Guest Blogging By Crush on the Downing Street Memo

Hey there little dudes!! This is Crush from Finding Nemo. You dudes are looking really good today!

I wanted to let you guys know about somethin' I read the other day. It's like really heavy, so pay attention.

There's this memo that was written before the US invaded Iraq, like in July of 2002, that totally proves that George Bush and Tony Blair conspired together to "fix the intelligence" to go to war with Iraq.

The authenticity of this memo has not been disputed. It's like real, dudes! And it totally proves that the President of the United States lied to the citizens and to Congress.

Saddam Hussein didn't have weapons of mass destruction and no ties to Al Queda or the 9-11 attack and George Bush knew it. That's so uncool, isn't it? More than 1600 American soldiers have died and a whole bunch of Iraqis too. Over a lie.

Here's some of the text of the memo.

Military action was now seen as inevitable. Bush wanted to remove
Saddam, through military action, justified by the conjunction of
terrorism and WMD. But the intelligence and facts were being
fixed around the policy. The NSC had no patience with the UN route,
and no enthusiasm for publishing material on the Iraqi regime's record.
There was little discussion in Washington of the aftermath after military
action.

[...]

The Defence Secretary said that the US had already begun "spikes of
activity" to put pressure on the regime. No decisions had been taken, but
he thought the most likely timing in US minds for military action to begin
was January, with the timeline beginning 30 days before the US
Congressional elections.

But go read the whole thing if you want. It's like totally freaky.

And now there's some people that are calling for his impeachment. I mean lying to Congress is like totally uncool.

So go read up on this stuff. It's good to know what your government is up to, because after all, this is a democracy and you dudes should have a say in what your government is doing right?

Oh, I almost forgot. John Conyers has a letter that we should all sign to get Mr. Bush to answer some questions about this stuff. Go sign it and do something good for your country today!

Oh, and just so you know, I totally back-dated this post. It was really written on June 8th, 2005.

Gonzales Speaks, America Weeps

The brand spanky new U.S. Attorney General got to speak about his brand spanky new agenda, and I think it's pretty messed up. Violence and human trafficking are bad, but besides that, I think the rest of his agenda is pretty goofy.

He wants to pursue obscenity cases more better. Evidently he feels that "people who distribute obscene material do not enjoy constituional guarantees of free speech." If that's the way he feels, we might as well re-write the First Amendment. You know what's obscene? George Bush and his incompentence. Yeah, he should prosecute that instead.

Also on the list:

• Ending Senate blocking of judicial nominees, a
  “broken process that must be fixed” before there
  is a vacancy on the Supreme Court.
  
  Yeah, that whole thingy about one party making sure the other one doesn't get too much power. That's SO passe.
  
  
• Renewing provisions of the USA Patriot Act that are
  setto expire at the end of the year, saying the law
  has been an important tool in preventing terror
  attacks in the United States.
  
  I haven't really heard about one terror attack that the Patriot Act prevented. But somebody, puh-lease let me know if I'm wrong.
  
  And my personal favorite
  
  
• Amending the Constitution to give crime victims the
  right to participate in prosecutions and sentencings.
  
  There is so much wrong with that I don't even know where to begin. Isn't the intent of the law for justice to be administered fairly and uniformly across the board by competent judges and impartial juries? Why would we want to outsource some of that to very partial and biased victims? That's the craziest thing I've heard all day. Who is this Gonzales guy, and who gave him a law degree? I've never even taken one law class really, and even I know that's ridiculous.

Interesting Take on BTK

JRH has an interesting take on the BTK thing. One that I neglected to ponder.

I haven't really paid much attention to this story, but evrytime I see
anything about it, they mention that the guy was a churchgoer and a Scout
Leader. So, does that mean, when it comes to being involved in Scouting,
that atheism and homosexuality are bad, but serial killing is ok? Or does
he just have to keep his objectionable behavior secret, like the heathens
and the fags do?

Fascinating!

Taking From the Poor and Giving to the Rich

How slimy can House Republican Leader, Tom DeLay get? Just when you thought he's reached rock bottom, something new and exciting pops up. He's been taking money from NCPPR (National Center for Public Policy Research), a genuinely heinous organization that exploits elderly social security recipients.

A think tank which raised money by targeting elderly Americans with
Social Security scare letters paid for more than $130,000 in travel
expenses for the House Republican leader, his wife and his staff,
RAW STORY has learned.

And this is what some of the Social Security scare letters said:

“Inside your sealed envelope is information regarding the potential
collapse of the Social Security system – and how it can endanger you and
the entire United States senior citizen population,” NCPPR president Amy
Ridenour writes in one such letter obtained by RAW STORY (Read the
letter here). “It is also critical that you share this pertinent
information ONLY [sic] with other trustworthy individuals.”

And this is how some of the elderly people reacted when they received the mailings:

In 1998, The Examiner profiled an 86-year-old Oakland resident Faye
Shelby who had been deluged by direct mail scams seeking money on
issues including Social Security. The letters so distressed the
nursing home resident that she lay awake at night worrying about what
crisis most deserved her help.

“I didn’t know that I could just turn them down,” Shelby told the
Examiner. “I was thinking it was something I had to do. . . . I thought
if I didn’t correspond about Social Security, I wouldn’t get my checks.”

Robin Hood, Friar Tuck, Maid Marian, Little John and all the other happy creatures in Sherwood Forest would be appalled!

No White Child Left Behind

Remember the good 'ol days when students in Florida only had to go to school with other students whose skin was the same color?

Well, Hillsborough County is trying to bring back those good 'ol days of separate but "equal" schools.

Predictably, Hillsborough County’s new school choice plan has resulted in a return to the days of separate but “equal” education, with poor and minority students being crammed into schools lacking such basics as bathrooms and books.

[...]

A year ago, a dozen Hillsborough public schools reported nearly 90 percent or more of their children qualified for free or reduced-price meals based on federal guidelines.

Now there are 23 such schools, a transition tied to a district plan to let some families choose their own schools.

[...]

The choice plan, which went into effect in August, allows families of certain students to choose from schools in their assigned region as long as there is room. That includes families living in Tampa's generally impoverished inner core, where forced busing to the suburbs took place for decades to desegregate schools. It ended this year.

Few families from the inner core ended up choosing schools, so most were assigned to their neighborhood schools.

The only students required to make a choice are those who were previously bused to nice schools from their blighted inner city neighborhoods. Guess what: the poor and under-educated parents of those kids often failed to make a choice, and even when they jumped through all the right hoops, they were told “sorry, but the nice schools are all full...”

Talk about leaving a lot of students behind. Good thing for us white kids though, that none of us are affected.

What about lynch mobs? Is Jeb! going to try to bring those back too?

Rep. Sam Johnson (R-Texas) Wants to Nuke Syria

According to the Carpetbagger Report:

Now we know where Rep. Sam Johnson (R-Texas) thinks the weapons of mass destruction are buried: in Syria, which he said he’d like to nuke to smithereens.

Speaking at a veterans’ celebration at Suncreek United Methodist Church in Allen, Texas, on Feb. 19, Johnson told the crowd that he explained his theory to President Bush and Rep. Kay Granger (R-Texas) on the porch of the White House one night.

Johnson said he told the president that night, “Syria is the problem. Syria is where those weapons of mass destruction are, in my view. You know, I can fly an F-15, put two nukes on ‘em and I’ll make one pass. We won’t have to worry about Syria anymore.”

The crowd roared with applause.

This is what Dr. Suess would have to say about this.

A pair of nukes
is all we need
we'll get those kooks
we will indeed

I will nuke them
in one pass
I will nuke them
in the ass

I will nuke them
so said Sammy
I will nuke them
in one big whammy

And this is what the Carpetbagger has to say about it.

This is so twisted, it’s hard to know where to start. Which of these is the most outrageous part of this story?

* That a sitting member of Congress is bragging about his desire to drop nuclear weapons?

* That Johnson has shared this idea with the president?

* That Johnson’s favored approach to non-proliferation is an unprovoked nuclear attack?

* That this speech delivered in a church?

* That Johnson’s audience “roared with applause"?

BTK Rumors

Watching the BTK news conference, I was a wee bit disappointed so far. They haven't tell us anything yet, and quite frankly, 37 minutes into it, I'm bored. They just congratulated each other.... Yea Nola!! Yea Police Chief!! Yea Attorney General Phil Kline - (evidently taking a break from digging through teenagers abortion records).

I was going to live blog it, but there just wasn't much to report. So...... in the blogging tradition of making shit up and helping to spread unconfirmed rumors, and also being blessed with knowing some goons in Wichita which is rife with said unconfirmed rumors, here goes...

Goon #1 reports:
BTK is Dennis Raider or Raydor or something like that. He's 59 and worked as a compliance officer or dog catcher or something like that. He's from Park City, KS, which is just outside Wichita. Was a Boy Scout leader. He's married and has two kids. He was active in Christ Lutheran Church, and was the chairperson of the parrish council.

