The Poor Man Takes a 'Vacation'

It seems that The Poor Man is going to rehab for a week, and has a bevy of amazingly adept and accomplished bloggers filling in for him during his stint at the Betty Ford Clinic.

ThaEditorz: Dude this is gonna B sweet Im totally gonna get baked.
< ====>~~~
Norbizness: I’ll have to admit, TE.
This is by far the worst case of money laundering since those geeks in
Office Space had to look it up in the dictionary. Also, I have to compliment
you on the impressive ASCII joint.
ThaEditorz: Look its gettin smaller < ==>~~~ Hand me my roach clip
bitch!!!1!
Norbizness: So are there any content guidelines you want me to follow
during your profound absence?
Norbizness: Are you there?
ThaEditorz: Sorry dude the fuckin extras on the I’m With Busey DVD
are off the hook! Why did they delete those scenes to begin with?
Norbizness: It does seem wrong to try and limit Gary Busey to a
heavily edited 22 minutes of TV time.
ThaEditorz: <> Oops all gone. What did U want again?
Norbizness: I mean, you’ve pretty much covered the mendacity of the
Bush Adminsitration, the craven idiocy of National Review columnists, and
the adorability of kittens at play… what could I possibly add?
ThaEditorz: Dude, dude. Get a fat guy in diapers. Those idiot comment
people love a fat guy in a diaper. His Mom’s totally yelling at him. MOW
THE LAWN!!1! DO TEH LAUNDRY!!!
Norbizness: I think you’ve got that covered as well. It is, I might
add, a brilliant distillation of the warblogging leitmotif.
ThaEditorz: What the fuck ever dude. This is boring. Your boring.
Busey could kick yer azz. Dumbass weak blog havin’ motherfukker.
Norbizness: I.. don’t know quite how to respond to that.
ThaEditorz: Dont get yer panties in a bunch dude just keep the shit
flowin and itll be all good.
Norbizness: Well, have a good time in Jamaica rehab.
ThaEditorz: Fuck off brownnoser.

Strap yourself in, it's gonna be an interesting week.

Time Magazine Caves

What a bunch of pussies.

Time Inc. said Thursday it would comply with a court order to deliver
the notes of a reporter threatened with jail in the investigation of the
leak of an undercover CIA officer’s name.

As much as I'd like to see Judith Miller behind bars and perhaps be made to be some prison dyke's bitch, find out just which heads are going to roll, and discover how Robert Novak fits into the Plame Game, I believe the First Amendment and allowing journalists to protect their anonymous sources is more important than spite and my petty curiosity.

But maybe I'll get lucky, and this information will only exonerate Matthew Cooper, Judith Miller will still go to jail, and we'll get to the bottom of what really happened.

PSP Porn

The next time I see my boss at his desk playing with this PSP to blow off some steam, I might start wondering if blowing off steam isn't the only thing he's striving for.

Well, like it or not, pornographic films are about to elbow their way
out of the boudoir and onto the bus. In the next few weeks, Japanese
adult-DVD makers H.M.P. and GLAY'z will release eight of their top-selling
hardcore titles on Sony’s Universal Media Discs—the 2¼-inch, plastic-
encased “DVDs” designed for exclusive use with their hot new PlayStation
Portable device.

Save Marriage, End the War

The Army's divorce rate has soared in the past three years, most notably for officers, as longer and more frequent war zone deployments place extra strain on couples.

No kiddies, it's not the gays and liberals that are threatening marriage as we know it, it's the war mongers.

Who knew?

Judy and Matt in Wonderland

Judge Thomas F. Hogan conjures up Alice in Wonderland to sugar coat the upcoming jail time for Judith Miller and Matthew Cooper.

"'The time has come, the Walrus said," Judge Hogan declared, suggesting that the case against the reporters and Time Inc. had reached its conclusion.

Later, he said he could not understand Time's positions.

" 'It's curiouser and curiouser' is what Alice said, when she got down the rabbit hole," Judge Hogan said.

Good thing he didn't quote the King
`Give your evidence,' said the King; `and don't be nervous, or I'll have you executed on the spot.'

or the Queen, for that matter.
'Collar that Dormouse,' the Queen shrieked out. `Behead that Dormouse! Turn that Dormouse out of court! Suppress him! Pinch him! Off with his whiskers!'

Freedom Tower, a.k.a. Cortlandt

Now, it's been a few years since I've read the Fountainhead by Ayn Rand, but OMG! It's happening for real. Right here in New York City in
the US of A.

We're building the Freedom Tower, a ridiculously large and fancy and symbolic tower, that's so large and fancy and symbolic that it had to be redesigned to take into account that the bad guys are going to want to blow it up. "An ideal symbol for an empire enthralled with its own power."

...ground zero is not really being shaped by architects; it is being
shaped by politicians. Soon after the new security requirements were
announced, it became clear that the entire building would have to be
redesigned. That could have been seen as a last chance to repair what
had become a confused master plan, one that had little connection,
except in the minds of Mr. Libeskind and Governor Pataki, to the
original.

But instead of designing it to be a building that the bad guys won't want to blow up, we make it even bigger and fancier and more symbolic, thus daring the bad guys to figure out a way to blow it up.

Instead, the quality of the master plan has been sacrificed to the
governor's insistence on preserving hollow symbolic gestures.

Didn't they learn anything from Ayn Rand? Form should always follow function.

Sad as it is, if terrorists don't get to it first, Howard Roark will.

Condi's Fascination with Clothes

Condoleezza Rice, in her regulation olive drab
businesswoman's suit, enviously admires New
York's Olympic bid uniforms designed by Oscar
de la Renta.

"I have loved to shop since I was 5 years old.
My father was a Presbyterian minister. On Saturdays
he would go to the church to prepare things, work
on his sermon [and] my mother and I would head to
the stores. So what can I say?"

-- Condoleezza Rice on America's fascination with
her clothes, to Fox News Channel anchor Brian
Kilmeade.

Our 'Clear' Mission in Iraq

Blogenlust has a nice post on the amazing metamorphosis of our 'clear' mission in Iraq.

From:
"Our mission is clear in Iraq. Should we have to go in, our mission is
very clear: disarmament."

- Bush, March 6, 2003

To:
"Our mission in Iraq is clear: We're hunting down the terrorists.
We're helping Iraqis build a free nation that is an ally in the war on
terror. We're advancing freedom in the broader Middle East. We are
removing a source of violence and instability and laying the foundation
of peace for our children and our grandchildren."

- Bush, June 28, 2005

Good grief, what a frighteningly painful and destructive debacle this whole thing has been!

Prison Ships

What will that wacky U.S. Government think of next?

Prison ships! Used to 'interrogate' prisoners in international waters, away from the all-to constraining U.S. Laws.

The use of prison ships would allow investigators to interrogate
people secretly and in international waters out of the reach of US
law, British security expert Francis Tusa said.

"This opens the door to very tough interrogations on key prisoners
before it even has been revealed that they have been captured," said
Tusa, an editor for the British magazine Jane's Intelligence Review.

Perhaps now we know why the Bill O'Reilly Carribean Cruise was canceled. Maybe he got a more lucrative gig aboard the U.S.S. Gulag.

I know if Bill O'Reilly was flapping his jaws at me and there was no way out, I'd tell all my secrets in a heartbeat, just to get the hell out of there.

The Stench of Irony

Remember the Supreme Court decision last week to allow states to seize property from one private owner and give it to another private owner all in the name of economic development?

And remember who the justices in the majority were? Stevens, Kennedy, Ginsburg, Breyer and Souter.

Well, the Honorable David Souter just might lose his land because of the decision.

Could a hotel be built on the land owned by Supreme Court Justice
David H. Souter? A new ruling by the Supreme Court which was supported
by Justice Souter himself itself might allow it. A private developer
is seeking to use this very law to build a hotel on Souter's land.

[...]

On Monday June 27, Logan Darrow Clements, faxed a request to Chip
Meany the code enforcement officer of the Towne of Weare, New
Hampshire seeking to start the application process to build a hotel
on 34 Cilley Hill Road. This is the present location of Mr.
Souter's home.

Clements, CEO of Freestar Media, LLC, points out that the City of Weare
will certainly gain greater tax revenue and economic benefits with a
hotel on 34 Cilley Hill Road than allowing Mr. Souter to own the land.

The proposed development, called "The Lost Liberty Hotel" will feature
the "Just Desserts Café" and include a museum, open to the public,
featuring a permanent exhibit on the loss of freedom in America.
Instead of a Gideon's Bible each guest will receive a free copy of
Ayn Rand's novel "Atlas Shrugged."

Karl Rove - Completely Full of It

Karl Rove, who struggles with frequent diarrhea
due to chronic 'full of shit' disease is pictured
here straining not to soil his tightie-whities, as
he makes a bee line to the nearest potty.

