"Backdoor" Requirements

Quietly last week, the Federal Communications Commission
(FCC) released a 59-page document outlining new rules forcing
broadband internet and voice-over-IP (VoIP) phone service providers
to open up their systems to federal, state and local law enforcement
officials.

[...]

Opponents of the proposed rules argue that the "backdoor"
requirements pose the opportunity for privacy rights violations and
will be prohibitively expensive for companies and the consumers they
will ultimately pass the cost along to. In addition, Internet phone
companies allege that the FCC rules are designed to prop up faltering
traditional telephone companies, which are losing ground in competition
with the relatively versatile and inexpensive VoIP services.

Yes, Big Brother is watching you. And he can now get in your back door whenever he wishes and he's going to make you pay for it.

via All Spin Zone

Katrina is to Howling Wind as Monica is to a......

Via the Alternate Brain, we have an interview by TomDispatch featuring Cindy Sheehan saying that Katrina will be Bush's Monica.

CS: Katrina was a natural disaster that nobody could help, but the
man-made disaster afterwards was just horrible. I mean, number one, all
our resources are in Iraq. Number two, what little resources we did have
were deployed far too late. George Bush was golfing and eating birthday
cake with John McCain while people were hanging off their houses praying
to be rescued. He's so disconnected from this country -- and from reality.
I heard a line yesterday that I thought was perfect. This man said he
thinks Katrina will be Bush's Monica. Only worse.

So here's your Friday afternoon quiz. Pick the best answer.

Michael Brown is to New Orleans residents as....

A. Dick Cheney is to Abu Ghraib prisoners
B. Repealing the estate tax is to Paris Hilton
C. The Rude Pundit is to Two Years
D. A fine cigar is to Monica Lewinsky
E. Something else

Choose wisely.

Come Visit the Sunshine State and Get Shot At

A gun control group has a new ad campaign that alerts unsuspecting tourists that nervous and frightened residents might shoot them while they are visiting Florida.

"Thinking about a Florida vacation?" the advertisement asks. "A new
law in the Sunshine State authorizes nervous or frightened residents to
use deadly force."

Ads, fliers, billboards and a Web site are part of a campaign by a
national gun control group to warn visitors about Florida's "Stand Your
Ground" law that takes effect Saturday.

The law gives broad legal protections to a person who is attacked not
only at home, but "any other place where he or she has a right to be,"
and removes a common-law duty to retreat in the face of attack. A
person being attacked will have "the right to stand his or her ground
and meet force with force," not only at home but in public places.

The law also gives the shooter immunity from criminal and civil charges
unless the victim is a police officer.

[...]

As if to make up for lost time, the Brady group will hire people to
hand out leaflets at Miami International Airport about "Florida's Shoot
First Law." Hamm said temporary workers, not pro-gun control political
activists, will be paid to pass out fliers in English and Spanish.

"Do not argue unnecessarily with local people," the flier states. "If you
are involved in a traffic accident or near-miss, remain in your car and
keep your hands in plain sight. ... We want your visit to be safe and
positive. Please remember that each of us has a great deal of ability to
prevent angry confrontations."

Sure makes ya re-think that Florida vacation, huh? Write Jeb Bush or your legislator a little love note suggesting he or she support repeal of this silly law. As you can see, it might be detrimental the tourism industry.

Liar, Liar, Tom DeLay's Pants are on Fire

Looks like ex-House Majority Leader (gosh that sounds nice, lets say it one more time. ex-House Majority Leader), Tom DeLay has got some smokin' britches.

On Hardball last night our newly departed House Majority Leader said this:

That's TRMPAC. That's not me... was simply, along with four other
elected officials, on an advisory board. They used my name as
headliners for fundraisers and I had no idea what they were doing.

But Think Progress gives us a whole buncha instances where DeLay said himself that he was creator, adviser and fund-raiser of TRMPAC. And evidence shows that he was involved in (gratuitous alliteration alert) collecting corporate contributions, compiling cash from companies, and committee conference calls.

Coming conviction for corruption?

Stormy Afternoon on the Crosstown

Our favorite homophobic County Commissioner was pulled over yesterday by a law enforcement official on the Crosstown Expressway in her Ford Explorer.

Wonder if she called the law enforcement official "the most incompetent law enforcement official in the history of the universe," or if she reserves such language just for other County Commissioners that she disagrees with.

My source, who wishes to remain anonymous, could see that her license tag sticker was obscured by her license tag frame-thingy, and it did not appear that she had her seat belt on. It also appeared that she did not get a ticket.

You'd think any self-respecting County Commissioner would follow the law and wear her seatbelt. Bad, Bad County Commissioner. Naughty. Naughty.

Oh Happy Day!!

The left blogosphere certainly is in a tizzy with all this talk about Tom DeLay being indicted.

It's got Zoe Kentucky from Demagogue waxing on about double and even triple ended (gasp!) probes.

It's got Richard Cranium from All Spin Zone gettin' that same cozy feeling he got back in 1974. Something to do with the Nixon Administration or all those drugs those hippies took back then?

It's got Kos a countin' that 11 of 15 politicians Ronnie Earle has prosocuted are democrats. So there oughta be none of that talk of him being a partisan witch-hunter.

It's got Raw Story going "hmmmm" about the earlier pick of an outed gay man that lives with his Chief of Staff and rewards him most handsomely, to temporarily replace Mr. DeLay. But since the GOP is really the party of James Dobson, Roy Blunt has been selected as the replacement.

And as you can see from my previous post, it's got me hoppin' down the bunny trail, and those crazy guys from Alternate Brain doing their Dance of Joy with motor oil and feathers.

It's gonna be the best Drinking Liberally ever, tonight!!!

It's still unclear whether Wayne will do his victory dance tonight at New World Brewery, or wait for the conviction.

And as you can see, even Bart is doing his happy dance.

Tom DeLay to be Indicted

... and he's stepping aside temporarily as House Majority Leader.

So, I just read this.

And then I hopped out of my seat, and bopped out of my cube with a big 'ol smile on my face, prancing toward the diet coke trough in the break room

"You're hopping?" sez the boss.

"Yes, I am hopping," sez I.

How about that. Someone is being held accountable.

Everybody do the happy dance!!!! Or as Gordon and The Fixer call it, the Dance of Joy!

Mistress Jerry Falwell

It looks like Jerry Falwell is turning to the dark side.

Now there's nothing wrong with a little spanking here and there, or maybe a lovingly executed lashing with a carefully selected flogger, and now I think Falwell might be coming around to this kind of lifestyle.

"You know when I see somebody burning the flag, I'm a Baptist preacher
I'm not a Mennonite, I feel it's my obligation to whip him. In the name of
the Lord of course. I feel it's my obligation to whip him, and if I can't
do it then I look up some of my athletes to help me.

But, as long as at 72 I can handle most of the jobs I do it myself, and I
don't think it's un-spiritual. When I, when I, when I hear somebody talking
about our military and ridiculing and saying terrible things about our
President, I'm thinking you know just a little bit of that and I believe
the Lord would forgive me if I popped him."

Ah yes! Whip those dissenters. Let them feel the sting of true theocracy and fascism. Make them beg for mercy.

Nevermind that The First Amendment to the Constitution guarantees us the freedom of speech, the freedom to peacefully protest and the freedom of and from religion. Let's just whip them dirty ol' commie heretics that have the gall to speak out against corruption and lies. I'm sure Jesus will understand.

Habit #5 of Highly Effective People

Seek first to understand, then to be understood.

You've got to hand it to Karen Hughes. She's got a crappy-ass and nearly impossible job. Sweeping up the elephant crap before the cirucs is even over isn't much fun or very easy, especially if the elephants and all their handlers have a roaring case of the hershey squirts.

The audience - 500 women covered in black at a Saudi university -
seemed an ideal place for Karen P. Hughes, a senior Bush administration
official charged with spreading the American message in the Muslim world,
to make her pitch.

But the response on Tuesday was not what she and her aides expected.

Don't you think Ms. Hughes could study up a wee bit on Mid Eastern culture before she goes bounding over there yip-yapping about how nice it is to be an American an all the "freedoms" that come with it?

"The general image of the Arab woman is that she isn't happy," one
audience member said. "Well, we're all pretty happy."

[...]

The administration's efforts to publicize American ideals in the
Muslim world have often run into such resistance.

[...]

Many in this region say they resent the American assumption that,
given the chance, everyone would live like Americans.

[...]