Goon #2 reports:
Confirmed everything Goon #1 had to say with the added bonus of what his neighbors had to say. Most of the neighbors thought he was creepy wierd, but thought his wife was really nice. But one lonely neighbor had nice happy things to say about the serial killer.

Well that's about it. Stay tuned for more....

More on the Kansas' Attorney General Thingy

Atrios has some novel insights and questions about why Phil Kline is so interested in the abortion records of teenage girls in Kansas, most of which support my hypothesis that he's a little-girl-lovin-pervert.

An abortion isn't the only potential evidence of illegal sexual
activity. Getting pregnant at 15 is a crime even if you carry the child
to term, if your partner is under 16. Why aren't they subpoenaing
maternity ward records?

And, of course, what about the boys? As Kansas's STD reporting shows,
there are lots of people under the age of 16, many presumably male,
who have contracted these diseases. In 2003, the last year for which
there's full data, for people 14 and under there were 121 cases of
chlamydia, and 38 reported cases of Gonorrhea. 15 year olds are
lumped in with the 15-19 group, so presumably that would add a few
more cases. Why no subpoenas there?

Those Relentless Wingnuts

From Mouse Words:

Republican Representative Ann Rydalch wants the state (Idaho) to require doctors to show women pictures of a fetus before an abortion. But her legislation may not be supported by all of the state's anti-abortion groups.

Rydalch's bill also would force doctors to give women information about abortion alternatives, and tell them that abortion could increase the risk for breast cancer. The National Institutes of Health denies any link between abortion and breast cancer, however.

Can't they just leave the right to chose alone? Roe v. Wade was decided years ago, why do they have to keep messin' with it?

How can they even suggest showing a woman a picture of a almost-developed fetus, rather than an embryo the size of a blueberry or grape, that she currently has, AND tell her she's gonna get breast cancer?

Women that are going through the struggle of an unwanted pregnancy need the truth and understanding and compassion, not a host of wingnuttery and lies.

Mistress Condi Visits the Troops

From the Washington Post:

As Rice walked out to greet the troops, the coat blew open in a rather swashbuckling way to reveal the top of a pair of knee-high boots. The boots had a high, slender heel that is not particularly practical. But it is a popular silhouette because it tends to elongate and flatter the leg. In short, the boots are sexy.

[...]

Rice's coat and boots speak of sex and power -- such a volatile combination, and one that in political circles rarely leads to anything but scandal. When looking at the image of Rice in Wiesbaden, the mind searches for ways to put it all into context. It turns to fiction, to caricature. To shadowy daydreams. Dominatrix! It is as though sex and power can only co-exist in a fantasy. When a woman combines them in the real world, stubborn stereotypes have her power devolving into a form that is purely sexual.

Today, for her "Bilateral with His Excellency George Yeo, Minister of Foreign Affairs of the Republic of Singapore," (whatever THAT is) she'll be sporting a leather teddy and a cat-o-nine tails.

Putin Checking if Bush Held Up His Part of the Bargain

Did you take the nipple clamps off, or leave them on like we discussed. You double-crossing crook! We had a deal! I'll make sure Russia is a democracy if you wear the nipple clamps for the next 48 hours.

Marines Having Recruiting Problems

It seems that the Marines are having a tough time recruiting young men and women to fight Bush's wars. Go figure.

The Iraq war's dampening effect on recruiting has led to a plan by the Marine Corps to put hundreds of additional recruiters on the streets over the next several months and offer new re-enlistment bonuses of up to $35,000, military officials said Thursday.

Recruiters and other military officials say the "Falluja effect" - a steady drumbeat of military casualties from Iraq, punctuated by graphic televised images of urban combat - is searing an image into the public eye that Marine officers say is difficult to overcome.

There's that darned liberal media portraying war as a situation where it's participants might be killed or maimed. "Searing an image into the public eye" of what war is really like??? The truth?? That treasonous main stream media! We want lies!! Lies!! Lies that make us blissfully ignorant about the realities of war!

Here in the U.S, we really need to work harder on our propaganda. Why not tell the potential recruitees that if they die, there will be 72 virgins waiting for them in heaven. That certainly works for the Muslims. Maybe Fox "News" and Jeff Gannon can work on a recruiting video that "sears" images of buff Marines and 72 virgins into them minds of the public. Give it away for free on cable TV! Hand it out at the porno stores! Free downloads on the internet! That's how you motivate young people today.

Sick Puppy Blogging

Bart was feeling a little under the weather earlier in the week, but he's feeling much better now.

Headlines That Make You Go Hmmmm

Bush Prods Putin on Democracy But Praises Ties

"You'll like democracy just like you like this, you wanton little Russian minx, you! Boy, Howdy! I did a good job with those wrist restraints"

Now we know what they were doing during that private "meeting."

Bored Kansas AG Snooping Around in Teenagers Sex Lives

Perhaps the Jayhawk's three-game losing streak is getting to Kansas Attorney General Phil Kline. And what better way to make yourself feel better and regain that sunny disposition than to go snooping around into the sex lives of teenage girls. (Full story here).

The attorney general of Kansas wants to know the detailed history of the sex lives of nearly 90 women who received late-term abortions.

Court documents show that Phill Kline wants to search the documents for evidence of crimes under laws that limit late-term abortions and require mandatory reporting of suspected child sexual abuse.

Under the order signed by a judge, the attorney general would get records that would include each patient's name, medical history, details of her sex life, birth control practices and psychological profile.

The Wichita Eagle says two medical clinics have asked the Kansas Supreme Court to intercede.

What a perv. Don't they have anything better to do in Kansas? Isn't BTK still on the lose?

Bush and Putin's "Frank" Exchange

According to the New York Times:

In a joint news conference at Bratislava Castle that was intended to portray unity but offered glimpses of tension, Mr. Bush said that he and Mr. Putin had just had a "frank" exchange in a one-on-one meeting that lasted more than an hour, the longest the two leaders have ever met alone, with interpreters the only other people in the room.

I know what you're thinking...
What could they be doing for more than an hour if they were neglecting the "beans" and not including the "buns"?

Mr. Bush did not say what he meant by "frank," but a senior administration official who briefed reporters on Mr. Bush's meeting with President Jacques Chirac of France this week said he did not want to describe that session as "frank" because "it usually means a euphemism for 'bad.' "

Don't be naive, Mr./Ms. Senior Administration Official, I think we all know what he means by "frank."

Surprise!

I know the fact that Mr. Bush is decisively and conclusively wrong on one more thing, might come as a surprise to many of you, but.... (drum roll please.....)

Concluding a yearlong study on the effectiveness of President Bush's sweeping education law, No Child Left Behind, a bipartisan panel of lawmakers drawn from many states yesterday pronounced it a flawed, convoluted and unconstitutional education reform initiative that had usurped state and local control of public schools.

I want a new president!

Keep Them Innocent

You all know how much I love games and contests, so when I read about this one, I got all atwitter!

The Parents Television Council, the silly ones that make 99% of the complaints to the FCC, came up with this fun contest where they pick three kids to be like poster children to talk about how bad violence, sex and profanity on TV is.

The campaign will spotlight the powerful theme, "Keep Them Innocent" referring to all children harmed by sex, violence and profanity in entertainment. To achieve the goals of this campaign we are seeking three children to become our national PTC Kidz ambassadors.

Each PTC Kid will represent one of the PTC core entertainment concerns: graphic sex, violence and profanity. PTC Kidz will be used in a number of ways, including public service announcements (PSAs), advertisements, brochures, bumper stickers and on the web site. A national search for real children to serve as the PTC Kidz is now underway.

PTC Kidz should represent the diversity of the PTC membership, both in ethnicity, geographic region and age. One child from each of these three age groups is sought: 5-7, 8-11, 12-17 years. Children should be able to read and be able to describe their own concerns or experiences regarding sex, violence and profanity in entertainment content. Perhaps a small child has experienced nightmares after seeing particularly violent movies or films. Maybe a pre-teen girl is concerned about unreasonable expectations being forced on her and her friends as a result of gratuitous sexual content. And perhaps a young teen is concerned about the increase of profanity by his friends or other school mates resulting from frequent exposure to profanity in films or television.

And, as Jerry points out,

Yes, there is going to be the "Violence Child," the "Profanity Child," and my favorite, the "Gratuitous Sex Child," or when they decide, perhaps the "Graphic Sex Child." Who will be "used in a number of ways."

I can't decide which one I want to be. They all sound like so much fun!

Let's All Put on Our Pretend Hats

I like playing pretend and imagining funny things and so does Mr. Bush.

Here's what he said in Mainz, Germany today:

I come to Germany to raise my imaginary glass to our friendship, our relationship, our ability to work together, and for freedom and peace

So, I started thinking about all the other things that George likes to imagine and pretend about.