Drinking Liberally - Part II

We'll be Drinking Liberally tomorrow night here in Tampa at New World Brewery beginning at 8pm. New World Brewery is at 1313 E Eighth Ave in Ybor City. Parking on Wednesday nights is free and easy as pie, as there's a parking lot right next door. And pets are welcome too. Bart took me there just last week and we had a great time!

We don't have any formal agenda this time, so just come by and raise a toast with us to the Downing Street Memo, Lieutenant-General Michael Moseley, George Bush's plummeting approval ratings and no new Ten Commandment displays on government property.

And these guys from the Dallas Drinking Liberally chapter... We can so drink them under the table!

See you there!

Live blogging Bush's Speech - Real Quick and Possibly Wrong, Cuz I Hafta Go Drinkin'

8:03 What are those pages he's turning? Is that his copy of My Pet Goat. I hear it relaxes him during stressful times.

8:09 What's with all the blinking? Isn't that a sign of lying?

8:10 Stuttering of time and place. Or was it place and time?

8:12 "As the Iraqis stand up we will stand down." Doesn't that sound like a reference to peeing? Men stand up, women don't.

8:15 Rather than just saying 'terrorists', he's saying 'terrorists and insurgents." Interesting transition as to identifying who the real enemy is

8:19 Funny he talking about the ex Sunni Iraqi leaders as "enjoying the right of unchecked power." That's hilarious!

8:21 Why come we keep giving Iraq deadlines for elections and constitutions and stuff when we won't make a deadline for withdrawing our troops?

8:24 Those terrorists won't "shake our will." But will they shake our willys? That's what the troops really want to know, right?

8:26 He keeps saying 'firm' and 'hard' and 'rise.' Is it getting hot in here?

8:27 He hasn't mentioned God once. James Dobson is pissed.

8:29 what's up with that 'no higher calling than to serve in the military?' What a fucking draft dodging hypocrite.

OK, that's it. That and give 9/11 a break. We all know Iraq had nothing to do with it. Let it go!

Focusing on James Dobson's Family

World 'O Crap takes a little time out today to Focus on James Dobson's Family. James Dobson being the rabid wingnut head of Family Research Council, in case you don't already know.

Anyway, reading the Focus on the Family call to arms reminded me that
we haven't focused on Dobson's family for a while. So, let's check in with
surfer dude (and author of Be Intolerant: Because I'm With Stupid) Ryan
Dobson.

Ryan has been divorced! What's more, his first wife is apparently
still alive, and so this second marriage constitutes adultery!

Yes, Ryan was formerly married to Cezanne N. Williams of Seattle (some
sources say that her name is Danita, so she possibly went by a nickname,
or maybe the other sources are just wrong). They seem to have met at
Biola University ("a private Christian university based on evangelical Christianity"), where in 1994, she was the assistant manager of the
women's soccer team, and he was one of the team managers. (She was
apparently an accomplished athlete. While attending her private
Christian high school in the 80's, she set some school track records. And
as a junior and senior at Biola, she won soccer awards in 1992 and 1993.
However, I can't see where Ryan won any athletic awards.)

Ryan graduated from Biola in 1995, after having dropped out of another
Christian university and being a loser for a while. After graduation,
Ryan's Dad got him a job at the Family Research Council, and he reportedly
married Cezanne in 1999. Dad bought the newlyweds a nice condo in
Southern CA (well, it should have been nice for the price). But the
marriage didn't last, and the couple were divorced in 2001.

A letter from Exit and Support Network tells a fascinating story.

I just found your website today because I was doing some research into
Focus on the Family. My mother and I are born again Christians. Now my
mother has been listening to Focus radio programs for many years and
receiving magazine and Christmas cards from the organization. She knew
that James Dobson's son was married to a Danita Williams in 1999
(because we live in Seattle and Danita is from a nearby town). Anyhow,
my mother found it odd that Focus never published any family photos
showing Ryan and Danita so she called up Focus on the phone. The
operator there sounded scared and wouldn't give a straight answer...
then I started hunting for information and learned only today that Ryan
was divorced back in 2001 and that apparently some Focus employees
have been fired just for talking about it.

My mother suspects that Danita is a black woman and this had/has
something to do with James Dobson never publishing any photos of the
couple (my family happens to be black by the way).

There's also a nice list of 'Seven Secrets for Wives' with illuminating commentary as well as the rabid wingnut response to the Ten Commandments decision over there at World O' Crap. Go read the whole thing. It's good for you!

And if anyone can figure out what "SUBMIT TO YOUR HUSBAND’S HEADSHIP" means, you get bonus points!

Wichita and Baghdad Have More in Common Than I Thought

RJ Eskow from Skippy the Bush Kangaroo makes a fun little comparison.

the "btk killer" has confessed in kansas. "btk" stands for "bind, torture, kill" - three actions also serially performed in the u.s. military gulag (yes, it is a gulag) run by awol and associates.

And since I grew up in Wichita, it's even more fun. I mean fun, if you ignore the meanness and the nastiness that brutal serial killers revel in. I could compare Mr. Scher's Algebra II class to torture, but that would be exaggerating ever so slightly. But what Dennis Rader did and what the U.S. Military is doing to detainees is, without a doubt torture.

But it really is a sad state of affairs, when a brutal killer such as BTK has the balls to stand up and admit what he did and save the courts the hassle of a jury trial (for whatever twisted reasons), but our government still refuses to admit or do anything to stop the brutal nasty things that they are doing in Abu Ghraib and Gitmo.

via Alternate Brain

George Bush the Flip-Flopper

Boy, George Bush is shur a flip-flopper. I'm just shocked to hear something like this coming for the ol' straight shooter who says what he means and means what he says.

George W. Bush, 4/9/99:

“Victory means exit strategy, and it’s important for the president to explain to us what the exit strategy is.”

And on the specific need for a timetable, here’s what Bush said then and what he says now:

George W. Bush, 6/5/99

“I think it’s also important for the president to lay out a timetable as to how long they will be involved and when they will be withdrawn.”

[ed. note: article originally ran in the Seattle Post-Intelligencer on 6/5/99]

VERSUS

George W. Bush, 6/24/05:

“It doesn’t make any sense to have a timetable. You know, if you give a timetable, you’re — you’re conceding too much to the enemy.”

You don't think, perhaps that all his mindless flip-flopping rhetoric is politically or financially motivated, do you?

Bush's speech tonight

The Rude Pundit has a great post today on the irrelevant blathering we can expect from George Bush's speech tonight at 8pm ET. And in typical Rude Pundit fashion, he also provides an equally compelling anology.

Let us say that you're a guy who' datin' a woman who's totally into
stuffed animals....And one day she walks into her bedroom in her
apartment and catches you fuckin' one of them. That's right. You're
balls deep in Funshine Bear and you just didn't expect her home. It's
bad enough that you're in her place when she didn't invite her. But now
she's gotta deal with the sight of you, pants off, thrusting your cock
into a smilin' yellow bear.

And while you know your relationship, such that it is, can never be the
same, especially when she finds the crusty spots on Snookum Bunny, you
might be able to ask for forgiveness and see what happens.

Except when she demands an explanation, you turn it around on her. Why
can't she support you? She's got all these fluffy fuckers just layin'
around here – why can't you have your way with 'em?

[...]

Seriously, and, c'mon, really, what the fuck can Bush say tonight
that's gonna make everyone who's turned so viciously on him suddenly
think that the war in Iraq is just jim-holy-shit-dandy.

I couldn't agree more!

But it will certainly be interesting to see how more primetime lies and distortions of the truth will affect his approval ratings.

UPDATE: All Spin Zone has an exerpt from Pres. Johnson's speech in 1968 about Vietnam that sounds frightenly similar to the Bush Administration's rhetoric.

The Last Throes of Dick Cheney's Heart

Is Vice President Dick Cheney's heart in it's "last throes?"

And by last throes, I mean of course, "a violent period, the throes of a revolution." But then if you ask Donald Rumsfeld, Cheney's heart could beat for twelve years or more.

But a well-connected Lowdown spy told me that Cheney - whose knees
were hurting from climbing stairs - received an EKG after medical
personnel noted that his breathing was labored.

"That's pretty common at this high altitude," said the spy, a Vail
resident, noting that the EKG was normal. "We're at 8,500 feet, and the
air is pretty thin, which is hard if you're not used to it."

The spy told me hospital records indicated that the veep, surrounded
by heavy security, was logged in as "Dr. Hoffman" (the name of his
physician in Washington) and stayed for 2 hours and 41 minutes.

