ditty defending Robert Novak's actions and naughty, nuaghty word on CNN's live broadcast of Inside Politics last week.

Mr. Novak has since appropriately apologized for losing his cool,
but Mr. Carville is lucky he didn't get punched in the nose. After more
than four decades criticizing both Republicans and Democrats, Mr. Novak
doesn't need to apologize to anyone for his sincerity. Mr. Carville is the professional political wrestler, but CNN has asked only Mr. Novak to take
a vacation.

If you don't know, or killed the brain cells this weekend storing that sweet little memory of Robert Novak taking his mic off, storming off the set and saying "well, I think that's bullshit" on live TV, here's the video.

Now I'm all about punching Carville in the nose (He's messed up how many Democratic elections now?), but Carville isn't the one who said the naughty word on TV. And Carville isn't the one that stormed off the set.

If Novak can't take the heat, then he needs to mosey on out of the kitchen. Those news talk shows that Jon Stewart so eloquently says are "hurting America," can get pretty hot and intense. And by hot and intense, I don't mean in a marathon, mulitple orgasmic session in the dressing room at Urban Outfitters kinda way. I mean the way rabid Bill O'Reilly treats his guests. Like when O'Reilly went on a tirade against Jeremy Glick, a soft spoken young man who lost his dad on 9/11.

If I had a dime for every guest Bill O'Reilly treated worse than Carville treated Novak, I could totally afford that Hunter Passage 456 Sailboat and a cabana boy to go with it. But it's good to see the Wall Street Journal defending profanity on primetime CNN. That's family values in action!

More Ineptitude From Chimpy and the Gang

In another glaring example of how much George Bush hates Americans and his complete incompetence in protecting the people of the U.S. from future terror attacks, the White House and several other executive branch agencies had failed to respond to requests made by the 9/11 Commission two months ago for updated information on the government's antiterrorism programs.

The White House has failed to turn over any of the information
requested by the 10 members of the disbanded Sept. 11 commission in
their renewed, unofficial investigation into whether the government
is doing enough to prevent terrorist attacks on American soil,
commission members said.

The members said that the Bush administration's lack of cooperation was
hindering a project that was otherwise nearly complete.

Thomas H. Kean, the former Republican governor of New Jersey who led
the bipartisan Sept. 11 commission, said he was surprised and
disappointed that the White House, the Pentagon, the State Department,
the Central Intelligence Agency, the Federal Bureau of Investigation
and several other executive branch agencies had failed to respond to
requests made two months ago for updated information on the
government's antiterrorism programs.


Timothy J. Roemer, a Democratic member of the commission and a former
House member from Indiana, said that the White House was being "tone
deaf" in withholding information from the Public Discourse Project.

"You'd think that the administration would be doing all it could to help
address some of the answers that the 9/11 commission proposed to make
the country safer," he said.

Why do they hate us so much? What did we ever do to them?

August 06, 2005


I saw The March of the Kitefliers last night. It's a play written by two local Tampa fellas, Neil Gobioff and Shawn Paonessa.

It was phenomenal! The script was exceptionally witty, and they even played a bit from my favorite Pixies tune!

The show was hilarious! I laughed the whole way through. In fact between all my snorts and guffaws, I darn near peed my pants a few times. So if you go, bring your Depends. You'll need them. It's playing through Aug 21st.

And the show's message is great too. Don't lose sight of the dreamer and the child inside yourself. Or, as Tom Robbins puts it:

The lesson of the beet, then, is this: hold on to your divine blush, your innate rosy magic, or end up brown. Once you're brown, you'll find that you're blue. As blue as indigo. And you know what that means:


The show was fantastic! I left thirsting for an uber grande caramel mochafrapelatte, wanting to hook up with Sam, and hankering to donate all my money to the Jobsite Theater.

August 05, 2005

Friday Beagle Blogging

Enemas from the Great Beyond

Is your engine revving up? Well if not, you might just need a holy ghost enema right up your rear end!!!

Or at least that's what the lovely Mrs. Benny Hinn suggests.

So the Holy Ghost is into the anal thing. Who knew?

via All Spin Zone

Disturbing Products

Jessica over at Feministing is having a 'disturbing product' contest. I highly recommend you bop on over and check them out.

My favorite is the Vulva Purse.

August 04, 2005


After enlightening Colombian President Alvaro Uribe on his
favorite technique for nipple stimulation, George Bush
excuses himself to go see a horse about a man.

Winshield Ranching Our Way to Another Terrorist Attack

Here's a nice photo of our Preznit "winshield ranching"
in Crawford, TX with his little Columbian friend while bin
Laden's second in command makes threats against the
U.S. and Britain that what we saw in New York, Washington,
Afghanistan and Iraq, are nothing compared to what we will
see next.

I feel safer already.

Karl 'the Cucumber' Rove

White House officials and senior Republican strategists are bracing
for a new round of attacks on Deputy Chief of Staff Karl Rove's
involvement in the CIA leak probe, as Democrats move to take advantage
of the slow news cycle in August. But insiders say they don't expect to
hear anything new in the charges.

"There is no new news," says one senior White House adviser and Rove ally. "Rove is cool as a cucumber."

Karl Rove                      A cucumber

"This is bigger than Rove," said the official.

We report. You decide.

Sponsor a Whistleblower

Ann Wright, who used to be an ambassador to Afghanastan and resigned over the Iraq debacle, is encouraging Bush Administration officials to leak more memos that implicate the Administration in lying to get us into war in Iraq.

The former ambassador to Afghanistan, Ann Wright, called on U.S. federal employees to leak more secret memos on the lead-up to the war in Iraq like
Downing Street memos uncovered by the British press this last May.