1. The imaginary deal he's pretending to make with the European Union.
2. The imaginary crisis he's trying to get us to think Social Security is in.
3. Let's not forget the imaginary WMDs in Iraq for which so many people have died or been injured.
4. The imaginary nice happy welcome that he's getting in Europe. (You can see a bunch of nice pictures here over at BottleOfBlog)
5. His imaginary service in the Alabama Air National Guard.

I could probably go on and on, but it's getting close to my bedtime, and mommy is going to read me a nice story called My Pet Goat tonight before I go to bed.

UPDATE: I nice, cute boy sent me this nice picture of Mr. Bush with his imaginary friends in Europe. I think it looks like Mr. Bush needs to go poopy.

Fool Us Once....

Bush said this little doosey last night in Germany:

"This notion that the United States is getting ready to attack Iran is simply ridiculous. And having said that, all options are on the table."

And he's been back-peddling from that today.

"Iran is not Iraq. We just started the diplomatic efforts and I want to thank our friends for taking the lead. We will work with them to convince the mullahs that they need to give up their nuclear ambitions."

But when you look back at history, as Blogenlust did, you can see that he said the same stuff about Iraq.

What an evil, mean, nasty man. Any and everything that comes out of his mouth could very well be a lie. He needs to have his mouth washed out with soap. The gross, icky kind of soap, to get all of those mean lies out, so then, maybe he won't be such a bad president.

President George "scaredy-cat" Bush

For a president that says "Bring it On" to Al Qaeda, he sure seems like a yellow-bellied wimp when it comes to having a town hall meeting with those scary German tradesmen, butchers, bank employees and students.

The much-touted American-style "town hall" meeting the White House
has been planning with "normal Germans" of everyday walks of life will
be missing during his visit to the Rhine River hamlet of Mainz this
afternoon. A few weeks ago, the Bush administration had declared that
the chat -- which could have brought together tradesmen, butchers, bank
employees, students and all other types to discuss trans-Atlantic
relations -- would be the cornerstone of President George W. Bush's
brief trip to Germany.

[...]

But on Wednesday, that town hall meeting will be nowhere on the
agenda -- it's been cancelled. Neither the White House nor the German
Foreign Ministry has offered any official explanation, but Foreign
Ministry sources say the town hall meeting has been nixed for
scheduling reasons -- a typical development for a visit like this with
many ideas but very little time. That, at least, is the diplomats' line.
Behind the scenes, there appears to be another explanation: the White
House got cold feet. Bush's strategists felt an uncontrolled encounter
with the German public would be too unpredictable.

[...]

The Germans, though, insisted that a free forum should be exactly that.
Wolfgang Ischinger, Germany's Ambassador to the United States,
explained to the New York Times last week: "We told them, don't get upset
with us if they ask angry questions."

It's a good thing he's not in grade school, or he'd really get made fun of for being a scaredy-cat president.

Censoring the Dirty Parts

My grandma had a book about how to be a good wife, written in the 1940's, and there's a whole chapter that's been torn out. Me and my big brother were trying to figure out what it was about, because she even marked out the name of the chapter in the table of contents. We figured it was something dirty and naughty but we never found out what it was about.

Grandma was also a Republican and one of the most sneaky conniving women I've met.

This is all true, just ask my big brother.

But, I think Grandma and the Bush Administration are a lot alike.

At the National Security Council's request, the White House excised
a full chapter on Iraq's economy from last week's Economic Report of
the President...

The decision to delete an entire chapter from the Council of Economic
Advisers' annual report was highly unusual. Council members --
recruited from the top ranks of economic academia -- have long prided
themselves on independence and intellectual integrity, and the Economic
Report of the President is the council's primary showcase.

[...]

(White House Spokesperson, Dana) Perino said the chapter did not
belong in the Economic Report of the President. "A decision was made
not to include a chapter on Iraq's economy in the report, as the Economic
Report of the President is an analysis of the American economy," she said.

However....

In fact, the Economic Report of the President almost always
addresses international trade issues and has often dealt with the
economic policies of other countries. The 2001 report, the Clinton
White House's last, contained two sections on raising the economic
performance of other countries and bolstering incomes in the developing
world. The 2003 report, a product of the Bush administration, contained a
section on economic "Developments in the Rest of the World." A section
on "Economic Freedoms" discussed at length economic policymaking from
Chile to Austria, from India to Cote d'Ivoire.

Council members said they were striving for brevity even before the
Iraq chapter was removed. But the White House intervention heightened
concern among some economists that the Bush administration does not
value lengthy, reasoned analyses of its policies.

"They just don't seem to show that serious study is an important part of
politics," Bartlett said. "It's a very casual, hands-off, almost
lackadaisical approach to the policy process."

The Bush administration does not value lengthy, reasoned analyses of its policies????

I guess they just put out some economic policy thingys all willy nilly without thinking about it much? Boy, am I gonna have nightmares tonight.

Gosh, We're Stupid

I can't believe how stupid we are here in the U.S, how gullible we are to believe this stuff.

• 64 percent believe that Saddam Hussein had strong links to Al Qaeda (up slightly from 62% in November).


Saddam Hussein had absolutely no ties to Al Qaeda


• 47 percent believe that Saddam Hussein helped plan and support the hijackers who attacked the U.S. on September 11, 2001 (up six percentage points from November).


Saddam Hussein had no part in the 9/11 Attacks.


• 44 percent actually believe that several of the hijackers who attacked the U.S. on September 11 were Iraqis (up significantly from 37% in November).


Not one of the hijackers was Iraqi.


• 36 percent believe that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction when the U.S. invaded (down slightly from 38% in November).


No WMDs were found, and we've stopped searching for them.

How did this happen???

For three hours every day Rush tells people to ignore traditional news sources and listen only to him and Fox News. For three hours every day he tells people that everything bad is because of Liberals and Democrats and women, while everything good is because of the far right. Over and over again he repeats one form or another of the Right’s line that Democrats and Liberals hate America and are on the side of the terrorists. It is a simple, basic fact of human nature that repetition works, and for three hours every single day the far-right’s expert-crafted, focus-group-tested, poll-verified, persuasion-machine message is repeated across America to millions and millions of believers.

Oh, that's how it happened...

Things That Make You go Hmmm

I was innocently reading a nice article from the World Peace Herald about how the U.S. Supreme Court refused a request from the "Jane Roe" of Roe v. Wade to throw out the ruling, and I saw something really funny.

Here it is:


I'd hate to get outbid on one of those...

Mystery Sex-Toys in Alabama Theatre 2005

Via Talk Left

A divided three-judge panel of the Atlanta-based 11th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals disagreed.

hee-hee, a threesome, huh?
Yeah, of judges in Alabama.
Gosh, that's sexy.
I'm getting a woody.
Dude, you sit over there.

It said in a ruling last July that siding with the sex toy merchants could open the door to the legalization of undesirable sexual behavior such as prostitution.

Or orgasms, maybe. I hear people HATE those.

"If the people of Alabama in time decide that prohibition on sex toys is misguided, or ineffective, or just plain silly, they can repeal the law and be finished with the matter," the court said.

Honey, can you run over to Louisiana and get me a twelve inch black dildo?
I said the black one, this one is dark gray, can you go back? Pleeeease???

"On the other hand,...

Did he just say "on the other hand?"
Yeah, they're gonna need both hands.

if we today craft a new fundamental right by which to invalidate the law, we would be bound to give that right full force and effect in all future cases including, for example, those involving adult incest, prostitution, obscenity, and the like."

and Muuuurderrrr.

Jeff Gannon/Jim Guckert Ponders His Future

Via Americablog, via E&P:

Guckert, who contends he still has a future in journalism, also added that entering the paid-speaker circuit is another goal. "It is likely that I will start making some appearances and speaking," he said, declinig to name specific efforts he has taken in that regard. "There are people who are definitely interested in some of my behind-the-scenes work in the press room."

Uh, yeah....

Bush and France, Sittin' in a Tree

Ok, I've have Bush sitting in a lot of trees lately, but this one is good too...

George and Chirac shared a lovely dinner of lobster risotto and filet of beef with Bordelaise sauce and traded warm fuzzies....

"I'm looking for a good cowboy," Bush said Monday when a French reporter asked him whether relations had improved to the point where the U.S. president would be inviting Chirac to the U.S. president's ranch in Texas.

Chirac had equally kind words to say about Bush, saying he and the American president "always had very warm relations."

I'm dying to know which one is the Top.

So Much for that Checks and Balances Thingy

Rep. John Hostettler (R-Ind.) wrote a silly letter to the White House asking that they not enforce a judgement, ruling that the fine god-fearing folks in Princeton, Indiana have to take down a statue of the Ten Commandments from the Gibson County Courthouse. A federal court ruled that it's display violated the First Amendment, and they have 60 days to take it down.

U.S. Rep. John Hostettler today sent a letter to President Bush asking him not to enforce the unconstitutional ruling of a federal district judge who said a monument representing the Ten Commandments must be removed from the Gibson County Courthouse in Princeton, Indiana.