"There is more male chauvinism in my profession in Europe and America
than in my country," said Dr. Siddiqa Kamal, an obstetrician and
gynecologist who runs her own hospital.

[...]

Like some of her friends, Ms. Sabbagh said Westerners failed to
appreciate the advantages of wearing the traditional black head-to-foot
covering known as an abaya.

"I love my abaya," she explained. "It's convenient and it can be very fashionable."

Tough crowd, huh?

Drinking Liberally - September

Tommorrow night is the September gathering for Drinking Liberally here in the great city of Tampa!

Drinking commences Wednesday night, September 28th at 8pm at New World Brewery in Ybor City, 1313 E 8th Ave. Parking is free on Wednesday nights and Blue Moon Belgian Ale is only $2.00/pint.

Hope to see you all there!

Regulation "It's Hard Work" Shirts

After receiving the memo this morning about wearing their
regulation "it's hard work" shirts with the sleeves rolled
up, our Preznit and Texas Governor, Rick Perry pose for a
photo-op.

White House Punts

It seems that the White House contacted Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and asked if Laura Bush could be on the show. Guess Bush and the gang are trying real hard to gain some ground back.

After the slow federal response to Katrina, the illegal war in Iraq, the uncontrolled spending, unprecedented deficit and general appearance of ineptitude in fighting the war on terror, why not put the First Lady on a reality TV show. It's kind of like punting. When your approval ratings are in the 30's, what's there to lose?

I am personally looking forward to Dubya's stint on The Surreal Life co-starring with Ron Jeremy and Gary Coleman.

Things That Make You Laugh Out Loud

This has got to be the funniest thing I've read all day.

In an opening statement before the House Select Bipartisan
Committee to Investigate the Preparation for and Response to
Hurricane Katrina, Brown acknowledged " a couple of specific
mistakes I made." But in explaining them, he cast blame on the
governor of Louisiana, Kathleen Babineaux Blanco, and the mayor
of New Orleans, C. Ray Nagin, both Democrats. By contrast, Brown
told the committee, FEMA's approach worked in Mississippi and
Alabama, whose governors are both Republicans.

Of the disastrous flooding that stranded thousands for days in New
Orleans, he said, "The only variable was the state government
officials involved."

Hoo-hoo!

Not the fact that there were tons more people in Louisiana, New Orleans in particular that were affected by the hurricane. New Orleans was a city of 500,000 people, where as Biloxi has a population of about 50,000. Louisiana's Orleans Parish, home to New Orleans, had 2,684 residents per square mile and 27% of the folks there don't have a car.

And let's not forget the massive flooding in New Orleans that didn't occur in the other cities. Nope, the only place Katrina hit where there's a big 'ol lake next to city under sea level is New Orleans. None of the other cities filled up with water like a soup bowl. Nope.

And then there's the general level of poverty in and around the New Orleans area. Sure, Trent Lott and his neighbors were able to evacuate before Katrina hit, but the 24% of the New Orleans population living below the poverty level had some trouble gittin' outta there.

But wait there's even more. Remember when Democratic Louisiana Governor, Kathleen Blanco said that George Bush wouldn't return her call, but Republican Mississippi Governor, Haley Barbour said she didn't even have to call George Bush. He called her!

But let's just forget about all that and say the only variable was the state and local governments in Louisiana.

Brownie - what a hack.

Ronda Storms Continues Her Assault on Hillsborough County

My favorite County Commissioner, Ronda Storms is up to her usual antics again.

Wednesday at the County Commission meeting, good 'ol Ronda blurted out that Commissioner Kathy Caster is the "most incompetent politician in the history of the universe."

Evidently, Storms was ticked because Castor brought up spending some money on neighborhood projects and it wasn't on the agenda. Similarly, Storms has a history of bringing up stuff that's not on the agenda, so it's unclear why her panties were so very bunchy.

But today, little Ronda came clean and 'fessed up. Yes, she is in fact, a hypocritical rabid dog lacking in all tact and diplomacy skills.

“I’m not going to use the excuse of being tired and these long
hours,” Storms said late Thursday at the end of the commission’s budget
hearing. “It was inexcusable, and I wanted to publicly apologize to her.”

Castor accepted the apology.

“Thank you very much, Commissioner,” Castor said.

So here's whatcha gotta go. Go here. See if you are in District 4 and if Ronda is your commissioner, well then don't vote for her next year.

Blog it Forward

I've been tagged by the Blog it Forward gnomes!

Actually, David from Seminole Heights Blog got me. It seem as though he appreciates cheese, beagles and Bush bashing as much as I do. He's got a great blog about mostly local stuff here in the Tampa Bay area and the Seminole Heights neighborhood. Now if we could just get a SOG Blog....I'm pretty sure southofgandy.blogspot.com is still available. Any takers?

So for the blogging it forward part and keeping with the local theme, I'm picking Michael Hussey from Last Day of My Life. He's got some good stuff. Mostly politics, a sense of humor and a fresh perspective. And for those of you that stay up late at night wondering what Greg Norton from Husker Du is doing these days? Well, Michael has the answers.

Sheehan Arrested

Cindy Sheehan, the anti-war protester who has been hanging out with 100,000 of her closest friends on Pennsylvania Avenue since Saturday has been arrested outside the White House. Looks like she and a few others wanted to get arrested in order to make a statement and stay in the news, as they were warned to move three times by the police and it was a peaceful arrest.

Please take my word for it, and don't read the full Kos diary with all the comments. It can be mind numbing and nausea-inducing

I'm all atwitter with excitement anticipating the brand spanky new filth that Bill O'Reilly will spew in her direction tonight.

When 100,000 show up to protest the war and 500 show up to support it, you know there's a problem.

We Came From Monkeys, Part 9503

Here we go again. The kook right is once again trying to hi-jack our science classes and dumb down our children.

The ACLU, Americans United for separation of Church and State and eleven parents are fighting the Dover Area school district of Pennsylvania in Federal Court. The Dover Area school district requires ninth graders to hear about intelligent design in their biology classes.

OK, let's go over this one more time. Evolution is s scientific theory. A scientific theory is a model or framework based on observation, experimentation, and reasoning that helps to predict or explain a phenomenon. Scientific theories develop from observable facts, rather centuries old literature.

As Steven Hawking describes it "a theory is a good theory if it satisfies two requirements: It must accurately describe a large class of observations on the basis of a model that contains only a few arbitrary elements, and it must make definite predictions about the results of future observations."

Intelligent design satisfies neither one of those requirements. It's just embarrassing for us a country that we are continuing to debate this silliness. Our country is struggling to keep up with the other countries in science and technology and our tax dollars are being pissed away fighting this same fight that should have been put to bed eighty years ago with the Scopes Monkey Trial.

Even the condom-hating anti-choice Catholic Church is with the reality-based community on this one.

Earlier this month a top Roman Catholic cardinal critical of evolution
branded scientific opponents of intelligent design intolerant and said
there need not be a conflict between Darwin's and Christian views of
life's origins.

Cardinal Christoph Schoenborn, a top Church doctrinal expert and close
associate of Pope Benedict, said Darwin's theory did not clash with a
belief in God...

This really should be a no-brainer. Teach sound scientific theories in science classes and teach religion in religious classes.

Republican Culture of Corruption

For those of you that have been drinking since Bush "won" the election last November, or since hurrincane season started, or just haven't really dried out since Labor Day, here's a little recap for ya.

A trifecta of corruption, if you will. The Republican White House, Senate Majority Leader, and the House Majority Leader are all under criminal investigations.

What will we tell the children?

Liar, Liar, Bill Frist's Pants Are on Fire

Turns out that our video diagnosin' super hero cum Senate Majority Leader, Bill Frist might have some smokin' trousers.

He asked the fellow in charge of his "blind trust," to sell all his HCA assets and two weeks later, the stock tanked. HCA is a hospital company founded by none other than Fristy's dad an brother, so one might assume he could easily have some insider information.

It's easy to imagine this dialogue taking place at a Frist family barbecue.

"Son, you really oughta sell all your HCA stock. And I think it's time to flip the burgers over. Damn your wife makes a mean cole slaw. And do tell, what is the secret ingredient in those 'Tiger Meatballs?'"

"Just eat them dad, their delicious. And I'll be sure to tell the little lady how much you like the slaw."

"Hey uncle Billy, have you seen the cat?"

Regardless of the charges of insider trading, it seems our less-than humble and lovable cat-killer has been less than forthcoming or just outright lying about the way his blind trust is set up.