“It seems like the British government is leaking like a sieve. We need to
get our own U.S. government colleagues to be leaking like a sieve,” said
Wright, who gave up her career in the foreign service because she disagreed
with the U.S. invasion of Iraq. “We need more documents — certainly not
documents that are really going to jeopardize the security of the United
States — but documents that show the sequence of events within our own

Wright said that many federal employees disagree with the policies of
the current administration but stay involved for a host of reasons, one
of which more often than not is that they have mouths to feed.

Ah yes, they have mouths to feed.

So now that we don't have to send money to Paul Hackett in Ohio anymore, how about a non-profit organization that supports the families of whistleblowers for a year or two during their transitions to private life and before their book deals go through.

I know what you're thinking. These people are probably pretty highly paid, and shouldn't our money go to more needy people? And that's a valid argument. But if we can get these people impeached and get a bunch of more Democrats elected in 2006, maybe we can stop some of the madness.

We'll git us a fiscally responsible Congress and maybe some kind folks that actually give two shits about the plight of the poor, elderly and unemployed and won't waste $300 billion of our money on ill-fated illegal foreign wars.

I know it's kind of a trickle-down concept, but it just might work!

GOP 12 Step Summer Program

Since it's recess-time in Washington this month, the Gee Oh Pee has come up with a list of things the House Republicans should do while on recess.

GOP leaders this week sent House Republicans home for the summer with
some political tips, helpfully laid out in 12 "Ideas for August Recess

This article really doesn't list all twelve things, so I'm here to help.

1. Nurture your inner deficit spender. Charge up those credit cards!
Congress has exceeded the allocations or assumptions in its budget
resolution four times -- and the year's legislative work is far from
complete. According to the nonpartisan Committee for a Responsible
Federal Budget, those budget violations have raised spending through
2010 by roughly $2.2 billion above Congress's limits and tacked $115
billion onto the federal budget deficit through the end of decade,
including $33 billion in 2006 alone.

2. Embrace the pork
...Republican lawmakers are now determined to claim full credit for the congressional spending. Far from shying away from their accomplishments,
lawmakers are embracing the pork...

3. Play pretend
"If you look at fiscal conservatism these days, it's in a sorry state,"
said Rep. Jeff Flake (R-Ariz.), one of only eight House members to vote
against the $286.5 billion transportation bill that was passed the day
before the recess. "Republicans don't even pretend anymore."

4. Round down when paying your mortgage this month
That $33 billion may be tantamount to a rounding error in a $2.6
trillion budget, but it is 10 percent of the $333 billion budget deficit
the White House has forecast for the fiscal year that ends Sept. 30.

5. Do as you want, not as you say
"There's a rising level of frustration with the disconnect between where the vast majority of conservatives are in this country and how Congress is behaving," said former representative Pat Toomey (R-Pa.)...

6. Call your congressman at 4am. Tell him/her how stupid it is to spend money that you don't have
...Pat Toomey (R-Pa.),whose Club for Growth political action committee finances the campaigns of conservative candidates. "There's going to be a wake-up call sooner or later."

7. Skirt your constraints. Then see how your spouse reacts.
For now, Congress and the White House are locked in a pattern of skirting
their own constraints...

8. Tell you kids you're going to raise their allowances, then take it back
The bill actually authorizes expenditures of $295 billion but assumes
that, on the last day of the bill's life, Congress will rescind $8.5
billion in unused funds.

9. Purchase a pretty tranparent gimmick. (Not one of those boring pink ones they sell at Vicky's House of Vulvular Vibrations)
"Nobody believes that's going to happen," Flake said. "It's frankly a
pretty transparent gimmick."

10. Start a chapter of 'The Church of Dennis Hastert' in your community
Even before the bill was signed, Kane County, Ill., leaders showed their faith in Speaker Hastert last week...

11. Spread harmful propoganda and rumors
This week, House GOP leaders sent their legislators 52 pages of
talking points

12. Unpocket your pocketbook
"With Congress unable to keep its pocketbook pocketed, it would be
nice if President Bush could be counted upon to cast his first vetoes on
bills so richly deserving of them," the editors of the conservative National
Review wrote yesterday.

With all these exciting things to do this month, we'll be so busy that we won't even notice that Congress isn't in session and that the Preznit is padding around his ranch in his bunny slippers all day long.

Be careful not to get stuck on that 'embrace the pork' step. Work through all twelve steps for a super fun August!

August 03, 2005

Katherine 'Blue Eyeshadow' Harris

Katherine Harris has been whining to Sean Hannity about mystery newspapers retouching her photos during the 2000 election.

On Monday, on a conservative radio talk show, Harris, now a
congresswoman from Longboat Key running for the U.S. Senate, hit back,
blaming newspapers for the criticism and charging that some - without
saying which - altered her photographs.

“I’m actually very sensitive about those things, and it’s personally
painful,'’ Harris said when host Sean Hannity asked about her image
problems from 2000.

“But they’re outrageously false, No. 1, and No. 2, you know, whenever
they made fun of my makeup, it was because the newspapers colorized my photograph,'’ Harris said.

She didn’t explain what she meant by “colorized.'’

Asked Tuesday to point to an altered photograph, Harris and her staff
could not.


Most newspapers, including the Tribune, forbid changing photographic

“Manipulating an image in any form is not allowed'’ by The Associated
Press, which distributes photos to newspapers nationwide, said David
Ake, AP national deputy photography director. “We’re pretty adamant about
that. We have terminated people for it.'’

Ake was AP photo editor in Florida during the 2000 recount, “and I can tell
you we did no manipulation whatever,'’ he said.

Good thing bloggers aren't held to the same journalistic standards. We can retouch photos to our heart's content. Blogwood has a coupla good ones of Ms. Katherine 'Blue Eyeshadow' Harris!