…This is one of the checks and balances enshrined in the U.S. Constitution, which gives federal courts the power to judge, but not to enforce its judgements [sic]. The Constitution reserves that authority to the chief executive, better known as the president.

Now, if this happens, and Mr. Bush tells the Federal Marshalls not to enforce this particular judgement, couldn't he just choose not to enforce whatever judgements his evil, little, black heart desires? Why bother filling the courts up with wacky neocons, when you don't have to pay attention to their judgements? And now that I think about it, why not just dissolve the whole judicial branch if their judgements aren't enforced? Is that what they mean when they say small government? Do they want to get rid of one whole branch?

Shrek 2 - The Newest Fundie Target

Just when I thought it was safe to watch all my movies that I have left after Dobson and his wierdo-homo-fearing cronies 'outed' a lot of my favorites, here comes an attack on Shrek 2!

On its website the Traditional Values Coalition is warning parents about the cross-dressing and transgender themes contained in the hit DreamWorks feature, now on DVD.

[..]

The article then proceeds to describe one of the characters, an "evil" bartender (voiced by Larry King) who is a male-to-female transgender in transition and who expresses a sexual desire for Prince Charming.

In another identified scene, Shrek and Donkey need rescuing from a dungeon by Pinocchio and his nose, which is made to extend as an escape bridge by getting the wooden boy to lie about not wearing women’s underwear.

As Pesky'Aprostrophe points out in the nice post I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way, are they going to go after the Wolf in Little Red Riding Hood for dressing up as Granny? Or what about Bugs Bunny? He dressed up like a girl bunny a lot.

And what about Wayne's World, where Garth asked Wayne if he ever thought Bugs Bunny was attractive when he dressed up like a girl bunny. Was Garth a closet queer? Was that whole "foxy lady" routine just a facade? Was he really fantasizing about Bugs? What about Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie. Is there no end???

The whole fabric of society is crumbling... crumbling, I say! Grab your mommies and daddies and head to Colorado Springs. This could be the beginning of the apocalypse.

You're Either with the Mud-Wresters, or You're with Terrorists

I'm getting a wee bit tired of low-ranking military people getting in trouble for stuff that's encouraged by their superiors. I mean, the army is all about following orders, doing what you're told, drinking the kool-aid, and getting behind whatever malarky your commanding officers suggest, and giving it 100%, right?

The fact that no high-ranking abuse-encouraging people have been indicted for prisoner abuse is another example of this mean passing-the-buck stuff.

So, when I heard about Deanna Allen, who got busted mud-wrestling and exposing her breasts, and is being discharged from the military, I started to feel sad.

The 19-year-old blonde made headlines around the world this month after the New York Daily News reported the scandal and published photos of her flashing her breasts and wrestling with other scantily clad female soldiers as male troops leered and snapped pictures.

[...]

So far, Allen, a private, is the only soldier to be punished, despite an initial military police report that sergeants allegedly arranged the party and were lending their rooms to soldiers for sex.

How is this hurting the spread of freedom and democracy? The boobs for beads exchange is an American tradition. And this type of activity proliferates in a free marketplace. There's a demand - Fellas love to see it. There's a supply - Girls love the attention. I think we should even encourge the conquered civilizations, such as Iraq to participate. Just like democracy, Christmas, apple pie, and world-domination.

I think our hard-working soldiers over in Iraq fighting a silly war that they really don't know what's for, should have some fun. They deserve a good time, given all the sacrifices they are making for no good reasons.

As far as I'm concerned, either you're with the mud-wresters, or you're with terrorists.

A Friday Afternoon Quiz

Match each photo with it's correct definition

1. CPAC

2. CPAP


a. a device used to stiffle loud offensive noises

b. a device used to amplify loud offensive noises

Mr. Bush and Barney Sittin' In a Tree...

Only, I think they are doing more than just K-I-S-S-I-N-G

How to Tell if You've Committed Treason

Fafblog has a nice primer for y'all that might be a little confused about all these allegations of treason that are flying around all willy nilly lately.

Q: Which of the following is treason?
1. Not wishing the President a happy birthday even when he is clearly wearing a party hat and a "Kiss The Birthday Boy" shirt
2. Questioning the progress, purpose, or justification of the Iraq war
3. Providing material aid to a hostile enemy of the United States
4. Telling America "Hey America yo mama's so fat by the time she bends over it's Daylight Savings Time."

Answer: All of them are treason but number four is the worst treason of all on account of America is real sensitive about the fatness of its mama.

Q: I'm at a formal dinner party when the President shows up half-naked and stinking of rum. Can I tell him he is inappropriately attired without committing treason?
A: No. By embarassing the Commander-in-Chief you're providing aid and comfort to our enemies such as Osama bin Laden and Al Franken.
Q: What about the President Pro Tempore of the Senate? Nobody cares about the stupid ol President Pro Tempore of the Senate.
A: No, that's three heartbeats away from treason which is still dangerously naughty.
Q: The Secretary of Agriculture naked and smeared in monkey dung?
A: No. By embarassing the Secretary of Agriculture you are providing aid and comfort to the enemies of agriculture, like potato blight and Dutch Elm disease. Are you on the side of Dutch Elm disease?

and once you've got caught committing treason, here are some things you can do to absovle yourself:

Calling America an illegal occupier --> three God Bless Americas, two public denunciations of Ted Kennedy as an Islamist sympathizer.

Leaking a CIA agent's identity to Robert Novak to get back at her treasonous husband --> Totally not treason!

Sorry for copying so much of your stuff, Fafnir, but it was really, really funny. So funny that I almost peed my pants!

To absolve myself of such blogging indiscretions, here's three links and two "I love Fafblogs"

Fafblog Fafblog Fafblog

I love Fafblog
I love Fafblog

Uprising at Girls Bethel Acadamy

It seems that some very naughty girls caused an uprising and escaped from Girls Bethel Academy.

Eleven students at a Petal school for troubled teens fled the facility on Wednesday after some of them told authorities they were abused by employees.

The incident occurred around 9 a.m. at Bethel Girls Academy when several of the students said they weren't being watched.

[..]

The academy, which has been open for almost eight years, uses Biblical teaching and strict discipline to help girls with behavioral problems.

[..]

Angenika McNeil, 16, said Fountain Jr.(the director of the school) broke her arm when she was being restrained Feb. 10. She said there had been ongoing verbal and physical abuse at the school.

So, with some of the girls being missing, are there some openings at Bethel Girls Academy? I'm getting tired of the lack of paddlings and such in public schools.

Howard Dean's Debate With Richard Perle

This is a funny story....

Perle defended the Iraq war with a tired line about the intelligence being the best available blah blah blah that even he didn't sound like he believed. Of course, it's hard to sound too convincing when you're dodging a shoe thrown at you by an audience member screaming "Motherfucking liar."

The "motherfucking liar guy", or MFLG, kinda stole the show for a while. Remember that part in Austin Powers when Dr. Evil dumps Will Ferrell into his trap oven chamber thingy and then can't get on with his evil meeting because you here Will Ferrell screaming for the next several minutes -- think that. Perle kept trying to continue, and although the MFLG had been removed from the main theatre area, one could hear him screaming his signature line, with a few "Let me go, motherfuckers" thrown in.

Even though MFLG has a potty mouth, it still made me giggle. Just don't tell mommy.

How Much Will You Lose Under Bush's Social Security Plan

Since I'm not very good at math, I found this website to figure how much social security money I'll get under the current plan and under Bush's plan.

It turns out that I get $5,900 more per year under the current plan. And the U.S. won't incur several trillion dollars of additional debt under the current plan. So, why does Mr. Bush want to make it worse? I don't get it.

He's been flip-flopping back on forth on possibly raising the salary cap where rich people stop paying social security taxes, and is currently for it, I think. But Mr. Delay (the one being investigated in for campaign finance fraud) and Mr. Hastert (the jowly man that sat behind Mr. Bush during the SOTU speech) don't want the rich people to have to pay the same percentage of taxes as the poor people. How mean is that?

Bonus Bart Blogging

Bart-Blogging

No Federal Agency Left Behind

In the spirit of the No Child Left Behind Act, I move that we cut the funding to the Departments that got bad grades on their cyber-security test.

The Department of Homeland Security led a list of seven agencies that received flunking grades for their cyber-security efforts in 2004, with the federal government at large earning an overall grade of "D-plus" from a key congressional oversight committee.

For the fifth straight year, at least half of all federal agencies received a grade of "D" or worse on the House Government Reform Committee's annual cyber-security report card. Agencies that received failing marks include the departments of Agriculture, Commerce, Energy, Health and Human Services, Housing and Urban Development, and Veterans Affairs. A grade of "D" was awarded to the departments of Defense and Treasury, as well as the National Aeronautics and Space Administration and the Small Business Administration.