In January 2003 on live teevee, he said this:

"Well, I think really for our viewers it should be understood that I put this into a blind trust. So as far as I know, I own no HCA stock"

And then he said this:

"I have no control. It is illegal right now for me to know what the composition of those trusts are. So I have no idea."

However, now we find out that....

Documents on file with the Senate show the trustees for Frist and his
immediate family wrote the senator nearly two dozen times between 2001
and July 2005.

The documents list assets going into the account and assets sold. Some
assets have a dollar range of the investment's value and some list the
number of shares.

Call me a stickler for following SEC regulations, but that doesn't sound too blind to me.

Ya think that if he does get busted for insider trading, he'll end up on The Apprentice once Martha gets all washed up?

UPDATE: Think Progress has a swell timeline of when all of these shinanigans took place.

Cheesecake Confessions

What does it mean, when you're at a restaurant with a boy, and the waiter brings the cheesecake out to the table and it's standing on end, rather than lying down?

Goss. Porter Goss.

After receiving his Electronic Ninja Spy Kit and his secret Blacklight Decoder Ring, Peter Goss is all about doing more spying.

Facing criticism both inside his agency and from Capitol Hill for a
lack of vision and leadership, CIA Director Porter J. Goss yesterday
outlined his plans for expanding CIA's spying and analytical operations
overseas while cutting back on the bureaucracy at headquarters.

"We are not in all of the places we should be... We are going to be in places people can't even imagine," Goss said.

He said he will expect and encourage calculated risk taking... Saying he
expected risky efforts to "go right," he added that he knows "it won't go
right all the time. And when it goes wrong, I will support you."

Goss also made clear that sending more people overseas will also mean
moving agency officers and analysts out of embassies and under cover,
no longer guaranteeing them diplomatic immunity if they are caught
spying. "We are definitely going to be using new cover arrangements
overseas, because we have to," he said.

After a James Bond marathon on TNT, Goss is so over the paper pushing and wants to have some fun.

Your Cheese-Induced Dream Weekend Homework

I listen to this little NPR ditty yesterday about how the British Cheese Board did a study about how cheese gives you wacky dreams. So I decided to give it a whirl myself and do my own cheese-induced dream study. And since I hate to be selfish, I figured I'd open it up for all you guys too.

Here's what ya gotta do. Eat some cheese about thirty minutes before you go to bed, then when you wake up, bop on over to It's Recess-time Somewhere and post the type and amount of cheese that you ate and a description of your dream in the comments section of this post.

Best Wishes and Sweet Dreams!

Our Alcoholic President

Far be it from me to spread unconfirmed rumors, but then they wouldn't be rumors if they weren't unconfirmed, now would they?

The National Enquirer is reporting that Chimpy has fallen off the wagon and is drinkin' again.

Family sources have told how the 59-year-old president was caught by
First Lady Laura downing a shot of booze at their family ranch in Crawford,
Texas, when he learned of the hurricane disaster.

His worried wife yelled at him: "Stop, George."

Following the shocking incident, disclosed here for the first time, Laura
privately warned her husband against "falling off the wagon" and vowed to
travel with him more often so that she can keep an eye on Dubya, the
sources add.

"When the levees broke in New Orleans, it apparently made him reach for
a shot," said one insider. "He poured himself a Texas-sized shot of
straight whiskey and tossed it back. The First Lady was shocked and
shouted: "Stop George!"

That Laura is such a stick-in-the-mud. If she'd just drink with him, then he could pretend that everything was OK. In fact, if the whole country would just drink more, we could all just pretend everything was hunky dory. (Cue What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong.)

Steve Gillard is pretty sure this is an accurate story.

...the National Enquirer has beaten more libel suits than most
major newspapers. Their stuff is vetted by libel lawyers before it hits
the stands. In fact, their accuracy is no worse than their MSM peers.
Up until the 1970's, they ran alien stories, but then switched to
celebrity coverage.

Why do I trust the NE? They pay their sources. So someone close to the WH
got a big fat check for this, over $10K. And if they deny this or lie, the
NE has a file on them. When dealing with gossip, this is quite effective.
Now they may wind up paying the wrong people, but this is what they were
told. Come on, if you ran the NE, would you risk a libel suit with your
reputation?

And if Steve believes it, then by golly, so do I. It's so much easier to just latch on to someone else's opinion than to formulate your own. Especially after doing a bunch of Jim Beam shooters.

Things that make you go 'hmmm'

I'm the #1 site if you do a Yahoo! search for "fuck my hole while my man's away from home."

I don't think I've ever been more proud.

Rita

Is it just me, or does all this hurricane talk kind of
turn you on too?

via Crooks and Liars

Also, Pensacola Beach Blog points to a post from February in the Houston Chronicle that describes what might happen if a hurricane of Rita's magnitude strikes near Houston.

A landfall here would allow its powerful upper-right quadrant, where
the waves move in the same direction as the storm, to overflow Galveston
Bay. Within an hour or two, a storm surge, topping out at 20 feet or more,
would flood the homes of 600,000 people in Harris County. The surge also
would block the natural drainage of flooded inland bayous and streams for
a day or more.

It's not gonna be pretty.

But let's hope that the local and state governments as well as the federal government have learned some lessons from Katrina.

As you can see here, White House Spokesmonkey, Scott McClellan isn't sure if they have or not.

Vatican Bans Gay Seminarians

The Vatican is going ahead with their ban on gays entering the priesthood.

Homosexuals, even those who are celibate, will be barred from becoming
Roman Catholic priests, a church official said Wednesday, under stricter
rules soon to be released on one of the most sensitive issues facing the
church.

They're gonna start sniffing around seminaries looking for "evidence of homosexuality and whether seminarians are being properly prepared to live celibately."

I wonder what kind of evidence they'll be looking for? Pink or rainbow colored vestures? A certain gay-ish swagger as they walk down the aisle? Seminarians hugging one another, or hugging other penis-wielding members in their parishes.

And exactly how to you prepare a seminarian for a life of celibacy? Is there a Masturbation 101 class? Bring your own astro-glide and tissues, boys! Will the advanced class include detailed instructions on how to stimulate your prostate all by your lonesome, or do they just find that stuff on the internets? Will there be a practicum or internship in the discipline?

So many questions. So few answers.

Gentrification

Yesterday evening, I was milling around my neighborhood looking for a swimming pool that I can crash from time to time. In particular, one that does not have a keyed entry and is within walking distance of my house.

There's an apartment complex with a pool about six blocks down the road that I thought I'd investigate. It was cloudy last night, so I'd hoped no one would be out by the pool and I could successfully execute a stealthy reconnaissance mission.

I saw that the pool area was empty and the gate was closed. I was about ten steps away from the pool gate, where my intentions were to attempt to open it with only my brute force. Then wouldn't you know it, I was caught red-handed, unawares by an elderly gentleman in blue swim trunks.

He introduced himself as Mack, retired Navy. Very friendly guy, so I assumed he probably knew everyone in the complex. This place looks kind of like an old motel with about twenty or thirty units. I can't lie to this guy and tell him I live there. Goodness, I thought. How am I to explain my presence?

We chatted for awhile. He told me his wife is having back surgery soon and the price of a bus ticket to the hospital and back. He told me he was retired Navy again. He told me they were going to tear down the place and build a condo in a few months. Then he told me how nice the pool was, and if I ever wanted to come swimming, to just knock on door #10, tell him I'm there, and if anyone gives me trouble, that I could tell them that I'm his guest. And you don't need a key to get in the gate, just lift here, and the gate swings open.

Sweet! I said I lived just down the street, thanked him, and told him just how swell that would be.

So I got to thinkin' just how much more I like regular people than plastic people. In my neighborhood, which has historically been lower-middle class and racially integrated, they are putting up condos and townhomes like it's going out of style. While my neighbors may not share my literary genius (ah-hem), they are always available when I need lawn care advice, help changing the oil in my mower, or simply the latest neighborhood gossip.

If I had been traipsing around the grounds of one of the newer townhome communities, that would have never happened. Plastic people tend to be withdrawn and not as friendly. It takes longer to get to know them. They seem to be most concerned about making sure the plastic looks right, and not about what's going on around them. They don't make eye contact. They don't seem as happy and appear worried.

I know I'm generalizing here, but these are my observations of how my neighborhood is changing. You would think that having a big fat bank account, a retirement plan and a nice home and car would set people at ease. But I don't think it does. It just gives them more to worry about.