I know, you're thinking "Huh??? What?? Dick Cheney doesn't have a heart." But rumor has it that he went in for a 'prophylactic EKG' in Vail, Colorado.

So, I looked up prophylactic in the dictionary because I always thought it was just a grown-up snooty word for a rubber, but I found it means 'preventative.' Are they trying to prevent Dick Cheney from having a heart?

If that's true, I don't think they have anything to worry about.

Her name is RIO and she dances on the Iraqi sand

From Raw Story

Scrutiny of Halliburton dealings with the U.S. military intensified
today, as military and professional witnesses lambasted the company, and
a report by two prominent Democrats and backed by a military audit
priced the alleged abuse at over $1.4 billion.

That means so much to me. Like a birthday or a pretty view.

Speaking at a hearing held by hill Democrats, Bunnatine Greenhouse,
a procurement official from the Army's Corps of Engineers, launched a
scathing attack on the actions of Halliburton subsidiary Kellogg Brown
and Root. "I can unequivocally state," Greenhouse told lawmakers, "that
the abuse related to contracts awarded to KBR represents the most blatant
and improper contract abuse I have witnessed during the course of my
professional career."

I’ll take my chance, ’cause luck is on my side???? WTF?

"The Office of the Secretary of Defense ultimately controlled the award
of the RIO contract," Greenhouse said, "and controlled the terms of the
contract that was to be awarded even over my objection to specific terms
that were ultimately included in the contract." Greenhouse claimed that
procedures normally handled by the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers were
taken over by the State Department. "I observed, first hand, that
essentially every aspect of the RIO (Restore Iraqi Oil) contract remained
under the control of the Office of the Secretary of Defense."

Hey now (wow), look at that. Did he nearly run you down?

When government dealings start to resemble a Duran Duran song, there is something very, very wrong.

How to Entertain Foreign Dignitaries

Tom Donohue, President and CEO of the U.S. Chamber
of Commerce (R) points out a WMD that Iraq is hiding
in the U.S. Chamber of Commerce building to visiting
German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder.

Afterwards, Donohue says "Ha, Ha! Made you look."

One More Thing the GOP and the Mob Have in Common

George Soros, the billionaire who likes to give lots of money to Democrats, is one of seven groups vying for the right to own the newest MLB team, the Washington Nationals. And boy are the Republicans pissed.

[T]he very prospect that Soros could have a stake in the team is enough
to irritate Congressional Republicans.

"I think Major League Baseball understands the stakes," said Government
Reform Chairman Tom Davis (R), the Northern Virginia lawmaker who
recently convened high-profile steroid hearings. "I don't think they
want to get involved in a political fight."

Davis, whose panel also oversees District of Columbia issues, said that
if a Soros sale went through, "I don't think it's the Nats that get hurt.
I think it's Major League Baseball that gets hurt. They enjoy all sorts
of exemptions" from anti-trust laws.

Indeed, Hill Republicans could potentially make life difficult for MLB in
a variety of ways. In addition to being exempt from anti-trust rules,
baseball is still under scrutiny over the steroid issue. The Nats,
meanwhile, hope to have a publicly-funded stadium built soon, though
money for that venture is expected to come through the sale of bonds
rather than a federal outlay.

Still, Rep. John Sweeney (R-N.Y.), vice chairman of the Appropriations
subcommittee that covers the District of Columbia budget, said if Soros
buys the team and seeks public funding for the new stadium or anything
else, the GOP attitude would be, "Let him pay for it."

Is it just me, or does that sound like extortion?

As the Carpetbagger says:
"It's a nice baseball league you have here; it'd be a shame if something happened to it..."

The twisted lives of virgins

Rolling Stone has a nifty article that I found via Pandagon, on young adults that are determined to stay vigins until they are married. And boy, am I tellin ya, these guys are twisted freaks. Much more twisted than good old fashioned fornicators. It's a really long article, so I picked out the good parts, just for you.

"I can get aroused looking at a stoplight," he says, his giant eyes
leaving mine and following a woman down Broadway. They snap back to
me and he says, "Anything can be inappropriate. If I look at some woman
and undress her with my eyes, that's just as bad as going down on her."

Gives a whole new meaning to what you think is innocent 'people watching.'

Power holds up his right hand. Wrapped around his wrist, in a figure
eight, is a black plastic bracelet. "This," he says, "is a 'masturband.' "
One of their friends at college -- Pepperdine University -- came up with
the idea. As long as you stay pure -- resist jerking off -- you can wear
your masturband. Give in, and off it goes, a scarlet letter in reverse.
No masturband? No one wants to shake your hand.

Evidently, in addition to not believing in pre-marital sex, they don't believe in soap either.

Sex that is just two bodies in motion strikes them as empty, even if
love is involved. Every encounter must be a kind of threesome: man, wife
and the Lord.

Wow, that's HOT! Insert porno music and fantasy here.

But romance, more than anything else, guides her understanding of
sexuality. This is what she finds romantic: a father who gives his
teenage daughter a "purity" ring, which will be returned on her wedding
day and handed to his daughter's new husband, her virginity passed from
man to man like a baton.

I can't think of anything more creepy than my father having anything to do with my sexuality. And him passing my virginity on the my new husband like a baton? Ewwww!!!

...a twenty-five-year-old man who said he'd slept with forty women before
he re-virgined with the help of the series.

See kids, you too can be a virgin again! But the question remains, can you re-virgin after every sexual encounter?

They recommend memorizing the locations of sexy billboards so that you
can look away and switching your TV to ESPN or Fox News if a tempting
commercial comes on the screen.

Nothing works quite like The O'Reilly Factor to get rid of a raging hard-on.

When I called to confess that reading about tight nylon shorts in
Every Young Man's Battle had aroused me, a professional masturbation
counselor named Jason told me that pornography is "probably the
number-one cause of divorce." Then he suggested I sign up for a
five-day, $1,800 Every Man's Battle workshop...

Eighteen hundred dollars??? Good God! But it's not all about money, or anything. Couldn't you could get a really good hooker in Vegas for half that. That way you wouldn't have to masturbate.

Rushford says that a friend of hers had sex and said it was awful.
"I hate fornication!" agrees Riley, who is still recovering from a
relationship that lasted nine months without a kiss.

Yeah, sex is awful. It's disgusting and icky. I am so never doing it again.

...her sex life began at age eight, when she began fantasizing about
Almanzo, from The Little House on the Prairie. At twelve, she began
lulling herself to sleep every night with elaborate sexual scenarios in
serial form. Always, she swears, in the context of marriage.

I know all my fantasies start out with wedding vows. Really, I swear.

In "Sexless in the City," she writes about sending a vagina made of
chocolate to "Ad Weasel" in lieu of her taking him up on his offer of cunnilingus.

Now, what would Jesus have to say about that?

Remember the Sabbath and Keep it Holy

Ever wonder what your choir director or paster or youth director is doing on the other six days of the week? On Sunday's their preachin' gay bashing, anti-choice and the evils of birth control, but the rest of the time.....

On Monday, a Lawrence, Kansas jury convicted Martin K. Miller, 46, a
youth group leader and board member at Victory Bible Church, of
first-degree murder in the death of his wife, Kansas University
librarian Mary E. Miller.Says the Lawrence Journal World:

The case included testimony about Martin Miller’s four-year extramarital
affair, pornography addiction, and desire to pursue more sexual
relationships — all of which stood in contrast to his leadership roles at
his church and his children’s Christian school... Prosecutor Jones said in
his closing argument that divorce wasn’t an option because Miller stood to
lose his roles as a youth-group leader at church and a board member for
Veritas Christian School. “Murder?... Of course he knew it was a sin,”
Jones said. “But that was supposed to be a private sin. No one was
supposed to know about that one.”

[...]

In Philadelphia, Otis Joseph, choir director at West Oak Lane Church
of God, was found guilty of raping two girls. One girl was raped from the
time she was 11-years-old until she reported the attacks at age 15. The
other was raped at age 14. Joseph has yet to face unrelated charges that
he molested three sisters and had a relationship with a 15-year-old girl.

[...]

On Friday, Charles Dwight Smith Jr., the minister youth group leader at
North Penn Church of Christ in Lansdale, Pennsylvania, was charged with
"deviate sexual intercourse, aggravated indecent assault, unlawful contact
with a minor, endangering the welfare of children, corruption of minors
and indecent assault" for multiple encounters with two 15-year-old girls
at his church, his home, and a church school.

Now, I'm not sure what 'deviate sexual intercourse' is, but I can't help but wonder if Jesus would approve or not.

Read the whole Weekly Church-Related Crime Update, at Bobo's World , there's more.

Sunday morning dog blogging - These Dogs are Driving me Crazy Edition

Doesn't Bart look scary?