The Department of Homeland Security FLUNKING their cyber-security test? As Mr. Bush said "either you are with us or with the terrorists," and I think the DHS is with the terrorists. I'm scared. Hold me.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Our Secretary of Defense

Rumsfeld went to some hearings with the House Armed Services Committee yesterday and said some pretty funny things.

When the ranking Democrat on the House Armed Services Committee, Rep. Ike Skelton (Mo.), asked about the number of insurgents in Iraq, the secretary said, "I am not going to give you a number for it because it's not my business to do intelligent work." (He presumably meant to say "intelligence.") Ultimately, Rumsfeld admitted he had estimates at his fingertips. "I've got two in front of me," he said.

"Could you share those with us?" Skelton inquired.

Not just now, Rumsfeld said. "They're classified."

In Europe last week, Rumsfeld joked that he was no longer the "old Rumsfeld" who disdainfully referred to France and Germany as "Old Europe."

But Wednesday, he made it clear that the new Rumsfeld would not be a softy. When he scolded Rep. Ellen Tauscher (D-Calif.) by saying she incorrectly described his role, Tauscher inquired: "Is that old Rumsfeld talking to me now?"

"I think so," Rumsfeld said, smiling.

"I'd prefer new Rumsfeld," she requested.

"No, you don't," he said.

What is this? Comic relief politics?

Asked about the number of insurgents in Iraq, Rumsfeld replied: "I am not going to give you a number."

Did he care to voice an opinion on efforts by U.S. pilots to seek damages from their imprisonment in Iraq? "I don't."

Could he comment on what basing agreements he might seek in Iraq? "I can't."

How about the widely publicized cuts to programs for veterans? "I'm not familiar with the cuts you're referring to."

The President is wanting to give half a trillion dollars to the Pentagon, I think we need some answers, by golly.

Somebody Get Ezra Some Toilet Paper

Poor Ezra Klein is reviewing the new book, Blog by Hugh Hewitt. I'm sure Ezra is doing a fine job, but it sounds like the book is kind of "full of it," if you know what I mean and he could use something to wipe it up with.

He had just read the introduction and was beginning to get nauseous.

Hugh: On October 1, 2004, more than 130,000 internet users visited HughHewitt.com. They did so because the first presidential debate
between George W. Bush and John Kerry was conducted on the night of
the thirtieth, and folks wanted my take as well as my continually
updated analysis of the debate that took place. I believe George W.
Bush had won the debate, and that John Kerry had committed incredible
blunders. Very few pundits agreed with me. I was right.

Ezra: As you may remember, Hewitt spent the day of the debate
screaming at the media for ignoring the "mantan" story, wherein John
Kerry would appear on television looking bright orange. John Kerry
didn't. Hewitt then watched cartoons for a couple hours and declared
Bush the winner. Pundits and voters disagreed overwhelmingly.

Hugh: The Blogosphere is about trust. CNN lost the trust it once had
and its fall has been sudden and shattering. FOX News is trusted by
millions, so its numbers have shot up, much to the dismay of lefties who
don't understand why viewers would trust Fox News.

Ezra: Here Hewitt didn't even need to do research (or be
particularly sane), he just needed to watch commercials. That "CNN:
The Most Trusted Name in News" tagline? That comes because CNN
still beats FOX by 7% in trustworthy ratings, 32%-25%

So, ya know when you go to buy a book on Amazon, and it suggests that you buy a second book? "Buy Art of Mud Wrestling with Naughty Spanking Stories from A to Z Today for $22.95?

I bet Hugh's book is going to be right alongside the new Oh Bullshit book by Henry Frankfurt.

The Administration That Shall Be Nameless

The Bush Administration decided that the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) couldn't name one of their programs "Suicide Prevention Among Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgender Individuals" because they didn't like some of the words in the name. They changed the name to "Suicide Prevention in Vulnerable Populations."

There is ample social science research available that points to an increased risk of suicide in the gay community, so when the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), part of Bush’s HHS, planned a session on the issue during a conference on suicide, it hardly seemed controversial.

The talk was originally titled “Suicide Prevention Among Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgender Individuals.” Now, it’s “Suicide Prevention in Vulnerable Populations.”

Notice, the substance of the discussion hasn’t changed. Panelists will still address suicide rates in the GLBT community; they just won’t be able say so in the talk’s title. People can talk about gays, as long as they’re not advertising that they’re talking about gays.

I think that since so many people aren't happy with Mr. Bush's job performance according to recent Gallup polls, we should change the name of the Bush Administration to the Administration That Shall be Nameless.

I mean, they can still do stupid things and lie and stuff, but if we don't call them by name, maybe we can pretend they don't exist.

You know, just frame them into extinction.

Happy Birthday Mattison!!

Today is my big brother's birthday, so I wrote him a nice limerick.

Today is my brother's birthday
For him we all need to pray
He's thirty-seven,
not going to heaven
To hell, he is on his way.

See ya down there!

Mr. Bush Switching Sides?

I know what you're thinking. Is Mr. Bush coming out of the closet too? We'll reserve those rumors for Scott McClellan and Ken Mehlman. But....

The Bush administration is fighting the former prisoners of war in court, trying to prevent them from collecting nearly $1 billion from Iraq that a federal judge awarded them as compensation for their torture at the hands of Saddam Hussein's regime.

Shouldn't he be defending our POWs instead of being mean to them?

Here's a Fun Game

Which one is Kindergarten Graduation, and which one is a swearing in ceremony at the Justice Department?

Pitchers and Catchers

I'm not sure what Mike Celizic was thinkin' about when he wrote this, but I know I'm thinking very, very naughty things now....

Pitchers and catchers. Are there three better words?

[...]

Opening Day is a festival, the day the season is begins...It is images of
strong and athletic young men, their ledgers clean and yet to be written on,
their possibilities infinite, stretching in the sun on freshly mowed turf.
It is the bright snap of a ball striking leather...It is a daily CARE
package of palm trees and deepening tans delivered on television, endlessly dissected on radio, savored in newspaper columns.

[...]

...but just the words — pitchers and catchers — were enough to send me
to the basement to see how my glove, slathered in oil and hugging a
scuffed old ball, was getting along. More magic then, the leather soft,
the scent of oil and old sweat and cowhide more intoxicating than the
finest perfume.

And Mr. Celizic used to be a political writer but is now a sports writer...
I set out to be a political columnist and made a good start at it, but
somehow I slid into the sports beat. I still don’t know why, but pitchers
and catchers had a lot to do with it.

Yeah, he and Jeff Gannon/Jim Guckert...

I reminded myself that no matter how difficult the job, I was never truly working; I was watching pitchers and catchers.

Come on Mr. Celizic, get off the gay porn sites, and get back to work.

Pentagon Messes up the Safe Word

I know Mr. Bush is wanting to "win one for the Gipper" with this silly missile-defense-thingy that Reagan proposed a long time ago, but it's not working and is costing us a lot of money. Another test failed yesterday and another $85 million was spent.

I think that $85 million should be spent on trying to make our enemies our friends and being nicer. Then we wouldn't have to worry about them lanuching missiles at us.

Mr. Lehner said the interceptor reacted to an erroneous "abort" command a few seconds before it was scheduled to launch.

The safe word is "aardvark." I thought everyone knew that. If our government can't get the safe word right, we are really in trouble.

Where's the Poor People Stuff

David Kuo, who was a deputy director for the White House Office of Faith-Based and Community Initiatives, is all mad and stuff because he doesn't think there is enough federal money going to help poor people.

"...From tax cuts to Medicare, the White House gets what the White House really wants. It never really wanted the 'poor people stuff.'"

Maybe this is a silly thought, but if he's a big social-program-kinda-guy, maybe he's hanging around the wrong side of the playground.

McClellan in the Closet?

Mommy says it's not nice to gossip, but the other girls at school like me better if I have an occasional juicy morsel for them, so here goes.

Scottie McClellan, the White House Press Secretary was seen in a gay bar in Austin in 1995. Mr. McClellen is married, and was on the "receiving end" of (evidently, among other things), a wedding card from a Mr. Jeff Gannon/Jim Guckert.

“He was often seen in gay clubs in Austin, Texas and was comfortable being there,” the Texan said. “He’s been seen in places that normal people who are looking for heterosexual relationships are not seen alone.”

Oddly enough, the White House declined to comment. And I think that if the White House declines to comment then it's OK for the rest of us to just gossip away and make even more stuff up.

Alan Keyes is Having a Bad Day

Alan Keyes' 19-year old daughter, Maya Marcel-Keyes, is making her first public appearance as a gay activist today in front of the Maryland State House. Alan must be so proud!

Last summer her father, a conservative pundit and frequent Republican candidate, caused a stir during the Republican convention by labeling Vice President Dick Cheney's lesbian daughter a sinner and calling homosexuality "selfish hedonism."

[...]

Marcel-Keyes told the Post her parents have thrown her out of the house, stopped speaking to her and refuse to pay for college because she is gay. She said she loves her parents.