Bill Clinton's Legacy

Forget the Clinton Library, a stellar economy left to Chimpy to pummel, a $230 billion budget surplus left to be summarily pissed away, and propserity in peace time. Bill Clinton's got a condom named after him. And as for Monica, who did all the excellent interning? Well, she's got one too.

A rubber company in China has begun marketing condoms under the brand
names Clinton and Lewinsky, apparently seeking to exploit the White
House affair that led to the impeachment of America's 42nd president.

[...]

Liu said the company had chosen to use the Clinton name because
consumers viewed the former president as a responsible person, who would
want to stress safe sex as an effective way to prevent the spread of the
HIV virus.

[...]

Clinton has campaigned aggressively for heightened AIDS awareness in
China, where the disease is spreading rapidly.

We're still anxiously awaiting Bill and Monica Cigars.

And When I'm President....

Speaker of the House, Dennis Hastert and his little friends don
their tinfoil hats and play their pretend game where Denny gets
to be the President after Chimpy is impeached and Cheney's ticker
gives out. But seeing as how Denny wants to be a fireman when he
grows up, they had to compromise.

Let's Hear it for Prevailing Wages!

Rep. George Miller from California and 171 other Democratic Representatives have co-sponsored a bill that will undo our Preznit's executive order to suspend the Davis-Bacon Act.

For those of you that are just joining us, the Davis-Bacon Act requires that workers on federal construction projects make the prevailing wage. In areas around the Gulf Coast, this is as low as $8/hour.

It's just greedy, mean, nasty and downright rude that Georgy wants to give out multi-million dollar no-bid contracts to his buddies and campaign contributors, while lowering wages for working folks that are trying to rebuild their lives.

Check to see if your representative is a co-sponsor, and if he/she isn't write him/her a quick note expressing your support for working folks on the Gulf Coast rebuilding their lives. And if your Rep. is on the list, write them a little thank you note or better yet send their campaign some money.

via The Carpetbagger

Delusional Governors

Jeb Bush threatens to unleash his "mystical warrior," Chang. (Or whatever it is he named it back in sixth grade.)

“Chang is a mystical warrior. Chang is somebody who believes in
conservative principles, believes in entrepreneurial capitalism, believes
in moral values that underpin a free society.

“I rely on Chang with great regularity in my public life. He has been by
my side and sometimes I let him down. But Chang, this mystical warrior,
has never let me down.”

Bush(Jeb) then unsheathed a golden sword and gave it to Rubio as a gift. (Marco Rubio was just sworn in as speaker of the house in FL)

"I'm going to bestow to you the sword of a great conservative warrior," he said, as the crowd roared.

Why We Swear

The NY Times has a lengthy yet illuminating article on why we swear. And since you can't read the op/ed's for free anymore, you might as well read this entire article because it's free.

It refers to a study that shows "that men generally curse more than women, unless said women are in a sorority, and that university provosts swear more than librarians or the staff members of the university day care center."

I was never in a sorority and I'm not around children very much, but I'm a horrible potty mouth. I cuss like a sailor. Well, I am kind of a sailor, so I guess it's ok, right? However, I grew up in household where it was unacceptable to swear, so I did develop the finely tuned skill of being able to turn it on and off when appropriate. (thanks, Mom.)

Just last night, I was recounting an amusing anecdote to a coupla friends who don't swear. It involved a squirrel in my laundry room obliviously nibbling in Bart's vat o' dog food, and me yelling "get out of there, you little fucker," before he scurried out the window with the hole in the screen. After repeating the phrase to my friends, I felt a little guilty. Like maybe I'd insulted them or made them feel uncomfortable.

Then this morning, I was reading a replyed-to email message where I previously wrote the phrase "that's fucked up about 'abc' and 'xyz.' They need to get their shit figured out." But don't you think "Oh, dear me. I'm sorry 'abc' and 'xyz' are having problems. I really hope the can come to some middle ground and work out their differences." lacks imagination and conviction? Well, I do.

I find in lots of situations, my stock goes up when I throw in a few well chosen curse words. I look kind of young and innocent and naive, so when I drop an f-bomb or two, I think it shows that I have moxie. Maybe some wisdom and experience and perhaps even a well-defined opinion on the topic, even if I'm virtually clueless.

It's interesting to read about how forbidden words arise and how seemingly ridiculous it is for the FCC to impose half million dollar fines on folks that might broadcast these naughty, naughty words.

According to this article, most curse words develop from the desire to call upon dieties or to reference a bodily function. (ex. oh god, look at the girth of that poopy)

Yet neither biblical commandment nor the most zealous Victorian censor
can elide from the human mind its hand-wringing over the unruly human
body, its chronic, embarrassing demands and its sad decay. Discomfort
over body functions never sleeps, Dr. Burridge said, and the need for an
ever-fresh selection of euphemisms about dirty subjects has long served
as an impressive engine of linguistic invention.

Interesting stuff. And very well written. Go read it.

Attempted Assasins Need Lovin' Too

John Hinckley, Jr. is looking for love.

If you see any personal ads like this one, don't walk but run. Then send it to your neurotic friend who perpetually bitches about not having a boyfriend.

SWM, Age 50, blondish hair, wealthy family. Looking for a Jodie Foster-esque lady in the D.C. area who enjoys long walks around St. Elizabeths, weekends at my parents' estate and firearms. Just recently got out of a relationship and have been longing for a new one. I'm intensely focused, very loyal and will do absolutely anything for the right girl. Serious inquiries only. No fatties.

The New War on Porn

The FBI is looking for eight to ten fine upstanding operatives to fight the war on porn, (yes, the consenting adult kind) which is, according to the job posting, now "one of their top priorities."

"I guess this means we've won the war on terror," said one
exasperated FBI agent, speaking on the condition of anonymity because
poking fun at headquarters is not regarded as career-enhancing. "We
must not need any more resources for espionage."

As I was unsure exactly what about adult consenting porn is illegal, I did some further research.

"Based on a review of past successful cases in a variety of
jurisdictions," the memo said, the best odds of conviction come with
pornography that "includes bestiality, urination, defecation, as well
as sadistic and masochistic behavior."

Now, I can see bestiality being something prosecutable, as it generally harms the animal invovled. In fact just making references to it can really hurt your 2006 Senatorial bid, from what I understand. But urination, defecation, and S&M? Some may see these things as icky or painful, or maybe they are just fed up with these things and want more midgets, fistings or foot lovin'. But as long as the parties are consenting and the viewers know what their getting into, I don't see how this can be illegal. And I certainly can't see why it should be a priority for the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

And oddly enough, some of George Bush's best friends and contributors make money from pornography.

Explicit sexual entertainment is a profit center for companies including
General Motors Corp. and Rupert Murdoch's News Corp. (the two major
owners of DirecTV), Time Warner Inc. and the Sheraton, Hilton, Marriott
and Hyatt hotel chains.

But I'm guessing they'll go after the little guys that are barely scraping by on royalties from their Big Girls with Strap-ons Go to Frat Parties mobisodes and leave Big Porn to their own naughty sadistic devices.

Kerry on Literary Devices

John Kerry demonstrates the proper use of extended analogy to students at Brown University.

"Brownie is to Katrina what Paul Bremer is to peace in Iraq, what
George Tenet is to slam-dunk intelligence, what Paul Wolfowitz is to
parades paved with flowers in Baghdad, what Dick Cheney is to visionary
energy policy, what Donald Rumsfeld is to basic war planning, what Tom
DeLay is to ethics and what George Bush is to 'Mission Accomplished'
and 'Wanted Dead or Alive.' "

Git Yer Free PK Here!

I found where you can still read Paul Krugman for free, as the NY Times is now charging $50/year for such hedonistic gluttony.

Gosh. I feel so dirty. So gangsta. So naughty.

Knowing When to Say When

Guess somebody ordered one 'Rita too many at Captain Tony's.



Oh, sorry. Have you heard that one already?

The Wacky Mass

The Huffington Post has a few "off the record" doozies from Karl Rove at a gathering in Aspen, Colorado. Far be it from me to judge, but perhaps the altitude was getting to him. Or maybe the pain medication for his kidney stones has him deliriously hallucinating back to the good 'ol days when he was an unsullied tow-headed alter boy.

My favorite of course, is this one:

On Joe Wilson: Joe Wilson and I attend the same church but Joe goes to the wacky mass...