The return of statue porn

After three years of hiding those perky puppies, the Spirit of Justice is letting freedom ring!

With barely a word about it, workers at the Justice Department Friday
removed the blue drapes that have famously covered two scantily clad
statues for the past 3 1/2 years.

Spirit of Justice, with her one breast exposed and her arms raised, and
the bare-chested male Majesty of Law basked in the late afternoon light
of Justice's ceremonial Great Hall.

The drapes, installed in 2002 at a cost of $8,000, allowed then-Attorney
General John Ashcroft to speak in the Great Hall without fear of a breast
showing up behind him in television or newspaper pictures. They also
provoked jokes about and criticism of the deeply religious Ashcroft.

I wonder if Girls Gone Wild will show up to get some footage.

Offering therapy to the insurgency

U.S. officials held secret talks in Iraq with the commanders of several Iraqi
insurgent groups recently in an attempt to open a dialogue with them, a
British newspaper reported Sunday.

What???

We aren't negotiating with terrorists are we? Or were we trying to understand them? Or offer them therapy? Especially after Karl Rove accused 'liberals' of wanting to use such girlie tactics. Such blatant hypocrisy in your government? I'm shocked!!

I just cant' believe that the big and tough and mightly U.S.military would do such a thing.

And since, according to Dick Cheney, but contrary to to reality, the insurgency is in it's last throes, I just don't see why these kinds of extreme measures are even neccessary.

Friday Dog Blogging - Dog Sitting for the weekend edition

G8 Foreign Ministers Shindig Gets a Little Crazy

German Foreign Minister, Joschka Fischer tries in vain to
remember those opening lines he used to use at fraternity
parties to meet the hot new freshmen ladies.

That Wily Bill O'Reilly

Bill O'Reilly has found a creative way to try to boost his ratings: Accuse his competitors of treason!

Responding to controversial comments by Sen. Richard J. Durbin
(D-IL) regarding the treatment of detainees at Guantánamo Bay, Cuba,
Fox News host Bill O'Reilly said that Americans "must know the
difference between dissent from the Iraq war and the war on terror and
undermining it," and that "any American who undermines that war ... is
a traitor." He then hurled this accusation at Air America Radio: "So,
all those clowns at the liberal radio network, we could incarcerate
them immediately. Will you have that done, please? Send over the FBI and
just put them in chains, because they, you know, they're undermining
everything and they don't care."

What a crafty little falafel-fondling fiend he is. He must have forgotten about my favorite amendment.

Amendment I: Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

SpinDentist over at All Spin Zone makes a few suggestions as what we can do to knock some sense into Mr. Bill.

Seriously, someone should do some kind of intervention. Think for a moment — wouldn't it make fascinating reality TV to have Dr. Phil do an intervention on Bill O'Reilly? Or maybe we could have a third grade class teach him about the first amendment?

Great ideas!

Karl's at it again

In another deceptive and manipulative attempt to use 9/11 as a political chess piece to divide the nation, Karl Rove started flapping his evil jaws again.

Speaking in a ballroom just a few miles north of ground zero, Karl Rove
said the Democratic party did not understand the consequences of the
Sept. 11, 2001, attacks.

Oh yes we do. We understand perfectly what the consequences would be. We knew George Bush would launch an extended military goof-up on a country that was no threat to us, had no WMDs, and had no ties to Al-Queda or to the 9/11 attacks. Why would we think anything differently?

"Conservatives saw what happened to us on 9/11 and said we will defeat
our enemies. Liberals saw what happened to us and said we must
understand our enemies."

Evidently the Republicans saw what happened to us on 9/11 and said we want other people and other people's kids to go to war with a country that had nothing to do with the 9/11 attacks.

Maybe a wee bit of understanding. At the very least, a working knowledge of who our real enemy is, and maybe putting some effort into stopping the real bad guys might have helped.

Silly Karl. The approval numbers are plummeting for your boy George, the Iraq war, and the Republican-lead Congress, so I can see why you might want to say these kinds of ludicrous falsehoods. But it will be OK, Karl. At least someone still loves you.

From: dedbob [mailto:{name redacted to protect the deeply misinformed}@earthlink.net]
Sent: Saturday, May 14, 2005 12:07 AM
To: virginia@ilovekarlrove.com
Subject: He's gay.

You do know that the fascist shithead that pulls the strings of the retard/puppet president is a homosexual, don't you?

- - - - - - - -

Dear Dedbob,

Have you nubbled with my Plumplenumpkins? My Rovey sure as heckypants isn't gay. He's omnisexual. It would be truly cruel, indeed, to deny anyone of any gender or species access to his trouser treats!

xxxVirginia

Preznit Bush Tries to Raise his Poll Numbers

Me jacking off a horse, Laura and the girls going to
the Chippendales show, a porn star wanting to have
sex with my daughters. I'm tellin' ya, us Republicans
are shitloads of fun!

How Supreme Court Justices Decide on Where to Go to Lunch

I found this little ditty over at Demagogue.

From: BreyerBreyerPantsOnFire@ scotus.gov
To: Supremelist@scotus.gov
Date: May 25, 2005
RE: A compromise solution

It seems to me that there are at least four ways in which we can analyze
this question. Let's assume, for a moment, that -- as in Justice Scalia's
last hypothetical -- Applebee's were located on the moon. But, located on
an American colony on the moon, in which federal jurisdiction was
exclusively American, except maybe in matters of sentencing guidelines or
conflicts over the density of the atmosphere. Lunar law would control in
those areas. My question, if you are still following me, is whether moon
colony or Applebee's law could pre-empt federal law? Please consult the
attached 14-page memorandum for further discussion of this and other
hypotheticals.

Yours, Steve

P.S.: I vote for Bullfeathers.

Read the whole thing. It's a hoot!

Ronda Storms Screws the Pooch

Blogwood has a nice post about the economic implications of our homophobic County Commission here in Hillsborough County.

An economic boycott is called for and likely to happen. Ronda
Storms and her bootlicking lackeys will be responsible for lost jobs,
lost revenue, and maybe even a lost Super Bowl, thus pissing off
workers, sports fans, and the business community.

Can you even imagine Ronda trying to get re-elected if it was her fault that Tampa lost the 2009 Super Bowl?

Tampa didn’t do an economic impact study after the 2001 Super Bowl,
said Paul Catoe, president of the Tampa Bay Convention and Visitors
Bureau. But studies showed that the game pumped $340 million into San
Diego in 2003.

“By the time it rolls around back to Tampa we’re probably in the
neighborhood of $350- to $370-million,” Catoe said.

"Ouch!" says the pooch. "Quit screwing me Ronda!"

The bulk of the citizens of Hillsborough County may not care too much about gay pride, but when it comes to money and sports......

Yes, My Precious Portuguese Pixie

It may be the first day of summer, but at the
White House it's still springtime, and puppy
love is in the air!

Can anyone tell if the President of the European
Commission Durao Barroso is grabbing George
Bush's right or left buttock?

Closing Time

Ya know how, when you stay at the bar a little too late, and the bartender says "You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here?"

Well 82 Iraqi lawmakers want foreign troops outta there.

Iraqi lawmakers from across the political spectrum called for the
withdrawal of foreign forces from their country in a letter released to
the media June 19.

The move comes as U.S. President George W. Bush is under increasing
domestic pressure to set a timetable for the pullout of American forces
in the face of an increasing death toll at the hands of insurgents.

Eighty-two Shiite, Kurdish, Sunni Arab, Christian and communist
deputies made the call in a letter sent by Falah Hassan Shanshal of
the United Iraqi Alliance (UIA), the largest group in parliament, to
speaker Hajem al-Hassani.

Some of those who signed urged that a detailed timetable be established
for the withdrawal.

I think leaving Iraq is a swell idea, but what scares me is the "you don't have to go home" part. Is there an after party? Are we just going to pass out in the car? Should we take a cab home? Are we too drunk to drive? Should we booty call someone? If so, who? This just leaves things wide open, and I'm not too sure Preznit Bush is going to make a responsible decision.

I'm afraid he's gonna decide to go to a horrible after party and we're gonna hook up with somebody that we don't like that much seeing as how we are drunk with power and military might. Then we just can't shake them. They keep calling and won't leave us alone for months. Not to mention the expense and hassle of changing our phone number, changing the locks, etc.

Good grief! We so don't need this.

Johnny Hostettler's been a bad, bad boy

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Hostettler

Your son, Johnny (R-Ind.) has been a bad boy today on the floor of the House. While the other good boys and girls were discussing an amendment to the annual defense appropriations bill that would have required the Air Force Academy to develop a plan for preventing "coercive and abusive religious proselytizing," Johnny halted business for forty-five minutes.

He said "Like a moth to a flame, Democrats can't help themselves when it comes to denigrating and demonizing Christians."