But then I saw this AP photo, and I think, Alan might have been bitten by the gay bug too. Curious, how he's admiring that fella's be-hind. I think he's about to pounce.

A Salute to Extending Term Limits in Florida

Florida Politics, who sometimes gets up really early in the morning to tell us what the Florida government is up to, found this in the St. Pete Times:

The speaker of our state House, Allan Bense of Panama City, says Florida should extend its term limits for legislators from eight years to 12.

To this proposal, I would like to get about a million folks together, climb up on a really tall ladder and lead a big fat Bronx cheer.

Pppppppppppffffffffffffftttttt!

Mr. Bush's Messed Up Energy Policy

There's a nice editorial in the NY Times today written by a nice man, Thomas L. Friedman, about how messed up Mr. Bush's energy policy is.

Bush team is - as others have noted - financing both sides of the war on terrorism. We are financing the U.S. armed forces with our tax dollars, and, through our profligate use of energy, we are generating huge windfall profits for Saudi Arabia, Iran and Sudan, where the cash is used to insulate the regimes from any pressure to open up their economies, liberate their women or modernize their schools, and where it ends up instead financing madrassas, mosques and militants fundamentally opposed to the progressive, pluralistic agenda America is trying to promote.

Then at the end, he has some nice ideas about how to make it better, like Hummer-free zones, and a $1/gallon gasoline tax and free parking for hybrids.

I think those all sound like nice ideas, except a $1/gallon gasoline tax might hard to get people to like. And since Americans are so in love with cars and loyal to either Ford or Chevy, have a contest to see who cares more about the environment. And maybe the Chevy guys can come up with a new one of those neato mnemonic-device-thingys like Foreign-Oil-Really-Dependent for Ford because that always gets those car guys in a tizzy.

Another Reason Abstinence Education Doesn't Work

I just found out via altweeklies.com that this abstinence-education program gets some of our tax dollars. I've also heard about a lot how these programs don't work, but Mr. Bush still wants to keep throwing money at them. So, I figured I'd do a little more research, and I think I understand now why they don't work...



Kind of reminds me of what those godless groupies did to that kid in Almost Famous.

Hot Girl Blogger on Blogger Action

I love a good cat fight, especially if it saves people from going off to die in a silly war.

Anyway, boo! I hate to throw a wet blanket on this party. Can we make Pundit Kombat requests? Majikthise versus Jane Galt? Fafblog! versus Oxblog? What about Michelle Malkin versus a rabid hyena? This has to be the reason God made the blogosphere.

Sheer brilliance. You see, if I mudwrestle Jane Galt, we'll preemptively render ourselves 4F. I probably have a moral obligation to do so, seeing as I could thereby disqualify two people from military service in an unjust war. The really interesting question is whether Jane is obliged to accept or decline, given the choice between defending her honour and fighting for democracy.

Can I get in on this? I want to do my part to save the world too. Can I wrestle Ricky from BottleOfBlog? Or does it have to be a girl? And does she have to be a conservative?

My Evil Twin and Tort Reform

Yesterday, the Senate approved a maesure to limit the ability of people to file class-action lawsuits against companies.

Now, I don't know much about this kind of stuff, so I asked my evil twin what this means.

Me: Are class-action lawsuits good or bad?
My Evil Twin: Bad for you, good for big businesses. Ha-Ha! You lose.

Me: How are they going to limit them?
My Evil Twin: State courts won't be able to hear some of these cases, forcing them to Federal Courts. And the Federal Courts don't want to get involved with state laws usually, so the cases won't get heard.

Me: That sounds kind of mean, why is the Bush Administration so mean?
My Evil Twin: Well, it all goes back to money and greed. Where do you think the Gee oh Pee gets most of it's money?

Me: um, businesses and rich people?
My Evil Twin: Good Answer!!! And where do you think the Democrats get most of thier money from?

Me: um, trial lawyers, and people that aren't as rich?
My Evil Twin: You're pretty smart, but not as smart as me, little girl. With this measure, more money will go to business and rich people and less to lawyers and not-so-rich people, thus more cash will be funnelled to Republican politicians and less to Democratic politicians. Now run along and be a good little girl and remember to be very, very scared of terrorists, social programs and gay people.

When Life Hands You Lemons, Make Yellow Snow

A crafty man in Europe got his car stuck in an avalanche and got out by drinking 60 bottles of beer and then peeing on the snow to melt it.

But as he dug with his hands, he realised the snow would fill his car before he managed to break through.

He had 60 half-litre bottles of beer in his car as he was going on holiday, and after cracking one open to think about the problem he realised he could urinate on the snow to melt it, local media reported.

He said: "I was scooping the snow from above me and packing it down below the window, and then I peed on it to melt it. It was hard and now my kidneys and liver hurt. But I'm glad the beer I took on holiday turned out to be useful and I managed to get out of there."

I just wonder what happened when he had to go #2. After 60 bottles of beer, I can only imagine what THAT was like. Ew.

Bush and Condi Sittin' in a Tree....

“We love her,” said President Bush at her swearing-in ceremony last month. “I don't know if you're supposed to say that about the secretary of state.”

I'm not sure who "We" is or how, when or where he's referring to, but if I can get the video of that, I'll post it. I promise. Pinky swear.

I could love her
on the lawn
I could love her
with a swan

Laura, she would
watch with glee
Or we could even
make it three

The Lincoln bedroom
comes to mind
maybe even
in the behind

Top Secret CIA Code Names

MSNBC has a nice article about a new book that has CIA code names in it. Some people are afraid that the bad guys might find out these code names, but the man that wrote the book said that he got most of the names from documents that are already available to the public.

• West Wing: Two remote air bases in Jordan used for invading Iraq and now for clandestine military counter-terror operations in the Middle East.
• Oplan 4305: Contingency plan for the defense of Israel. Arkin also says the U.S. has quietly pre-positioned munitions and equipment on Israeli soil.
  
• Conplan 8022: Top-secret pre-emptive plans to take out nuclear facilities and other threats in Iran, Syria and North Korea.

"It's trivial secrecy. It's bureaucratic secrecy," says Arkin, who
also works as a military analyst for NBC News. "These are bureaucrats
trying to protect their turf. This is not national security. This is
government gone wild."

Trivial and boring...So, I thought I'd make up some new code names. One's that are not in publicly available documents:

Offal Orfice - Oval Office (when Bush, Cheney, Condi and Rumsfeld are all present)
Grab Abu - Any prison camp where brown-skinned detainees are sexually humilitated
Impugn my integrity - Expose me for the incompetant, lying sack of cow pies that I am
Exciting Extended World Travel - Back Door Draft
Personal Accounts - Private Accounts
Clear Skies - Brown Polluted Skies
Healthy Forests - Healthy Corporations
Axis of Evil - France, Canada and France
God Bless America - Geez, I hope I don't get held accountable for the mess I've made

Bad Boys, Bad Boys

Laura Bush talked to Michele Norris from NPR yesterday about bad boys and how she doesn't want them to join gangs and stuff.

"I feel like, in the United States, that we've sort of shifted our gaze away from boys for the last several decades, and that we've neglected boys," Mrs. Bush says.

However, I'm not sure how that's all going to work, when her husband is proposing budget cuts that will drive them deeper into poverty. But I'm willing to do my part and gaze at boys a whole lot, and I promise I will never neglect them. Especially the cute ones.

UPDATE: My mommy was looking at the NPR transcript and couldn't help but notice the caption under the picture that says "...The SMART Moves program teaches teens decision-making skills to deal with drug and alcohol abuse and premature sexual activity." My mommy says that the best way for boys to deal with premature sexual activity is to slow down, relax, take your time, and try to 'make her happy.'

One Fish, Two Fish... Hey, Where are the Red and Blue Fish?

Dr. Suess would be appalled at what is happening in the Fish and Wildlife Service.

More than 200 scientists employed by the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service say they have been directed to alter official findings to lessen protections for plants and animals, a survey released Wednesday says.

[...]

A division of the Department of the Interior, the Fish and Wildlife Service is charged with determining which animals and plants should be placed on the endangered species list and designating areas where such species need to be protected.

More than half of the biologists and other researchers who responded to the survey said they knew of cases in which commercial interests, including timber, grazing, development and energy companies, had applied political pressure to reverse scientific conclusions deemed harmful to their business.

Princess Sparkle Pony

I thought I lost my Princess Sparkle Pony last week, but it seems she just ran away to be a White House reporter.



San Jose, Calif.: I really appreciated your early coverage of the Gannon/Guckert affair, but am curious to learn how, as with Kerik, the White House vetting procedure got so lax. Is this part of a trend towards not vetting those put forward by Bush associates? Is there an official policy of calling so-called reporters by their aliases? Would Scott McClellan call a questioner by the name PrincessSparklePony if she put that forward as her alias?

If anyone sees her, could you please send her back home? I miss her a lot.

Mean Lady Wants to Ban Books

There's this mean lady in Polk County, FL that thinks a book that has the word 'damn' in it should be banned from the school library.