Now I wasn't raised Catholic, but I have attended mass a few times with friends. All that standing and sitting and kneeling can certainly give a girl a head rush, but I think I might have missed out on the "wacky mass."

Heck, if I hadn't missed it, maybe I would have converted. It sounds like it might be fun!

via Last Day of My Life

The Real Reason Bush Was So Slow to Respond to Katrina

Some have suggested that racism was the reason the White House was so slow to respond to hurricane Katrina. George Bush doesn't care about black people, right?

Or downright laziness. Our Preznit was on vacation, strumming the gee-tar, schmoozing with his fellators, and couldn't be bothered.

But now friends, the real reason for his anemic dawdling response has now surfaced! Karl Rove was in the hospital with kidney stones. George Bush can't function without his "Brain" telling him what to do. Bush must have been paralyzed. Left holding the My Pet Goat book. Just staring into the headlights completely unable to react without his Handler-in-Chief at his side calling all his shots.

Karl must have been too ill with calcium stones flowing out of his willy to pick up the phone. "Hey, uh Georgy? Ya might wanna do something about the disaster on the Gulf Coast. Or at least, for the love of god pretend that you care. I don't know. Do something. OK, gotta go now, there's a big 'un stuck in my urethra and it's killin' me." Something as simple as that might have gotten him moving in the right direction.

Since Rovey has been in charge of the corporate no-bid contract giveaway program reconstruction effort, Rove has a lot on his mind and is no longer at Bush's side managing the more routine workaday movements of his charge. Thus we have the blunders of having an improperly buttoned shirt on live teevee and being caught on camera writing a note asking about potty protocol in a UN Security Council Meeting.

Yes folks, we may have another installment in the sickening saga of the rich getting richer and poor getting poorer. Halliburton and friends will be cashing in as Bush suspends the Davis-Bacon Act and union workers take a huge pay cut. But at the very least, the exponential growth of Georgy's blunders without Rovey at his side, will provide comical fodder and chortles o'penty for the rest of us.

You're Ugly and You're Momma Dresses You Funny

Yup, that's our Preznit giving a speech on live teevee with
his shirt buttoned incorrectly.

via Skippy

Karl's in Charge

Thanks to Matt for the inspiration for this post.

New boy in the neighborhood
Goin' down south and it's understood.
He's there to grease the palms of the bourgeoisie.
Halliburton will get fat and happy.

Karl's in charge of
Our days and our nights.
Karl's in charge of
Our wages and our rights.
So I say
I want Karl in the Big Easy.

Karl, I love you,
Love you till the end.
And I love Dubya,
Cause he's your best friend.
Let's go hang out,
You me and Jesus at Kenyon's funeral parlor.
And maybe you can hook me up
With the guy that's from Talon Press
and loves to blow.

Yes our Preznit has placed 'ol Turd Blossom in charge of reconstruction of the Gulf Coast. I can't think of much more that can be worse for our country. Every move he makes will be influenced by his rabid desire for a perpetual republican majority and he won't even give a passing thought to sanely and humanely re-building the area.

Arianna Huffington does a fantastic job of outlining the Gee Oh Pee's grand plan.

So here is the White House’s Katrina Plan in a nutshell: block any
independent examination of its failings, put the Einstein of damage
control in charge of reconstructing New Orleans, keep the dead
bodies out of sight, try to get away with general platitudes
and palliatives, offer watered-down acceptances of “responsibility”
while trying to pin everything you can on local yokels and fall guys
like Brownie, and let Bush’s corporate cronies get fat on hefty
no-bid reconstruction contracts.

Friday Beagle Blogging

On Anatomically Impossible Accusations

If any of you have two hours to spare, go over to Democracy Now and watch the debate between Respect Party MP, George Galloway and journalist Christopher Hitchens.

My favorite part is of course where Hitchens accuses George Galloway of "sinister piffle."

BATHroom Breaks

This is our president writing a note to Condi at the big fancy UN meeting yesterday. From a man that claims to be very decisive and strong-willed and says what he means and means what he says, doesn't this note seem a little wimpy?

"I think I may..." Come on now Georgie, do you need to go or do you not need to go.

And according to handwriting analysis, when you mix upper and lower case... well, I think we were all expecting something like this.

...he mixes upper and lower case... It means that he has a
problem in his value system, or in the clear demarkation between right
and wrong. His values can shift according to his need or whim. Those
shifts can come about unpredictably because he is never consistent in
which letters and where he puts those upper and lower case changes.

Uncle Sam Needs You

And the newest recruiter for Operation Yellow Elephant is.......

Damon Wayans!!!!

"I'll send my sons if he sends his daughters. Put those two drunk
b-s on a plane and let them go fight. At least I know my sons would be
getting some on the way." By way of White House reaction, First Lady
Laura Bush's press secretary, Susan Whitson, gasped yesterday and told
me: "I wouldn't dignify that with a response."

ouch.

Hurricane Corrina

Perhaps she's so busy defending her husband against attacks on his woefully inadequate response to hurricane Katrina, that Laura Bush seems to have forgotten the name of the hurricane.

One more reason to be proud to be an American.

via Agitprop

Sexing up Confirmation Hearings

Since John Roberts appears to be successfully dodging all relevent questions into his judicial philosophy and he's avoiding giving any clues as to what kind of opinions he might give on particular issues, I figure why even have a hearing? Or if we do, why not make it more interesting.

As the Carpetbagger points out, Sen. Jeff Sessions (R-AL) has used the hearings for a sixth grade level civics lesson with questions such as:

"So isn't it true that, normally, a case would be initiated in a
federal district court or state trial court, and a trial would be held —
often with a jury — and a judgment is rendered?"

and

* "So the lawyers from both sides then appear before the court, over
in the Supreme Court building, and they answer questions and make their presentations as to why they think the court should rule the way they
would like it to?"

So what questions totally un-related to government and law (because we know he won't answer those questions) would you like to ask John Roberts?

1. What kind of discipline techniques do you use on your son to get him to be so well behaved?
2. Where did you get that snazzy tie?
3. Who orgasms first, you, your wife or the family dog?
4. When you were clerking for Rehnquist, how did he take his coffee?
5. About that male pattern balding. Once you become Chief Justice, are you planning on doing anything about it?

Feel free to add yours in the comments. The Senators that have to listen to this mindless drivel are getting bored.

Dispelling Those Filthy Rumors

In a photo-op designed to show that Bush really does
care about black people, Condi leans over to give her "boss"
as smoochy-smooch, while he listens intently to Karl Rove on
the proper way to respond.

You Can Die, but You Can't Hide

Even after you're dead, there's still no escape from the corruption and cronyism of the Bush Administration.

Volunteers from the National Funeral Directors Association were providing emergency mortuary services in Louisiana for free. But now, the Crony-in-Chief, George Bush has given a big ol' fat contract to Kenyon, a worldwide disaster management company, wholly owned subsidiary of Service Corporation International.

"Volunteers would have gone at no charge," said Dan Buckner, co-owner
and manager of Gowen-Smith Chapel. "Now, they'll have this job done by
people who will be paid. That kind of irks me."

Who is this Service Corporation International, you might ask?

Well gentle reader, SCI would be a Houston, TX based firm headed by Robert Waltrip, a generous contributor to the Bush dynasty. SCI was also the company involved in Funeralgate, where they were "recycling graves, removing the bodies that were there originally and throwing them in the woods to use the space to house new customers at two Jewish cemeteries in Florida."

So now that the Bushies have one of their boys doing mortuary services and body counts, does anyone really think the press will get any truthful information about the death toll in Louisiana? And even if they do happen to report things correctly, will anyone believe them?

The lies, the distortions, the cronyism and the no-bid contracts to Bush's loyal campaign contributors have ruined any remaining shreds of trust the American people could possibly still have for this Administration.

Most. Corrupt. Administration. Ever.

Another Meme

I've been tagged for another rip-roaring meme. And as always, I reserve the right to answer only the questions I deem worthy and ignore the ones I deem unworthy. Also, the number 'five' seems a bit arbitrary, so I may answer more or less than five given my personal whim.

1.) What were you doing 10 years ago?
Running a hippie store in Lawrence, KS

2.) What were you doing 5 years ago?
Getting my MS in MIS at USF (is it just me or do all those acronyms kind of turn you on too?)

3.) What were you doing one year ago?
Spending a few precious days shut in my house due to a hurricane with someone who thinks Ann Coulter is funny.