Preventing "coercive and abusive religious proselytizing" isn't a bad thing, as both the chaplain and the superintendent of the Academy agree that it is a problem. Johnny's statement was a ridiculous exaggeration and has no place on the floor of the House.

His logic represents that of a student many grades lower. "If you work to support religious liberty for those who aren't evangelical Christians, then you must hate Christianity." I've been working on these things with Johnny, and I'm having a hard time getting through to him.

After he said those words, I gave him the option of taking it back, or not speaking for the rest of the day.

After awhile, one of his little friends passed him a note written out for him in large block letters stating that he needed to say "Mr. Chairman, I ask unanimous consent to withdraw the last sentence I spoke." And eventually, Johnny read those words.

It was nice of him to finally withdraw that sentence, but I think this shows a deeper problem. Perhaps we could meet sometime to discuss these issues.

Sincerely,
Johnny's teacher

GQ Magazine interviews Saddam Hussein

As far as deposed evil dictators go, this Saddam guy sounds OK.

Thrust unexpectedly into the role of prison guards for Saddam
Hussein, a group of young American soldiers found the deposed Iraqi
leader to be a friendly, talkative "clean freak" who loved Raisin
Bran for breakfast, did his own laundry and insisted he was still
president of Iraq, says a report published on Monday.

GQ magazine's July issue says Saddam greatly admired President
Reagan and thought President Clinton was "OK," but had harsh words
for both President Bushes, each of whom went to war against him.

"The Bush father, son, no good," one of the soldiers, Cpl. Jonathan
"Paco" Reese, 22, of Millville, Pa., quotes Saddam as saying.

Me too! I don't particularly care for them either.

[...]

A third soldier, Spc. Jesse Dawson, quoted Saddam as saying of Bush,
"`He knows I have nothing, no mass weapons. He knows he'll never find
them.'"

Yep! I've been saying that for years now.

[...]

O'Shea said when he told him he was not married, Saddam "started telling me what to do." "He was like, `you gotta find a good woman. Not too smart, not too dumb. Not too old, not too young. One that can cook and clean.'"

OK, maybe he's a little backward on the women's rights things and equality of the sexes, but it's nice of him to give the soldier some advice and not get hung up on superficial stuff, right?

Then he smiled, made what O'Shea interpreted as a "spanking" gesture,
laughed and went back to washing his clothes in the sink.

Oh yeah, that's my boy! I guess this spanking thing is catching on all over.

According to the author, Saddam told his guards that when the
Americans invaded Iraq in March 2003, he "tried to flee in a taxicab as
the tanks were rolling in," and the U.S. planes attacked the palace to
which he intended to escape rather than the one he was in, injuring some
of his bodyguards.

"But then he started laughing," recalls Reese. "He goes, `America, they
dumb. They bomb wrong palace.'"

And he has just as much respect for U.S. "Intelligence" as I do.

If it weren't for all that cold blooding killing and stuff, I might like to hang out with this guy.

Condi, Queen of the Nile

She says 'Democracy,' but what she's really thinkin'
is 'Condi, Queen of the Nile'

Emergency Town Hall Meeting

There's an emergency Town Hall meeting Monday night, June 20th regarding Ronda Storms and the other County Commissioner's decision to ban any county recognition of Gay Pride Month.

It's at 6:30pm at the MCC Church at 408 E Cayuga Street in Tampa. Take I-275 to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. exit and head west 1/10 mile. Turn right onto North Seminole Ave. and go 1/3 mile to E. Cayuga, MCC is on the right.

Maybe if we're lucky the lesbian motorcycle gang will show up.

Vice President Wanker

After realizing he may have some stubble growing
near his Life Line, Vice President Dick Cheney poses
the hairy palms/masturbation connection
question to the National Press Club.

Ronda's diversity training

Hillsborough County Commissioner, Ronda Storms was out walking on Nebraska Avenue the other night in her red dress and her high heels. Just strolling by the pawn shops and the boarded up stores and the run-down bars. Takin' her sweet time. Checkin' out how the other half live in District Three.

When out on the street there arose such a clatter. The familiar rumbling of a lesbian motorcycle gang. In their tiny black tank tops, tight leather shorts and that mean and nasty demeanor. They were gonna teach Ronda to respect diversity and they were going to do it in no uncertain terms.

The Littlest Dyke dismounted her Hog, and grabbed little Ronda around the waist and bent her over the bike. Then the Biggest Dyke put her Strap On (Big S, Big O) in place and went to it. Thrusting hard thrusts of tolerance and diversity. Then even harder thrusts of kindness and love for all mankind.

Ronda's pussy was getting sore. Sore from all this guerilla diversity training. Yelps of bigotry and homophobia could still be heard.

But the Biggest Dyke's stamina was no match for little Ronda. "Why are you so hateful?" asked the Biggest Dyke. "We should all be proud of who we are." "Let the libraries display books that promote Gay Pride and Lesbian Pride Month." "Allow Hillsborough County to participate in this celebration." "And for Christ's sake, bitch, teach tolerance to your children." On and On, the Biggest Dyke went, explaining to Ronda what it was like to be a lesbian, to be discriminated against, to be hated, to be persecuted.

As the Biggest Dyke Thrusted one last powerful thrust of tremendous Gay Pride, a tiny yelp of discrimination was all Ronda had left. Ronda collapsed on the sidewalk. The dykes rode off into the sunset, off to find five more County Commissioners that need a diversity training experience. Away in the distance, Tampa Mayor, Pam Iorio could be seen smiling and nodding, and she saw that it was good.

Ronda was left shaking and crying. In a heap on the sidewalk on Nebraska Avenue. By the pawn shops and the boarded up stores and the run-down bars. Laying there in her red dress and her high heels. Just laying there pondering the mistake she had made taking Gay Pride away from Hillsborough County. Ronda kept all the things the Biggest Dyke had said to her. Pondering them in her heart as she lay on Nebraska Avenue in her red dress and red shoes by the pawn shops and the boarded up stores and the run-down bars.

Let it go, Jeb

Since the news came out that Terri Schaivo's autopsy showed that she was blind, in a persistent vegetative state and it was apparent that there were no signs of abuse or trauma, one would expect a host of apologies to come pouring in from Bill Frist, Tom DeLay, Jeb Bush and maybe even that rabid beast, Randall Terry.

However, those apologies haven't come. While sitting here waiting for the apologies to start, I found this.

Gov. Jeb Bush asked a prosecutor Friday to investigate why Terri Schiavo collapsed 15 years ago, calling into question how long it took her husband to call 911 after he found her.

For the love of God and all that's holy can't they just leave this man alone? He's lost his wife, had to deal with all sorts of deranged lunatic fundamentalists for the better part of 15 years in allowing his wife to die, as she wished. And now this!

I'm terribly sorry that Jeb and the rest of his posse was embarrassed or even humiliated by their obvious pandering to the fundies, but don't take it out on Michael Schaivo. Let it go, Jeb! Let it go. Breath deeply, say a few Hail Marys and Our Fathers and go to confession. Let it go.

Early Friday morning Bart blogging

As you can see, Bart is extremely distraut that he
is unable to watch the Tampa Bay Lightning win the
Stanley Cup again this year.

News from cubicle land

Tomorrow is moving day here in cubicle land. They are moving me up two floors.

The good news is that I will no longer be sitting near "girl who smacks her lips when she eats, copiously burps, and does that weird indigestion-related inward burp thing that's really, really loud" or "guy who orders colon cleaning products over the phone and yells at his creditors."

Gee, I wonder what irritating habits my new cubicle neighbors will have? Tune in tomorrow for the exciting details!

Tee-hee

For those of you that need a nice laugh...



via Kos

Liar, Liar, Bill Frist's pants are on fire

From Think Progress:

Majority Leader Bill Frist this morning on the Today Show:

LAUER: But when you stood on the floor and you said, She does respond, are you at all worried that you led some senators…

FRIST: I never said, She responded. I said I reviewed the court videotapes – the same ones the other doctors reviewed – and I questioned, Is her diagnosis correct?

Frist on Senate Floor, 3/17/05:

I have looked at the video footage. Based on the footage provided to me, which was part of the facts of the case, she does respond.

More from Frist, 3/17/05:

She certainly seems to respond to visual stimuli…

If all the liars up there on the Hill had their pants set on fire, it would be awfully smoky on the right side of the aisle.

A spankin' good time

This whole Jessica Cutler/Robert Steinbuch
spanking thing has gotten Condi in quite
a tizzy. As you can plainly see, she's
prepared to bend over forwards to get in
on the action.

Token spanking post

You know, I was thinking that I haven't made a good spanking post lately. But as I was looking at my site statistics, I see I still have some spanking fans, so this one is for them.