Kristi Hardee hopes her quest to ban the book, Anastasia Krupnik by Newbery award-winner Lois Lowry, from Spook Hill Elementary in Lake Wales will lead to a policy allowing for a countywide ban on books deemed offensive.

And to prove her point, she has kept the book checked out so none of the other kids can get to it.

I think that mommies and daddies should get to decide what books their own kids read, and not Mrs. Hardees.

Mr. Bush Reading Smut

Mr. Bush has recently read a naughty book called I Am Charlotte Simmons .

It is unclear exactly what Mr. Bush liked so much about the book, which is told from the point of view of Charlotte Simmons, a young woman from the God-fearing backwoods of North Carolina who is the first in her family to go to college. Charlotte, who is at first shocked by the booze and debauchery she encounters at Mr. Wolfe's Dupont University ... eventually succumbs in a chapter-long deflowering scene at the hands of a drunken fraternity rat. Then she sinks into depression.

A chapter-long de-flowering? Don't those things usually take about two minutes? That's about as realistic as sucessfully privatizing social security.

China in a Pickle

Poor China is caught in the middle of this spat between the U.S. and Korea.

After years of trying to find middle ground between the United States and North Korea, China now finds itself in a difficult diplomatic position...

What if China had a birthday party. Who should she invite? If she invites both of them, The U.S and North Korea might get into a fight. If she only invites North Korea, then the U.S. gets mad, and if she only invites the U.S., then North Korea gets mad.

So, the obvious solution is for China to not invite either one of them, and say that her mommy would only let her invite 7 other countries.

Korea, Japan, and the U.S. Not Playing Well Together

I was reading about the whole North-Korea-saying-they-have-nuclear-weapons thingy, and here's what I'm thinkin'.

North Korea, led by the reclusive dictator Kim Jong Il, is pulling out
of the talks after concluding that the second Bush administration would
pursue the "brazen-faced, double-dealing tactics" of dialogue and "regime change."

Don't be sad, Kim, he uses the same brazen-faced, double-dealing tactics on the American people, when it comes to inventing reasons to go to war with Iraq or figuring costs of Medicare and Social Security.

Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice told RTL television of Luxembourg:
"The North Koreans should reassess this and try to end their own isolation"

That's like saying, "When you admit that I am your lord and master and do my chores for a month, then maybe I'll stop beating you up every day". Yup, that pretty much sums up our foreign policy, there doesn't it?

"...let them bomb Japan with that nasty missile," Mr. Ishihara taunted
with sarcasm in his voice as he spoke in his office, in Tokyo's tallest building. "Their missile cannot load a nuclear warhead." Asked what Japan
would do in response to a missile attack, Mr. Ishihara merely smiled.

Is that kind of like Bush saying "Bring it on?" My, my our world leaders are getting cocky, aren't they.

"The onus is really on North Korea," said John R. Bolton,
undersecretary of state for arms control and international security...

Onus? Who uses the word onus? Is that supposed to scare the North Koreans into cooperating? Or is that a threat suggesting they prove that they have nuclear weapons by, I don't know, dropping a nuclear warhead on us maybe?

If there weren't lives at stake, and they were just boys and girls playing at recess, this would be kind of funny. Why can't they just put a sign on their treehouse that says "No Boys Allowed?" That always works for me and my friends.

Pyongyang said it has "manufactured nukes for self-defense to cope with
the Bush administration's undisguised policy to isolate and stifle" North
Korea, and that it will "bolster its nuclear weapons arsenal."

So, the only responsible thing for Bush to do is resign so North Korea won't nuke us.

NPR Follies

So, I went to NPR's site this morning to look for a link to the nice story where the nice lady on the radio said that the Pope's "breeding" problem has been cured. I never found it, so you are just going to have to trust me. It really made me giggle, though.

But I did find this, which made me giggle even more:

A Nice Summary of Gannon-Gate

I don't know if you guys are keeping up on Jeff-Gannon-Gate, but you should because it's really funny.

This guy, who was using the fake name of Jeff Gannon and was from the suspicious "news" organization called Talon News gets to be at White House briefings and always asked really easy questions, so the president wouldn't look bad. Then, they found out that he plagarized some stuff and didn't really have any journalistic credentials and stuff.

Then people start looking into him more, and bats and skeletons just start flying around all willy-nilly.

They found out his real name is Jim Guckert, and then found that he registered some naughty gay man websites like MilitaryEscortsM4M.com, Hotmilitarystud.com, and Militaryescorts.com and he was involved in the Valarie-Plame-CIA thingy, and he has some naughty pictures of himself in his underwear on his aol website under the user name 'jdg17'.

And then he abruptly quit being a White House Correspondent and a Washington Bureau Chief of Talon News last night saying it is because of his family.

Then, later this afternoon, Rep. Louise Slaughter, who is on the House Committee on Rule writes a nice letter to the President suggesting that they need to look into this whole fiasco.

According to several credible reports, "Mr. Gannon" has been repeatedly credentialed as a member of the White House press corps by your office and has been regularly called upon in White House press briefings by your Press Secretary Scott McClellan, despite the fact evidence shows that "Mr. Gannon" is a Republican political operative, uses a false name, has phony or questionable journalistic credentials, is known for plagiarizing much of the "news" he reports, and according to several web reports, may have ties to the promotion of the prostitution of military personnel.

Golly, gee, I love a good scandal.

The New Fashion Police

It looks like there are some lawmakers people in Virginia that want to outlaw people wearing thier pants so low that their underwear shows. And they want to be able to charge a $50 fine. I don't think that's right, because that's how all the cool kids wear their pants and shorts. And most of those cool kids don't have $50 to spare.

But if there's no way around it, I think us kids should make up our own bill of offensive things that old people wear that we don't want to see. Like your pants pulled up half way up your chest. Or camel toes, those are really icky, especially if it's an old man. Yucky! Or old ladies that don't shave their legs and have icky vericose veins and cottage cheese and don't wear pants or panty hose. That's yucky too. And while we're at it, whatever that old-people-smell is, let's outlaw that too.

$39 Million More for Abstinence Education

It looks like Mr. Bush decided to add $39 million to the teaching-abstinence fund. What a silly man. Now I'm all for being a good little girl and not letting icky boys touch me, because they have cooties and stuff. But when I get older, I may not feel the same way. And if I do, I want to make sure I know thee facts and not a bunch of lies. And I also want to make sure I don't catch any diseases or have a baby when I don't want one. If he paid any attention to the studies out there about it, then I think the funding for abstinence-education would have fallen into the ineffective category and been eliminated.

But those funds for Medicaid, health insurance programs for the poor and disabled, farmers' payments, student loans and veterans medical services, by golly, those must be really ineffective, because he cut them a lot.

I know that the deficit is really high and we have to cut stuff somewhere, but why can't we cut the stuff that hurts people instead of the stuff that helps people.

Mr. Bush Going Poopy All Over Us

No More Mister Nice Blog makes a nice analogy to what Mr. Bush is trying to do to the American people with his budget proposal.

The Bush administration on Monday proposed cutting the Environmental
Protection Agency budget by nearly 6 percent to $7.57 billion in fiscal
2006....

Most of the EPA cut proposed for 2006 is from a reduction in funding for a
revolving fund that states use to upgrade sewage and septic systems, and
storm-water run-off projects. Funding for the fund fell $361 million, or
33 percent, in the Bush administration budget proposal.

Environmental groups say cities need the loans and grants to replace and
upgrade aging sewage systems, some of which are over a century old....

--Reuters

As a symbol of what Bush is doing to America, that's almost too perfect,
isn't it?

The Gee Oh Pee and Frivolous Asbestos Claims

There's a nice post on BottleOfBlog about Mr. Bush not liking frivolous asbestos claims, but how asbestos deaths are going way up. And there's this one company in Montana that had a mine that was releasing asbestos into the air, and they knew about it, but didn't tell anyone. A lot of people got sick, and some even died. I don't know if this qualifies as frivilous according to Mr. Bush, but I think that company needs to be spanked.

But my very favorite part of this post is where he said "Gee Oh Pee" instead of GOP. That really made me giggle.

Ginny Brown-Waite Still Not Drinkin' the Kool-Aid

Rep. Ginny Brown-Waite (R) from Florida's 5th District is still not drinkin' the kool-aid of Bush's Social Security non-plan. Maybe she should try a different flavor. Cherry is my favorite.

And when asked whether her not supporting the non-plan would make other House Republicans mad at her she said:

Brown-Waite said Republicans would not retaliate in such a way. Then, she added, "I've been threatened, in which case I've used some unlady-like language."

She also rode in Bush's limo on Friday during his visit to Tampa to bring traffic to a halt and spread lies. In the limo, She told Mr. Bush that she wanted to proceed cautiously with the non-plan. And I think Mr. Bush got mad at her. She said "He wasn't happy with me."

I think it's really nice to see a Republican think for herself and not blindly get behind Mr. Bush's non-plan to mess up Social Security.