4.) What were you doing yesterday?
Watching Underdog the Alien Chronicles, as I took a sick day

5.) Five snacks you enjoy
peanuts
strawberries
reese's peanut better cups
bugles

6.) Five songs I know all the words to.
Its the End of the World as we Know it - REM
Tangled Up in Blue - Bob Dylan
There's others, but those I the ones for which I am most proud

7.) Five things you would do if you had a million dollars
Donate a bunch of it to folks and critters affected by Katrina
Move back to Davis Islands
Get a Lawn Boy
Buy a big sailboat
Month-long Mediterranean sailboat cruise

8.)Five things you like doing
Sailing
Watching college basketball
Long walks with the dog
Answering questions on experts-exchange.com
Shooting pool

9.) Five bad habits
uh, I'm perfect. geez.

10.) Five things I would never wear again
never say never.

11.) Five favorite toys
huh-huh. That's kind of personal, isn't it?

I'm not going to tap anyone to pass this along to, but if you are so inclined, feel free to answer any or all the questions in the comments or on your own blog.

Roberts Unclear on Role of Umpire

Oblivious to the rules of baseball, after claiming that
"judges are like umpires", Judge Roberts slides into first
base.

Tuesday Afternoon Quiz

As Ricky reported late last night, Iraq's President Jalal Talabani suggested that the U.S. withdraw 50,000 troops from Iraq by the end of this year.

Good, Christ. Iraq is suckhole of money and American lives. With
no end in sight. And with American support plummeting, and Congressional
elections looming, Bush is desperate to find a way to pull American troops
out of Iraq without looking like he's adhering to a time table or cutting
and running.

And the American puppet in Baghdad, who can't even leave the Green Zone
without helicopters clearing the road for him, suddenly, the same week
Bush's approval rating hits nearly rock bottom, says, "Americans can
remove 50,000 troops this year!"

Talabani claimed that there were 60,000 trained Iraqi troops and there would be up to 100,000 by the end of the year. Thus not so much of a need for Americans to be over there.

Ricky goes on to babble, as only Ricky can, about the fuzzy math in which there were "100,000" trained Iraqi troops during the presidential debates last year, and would be "200,000" by the end of 2005, and how Talabani's suggestion is at odds with the GOP party line of "no timetables". Go figure.

So today, in a surprise move, Talabani has flip-flopped and after his visit to the White House, doesn't think there should be any timetable.

What, exactly went on during those few precious hours in Washington that made Talabani do an about face? This is a quiz.

A. Bush threatened to bomb the fuck of out him
B. Jeff Gannon, Schutzstaffel Laureate of the White House flexed his muscle and winked at him
C. Made mention of unleashing a growling, frothing at the mouth Zel Miller and siccin' him on Mr. Talabani
D. Some of the more affective techniques (testicle shocking, Christina Aguilera music) used in Gitmo and Abu Ghraib were incorporated in gaining compliance
E. Something even more sinister. Please be specific.

Choose the best answer. And no cheating.

Glenn Beck Compares Hurricane Survivors to Used Condoms

According to wingnut radio host Glenn Beck, hurricane survivors from New Orleans are "scumbags" and he hates 9/11 families.

Nationally syndicated Clear Channel radio host Glenn Beck referred to
survivors of Hurricane Katrina who remained in New Orleans as
"scumbags." Also, after acknowledging that nobody "in their right mind
is going to say this out loud," Beck attacked victims of the disaster in
general and the families of victims of the September 11, 2001, terrorist
attacks, saying: "I didn't think I could hate victims faster than the 9-11 victims."

And speaking of scumbags.... Did you all know that the term really means a used condom? Thanks so much to SpinDentist from All Spin Zone for enlightening us! And while you're over there, check out Alicia's masterpiece -- the image of Rick Santorum, distinctly apparent in the wrinkles and folds of a used condom.

Don't dream it. Be it.

Knowing Who's in Charge of FEMA is Hard Work

Evidently I wasn't the only one out of the loop yesterday. While I was kickin' back on the couch watching Underdog save the world (much more effectively than anyone in the current administration, by the way), and now ex-FEMA head was resigning, Our Leader, George Bush was blissfully unaware.

Q: Can you tell us, have you accepted the resignation of Michael
Brown, or have you heard about it?

THE PRESIDENT: I haven't -- no, I have not talked to Michael Brown -- or
Mike Chertoff; that's who I'd talk to. As you know, I've been working.
And when I get on Air Force One, I will call back to Washington. But I've
been on the move.

Q: Our understanding is he has resigned, he's made a statement. Would
that be appropriate --

THE PRESIDENT: I haven't talked to Mike Chertoff yet, and that's what I
intend to do when I get on the plane. You know, I -- you probably -- maybe
you know something I don't know, but as you know, we've been working,
and I haven't had a chance to get on the phone.

Really, why should the president know who's in charge of disaster management after the worst natural disaster to ever hit our country?

Details.

Throbbing Artery to Re-Open Soon

There's no water for the "wash the girl of your choice" service and
there aren't any girls either, but Big Daddy's strip club on New Orleans'
Bourbon Street is getting ready to bring back erotic spectacle to the
devastated city.

Friday night on Bourbon Street, usually a throbbing artery of the
party-going French Quarter, was pretty grim this time around in what has
become a foul-smelling ghost town partly covered with a swamp of filthy
water.

For those of you ladies that haven't given of your time or money to help the affected people on the Gulf Coast, Big Daddy's strip club in the French Quarter is almost ready to open. They've defied the evacuation order and are looking for some ladies to dance... er, strip... or, um, whatever it is they do.

With all the military and law enforcement folks away from home, this seems like a logical step. After a hard day of cleaning up dead bodies, corralling up folks who don't want to leave and taking away their guns, a man's gonna want to relax and hang out with a bunch of sweaty guys and a few naked ladies, right?

Live Blogging a Sick Day

I'm staying home from work today and don't much feel like blogging about the regular stuff. But since I know you guys will worry yourselves sick if I don't post anything today, I figured I'll just live blog my day.

7:00am drove some friends home so they could go to work
7:45am went back to sleep
10:00am the phone rang, got some disconcerting news, but not disconcerting enough not to go back to sleep
10:10am went back to sleep
11:45am got up and ate a freezer burned bagel with cream cheese and read some stuff on MSNBC.com. George Bush is such an idiot. Wish I had some orange juice.
12:00pm watched an episode of Taxi. The one where Jim helps a fella from one of the networks with the programming schedule and Danny Devito catches a mouse then sets it free. Good stuff!
12:45pm showered. You know what they say. Once a week whether you need it or not. Re-discovered the skin pen tattoo on my arm of the daisy that says "thug life forever." Giggle, wondering if my friends had similar rediscovery experiences
12:55pm kicked Bart the beagle off the bath mat. It's not big enough for both of us.
1:15pm exfoliated and moisturized to the Arena Rock station. Yup. Haven't aged since 1988. Motley Crue dude.
1:30pm went to the home improvement store. Damn those construction workers are hot. Got fertilizer for the yard. I know, I know. The runoff into bay is killing the fish. But, but cloverleaf is taking over my grass and I just can't have it.
1:50pm Went to the library. Checked out three movies. Bread and Chocolate, Lars von Tiers's Epidemic and of course Underdog, the Alien Chronicles
2:15pm Stopped at the grocery store to satisfy my orange juice craving. And get some other essentials like packing tape and whipped cream.
2:30 watched Durbin and Brownback lecture John Roberts on CSPAN3 during the opening statements of his confirmation hearing. Yawn.
3:00pm started watching Bread and Chocolate.
3:49pm lost interest. But never fear. Underdog is here!
4:00pm Underdog saves the world from the ivasion of the Zots
4:19pm Polly and the Professer are thrown into the giant clam by the Empress of the bubble people of Maldamere
4:26 Our humble and lovable shoeshine boy saves the world from a tidal wave.
4:27 Nap time!

Tune in later for an frequently for exciting updates!

Tom "Compassionate Conservative" DeLay

How one can even begin to compare summer camp to what the kids from New Orleans have been through is truly mind-boggling.

The congressman (Tom DeLay) likened their stay to being at camp and asked, "Now tell me the truth boys, is this kind of fun?"

They nodded yes, but looked perplexed.

When I went to summer camp it was all about swimming, canoeing and crafts. I don't recall anything about seeing dead people or rapes or murders or not having enough food or water.

But then that was before George W. Bush took office.

Cold Heartless Opportunists

I had a feeling this was coming.