You guys that do Google searches for "school paddle OR paddled licks OR swats OR whacks teachers OR principal embarrassing OR painful," you know who you are and this one's for you.

Jessica Cutler, better known as Washingtonienne has been served papers in a lawsuit brought on by Robert Steinbuch, the Senate Judiciary counsel to Mike DeWine (R-OH) for spanking and telling.

Robert Steinbuch likes to spank and be spanked. So do I, but our
similarities end there. Whereas I've proudly edited Naughty Spanking
Stories From A to Z and will gladly confess my spanking prowess,
Steinbuch, a lawyer for the Senate Judiciary Committee, is suing his
former lover Jessica Cutler—better known as the blogging blabbermouth Washingtonienne—for revealing his sexual secrets. Specifically, his
civil suit claims that Cutler's Internet postings "constituted a gross
invasion of privacy, subjecting him to humiliation and anguish beyond
that which any reasonable person should be expected to bear in a decent
and civilized society."

Steinbuch is attempting to capitalize not only on Cutler's fame but
also on the idea that spanking and hair pulling, as hot as they may be,
have no part in a "decent and civilized society." Cutler used only his
initials, but once her blog went public via Wonkette, politicos quickly
pointed to Steinbuch as spanker number one, and he's claiming to have suffered "severe emotional distress, humiliation, embarrassment, and
anguish."

Yes, there we have Republican family values in action.
1. Do something decedent and naughty
2. Get really pissed when people find out
3. Sue someone
4. After the smoke clears and it's election time again, continue talking points about family values and how Democrats are all decedent and naughty.

ronda storms (little r, little s)

Hillsborough county commissioner ronda storms, little r, little s, was successful in her crusade to rid the county of any Gay Pride.

Storms went a step further Wednesday, getting most of her fellow
commissioners to ban the county government from so much as
acknowledging gay pride.

And she made it tough for the policy to be rescinded.

After scant discussion that contrasted with many impassioned pleas from
gay rights advocates during the morning public comment period, the board
passed the proposal 5-1.

Commissioner Kathy Castor voted no, and Commissioner Ken Hagan was
out of the room during the vote.

The discussion went like this:

Storms: "I move that we adopt a policy that Hillsborough County
government abstain from acknowledging, promoting or participating in
gay pride recognition and events, little g, little p."

Castor: "I think it's inappropriate for government to promote
discrimination."

Commissioner Brian Blair double-checked Storms' wording.

Then they voted.

Storms followed up with a second proposal, that commissioners can only
repeal the policy on a 5-2 super majority vote that follows a public
hearing. This time, Hagan was in the room and joined the majority in a
6-1 vote, with Castor again dissenting.

What a bigoted cunt! And evidently the rest of the county commission is equally bigoted. And here are the names of the intolerant hateful pigs. All in lowercase, of course.

ken hagen - district 2
thomas scott - district 3
ronda storms - distict 4
jim norman - district 5
brian blair - district 6
mark sharpe - district 7

You can email them here and tell them what you think.

And it seems that ronda must be too busy spreading the gospel of hate to take the time to respond to my letter last week.

Patriot Act causes library records to be destroyed

Despite a threat of a presidential veto, the House voted 238-187 to slim down some of the provisions in the Patriot Act. One of these is the one that allows the FBI to riffle through your library record and see what books your purchasing.

Now, as we all know, if, for an investigation, they want to look at someone's library record, they can go to a court and get a search warrant. This has always been an available option.

Well, it was until recently.

In the meantime, a number of libraries have begun disposing of patrons'
records quickly so they won't be available if sought under the law.

And they won't be available if sought under a search warrent either, if the libraries are disposing of records quickly, now will they?

So, there ya go. Another shining example of Bush and his cronies are trying to make our country less safe with their policies.

Those crazy republican obstructionists

Ya'll remember our good buddy James Sensenbrenner, right? The one that threw a fit and then left in a huff while leading a hearing on the Patriot Act? Remember? He darned near talked himself into coronary.

Well I thought he was at the peak of maturity then, but now I hear he has outdone himself by attempting to deny House Democrats the use of rooms in which to hold hearings.

Earlier this morning, we see this:
"On Thursday June 16, 2005, at 1:00 PM in the Wasserman Room at
430 S. Capitol St. SE, Washington, D.C., Rep. John Conyers Jr.,
Ranking Member of the House Judiciary Committee, and other Congress
Members will hold a hearing on the Downing Street Minutes and related
evidence of efforts to cook the books on pre-war intelligence.

"The hearings are being held at the Democratic National Committee
because the Republicans controlling the House Judiciary Committee
refused to permit the ranking Democratic Member to use a room on
the Hill. Nonetheless, Republicans are welcome to attend."

And then this afternoon, they changed their minds.

On Thursday June 16, 2005, from 2:30 p.m. to 4:30 p.m. in Room
HC-9 of the U.S. Capitol, Rep. John Conyers, Jr., Ranking Member of
the House Judiciary Committee, and other Congress Members will hold
a hearing on the Downing Street Minutes and related evidence of
efforts to cook the books on pre-war intelligence.

The hearings had been planned for the Democratic National Committee
offices because the Republicans controlling the House Judiciary
Committee had refused to permit the ranking Democratic Member to
use a large room on the Hill.

However, the Democrats did have access to a small room in the
Capitol, and Congressman Conyers has decided to move the hearings
there. This does not indicate any change in position from the
Republicans."

Those flighty, fickle, flip-flopping Republicans. What will they think of next?

Let the propaganda begin

Neil Cavuto from Fox "News" has started pumping us up to support invading Iran.

Neil Cavuto introduced "two men who claim to have irrefutable
information as to the exact location of Osama Bin Laden". Fox News
Military Analyst Lt. Gen. Paul Vallely claimed that Osama has been
hiding in safe houses outside of Tehran. Vallely also believes that
Iran is the "center of terror today" and advocated applying the Bush
doctrine to the Islamic republic.

Those Fox "News" guys have been so wrong and so dishonest, so many times, I can't believe a word they say. They could tell me that the sky is blue and I'd start questioning whether blue and violet really have the shortest wavelengths.

Heritage Foundation lies

Another fine example of "researchers" from the Heritage Foundation, a conservative "think" tank, manipulating data for their Republican overlords. This time it's about the effectiveness of abstinence education.

Independent experts called the new findings provocative, but
criticized the Heritage team's analysis as flawed and lacking the
statistical evidence to back its conclusions. The new findings have
not been submitted to a journal for publication, an author said. The
independent experts who reviewed the study said the findings were
unlikely to be published in their present form.

[...]

The team needs to do "a lot of work" on its paper, said David Landry,
a senior research associate at the Alan Guttmacher Institute in New York.
He said in an interview that it was "a glaring error" to use the result
of a statistical test at a 0.10 level of significance when journals
generally use a lower and more rigorous level of 0.05.

[...]

Mr. Landry also criticized the Heritage team's reliance on
self-reports of sexually transmitted diseases among those who took the
pledge, saying that group would be less likely to report them. "The
underreporting problem is so severe that it makes that data highly
questionable," Mr. Landry said.

Why do they hate children and young adults so much, that they lie and deceive and manipulate? These studies should be used to help people. To prevent STDs and unwanted pregnancies and make young people happier, healthier and more successful. But instead, the Heritage Foundation is doing just the opposite in order to advance a political agenda. What a bunch of meanies.

Oh, I wish I was in the land of cotton

Now if this tune doesn't fill you with Southern Pride, I don't know what will.

This catchy little number called My Sweet Farm Girl was was written in 1931 by Clarence Ashley.

My sweet farm girl, she's jolly of my pride
My sweet farm girl, she's jolly of my pride
She knows I know how to keep her satisfied

So early in the morning I cut her grass you bet
So early in the morning I cut her grass you bet
Pull up the hose; I keep her lawn all wet

I close her fire; I shake her ashes down
I close her fire; I shake her ashes down
We eat our breakfast, then we ride on back to town

I keep her garden all free from bugs and weeds
I keep her garden all free from bugs and weeds
I plow her land, and then I sow my seeds

I trim her hedges; I clean out her back yard
I trim her hedges; I clean out her back yard
She loves her daddy because I'm long and hard

From South of the Suwannee via Sticks of Fire

I'm terribly sorry for the lack of pertinent political commentary today, but listen to this little ditty and you'll forget all about the mess those rascal Republicans have made of our great country.

But if you must, here's some links:
The Path of the War - A handy dandy timeline that shows just how George Bush lied his way into war with Iraq

Strange Fruit - Disturbing stuff on lynch mobs and a nice little list of those Senators who wouldn't vote for anti-lynching legislation

And I was just thinkin'. If you use Neil Cavuto's reasoning, it's my fault that the Downing Street memo isn't getting the attention it deserves. If I wasn't so busy posting these dirty lyrics, we would have gotten George Bush impeached already.