Bush Has No Idea What He's Talking About

This is what Mr. Bush came to Tampa to say:

Because the -- all which is on the table begins to address the big cost drivers. For example, how benefits are calculate, for example, is on the table; whether or not benefits rise based upon wage increases or price increases. There's a series of parts of the formula that are being considered. And when you couple that, those different cost drivers, affecting those -- changing those with personal accounts, the idea is to get what has been promised more likely to be -- or closer delivered to what has been promised.

Does that make any sense to you? It's kind of muddled. Look, there's a series of things that cause the -- like, for example, benefits are calculated based upon the increase of wages, as opposed to the increase of prices. Some have suggested that we calculate -- the benefits will rise based upon inflation, as opposed to wage increases. There is a reform that would help solve the red if that were put into effect. In other words, how fast benefits grow, how fast the promised benefits grow, if those -- if that growth is affected, it will help on the red.

Okay, better? I'll keep working on it.

No, it's not better. And now my head hurts. Mommy, I don't feel very good.

Yay!!! Another Contest!!

I like games a lot, so when I saw this one, I figured you all should know about it too.

It's the 'Best Jonah Goldberg Nickname Contest.' From what I understand, Jonah Golberg is a mean nasty boy that talks out his tushy about stuff that he really doesn't know much about. Usually I try not to say bad things about other bloggers because we all make mistakes sometimes. But for Jonah, I'm gonna make an exception, because he's been saying some really mean things about some really nice smart people, like Juan Cole, and some other stuff that just isn't right and factual.

This is what Juan Cole has to say about him:
Jonah Goldberg attacked yours truly in a column recently.
I think it is time to be frank about some things. Jonah Goldberg knows absolutely nothing about Iraq. I wonder if he has even ever read a single book on Iraq, much less written one. He knows no Arabic. He has never lived in an Arab country. He can't read Iraqi newspapers or those of Iraq's neighbors. He knows nothing whatsoever about Shiite Islam, the branch of the religion to which a majority of Iraqis adheres. Why should we pretend that Jonah Goldberg's opinion on the significance and nature of the elections in Iraq last Sunday matters? It does not.

So, if you have a good nickname for Jonah Goldberg, you can submit it in the comments section in the above link on Rox Poluli. I haven't thought of one yet, but you have until Wednesday at 5pm.

Some of my favorites so far are:
Goldsphincter
Neo-slob
Jabba the Hack

Spankings for Teenage Boys

When I read Gen. J.C Christian, patriot's post today about spanking teenage boys and stuff, I starting feeling kind of funny, kind of warm and tingly inside.

There's this book called In Praise of Spankings for the Teenage Boy that has this neat passage in it about how to discipline teenage boys.

A suitable spanking measured in terms of the deed and the need must
then be calmly administered on bared buttocks with firm methodical
determination and brisk stinging vigor in harmony with a stern lecture
on the points at hand. The spanking should sting and embarrass the boy
into a state of genuine submissive penitence...leaving him crying,
apologizing and promising reform.

Sometimes I feel dirty when I read this kind of stuff. But I agree, when boys are naughty, they need to be spanked. Really hard, to get all the naughtiness out and stuff.

Guest Blogging by Crush from Finding Nemo

Yo dudes, Crush here from Finding Nemo....




I just found out that these mean land developer dudes in Florida are buying permits to kill gopher tortoises. Dude, that is soooo uncool. Gopher tortoises are like my buds, man.

"It's planned and permitted killing that's really appalling," said Matt Aresco, a turtle and tortoise biologist in Tallahassee who recently learned of the total. "You can't find a more gentle, slow-moving animal that goes about life without bothering anybody."

I read this article, and I was, like 'Whoa!' I just couldn't believe that even Disney was getting in on the action. They, like, have a permit to kill 3,254 gopher tortoises. Dude, I just hope no one mistakes me for a gopher tortoise. That would be soooo uncool.

Obligatory Friday Dog-blogging

The Happy Dance!

As my big brother points out, we should all do the Happy Dance!!

A New York State court ruled Friday that same-sex couples must be allowed to marry.

State Supreme Court Justice Doris Ling-Cohan said that the New York State Constitution guarantees basic freedoms to lesbian and gay people, and that those rights are violated when same-sex couples are not allowed to marry.

The ruling said the state Constitution requires same-sex couples to have equal access to marriage, and that the couples represented by Lambda Legal must be given marriage licenses.

Yea!!!!

Why Does Bush Hate Young Children and Pregnant Women?

It looks like Mr. Bush and his friends like big, ugly, nasty polluting corporations better than young children and pregnant women.

The Environmental Protection Agency ignored scientific evidence and
agency protocols in order to set limits on mercury pollution that would line
up with the Bush administration's free-market approaches to power plant
pollution, according to a report released yesterday by the agency's
inspector general.

Staff at the EPA were instructed by administrators to set modest limits on
mercury pollution, and then had to work backward from the predetermined goal to justify the proposal, according to a report by Inspector General Nikki Tinsley.

Mercury is a toxic metal released as a byproduct by coal-burning power
plants and other industries, and it is known to have a range of harmful
health effects, especially on young children and pregnant women.

What a meanie. I'm telling my mommy.

Why Does Bush Hate Tampa?

Mr. Bush is coming to Tampa today, right in the middle of rush hour. He and his motorcade will be driving from Tampa International Airport to Downtown Tampa around 4pm - 5pm. Roads will be blocked and drivers will be fussy. I know that if I don't make it to the kool-aid stand before happy hour is over, I'll be really mad.

All this to spread lies and propaganda about his Social Security non-plan? I don't understand why he is even going through all this trouble when he doesn't really even have a definite plan spelled out.

I'm guessing that he's going to make more people mad because of the traffic problems he's going to cause than the number of people he's going to get all amped up about dismantling Social Security.

I don't car about his speech
I'd rather be at the beach
The traffic is bad
And I'm getting mad
I think it's time to impeach

Green Eggs and Rumsfeld

Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld disclosed Thursday that he had offered President Bush (news - web sites) his resignation twice during the height of the Abu Ghraib prisoner abuse scandal last year. He said he wanted the decision on his future to be placed in Bush's hands.

You cannot quit
Not once not twice
You cannot quit
that is not nice

You must stay in
my cabinet
You cannot quit
No, no, not yet

I do not care
about abuse
You're staying on
That's no excuse

Get back to work
It's all the same
My staff and I
accept no blame

You cannot quit
Not once, not twice
Stay with me
and Condi Rice

The End of State of the Union Stuff

I was starting to get bored hearing about Social Security and the State of the Union Address, but finally I found two more funny things that you guys should look at. Thanks to Wonkette for pointing out these goodies.

The SOTU Parser. Put in two words, and see how frequenty they were used in each of Bush's SOTU Addresses. Hours of family fun, I'm tellin' ya.

And then there's the nice video if what appears to be Bush giving Lieberman a big wet sloppy kiss and Lieberman cringing and recoiling. Poor man, I hope he had disinfectant back at home.

Mr. Bush and His Ficus of Faith

Maureen Dowd has a nice editorial in the NY Times today. It starts out like this:

Do male nipples prove evolution?

Not at all, according to a Web site for a planned Creation Museum devoted to showing that the Bible is literally true.

Nipples may be biologically de trop for men, an "expert" on the site notes, but that doesn't mean they resulted from natural selection. They could just as well be a decorating feature of the Creator's (like a hood ornament).

And then she goes on to talk about all the mean things that Mr. Bush and his friends are trying to do to dismantle all the progress that's been made in the 20th century.

From Social Security to Roe v. Wade to Good-things-for-the-environment to the Scopes Monkey Trial to the progressive income tax, she hits all the points.

So much for the Tree of Knowledge. Mr. Bush gives us the Ficus of Faith.

I knew the president, Dick Cheney and Newt Gingrich wanted to wipe out the psychedelic "if it feels good do it" post-Vietnam 60's and go back to the black-and-white 50's - a meaner "Happy Days."

But I just can't see Happy Days being mean, except maybe Fonzie. He was kind of snotty and sometimes. And that one girl that was friends with Ritchie's little sister was kind of snotty too. But Mr. and Mrs. C, Ritchie, Ralph, and Potsie? All really nice people.

Mel Martinez Speaking Spanish on the Senate Floor

Mr. Martinez broke out in Spanish yesterday on the Senate floor. Nobody knew what he was saying because most of the other Senators don't speak Spanish.

When Martinez broke into Spanish before uncomprehending colleagues...., the stunned Senate stenographer looked up quizzically and just typed: "speaking Spanish."

I think that would have been a nice time for a potty break.

He also said about Alberto Gonzales, "todos nuestros sueños y esperanzas para nuestros hijos." Which I guess means that he represents all of our hopes and dreams for our children. But I know if I ever have a baby, I don't want him to be a yes-man that is pro-tourture and lets condemned men in Texas die without presenting all the evidence.