Ten U.S. Army recruiters are offering volunteer help for Katrina
vicitms at Houston's Astrodome. But the recruiters, struggling to keep
enlistment up during Iraq war, are also available with options for the
jobless. "Our intent is to approach the evacuees at the right time for
them,'' says Army spokesman Douglas Smith.

Can our government sink any lower?

Ban on Photographing Incompetent Officials

The Swift Report has a nice post today on the government ban on photographing incompetant officials.

The White House announced today that it does not want the news media to take photographs of incompetent officials in the Bush Administration. The ban would also apply to incompetent acts, say sources close to the White House.

[...]

According to a White House spokesperson, the ban on photos of incompetent officials and their acts is necessary in order to protect the privacy and dignity of such officials.

[...]

Thanks to the ban, that will all stop, say sources close to the White House. "You won't see anymore shots of the President strumming a guitar or Chertoff grimacing. This is about treating incompetent officials with the utmost dignity and respect."

Save Source Teen Theater

In another startling display of complete and utter contempt for young people, Hillsborough County Commissioner Ronda Storms continues to oppose funding Source Teen Theater. Planned Parenthood runs the program and Ronda doesn't like Planned Parenthood.

Programs such as Source Teen Theater help young people understand
whatis going on with their bodies and how to deal with it in a healthy
and safefashion, she said. The program works with teenagers, who write
their ownscripts and perform educational skits about such matters as
sexuality, sexually transmitted diseases, abuse and bullying.

But lucky for us and the youth of Hillsborough County, Commissioners Kathy Castor and Tom Scott agreed on a motion to bring it back for consideration on Sept 22nd.

The vote came during a public hearing Thursday where several speakers
from the public expressed support for the program and none opposed
it.They included representatives of Planned Parenthood of Southwest and
Central Florida, educators, parents of teens who have participated in
the program and a sex therapist.

[...]

Judith Curts told board members she has a thriving sex therapy business
on Davis Islands, thanks in large part to peoples' unwillingness to talk
about the issue from a young age.

(For you local people, insert joke here about what a den of sin and incestuous bedroom community is Davis Islands where everyone knows your business.)

"I'm baffled ... that you would deny education about sexuality, which
is real, to our children," Curts said. "The 'Just Say No' attitude doesn't
work. I know that."

Really, when's the last time you heard someone "just saying no" on Davis Islands, anyway?

So email your county commissioner and tell him or her that Source Teen Theater is a valid and useful program, and that Ronda Storms' rabid hatred of all things reality-based should not get in the way of providing this valuable program to teens in Hillsborough County.

The Antithesis of Robin Hood

In another startling display of utter contempt for working people, George Bush has suspended the Davis-Bacon law that requires contractors to pay the "prevailing wage" on construction projects.

So the people that are working really hard to rebuild their lives and their communities are gonna get the shaft. And George Bush and his cronies at Halliburton and Friends are gonna be the ones that get to keep the majority of those billions that Congress approved for reconstruction on the Gulf Coast.

In George Bush's America, the rich get richer and the poor get poorer, and hurricane Katrina is quite an opportunity to take another billion or two from the poor and give it to the rich.

Here's a diagram for those of you that are still confused.



Ricky has a swell post about this too.

Is it Friday Yet?

Mommy, Why are Gas Prices so High?

...ExxonMobil's profits are likely to soar above $10 billion this quarter on the back of the fuel crisis.

That's $110 million a day, and more net income than any company has ever made in a quarter. It's also a stunning 69 percent increase over the same period a year ago and a 34 percent jump from the $7.6 billion Exxon made just last quarter.

Go figure.

Dick Cheney Gets a Taste of His Own Medicine

Ya gotta go check out the video of Vice President Dick Cheney's press conference where somebody in the audience yells "Go fuck yourself, Mr. Cheney. Go fuck yourself."

Then Cheney attempts to make a joke referencing his foul-mouthed episode on the Senate Floor last year when he so eloquently told Patrick Leahy to go fuck himself.

"Are you getting a lot of that Mr. Vice President?"

Cheney replies, "First time I've heard it., Must be a friend of John..., er, ah - never mind."

It seems to have slipped his mind, just who he said that to. It's almost as if he says that to people all time.

Fascinating.

Damn That Liberal Media!

Finally the truth rears it's ugly head.



via Jinky the Cat via Skippy

Separation of Duties

Having worked and been educated in both accounting and IT, one of the first things you learn is the concept of separation of duties.

1. Start with a function that (a) is too valuable to dispense with,
and (b) to be performed, requires power that can be abused.

2. Divide the function into separate steps, each necessary for the function
to work or for the power that enables that function to be abused.

3. Assign each step to a different person or organization. The different
entities perform their particular roles in the cycle, and monitor and
constrain each other, using interparty integrity constraints, to perform
just their respective roles.

If you are the accountant, you don't get to be the auditor too. If you are the programmer, you aren't the one that does the final testing. It's really a very simple concept.

So, when our loonie Republican-lead Congress decides that the best way to investigate the Republican-lead government response to hurricane Katrina is the have the Republican-lead Congress do it, all you can do is laugh. Or cry. Or pull your hair out.

They rejected Democratic appeals to model the panel after the Sept. 11 commission, which was made up of non-lawmakers and was equally
balanced between Republicans and Democrats. That commission won wide
praise for assessing how the 2001 terrorist attacks occurred, and for
recommending changes in the government's anti-terrorism structure.

House and Senate GOP leaders announced the "Hurricane Katrina Joint
Review Committee," which will include only members of Congress, with
Republicans outnumbering Democrats by a yet-to-be-determined ratio. The
commission, which will have subpoena powers, will investigate the
actions of local, state and federal governments before and after the
storm that devastated New Orleans and other portions of the Gulf Coast.

Does anyone really think we're gonna get any useful information out of this, or will they just decided to give FEMA Chief, Michael Brown the Medal of Freedom for snoozing for five hours before he asked for help from Homeland Security and then giving them two days to respond?

The Blame Game

In the on-going quest to ignore Scottie McClellan's advice and find someone to blame for the horrors that occurred on the Gulf coast, Agi T. Prop has found the answer.

It's the Presidential Prayer Team for Kids' fault!

As Agi points out, the kids were explicitly asked to pray for FEMA chief Michael Brown on June 10th and for Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff on July 1st.

Given recent events, I think it's obvious that these kids could have prayed harder, longer and with more feeling.

Take it Off!!

I've always been a big fan of firemen taking off their shirts, so when I read this, I got all atwitter.

Many of the firefighters, assembled from Utah and throughout the United
States by the Federal Emergency Management Agency, thought they were
going to be deployed as emergency workers.

Instead, they have learned they are going to be community-relations
officers for FEMA, shuffled throughout the Gulf Coast region to
disseminate fliers and a phone number: 1-800-621-FEMA.

On Monday, some firefighters stuck in the staging area at the Sheraton
peeled off their FEMA-issued shirts and stuffed them in backpacks,
saying they refuse to represent the federal agency.

Not only are they "peeling off their shirts", but they are peeling off their shirts to show their displeasure with the federal government.

Damn that's hot!

Tom DeLay on FEMA and Forced Sodomy

Does anyone feel that they or anyone else got shafted by the federal government's response to hurricane Katrina?

Well evidently, it was designed that way.

"The emergency response system was set up to work from the bottom up," DeLay said late Tuesday."

Indeed.

Goodbye Gilligan

My friend Rob Mortellaro, who should totally talk less and write more wrote this today:

Bob Denver created two archetypal TV characters, Maynard G. Krebs, who brought the trappings of "beat" sensibility to the masses, and Gilligan, who showed us that even if you fuck up--a lot--your loved ones will always forgive you (of course, it should be pointed out that Gilligan often ended up inadvertently saving the rest of the castaways through a sort of intuitive bungling).

There are a lot of reasons why Gilligan's Island refused to go away, it's appeal to succeeding generations of kids being the most obvious explanation. But I think it goes a little deeper than that. In Lord of the Flies, William Golding shows how, in the absence of authority, even school kids will quickly revert to fear, superstition, and violence. One need only look at some of the more extreme behavior in New Orleans to understand that Hobbes' view of the state of nature--a "war of all against all"--is probably the correct one.