I'll be a good girl and do better tomorrow. I promise.

Most Frightening Post. Ever.

File Under “Oh, Shit!” George Bush in 08?

“Republicans have officially started the campaign to amend the
Constitution by repealing the 22nd Amendment - the one that confines the
President to two terms. If the Republicans hold their current strength,
or increase it, in the 2006 Congressional elections, expect this measure
to pass allowing Bush to remain President...”

I'm scared. Hold me.

Headlines from the Cannibalism Department

The Joy of Your Husband Cooking

Ah, the smell of roasting flesh while pondering the rest your life without his dumb ass.

A 'handier' way to surf the web

Now, I'm not even going to venture a guess as to what kind of search Ricky was doing when he found this. But I do believe it has the potential to revolutionize an industry or two.

I know I’m supposed to begin each review session without a point of view, but I really wanted to like this device. In demonstrations, it seemed to be a clever, small one-handed portable keyboard; it sounded like a great idea....

Because it requires only one hand, the idea is that you can hold documents or other items in one hand while while entering information with the other.

Dick Cheney, Lying Like a Rug

Here's what our always well-behaved, neighborly and dead-wrong vice-president had to say about Howard Dean on Hannity and Colmes

"I've never been able to understand [Howard Dean's] appeal. Maybe his
mother loved him, but I've never met anybody who does. He's never won
anything, as best I can tell."

Not only was that kind a rude thing to say, I mean bringin Howard Dean's mother into the debate, but um, I think he must have forgot that Howard Dean won nine times before.

Meanwhile over at Pandagon, Jesse has a fun contest:

I'm going to choose a random person who probably wouldn't like Dick Cheney. Your job is to pretend you're Dick Cheney in an exclusive Fox News interview, responding to a criticism of theirs. Rules:

1.) You must get personal.

2.) You must lie pointlessly at least once.

Save christiandom from the wackos

I ran across a couple of good posts today about how appalled Jesus must be at the havoc that the Republicans are currently wreaking around the world.

Annie Lamott has a nice post on TPMCafe.

I used to think it was necessary for religious liberals and
progressives who follow Christ's teachings to align ourselves with Jesus,
who 100% of the time, has always heard and drawn close to the suffering of
the poor. But with every passing day, calling yourself a Christian makes it
sound as if you have anything in common with the Right wing's imperialistic corporate Christianity. It makes them sound more legitimate, instead of the
Christy-ins whom they have shown themselves to be. They are doing
hideous things in the name of Jesus. They seem absolutely clueless about
the fact that God is not a white American male, and is independent of
American foreign policy.

[...]

Look: maybe the people in Bush’s administration just missed Bible study
on days when the Scripture passages were about how non-violent Jesus
was. Yes, I am sure that is it. Or they just didn't quite get the parts
where Jesus is preaches a gospel of inclusion and kindness, peace on
earth, and non-violence. That he died for the exact opposite of
everything this administration spouts and legislates for: Because I mean,
how embarrassing is that?

And then there's this about the new trinity - war, politcs and religion:

...it never occurred to me to question the integrity of the
politics-war-religion triangle. Until a few days ago when, from behind the
wheel of my geriatric Toyota, I felt broadsided by the familiar sight of
three stickers spaced evenly across the wide bumper of a big, black S.U.V.: “Bush/Cheney,” “Support Our Troops,” “Jesus Is Coming.” Through
my habitual outrage, a simple question bubbled up to the forefront of my
mind: Who decided that Jesus was a Republican, anyway?

[...]

...he was your basic all-around good guy; that he was a pacifist; that
he was an egalitarian; that he was all about peace and tolerance; that he
abhorred disingenuous behavior; that he promoted charity and was forever
poised to sacrifice for the greater good.

So. How might Jesus Christ have felt about a political leader who advanced
his own war agenda by intentionally misleading his countrymen? And how
would Jesus Christ feel about slashing taxes for the wealthy at the expense
of the poor? And how would Jesus Christ take the cold-blooded murder of
doctors who perform abortions — in his name? And what about the
so-called reform of Social Security and other aspects of The New Deal?

Call me a neophyte, but my guess is that Jesus Christ would have been all about safety nets.

They are both very good. Go read them.

Here a memo. There a memo. Everywhere a memo, memo

The American Street provides a "handy dandy" talking point to explain why the Downing Street memo is still very valid and how the new memo even supplements the argument that George Bush "fixed the intelligence" to go to war in Iraq.

The current British memo being debated is dated July 21, 2002.

It was prepared in advance of a meeting between US and British officials
to discuss their Iraq strategy.

Thus, it reflects the British pre-meeting perception of the US position
on Iraq.

In that memo, the Brits expressed the view that “no political decision”
had been taken by Bush on an invasion of Iraq.

The Downing Street “memo” is actually the minutes recorded by a high
level British intelligence official AT THAT MEETING. It is dated July 22,
2002.

Therefore, the impressions in those minutes are later in time, and more
accurately reflect Bush administration intentions and policy than the
pre-meeting memo.

Before the meeting, as I noted above, the Brits believed that “no
political decision” to go to war had been made by Bush.

AT THE MEETING, however, they learned otherwise. And this was recorded
in the minutes taken at the meeting:

“C reported on his recent talks in Washington. There was a perceptible
shift in attitude. Military action was now seen as inevitable. Bush wanted
to remove Saddam, through military action, justified by the conjunction of
terrorism and WMD. But the intelligence and facts were being fixed around
the policy. The NSC had no patience with the UN route, and no enthusiasm
for publishing material on the Iraqi regime’s record. There was little
discussion in Washington of the aftermath after military action.”

So, there ya go. And as Hesiod so eloquently puts it, "there is more smoke coming out of this gun than out of Cheech and Chong’s VW Van."

You labeled me, I'll label you

"We put warning labels on cigarette packs because we know that smoking
takes one to two years off the average life span, yet we 'celebrate' a
lifestyle that we know spreads every kind of sexually transmitted disease
and takes at least 20 years off the average life span according to the
2005 issue of the revered scientific journal Psychological Reports," said
Rev. Bill Banuchi, executive director of the New York Christian Coalition.

The journal regularly publishes articles described by many mainstream
psychologists as misleading and faulty. The homosexuality morbidity study
was conducted by the conservative anti-gay Family Research Institute.

And according to AmericaBlog:
In fact, the "study" in question was done by Paul Cameron, the head of
a hate group - literally, the Southern Poverty Law Center has labeled
Cameron's group a "hate group" - Cameron was thrown out of the scientific
profession twenty years ago for his hate research. But that doesn't stop
the Christian Coalition from using hate literature and proposing Nazi
solutions to brand gays.

But since they are suggesting putting warning labels on people, I have a few suggestions of my own.

Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld: WARNING: May attach electrodes to you testicles

Senate Majority Leader, Bill Frist: Cats must stay at least 100 feet away

Rabid Anti-choice extremist, Neal Horsley: Mules must stay at least 200 feet away

U.S. Senator, Rick Santorum: CAUTION: May freak out unsuspecting AP reporters with allusions to hot man-on-dog action

Governor of Florida, Jeb Bush: WARNING: Voting for me may cause your uterus to become the property of the State of Florida

Ape Shit Windbag Propagandist, Bill O'Reilly: If found in the loofah section of Bed, Bath and Beyond, notify the authorities immediately

And while we're at it, why not put a real warning label on cigarettes. Don't we all already know that smoking is bad for our health? Tell us something we don't know.

WARNING: May cause a significant portion of your disposable income to be donated to the Republican party.

Cock fighting

I've never been a big fan of cock fighting, even though it does sound kind of naughty. In fact cruelty to animals of any kind sorta bugs me.

So, when I read this, I was shocked!

Several SWAT teams, helicopters and dozens of state troopers
participated in the raid Saturday on the sprawling Del Rio Cockfight Pit.
They seized about $40,000 in cash and killed more than 300 roosters.

They killed 300 roosters? Why would they kill the roosters? Besides the gambling part, isn't cock fighting illegal because it's cruel to the roosters? Am I missing something here?

Isn't that kind of like stopping tyranny by lying your ass off, creating a breeding ground for terrorists, killing over 100,000 people, starting a civil war, and installing a theocratic government that oppresses women? All in the name of freedom, of course.

What a detainee wants, what a detainee needs

Christina Aguilera is definitely not one of my favorite artists (if you'd call her an artist), but using her music to harass detainees? That's going to far.

Dripping Water or Playing Christina Aguilera Music: After the new
measures are approved, the mood in al-Qahtani’s interrogation booth
changes dramatically. The interrogation sessions lengthen. The quizzing
now starts at midnight, and when Detainee 063 dozes off, interrogators
rouse him by dripping water on his head or playing Christina Aguilera
music.

Naked man pyramids, placing electrodes on testicles, breaking bones, flushing Korans and peeing on them, rape and pointing and laughing at private parts are one thing, but forcing them to listen to Christina Aguilera? I think we should get Amnesty International involved. Now they've gone too far!

Sensenbrenner's Bad Day

If you haven't seen Rep. Sensenbrenner, throw his little fit while leading a hearing on the Patriot Act, I highly recommend you go watch it.

I think he needs to read this book, then take a nap.

Franklin the turtle is having a horrible day. He usually loves winter, but today he is grumpy, cranky, and unhappy....

Quote of the day

One of my operatives wrote in with this juicy little morsel. One mustn't read the news while drinking Rolling Rock. And anyway, it is from Newsweek, so I know it's hard to know if was really, truely spoken or not, but here it is.

He says nearly 500 holes have been drilled in Israel in the past 50 years by geologists looking, unsuccessfully, for oil. "I don't know of any other area in the world this small that has been poked so many times."

Of course, he's never met my friend Wendy...

Isn't this nice?

My mom and dad planted these nice flowers for me while they were here visiting. Aren't they swell?

Package Check

FBI Director Robert Mueller is caught performing his finest
investigative work, doing a 'package check' on CIA Director
Porter Goss, while Attorny General Alberto Gonzales ponders
the Patriot Act and the constitutionality of such privacy
intrusions.

Putting the S & M back in MSM

Betty Blogger poses a very timely and relevant question to The Heretik's Quasi Agnostic Deist.

Dear Quasi:
We haven’t heard from the agnostic deists in quite some time. Like
some of our leaders perhaps you just take month long vacations. I
have a pressing question about the press, this thing they call the MSM.
None of the MSM will give me the time of day.

My question concerns S and M, MSM, and MSG. How is a girl supposed to
make any sense of them? Please tell me how they are any different?
Should I be worried more about the MSM or the MSG? Do the MSM engage
in S and M? If so, are they the ones who do the S or the ones who
enjoy the M?

What about MSM and MSG? Is MSM as bad as MSG is for your diet? I
know this is a lot to put on you in one go, but I really need to know.

And Quasi's response:

...The mainstream media (MSM) does engage in S and M. First the MSM
is the M, the masochist half when your leaders jam the stenographers’ pads
up the reporters’ cubicles. Some reporters do like that and it is still
legal for now. Your mainstream press is whipped.

But then the MSM whips up these so called stories and inflicts them on the
public. So they are sadists as well.

As far MSM and MSG (mono sodium glutemate), both are bad in steady
diet. Take no more than a sprinkle a day. Both MSM and MSG make you
hungry, but soon leave you wanting more. Whatever you do, do not take
MSM or MSG alone. You asked, I told.

Beat me! Whip me! Make me write articles using anonymous sources!

Hearings on the Downing Street Memo

It looks like the House Judiciary Committee has scheduled hearings on the Downing Street Memo. Maybe all that hard work by John Conyers, the Big Brass Alliance, and other relentless bloggers is paying off.

The ranking Democrat on the House Judiciary Committee has scheduled
hearings on the 2002 minutes between senior British and American
officials which asserted that intelligence was "being fixed" to support
the case for war in Iraq, RAW STORY has learned.

The hearings, which will be held next Thursday, will bring renewed
attention to what is being called the "Downing Street memo," actually
official minutes of a secret 2002 meeting.

Conyers office has revealed that they will introduce new documents that
corroborate the Downing Street Memo at the hearings June 16.

Woohoo!!!

Republican stalling tactics

I gotta tell ya, I'm really growing tired of Republicans accusations of Democrats being obstructionists and delaying progress. But the John Bolton nomination for U.N. Ambassador really takes the cake.

White House Communications Director Nicole Devenish called Reid's
stance "another effort to distract from the work that the people want to
see done here in Washington."

"This request for additional information is clearly a stalling tactic, and
one that I think the American people are growing weary of," she said.

Harry Reid, the other Senate Democrats, and a handful of Republican Senators are waiting patiently for some more information on John Bolton. The Bush Administration refuses to give it to them, yet continues to call the Senate Democrats obstructionists. Give me a break.

"You can't ignore the Senate. We've told them what we've wanted. The
ball is in his court," Reid, D-Nevada, told CNN. "If they want John Bolton
as ambassador to the United Nations, give us this information. If they
don't, there will be no Bolton."

I think Bush and his gang would be at home on a grade school playground that running our country.

Hump, Dump or Marry

OK, Laura. Hump, dump or marry.
Tony Blair, Dennis Hastert and Rick Santorum.

UPDATE: Ooh, ooh! Let's do it with bloggers.
For those that prefer boys: Ezra, Rude Pundit, and of course Ricky.
For those that prefer girls: Roxanne, Amanda, and Majikthise

Pick which one you want to hump, which one you'd dump and which
one you'd marry.

Show and Tell

Excited about learning his alphabets, George Bush
tells the class about the first three during Show
and Tell time.

Lowering expectations since the year 2000

Skippy the Bush Kangaroo turns us on to this brilliant quote from the President of the United States.

"you know, I've always tried to lower expectations, and I feel like if people say, well, you know, maybe, you know, I don't think you handle the tough job, and when you do, it impresses people even more."

Project methodology imitates anal sex

Yes, the methodology consultants are at it again. This time providing us with a two hour meeting specifically designed for us developers.

I can't tell you how excited I was to be able to draw parallel after parallel between project methodology and anal sex.

Here's some quotes from our trainers at today's meeting.

Projects should grease themselves

This is just like a big repository (Editors note: suspiciously rhymes with suppository)

You'll just be parking your deliverables in a different spot

At this point, you will be prodded with a new task

Wow, there's a lot of heat coming off this projector

Do whatever you are most comfortable with based on your experience with previous tools

Once we know how big the project is, then we can get busy

The deeper you go with this, the better results you will get

We have one more training session planned for you guys, but we promise it won't be too painful

Save our libraries from the homos

Ronda Storms
Hillsborough County Commissioner


Dear Ms. Storms,

When I heard about your crusade to rid our Hillsborough County libraries of displays to promote Gay and Lesbian Pride Month, I felt a distinct tinge of civic pride, affection for you (in a purely heterosexual way, of course), and love for the great county of Hillsborough, FL.

As you can see from these pictures, recruiters for the gay lifestyle are infiltrating our public libraries and making innocent godly straight children into flaming homos. We must protect our children from this terrible blight and take down those gay pride displays.

But since we can't make the homos go away, I was wondering if you can introduce legislation to make gay pride month only a week or day. A month is way too long to put up with gay and lesbians being proud. They should spend more days of the year being shamed and embarrassed, rather than proud.

Also, I commend you in your efforts to fight the forces that my require you to explain homosexuality to your daughter. It is much easier to teach discrimination and hatred to our children than tolerance and love for all mankind.

I wish you the best of luck in your quest,
Cookie

Fixing Science

First we have Bush and his buddies "fixing intelligence" on the Iraq War, and now we have them fixing science on global warming and greenhouse gases.

A White House official who once led the oil industry's fight against
limits on greenhouse gases has repeatedly edited government climate
reports in ways that play down links between such emissions and global
warming, according to internal documents.

[...]

The dozens of changes, while sometimes as subtle as the insertion of
the phrase "significant and fundamental" before the word "uncertainties,"
tend to produce an air of doubt about findings that most climate experts
say are robust.

[...]

In a section on the need for research into how warming might change
water availability and flooding, he crossed out a paragraph describing the
projected reduction of mountain glaciers and snowpack. His note in the
margins explained that this was "straying from research strategy into
speculative findings/musings."

[...]

Mr. Cooney's alterations can cause clear shifts in meaning. For
example, a sentence in the October 2002 draft of "Our Changing Planet"
originally read, "Many scientific observations indicate that the Earth is
undergoing a period of relatively rapid change." In a neat, compact hand,
Mr. Cooney modified the sentence to read, "Many scientific observations
point to the conclusion that the Earth may be undergoing a period of
relatively rapid change."

Crafty, isn't he? And such a stunning command of the English language as these examples illustrate.

And Myron Ebell, who has long campaigned against limits on greenhouse
gases as director of climate policy at the Competitive Enterprise
Institute, a libertarian group, said such editing was necessary for
"consistency" in meshing programs with policy.

That's rich!! It's necessary to deceive and exaggerate in order to match the madness that is Bush's environmental policies. At least someone is finally admitting it.

Is there no end to the depths that these clowns will stoop?

via Blogenlust