But not on Gilligan's Island, a place where order and harmony reigned. There were no cops on the Island, unless you want to count the Skipper, who could have easily been overpowered, decapitated and had his head stuck on a spit like the boar's head in Lord of the Flies. Mr. Howell would have been robbed, castrated and tossed into the volcano. Lovey would have been put on a raft and pushed out to open sea. Maryann would be a kitchen slave and a breeder. Ginger would be sex chattel. The Professor would rule the Island due to his invaluable skills and superior intelligence. The Skipper and Gilligan would be his enforcers, sharing in the spoils until they finally got tired of his smug, superior attitude and tossed him in the quicksand pits.

Within six months they would all be dead due to starvation or a hurricane, which they would never know of because with the brains gone, the radio would be kaput in a matter of days. But on TV, it was a Marxian paradise. From each according to his means, to each according to his needs.

Golding's vision was a capitalist hell where everything was reduced to a brutal, dehumanizing battle for resources. Gilligan's Island, however, was a Utopia where competition was replaced by cooperation. Television can do that. It's a place where small Southern towns are run by wise, affable sheriffs and not chaw-spitting rednecks hoping some poor negro pulls into Goober's gas station so's they can all have 'em a little fun. It's a place where, on Star Trek for instance, man doesn't need money any more becuase he's become so spiritually enlightened that everyone only has what he really needs. And all the booze is free to boot.

So let's say goodbye to Bob Denver and Gilligan, who will forever be part of a world that is forever as it should be and not what it is.

Only in George Bush's America

Go watch this heart-wrenching account of a survivor, Charmaine Neville, from New Orleans (via Talk Left), then go read this post from the Carpetbagger about what FEMA has our highly-trained firefighters doing while people like Charmaine are starving and being raped.

As New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin pleaded on national television for
firefighters — his own are exhausted after working around the clock
for a week — a battalion of highly trained men and women sat idle
Sunday in a muggy Sheraton Hotel conference room in Atlanta. […]

"They've got people here who are search-and-rescue certified, paramedics,
haz-mat certified," said a Texas firefighter. "We're sitting in here
having a sexual-harassment class while there are still [victims] in
Louisiana who haven't been contacted yet."

[...]

Firefighters say they want to brave the heat, the debris-littered
roads, the poisonous cottonmouth snakes and fire ants and travel into
pockets of Louisiana where many people have yet to receive emergency aid.

But as specific orders began arriving to the firefighters in Atlanta, a
team of 50 Monday morning quickly was ushered onto a flight headed for
Louisiana. The crew's first assignment: to stand beside President Bush
as he tours devastated areas.

Another post by the Carpetbagger suggests that the head of FEMA, Michael "Brownie" Brown might be getting close to wanting to "spend more time with his family," but the two folks that are next in line to take his place don't have any disaster management experience either.

Go figure.

Scottie's Got a Sore Ass

Boy do I like a good spanking! And maybe, just maybe I got sucked into watching Secretary for the sixth time over the weekend. But when it comes to spankings, Scottie McClellan's ass will never be the same after being ass-aulted by the White House Press Corps yesterday.

Read the whole thing if you have the time. Or better yet, read it with friends like a script. Do the voices! Have some fun with it! Get your local high school to make into a full length stage production. Put it to music! Or better yet, make it into an opera! But good luck finding a dramatic coloratura soprano as talented as Helen Thomas.

Oopsie

The Federal Emergency Management Buffoons pulled quite the boner when they flew some Katrina evacuees in need of medical attention to Charleston, West Virginia instead of the planned destination of Charleston, South Carolina.

A South Carolina health official said his colleagues scrambled Tuesday when FEMA gave only a half-hour notice to prepare for the arrival of a plane carrying as many as 180 evacuees to Charleston.

But the plane, instead, landed in Charleston, West Virginia, 400 miles away.

It was not known whether arrangements have been made to care for the evacuees or transport them to the correct destination.

[...]

Simkovich said that the agency had described some of the evacuees as needing "some minor treatment ... possibly some major treatment."

Is it to early to bring back those "Proud to be an American" bumper stickers?

The Search is Over

As we've all had a lot of trouble finding those headlines that Homeland Security Secretary, Michael "Louisiana is a city underwater" Chertoff was reading that said "New Orleans Dodged the Bullet," Alicia has been kind enough to photoshop some up for us!

Mosey on over to Last Left Before Hooterville and check them out!

War Criminal Backdrop

After taking a lot of heat from New Orleans Mayor, Ray Nagin and others in the press for spending too much time posing for photo-ops with backdrops of distraught Gulf Coast pre-teens and big studly Coast Gaurd dudes and helicopters, George Bush has decided to do all future photo-ops with war criminals as backdrops.

Bush to Cover His Ass

In a ridiculously partisan and misleading attempt to deceptively write history, his holiness, George Bush, wants to oversee a probe into what went wrong with the response to hurricane Katrina.

Beset with criticism over the federal response to Hurricane Katrina,
President Bush said Tuesday he will oversee an investigation into what
went wrong and why - in part to be sure that the country would withstand
more storms or even a weapons of mass destruction attack.

However...

...Bush said now is not the time to point fingers and he did not respond to calls for a commission to investigate the response.

So, our hard-working preznit who had to be poked and proddedd to cut his five-week vacation short a coupla days to go back to Washington while people were drowning and dehydrating and dying in New Orleans is gonna take it upon himself to head up a looky-see into what went right and what went wrong with the Katrina disaster relief, and is not responding to calls for a presumably independent commission to look into it.

Is it just me, or does this sound just a wee bit fishy?

While I totally agree that in Katrina's aftermath the local, state and federal governments should learn from this experience, so they can deal better with these kinds of things in the future, putting a partisan hack in charge of the investigation is completely wacko and will do more harm than good.

Another detrimental outcome of having a president and an Adminstration that refuse to accept blame or admit mistakes, is that they do not learn from those mistakes and are therefore doomed to continue to make the same blunders.

De-bunking the Bunk

For any of you that have goofy-ass friends or family members who continue to blame the state and local governments for not responding soon enough to deal with the hurricane Katrina crisis, and can't stop yip-yapping about how Louisiana Governor, Kathleen Blanco didn't declare a State of Emergency soon enough after the disaster... well, she declared a Sate of Emergency four days before the hurricane hit the Gulf shore. A full seven days before Mr. Bush decided to meander back up to Washington D.C.

Here's her statement:

dear mr. president:

under the provisions of section 501 (a) of the robert t. stafford
disaster relief and emergency assistance act, 42 u.s.c. §§ 5121-5206
(stafford act), and implemented by 44 cfr § 206.35, i request that
you declare an emergency for the state of louisiana due to hurricane
katrina for the time period beginning august 26, 2005, and continuing.
the affected areas are all the southeastern parishes including the new
orleans metropolitan area and the mid state interstate i-49 corridor
and northern parishes along the i-20 corridor that are accepting the
thousands of citizens evacuating from the areas expecting to be flooded
as a result of hurricane katrina.

in response to the situation i have taken appropriate action under state
law and directed the execution of the state emergency plan on august 26,
2005 in accordance with section 501 (a) of the stafford act. a state of
emergency has been issued for the state in order to support the
evacuations of the coastal areas in accordance with our state evacuation
plan and the remainder of the state to support the state special needs and sheltering plan.

pursuant to 44 cfr § 206.35, i have determined that this incident is of
such severity and magnitude that effective response is beyond the
capabilities of the state and affected local governments, and that
supplementary federal assistance is necessary to save lives, protect
property, public health, and safety, or to lessen or avert the threat
of a disaster. i am specifically requesting emergency protective measures,
direct federal assistance, individual and household program (ihp)
assistance, special needs program assistance, and debris removal.

The Huffington Post has a nice post on how swell it would be to know who the "anonymous senior Bush official" was that started the ball rolling on with that lie in the first place.

The Post, citing an anonymous “senior Bush official”, reported on
Sunday that, as of Saturday, Sept. 3, Blanco “still had not declared a
state of emergency”… when, in fact, the declaration had been made on
Friday, August 26 -- over 2 days BEFORE Katrina made landfall in
Louisiana. This claim was so demonstrably false that the paper was
forced to issue a correction just hours after the original story appeared.

So here are a couple of questions: 1) Had everyone in the WaPo fact
checking department gone out of town for the Labor Day weekend? I mean,
c’mon, the announcement of a state of emergency isn’t exactly the kind
of thing government officials tend to keep a secret. 2) Why were the Post
reporters so willing to blindly accept the words of an administration
official who obviously had a partisan agenda -- and to grant this official
anonymity?

Georgie Porgie

Georgie Porgie pudding and pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry

When the water was rising in LA
Georgie Porgie was far away